


Bound

by General_Button



Series: Break Free [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Canon-Typical Violence, Consensual, M/M, Mpreg, Omega!Shiro, Post-Season/Series 03, Redemption, Soul Bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-06-09 09:55:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 158,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15264948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/General_Button/pseuds/General_Button
Summary: “Hey,” he croaked, stepping out gingerly. Allura steadied his arm, leading him away from the pod. “Allura, surprised to see you here. What’s going on?”“Shiro, we—” she began, biting her lip. “The results of the scan, they’re—they’re not what we expected.”His heart skipped a beat, but he kept his expression blank. “What were you expecting?”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey....so it's been a while. Let me preface this by saying some of you who were interested in the first one might not like this one because of the subject matter (coughmpregcough). However I hope you'll give it a chance anyway!

**SHIRO**

“Pidge, now!” Shiro shouted, the sound of his voice carrying high over the ruckus. He swung his bayard in front on him, delaying an attack while he waited for Pidge to act.

Pidge had been quietly darting in between the scours of enemies surrounding them since the battle had begun, the scuffle of her feet imperceptible among the sound of weapon fire. Shiro and Hunk were holding the frontline, attracting the most attention. Facing their backs on the left was Lance, drawing a good amount of attention to himself—more than he could handle—despite having been specifically ordered not to interfere.

Shiro grit his teeth against a reprimand, saving his breath for the lifeforms in front of him. He glanced to his left and saw Pidge creeping up on one of the aliens and tensed, ready to follow up on a moment’s notice.

“Careful!” he called.

The benefit of a language barrier meant he could shout commands when he felt it was necessary and the aliens were none the wiser.

Pidge didn’t look at him, but she nodded shortly, bracing herself before she bounded forward, slamming her bayard into her adversary.

The alien had clearly been taken by surprise; it flailed, arms writhing, before it fell flat onto its back. At that the other aliens froze, their bodies going still as their leader fell to the ground. Wasting no time, Shiro pushed back the alien still clinging to his bayard and plunged it into its chest cavity, which had moments ago been protected by its sturdy arms.

From above them the speakers crackled to life, and a disembodied voice started speaking.

_“Simulation complete.”_

Hunk lowered his weapon. He was breathing hard, but the smile that he shot Shiro was jubilant.

“Good job, guys!” Shiro called, stepping towards the middle of the room. He avoided the now-frozen simulated enemies, who soon disappeared in a flurry of computerized pixels.

Shiro approached Lance, Keith, and Pidge, who was watching the former two argue about what had just occurred.

“You were supposed to wait for my signal!” Keith snapped, waving his bayard in the air, clearly aggravated.

“I thought you gave it! Besides, why do we have to have a signal when these guys can’t even understand us?”

“They might have a translator. Allura said that it’s pretty much universal.”

“Well these guys didn’t. Next time, just shout.”

“It doesn’t hurt to be prepared, Lance.”

“Guys,” Shiro chastened, settling his hands on both their shoulders. “Lance, if there’s a plan, the success of the team relies on you following it. And Keith,” he smiled at his expression, “try to play nice.”

“I _am_ nice,” he cried, shooting Lance a dirty look.

Sometimes they couldn’t help but butt heads, but they were a good team. Shiro couldn’t blame them for the occasional quarrels.

Keith opened his mouth, but before they could dive back into the argument, Shiro motioned to the door.

“Why don’t we get something to eat? We’ve been training all day and I think some food would do us good. Hunk, didn’t you say you’d made more improvements on the machine?”

At the mention of food, Hunk’s eyes lit up. “Yeah! Thanks to Pidge, I finally got a calibration that tastes _almost_ like a milkshake. You guys have to try it!”

At the mention of milkshakes, Shiro felt his stomach growl.

Lately he’d been hungry—moreso than usual—which he chalked up to finally getting a decent amount of sleep. Since leaving Sendak, the bond occasionally made its presence known, but instead of fading or dying, it had laid dormant, as if at a standstill.

Shiro wasn’t as upset by the development as he thought he would have been. Their separation had been jarring, and he was still healing from his time on the lost planet, but there was something comforting in knowing that that connection was still there, ready to use if he felt the need.

He jolted when Pidge poked his shoulder. Her eyes were lit with an inquisitive light from underneath her glasses.

“Hey, so…” she began, keeping her voice low.

Although she was a beta, she had the most heightened senses out of anyone. Even after he’d scrubbed himself clean with the smelliest Altean soaps he could find, she had been the first to mention that he smelled a little funky. Shiro couldn’t very well explain that it was possible that Sendak’s scent was still clinging to his person, so he’d tried to push the matter aside.

Funny thing was, she kept bringing it up.

“What is it?” he asked, moving towards the door. She followed at a slower pace, giving them a few precious seconds before the others tuned into their conversation. He ventured, “Is it my—smell?”

“Yes and no,” she said cryptically. “Are you sure you didn’t eat something weird on that planet?”

Before Shiro could offer her any answers, he felt Lance draw to his side, barely giving them a moment’s breath before he started speaking rapidly about his ideas for their next training session.

“I’m telling you,” Lance insisted, quite urgently, “we should do a diplomatic simulation. I get that we fight a lot, but one day we’re going to have to negotiate our way through a fancy alien party while secretly trying to figure out what dirty stuff they have going on in the background.”

“Have you been playing my games again?” Hunk asked, his tone notably fond.

“What? No, I wouldn’t—pfft.” He coughed. “Maybe?”

“Dude.” Hunk grinned, wrapping his arm around Lance’s shoulder. “Why don’t you just ask, next time. You know I won’t say no.”

They were both alphas, but had no qualms about personal space that most alphas insisted upon. Shiro could respect that; it just showed how deeply their friendship ran.

He noticed Keith staring, and noted that he didn’t look happy. Sometimes it was easy to forget that for all his hotheadedness, he was an omega. Shiro made a mental note to speak to him about any possible issues that might have arisen between Lance and him because of that dynamic.

They arrived at the kitchen, and Lance immediately made a beeline for the new machine that they’d hooked up, provided by the combined powers of Hunk, Coran, and Pidge.

“Can it make anything other than goo?” Lance asked, squinting at the shiny new machinery.

“Unfortunately, not yet,” Pidge said. “We’ve gotten something like pasta to come out of the machine, but that was about as appetizing as Coran’s Paladin Lunch. Haven’t figured a way to change it into solid form and keep it from turning _into_ goo when it comes out.”

Keith huffed, grabbing a plate. “If it keeps us healthy, who cares?”

“Okay, mullet,” Lance drawled, “what would you do for a burger right about now?”

Keith went silent. Eventually, he nodded his head, conceding to Lance’s point.

“Okay, maybe it would be nice to not have to chew mush. The texture’s starting to get to me.”

“At least we have a few flavors now,” Hunk pointed out. He rubbed his hands together. “Time to test out the milkshake one.”

Shiro moved to stand behind Keith, watching them all interact quietly. A part of him wanted to join in the fun, but his eyes kept wandering towards the machine. For some reason, he was _starving_. His mouth started to water, forcing him to swallow.

When it was his turn to get food, he filled two bowls and an entire plate before he felt satisfied with his hoard. Then he attempted to carry them; Keith watched him struggle for a few seconds, eyes wide, before he slid up beside him and grabbed the plate that was sliding off of his arm.

“You’ve been eating a lot lately. Not that that’s a bad thing!” Keith hastened to say. “Just, not usual for you.”

“I’ve been feeling better,” Shiro replied, which wasn’t _exactly_ true. “Finally getting some sleep.”

While he had been sleeping an incredible amount, he often still felt a lingering exhaustion and a need to crawl back into bed. Food helped his energy levels, which had been sapped enough as it is, but he just couldn’t seem to stay awake. Even during training sometimes he felt himself nodding off, ready to doze at a moment’s notice. The worst was when he had to listen to Coran’s lectures about Altean history. He was very interested in the details, but he couldn’t seem to stay awake.

“Oh.” Keith looked relieved as he sat down beside him. “That’s good. Just take it easy, Shiro, all right?”

“You don’t have to tell me.” He smiled, spooning some pizza-flavored goo into his mouth. It was a little spicy, and tasted quite unlike cheese, but it was better than what they’d been eating just a couple of months ago.

When he’d gotten back from the planet, it had taken a while for his body to adjust to his former routine. He kept waking up in the middle of the night, his nightmares put on hold, hands reaching instinctively for Sendak.

It hadn’t been easy. He _missed_ Sendak and the calming effect his presence had on Shiro. He hadn’t recognized how much he relied on him until he was back on the ship, trying to continue with his life like everything was still normal.

The first few weeks he’d been so sick that he’d lay bed-ridden, only leaving his room to eat or use the bathroom. He blamed it on both the environment that he’d left behind and the bond.

To say the paladins had been worried was an understatement. They’d checked on him multiple times during each day, and more than once they’d complained to Allura and Coran, asking why healing pods weren’t capable of healing what was ailing him.

“We’re not sure,” Allura admitted. “His wounds are healed, but he’s still experiencing symptoms of this illness. Since it appears much like the Altean flu, we think he might just need time to work it out of his system.”

It was getting easier now, thankfully. Sometimes he was a little nauseous, and he felt the occasional chill, but he figured he just needed to push through whatever bug he’d caught and get back into shape.

“Hey, Shiro.” Lance tapped on the table in front of Shiro, catching his attention.

“What?”

“I bet you Hunk can eat his food faster than you can.”

“What?” Hunk raised his head, bits of goo clinging to his lips. “I never said that.”

Shiro turned to look at Lance. “There’s no way I’m taking that bet. Eating is not a contest.”

“Yeah! And besides,” Hunk looked a little smug, “I have siblings. I know a little bit about eating things fast. The dinner table is a _battlefield_.”

There was a short moment of silence as the paladins thought about their respective families waiting back at home, but it was quickly broken by Pidge.

“You were an only child, weren’t you, Shiro?” she asked.

Shiro nodded. “Well—”

“So, you’re chicken, is what you’re saying,” Lance interrupted, grinning.

“Shiro is not a chicken.” Keith glared at Lance. “So what if he can’t eat that fast? He’s been on a deserted planet for weeks, so he’s probably still tired.”

Shiro’s fingers inadvertently tightened around his spoon.

Rest was great and all, but he was tired of being treated like an invalid because of what had happened. This challenge was ridiculous and foolhardy, but on second thought, it might just be the thing needed to convince the paladins that he really was fine.

Shiro sighed. “ _One_ bowl.”

“Yes!”  Lance looked delighted, raising his spoon triumphantly. “Loser has to help Coran clean the pods!”

“When did _that_ become part of the bet?” Hunk cried. “I _hate_ cleaning the pods. It was my turn last time!”

“You’d better win, then,” Lance crooned.

* * *

“So good to see you, Shiro!” Coran called. Then he pressed a finger to his chin in thought. “I thought it was Lance’s turn to help.”

“I…wanted to talk with you, actually.”

He couldn’t very well admit he’d lost a ridiculous eating contest. He’d been almost finished, but halfway through queasiness had hit him hard, and it was all he could to force down the goo sitting in his mouth. He’d played it off like he was full, and no one had questioned it, thankfully.

Well, almost no one. Keith had given him a strange, suspicious look, but he didn’t say anything in response to the loss.

“Oh, then by all means!” Coran tossed him a sponge and cloth, pointing to the pod opposite to Shiro. “You can start there.” He turned, inspecting the pod he had just finished. “What did you want to talk about it?”

Shiro wracked his mind for anything plausible, latching on tentatively to his lingering sickness.

“I haven’t been feeling all that great lately.”

“You know, I thought as much,” Coran said. “You looked a little green after training the other day.”

Had he? He’d felt fine, but maybe that was because he’d gotten used to feeling lethargic and a little tired.

“Is it that obvious?” he asked, thinking of the other paladins.

“I don’t think any of them have noticed,” Coran replied gently. “What are your symptoms?”

“I feel nauseous a lot of the time. Tired. I can’t seem to stop sleeping.” Just thinking about it made him want to go _back_ to sleep.

To distract himself from his impending slumber, he knelt in front of the pod and started scrubbing at the corners of the base, wiping away the muck before he sprayed it with cleaning solution.

“Hm,” Coran hummed, his voice echoing from inside his pod. “Perhaps we should see if some of the medicine we have stored will help.”

“You have medicine?”

“For rare occasions, yes. Most of it is inserted into the bloodstream through a veeery long needle.” He spread his arms and Shiro blanched. “Oh, don’t worry; it’s painless!”

“I think I’ll pass,” Shiro said. “Thank you, though.”

“Certainly. Let me know if you change your mind.”

“Will do.”

They continued to clean the pods in silence. Shiro crouched on his hands and knees and scrubbed hard, trying to ignore the niggling voice in the back of his head. Eventually, when he couldn’t stop thinking about it, he stood and turned to face Coran.

“Hey, Coran. Is it possible that I have some kind of…” _disease._ He didn’t even want to say it. “What can these pods detect?”

“Oh, all sorts of things! When we scanned you initially, we went for the basics, but the pods are capable of detecting most illnesses.” He stood and walked over to Shiro, who paused in his work to meet his eyes. Coran patted his pod. “Funnily enough, we couldn’t find what was wrong with you when you were sick.”

“Do you think it could be an unknown illness?”

“Perhaps.” Coran frowned. “It was quite strange. These are state of the art pods, you know.”

“Maybe,” Shiro’s heart was pounding, “Maybe it was something else.”

“Something else?”

“I don’t know.” He pressed his hand to his chest, waiting for his heartbeat to calm. “I’m just worried this could turn into something else—something worse. I don’t want anyone to worry. Could we check again?”

“’Course.” Coran stood and motioned to one of the pods that hadn’t just been cleaned. “Perhaps I should do a complete scan. It takes some time for it to scan the more that we add to the list, but if you don’t mind waiting, I’ll set it up right now.”

“That would be great,” Shiro said, relieved. “How many types of scans are there?”

“I’ve lost count, quite honestly. Versions of these were sold in the markets for families. There were ones specifically for sugar levels and other dietary intake, skin conditions, fertility—”

“Fertility?” Shiro asked, before he could think about it.

“Oh, yes. The pregnancy scanners were quite popular, because not only could it detect pregnancy, but any information about the gestation was available all at once!” He twirled his mustache between his fingertips. “Amazing, isn’t it.”

“Yeah,” Shiro said, going still. The laundry list of symptoms _was_ nearly parallel to—

 _No,_ he thought furiously, _don’t get ahead of yourself._

“Ready?” Coran asked, breaking him from his thoughts.

“I—yes. I’ll just get in the pod suit and be right back.”

“Don’t take too long!” Coran said to his back, as cheerful as ever.

Shiro returned dressed in the white bodysuit. Putting it on hadn’t been a problem, but the texture was rubbery and not something that he was used to. He had to resist the urge to squirm and adjust the way it laid on his body.

Sensitivity had been another symptom of his mysterious ‘illness’.

Thinking about its implications made him feel ill.

Shiro?” Coran prodded.

“Right. Sorry.” Shiro took a deep breath and stepped into the pod. As it closed behind him, the air was quickly sucked out of the space, replaced by a substance that was warm and foggy. It was probably intended to relax and ease the patient’s worries, and indeed it made Shiro feel drowsy. As he watched Coran press buttons on his controls, he felt his eyes starting to slip closed.

Then pod started to rumble, working a gentle vibration up Shiro’s spine. The last thing that he saw as he managed to wrench his eyes open one last time, was a flash of long, white hair.

* * *

Before he knew it, the doors were sliding open, Allura and Coran’s faces peering at him worriedly.

“Hey,” he croaked, stepping out gingerly. Allura steadied his arm, leading him away from the pod. “Allura, surprised to see you here. What’s going on?”

“Shiro, we—” Allura began, biting her lip. “The results of the scan, they’re—they’re not what we expected.”

His heart skipped a beat, but he kept his expression blank. “What were you expecting?”

“I’m not sure…” Coran cleared his throat. “Perhaps we should let you rest, first. You look exhausted.”

“Just tell me what you found,” he interrupted, his voice flat. “I can handle it.”

Coran and Allura exchanged looks. Coran was the first to speak.

“Shiro.” He stopped, wringing his hands. “I was aware from the get-go that you paladins were different with your alphas and betas and whatnot, but I hadn’t realized that both males and females could, erm, _gestate._ Which is what you are, Shiro. Gestating, that is. Apparently. Congratulations, Shiro! You’re, erm, pregnant?”

Allura shot Coran a look. “Coran!”

She started saying something, but the sharp edges of her voices faded, replaced by a dull roaring sound in Shiro’s ears.

_No, it can’t be—it shouldn’t be possible. I’m not ready for this I’m not—_

Panic filtered in through the blank shock, crawling into his chest and forming an icy ball. His fingers clutched blindly at his throat; he struggled to get harsh, rattling breaths past his lips. The roaring was getting louder with every passing second.

When he opened his eyes, the ground was closer than he remembered. His fingers were blurred, knuckles white against the pristine floor. His vision wouldn’t stop swimming.

“Shiro! Shiro?”

Voices faded in and out.

“…ourse he’s not all right.”

_Shiro._

“We should have been more gentle. It’s clearly something…”

_—Shiro._

That voice. Shiro didn’t want to hear it, didn’t want to hear _him._ He shoved his palms over his ears, now choking on air, trying to breathe through lungs that felt like sandpaper.

Sendak’s voice boomed inside his head.

_Shiro!_

_No!_ he screamed, tried to. For a moment, nothing seemed real. The voice faded as quickly as it had come, and time stilled, leaving him feeling weak and fragile.

He didn’t resist as fingers cupped his cheeks, drawing his face upwards.

“Shiro.” Allura and Coran were hovering closely above him, mirrored expression of worry on their faces.

“I…I’m sorry,” he rasped, letting them help him to his feet. “Sorry, I—I don’t know what came over me.”

“Shock, I’m sure,” Allura said, very gently. She kept her voice low, her fingers resting very lightly over his cheek, as if he would shatter at the slightest touch. “Shiro, if you’re up for it, would you like to tell us—“ She bit her lip. “Was it…will you tell us what happened?”

“Yes.” Shiro nodded, refusing to meet their eyes. God, what were they thinking right now? He could only imagine. “It happened on the planet. When you came to rescue me, I didn’t tell you the whole story. There are things you don’t know about. Things about—” He thought of Sendak. “—me.”

“Go on,” she said quietly. Calmly.

Shiro didn’t expect that calm to last for long. He couldn’t make himself look at her face.

“I was supposed to be strong, but—” he thought of his fingers wrapped around her neck, mouth pinched in anger, “—it was difficult. He was there for me, even though I _know_ he’s not one of the good guys. This is such a fucking mess. God, I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, Shiro. If you’re struggling, I want you to be able to trust me—trust _all_ of us.” She reached down and squeezed his hands. “Please. You can tell us anything.”

“It was Sendak,” he whispered.

He felt her go still. “What?”

“He was there. On the planet.” He swallowed, finally meeting her gaze. It was clear that neither of them had expected that answer. Coran was shocked, his mouth hanging open, and Allura looked as if she’d been struck.

“I don’t understand,” Coran whispered. “How?”

“Believe it or not, Sendak, he _helped_ me. I never told you, but I knew him from before I escaped from Zarkon—the first time. He was—” He took in a short, ragged breath. “Look, I know it’s a lot to take in, but trust me: I’m about as freaked out as you are.”

“When did this happen?” Allura asked, her voice wavering. “Shiro, did he _force_ —?”

She couldn’t say the words. Shiro realized what she meant and scrambled to assuage her fears.

“No!” he nearly shouted. “I mean, no. No, he didn’t do it against my will. We were…bonded.”

“Bonded,” she said numbly. “You bonded with _Sendak.”_

He tugged at the suit, yanking it down to reveal the mark. Two perfect, teeth-shaped crescents lined the base of his throat. The way that Shiro had explained it to them before was something similar to marriage, but more easily broken. However, none of them had had anything to offer as an example. Until now.

Allura covered her mouth with her hand.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I knew you would want to take him prisoner again,” he admitted.

“Of course I would have!” she exclaimed, raising her voice. “He has very valuable information on to the Galra Empire. Shiro,” she sounded broken, betrayed, “why did you keep this a secret?” She braced her fingers over her temples, eyes squeezed shut. “Oh, this is a disaster. Coran,” she snapped, raising her head suddenly. “Get the coordinates to the planet—”

“Please,” Shiro begged, stopping her before she could finish her sentence. He bowed low, ignoring the dizziness he felt in completing the motion. “Please, I’m begging you, princess. I know it’s selfish of me to ask, but please don’t do that just yet. _Please.”_

Shocked by his display, she seemed to come to her senses, letting her hands fall limply to her side. Then she took a deep breath.

“Oh, you’re…completely right. What am I doing? I’m sorry. My first and foremost concern should be you, Shiro. This is a shock, but we will get through it together.” She paused, still gathering herself, maybe. “Still, we cannot ignore these implications. The others will soon wonder, depending on your gestation period, and I—I just don’t know…”

She turned to Coran.

“Do we have information on the Galra in our systems?”

“I’m afraid not much, princess,” he said from his position at the console. “The Galra crystal corrupted many of our systems, and much of the ship’s logs and information were lost.” He frowned. “I fear we’re going into this somewhat blind.”

“What do you think we should do?” Allura asked.

Silence fell between them.

Shiro was still bowed, staring at his feet, feeling sweat collect along his lower back. His head was spinning, thoughts swirling endlessly. When he felt a palm rest gently over his back, he went still.

“Rise, Shiro. And relax. I won’t be going back that planet any time soon. Not until you’ve made your decision.”

“Decision?” He lifted his head.

“This is not something you have to do,” Coran said, approaching the pair. “We have the means of…terminating the fetus, if you so wish.”

“Terminating?” He couldn’t even begin to process what they were saying. “I, I don’t know. I don’t even know if what’s inside me is,” he felt bile rise in his throat at the thought, “plausible.”

Coran and Allura exchanged glances, and Coran began speaking.

“While you were in the pod, we gained a great deal of insight into your current predicament. Would you like to see?”

 _Yes._ “No. Not right now.” He clenched his fists. “Just tell me: am I carrying a ticking time-bomb inside me?”

“There may be complications, but carrying it to term is entirely possible,” Coran clarified. “I think. There were Altean-Galra couples before the war. Surprisingly, Galra DNA is reactive—” At Allura’s look, he stopped. “Ahem. Suffice to say, you’re safe.”

“You don’t have to worry about that right now,” Allura added, her tone hushed. She laid her hand on Shiro’s forearm. “You will be fine.”

Shiro felt intense, crushing relief fill him at the admission.

“Thank god.” He felt tears prickle at his eyes, raw emotion welling up inside him. He resisted the urge to sink onto the floor and bury his head between his knees. “I don’t know what I’d do if—“ He swallowed, suddenly feeling like he was about to be sick. “I don’t know. I think…I think I’m going to go back to my room for a bit. I need to think. Tell the others I won’t be at dinner tonight.”

“Of course. Let us know if you need anything.”

Neither of them stopped him. They were both clearly intensely curious, but he couldn’t stomach the thought of talking about it anymore.

Somehow, he made it back to his room in one piece. He had no memory of it.

When the doors closed behind him, the ill feelings that had been slowly festering rose inside of him, and he made a mad dash for the bathroom, barely making it to the sink before he vomited.

 _How? How did this happen? I never thought we could. He would never want…I don’t even know what_ I _want._

He stared at himself in the mirror and didn’t recognize the person staring back at him.

Shiro slipped into bed, barely taking the time to remove the pod suit. Whenever his fingers brushed his abdomen, he was overcome with intense chills. Bile threatened at the back of his throat again, but he forced it down, swallowing around the sour taste in his mouth.

Squeezing his eyes shut, he attempted to get rest, feeling like an alien in his own body. His limbs and hands and feet felt like foreign objects, moving stiff and restless beside him. The room shrank and twisted behind his eyelids, a strange sense of vertigo throwing his senses into disarray.

When he finally fell asleep, he had no memory of that either.

* * *

Shiro slept like the dead, only waking when his alarm clock went off early the next morning. When he woke, his throat felt raw. He remembered nothing of his nightmares; only the sense that the same old patterns had given rise to new elements.

Shiro sat up and looked down at himself, almost expecting to find that his body had been replaced by something more alien. He was stupidly relieved to find that he was still himself.

Taking a deep breath, Shiro got out of bed and raised his hands high above his head, pulling them into a stretch. When he glanced down, he could see the very slight distention of his abdomen. He hadn’t noticed it until now.

He gently prodded at the skin.

 _I’m pregnant,_ he thought, _and it’s Sendak’s._

He covered his face with his hands.

_What do I do? I’ve never been in this situation, and even if I did keep it, I don’t even know what it fucking needs. Fuck, fuck._

There were goosebumps pebbled along his arms. He was freezing, especially because he hadn’t been wearing anything when he went to sleep. Rubbing his hands together roughly, Shiro tried to generate some warmth.

He glanced at the door.

No one had been to check up on him since he’d slept, meaning that Allura and Coran must have convinced them that he was all right. That, or they hadn’t said anything at all. He wasn’t sure which he’d prefer.

He got out of bed to use the bathroom, then took a quick shower in a futile attempt to ward away the turmoil roiling inside him. He came out relaxed, but no more decided than before.

There was a decision to make, and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to make it. If his calculations were correct, it had been eight weeks since his last heat, and eight weeks that he’d been pregnant. He didn’t have much time.

 _Would Sendak care?_ The thought occurred to him before he could help it. His fingers stilled along his arms, thoughts turning towards the ex-Galra commander.

A sharp thrill ran through him at the thought of him as a father. He shuddered.

Since the night before, his feelings had been mixed. Whereas he’d once fantasized about seeing Sendak again, it had been just that: a fantasy.

Considering even the _possibility_ that he might see him again made Shiro’s heart flutter. He wasn’t sure if it was a good or bad feeling.

He stood, hair damp, eyes stinging under the harsh light. The bed was calling his name, but he couldn’t stay in here any longer.

Shiro got dressed, putting on his clothes methodically. His mind wandered, disconnected with the events happening. It was like moving through a daydream, only he couldn’t remember thinking about anything in particular. He made it to the kitchen, somehow, and took out a plate of food.

He stared at it for a while, deciding whether he felt up to eating.

“Shiro!” a voice to his left called. “Allura said you were sick. Are you okay?”

Lance.

He was quickly followed by Hunk, and then Keith and Pidge. They all expressed their concerns, which Shiro dismissed quickly. He tried not to let his displeasure show and smiled at them.

“I’m fine,” he lied. He stared at his bowl, swirling his spoon in the goo. “Just felt a little under the weather. Thanks for looking out for me, everyone.”

“No prob! Now it’s time to eat!” Lance declared, moving past him and into the kitchen. Keith remained after the others had left, staring at Shiro pensively.

“You’re sure you’re okay?” he ventured, laying his hand on top of Shiro’s. He felt the distinct urge to knock his hand away, but resisted.

“I’m fine. Really.” He smiled at Keith. “Get something to eat. We still have a lot of training to do, and the day is young.”

* * *

Shiro had only just stepped inside the training room when Allura’s voice echoed across the speakers.

“Excuse me, Shiro, could you come to the control room? We have a matter that needs your attention.”

“What do you think it is?” Pidge asked.

“Beats me,” Shiro said, when in fact he had a very good idea.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Allura hissed as he stepped inside, gesturing wildly at the paladins down below. “Why were you out there?”

“Uh, training?” He would never dare to use this tone of voice any other time, but he couldn’t seem to help himself. He knew why Allura had called him up here, and it was irritating. Everything about the situation felt irritating. “You set our schedules, princess.”

“You know what I mean,” she snapped. Then she calmed herself. “You should not be fighting in your condition.”

 _“Condition?”_ He couldn’t keep the bite out of his tone.

“Shiro, you know better than anyone.” Her gaze softened. “You don’t have to make a decision now, but you can’t play dumb. You are pregnant, and we don’t know what could cause any complications at this point. If we had our old information on file, it would help, but even so, this castle in not an extensive archive. Imagine what would happen if Keith pummeled your stomach with an electric pole.”

“I know.” Shiro’s fists unclenched. “I’m not an idiot. I’m just…having a hard time thinking about this. It’d be so much easier if I could just pretend that everything was normal.”

“I understand.” She sounded sincere. “Really, I do. It’s hard to accept new and shocking information. Sometimes I…I still can’t believe Altea is gone.” Her lip trembled briefly, the only indication of her sorrow. “But this is our new future, and while I want you to take your time, we can’t ignore what might happen.”

“I know,” he said, miserably. “I still don’t know what I should do. It should be obvious, right? Just get rid of it. But I’ve never—I never thought that this would happen to me. I always wanted a family.” Laughter bubbled up his throat. “I must sound crazy. This isn’t a _family,_ this is…I don’t know what it is.”

“Whatever your choice, I will not offer any judgment.” She nodded shortly. “You have time, as I said.”

Time. He didn’t know what to do with time. He felt like he was running in circles.

Inevitably, he thought of Sendak. Guilt that he had buried deep inside himself rose, giving way to a burning sensation in his chest.

_What if Allura says no?_

_What if she says yes?_

The words flew from his mouth without his permission. “I want to let Sendak know.”

Allura looked shocked, then pensive. “I…see. Is this something you really want, Shiro?”

 _Yes. No._ “I don’t know.”

“Shiro, as much as I want to allow you to see him, I don’t think it would be wise.”

“Why not?”

“We do not know what his reaction could be to the child. This new Galra Empire is still an anomaly to us; aside from war, we know very little about them. What’s left of our data banks on the Galra from ten thousand years ago could be completely obsolete. There could be rituals—or, or perhaps he would even want to join us which is quite frankly impossible, as you know.”

“Is it?” he asked, despite himself. Allura shot him a look.

“You can’t be serious.”

“No, I—sorry.” He attempted a smile. “I’m still a bit keyed up. I want to get back out there and work this out myself. I hate sitting here talking about it.”

“I know,” Allura said kindly, laying her hand on his arm. “But we can’t let you get hurt and damage the fetus.”

He wrinkled his nose at the name. “Can’t we just call it a baby?”

“I suppose so.” Allura mirrored his expression. “I don’t think it will be possible to keep you completely safe from violence in the middle of this war, but I do remember that my father may have had schematics for an earlier version of your suit. Something more,” she dragged her eyes up and down his figure, “protective.”

“Okay, great! Let’s find it.”

She hummed in agreement, eyeing his figure as they made their way to the armory.

Once inside, Allura made a beeline for the terminal at the end of long hallway. She spread her palms along the expanse of the table, blowing centuries of dust off the console.

“We haven’t used this place since before the Galra attacked,” she said quietly at his approach. Shiro nodded seriously, watching her fingers fly, navigating through the various systems in place.

“Here,” she said at length, pointing to an image on screen. “An early design. Not particularly pleasing to look at.” Her lips quirked. “But it will protect your abdomen.”

“Uh, yeah, I think so,” he said, trying not to cringe. He wasn’t a fashionista by any means, but the bulky shoulders, the gigantic belt, and the metallic sheen spoke volumes of the original designer’s presumably short career.

“The metal is made of an incredibly sturdy material. Impenetrable by almost any force, and very light to wear.” Allura scrolled through a few more screens, bringing the torso in for a closer look. “We can modify this to match the other paladin’s outfits, but suffice to say this will have to do for now.”

“It’s…something.” He coughed lightly and turned toward Allura. “Thank you, princess. I know this can’t be easy for you.”

She did not immediately face him, her eyes trained on the screen in front of her.

“You don’t need to thank me,” she finally said. “You are my responsibility and my friend. I would hate to see you hurt.”

At the mention of Shiro and _hurt_ , her brow furrowed. It looked like she had a few choice words to say about the one that had put him in this predicament, but held her tongue. Shiro was grateful for it, and quickly tried to change the subject.

“How long will this take?”

“It should be finished a few quintents after we gather the necessary materials.”

He blinked at her. “Materials?”

“Oh, yes. We don’t keep such rare metals on board, unfortunately. I’ll have to consider our options. We can’t very well just waltz up to any shop in the galaxy without immediately being alerted. We _must_ have some allies left.” She chewed on her thumbnail, brows furrowed in thought. “Give me some time to think it over, Shiro. I’ll get back to you.”

“Take your time,” he said, trying to sound less frustrated than he felt. Allura was doing her best to handle it, so all he could do was wait for results.

“Let’s head back. I’m sure the others are wondering what happened to us,” she said, a tentative smile edging onto her face.

Shiro returned it, brushing his palm over her back. “Lead the way, princess.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few things I want to note is that I won't be rewriting season 2 because that would be a snooze fest, but a lot of this takes place during that time so we'll be going through it pretty quickly just to show what it was like for Shiro in this setting. The majority is post-the beginning of season 3, but because I had written most of this before season 3 was out, I pretty much ignore all of it. <3 Enjoy.
> 
> The new suit they're referring to is based the old one from the 80's :p


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all who are still interested after all this time <3 you keep me going! This chapter goes through a lot of S2 stuff in a short amount of time, so it might feel a bit rushed. Or confusing if you don't remember anything. We'll see. Future chapters won't be like this once we get to the post-season three point where it's all the bullshit I made up! Also, Allura is not nearly as...intense as she was in the show here.

Shiro’s dreams were never coherent. They were spindly, tangled, intangible _things_ that wrapped themselves around him, choking him until he couldn’t breathe. When he’d been with Sendak, the nightmares and night-terrors had been dramatically reduced, but now that he was back with the other paladins, he’d started having strange dreams all over again.

Mostly, there were voices. Screams. The paladins made appearances. Keith, Lance, Hunk, Pidge, not always in that order.

Exhaustion made it worse.

_His vision swam, figured swirling in front of his eyes. He could barely see two feet in front of him. Someone was grabbing his arm, urging Shiro to get up. Groaning in pain, he fell against their body, fingers scrabbling to take hold of their armor._

_“Up,” the voice hissed. “You must get up. We don’t have much time.”_

_His mouth wouldn’t move, even as he tried to speak. Squeezing his eyes shut, Shiro tried to understand what was happening as the person gripped him by his shoulder._

_The slap was unexpected. Shiro’s vision didn’t clear much, but he felt significantly more aware of himself. He managed to make a strangled sound; the stranger, taking this as agreement, maneuvered him towards the door. Shiro tried to pay attention, but his voice kept fading in and out._

_“Zarkon has located the blue lion…”_

_“Voltron…”_

_As they moved throughout the ship, one thing rang clear as a bell._

_The stranger turned to him at one point, and said, “My name is Ulaz.”_

_The world cleared all of a sudden, and Shiro could suddenly see the yellow tint to Ulas’ eyes. He was Galra._

_“Ulaz,” he whispered. Ulaz nodded._

_“The coordinates on your arm will lead you on the right path once you’ve escaped.” Ulaz pointed, nodding at him. “The Blade of Marmora is with you.”_

_“Why did you save me?” Shiro asked, feeling like he was moving in pond water as Ulaz tugged him along. “What’s the Blade of Marmora?”_

_“You’re a leader. You give hope.” Ulaz paused, glancing to their left. “Hurry. Earth needs you. Go!”_

* * *

Shiro woke up gasping and in a cold sweat, the words of Ulaz still ringing in his ear.

_Earth needs you._

“I thought…” He swallowed. _I thought Sendak helped me escape._

The dream had been so vivid, so _real._ Shiro looked at his arm, expecting to see coordinates pop out from between his fingers. Shiro lifted his arm, twisting it, flexing his fingers. Some inspection showed him that there was nothing he could find himself.

If there _was_ something to find. He’d been under the impression that his escape had been single-handed, but now the vividness of the memory was making him question that assumption. It seemed unlikely that his mind could conjure such a clear image of a Galra soldier.

“Fuck,” he whispered, burying his face in his hands. “Fuck me. _Of course_ it’s more complicated than that.”

First, though, he’d need some help.

* * *

Shiro didn’t keep his dream a secret. In fact, he made it very clear that this was how he thought he “escaped.” Although he wasn’t certain whether or not Sendak had been lying to his face, he was currently in the process of compartmentalizing those feelings in the back of his mind for further examination later. For now, Ulaz was all that mattered to him. Sendak and the… baby could wait.

“And he was Galra,” Allura stated. It wasn’t a question. Her eyes spoke volumes, communicating a vehemence that Shiro was hesitant to face.

But face it he did, meeting her eyes head on.

“Yes.”

“You know we cannot trust the Galra. As much as I understand your,” there was the barest pause, imperceptible only to Shiro, “sympathies, I find it hard to believe that we should go searching for this man because he supposedly freed you. What if it’s a trap to allow us to gather together Voltron, only to have ripped right out from under us?”

Allura’s words struck a chord with the other paladins. Keith and Pidge exchanged looks, and Hunk appeared even more frightened than before.

Shiro wanted to scream. He’d been agonizing over this for months and _this_ was the reception he received? It was understandable, but it frustrated him nonetheless.

“Your father trusted them once. Zarkon was the black paladin, wasn’t he?” he shot back, trying to keep his calm. Allura reeled back as if she’d been struck.

“That was a long time ago,” she murmured, quieter now.

Lance gaped at the two of them, flabbergasted. “Wait, _what?”_

“Didn’t you see how Zarkon stole the black lion right out from under Shiro?” Keith pointed out. “Or that he could do all that cool stuff with his bayard? _Shiro’s_ bayard?”

“Why didn’t you just tell us the truth about Zarkon?” Shiro asked.

“I wanted to protect you from the dark history of the paladins,” Allura admitted. “I wanted to give you a chance to bond with them on your own. You are the black paladin now, Shiro, not Zarkon. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you until now.”

“Yeah, well.” Shiro looked down at his lap in frustration. “The black lion may have a different take on the matter.”

Since their return, she’d been suspiciously silent. Their bond had grown strong very quickly in the beginning, but ever since Zarkon had taken control and he’d landed on the planet with Sendak, it felt like they were drifting apart. And it wasn’t that he blamed Allura for any of it; far from it. He was just…confused.

“Wait a second.” Pidge spoke up for the first time since she’d been tinkering with the data. The situation, tense as it was, did not deter her from her work. “I think I see it now. Some repeating numbers in all this Galra code. Let me extract it…” She started typing, leaning forward. Screens began popping up, and she started typing even more excitedly. “They _are_ coordinates!”

Shiro’s heart jumped in his throat. “Where?”

“The…” A map appeared onscreen. “The Thaldycon system!”  

“Then that’s where we’re headed,” Shiro declared, earning a few stares.

“Shiro, are you sure you can trust this?” Keith asked. “I mean, after all the Galra have done to you, they—they took your _arm._ ”

“It’s worth the risk,” Shiro said. “Someone el—” _else,_ he nearly said, stopping himself just in time, “someone out there helped me. If we can locate some allies in our fight against Zarkon, especially ones from his side, we might just find a way to take him down.”

“I do not like this,” Allura said, heaving her shoulders in a sigh. “But I trust your instincts, Shiro. We will test your theory until it presents a danger to us; nothing more.”

“That’s all I ask,” he said gratefully.

After making certain that the coordinates weren’t leading them to a black hole of anything of the like through long-range scanners, they started the trek to the location provided by his arm. Coran said it would take less than half a vargo, which Lance translated to the rest of them as about half an hour.

“I’m still confused by all this time stuff,” Hunk said, arms crossed. “What’s a day again? A…croissant?”

“Quintant,” Pidge said, adjusting her glasses. “Their measurements of time are a little longer than ours. I’m still trying to figure out more of Altean culture, but the learning simulations are… challenging.”

“How can learning be that hard?” Lance asked. “I bet I could master the language pretty quick. I already know three.”

Pidge glanced at him from the corner of her eye before continuing. “So anyway—”

“Hey!”

“—what are you expecting us to find there, Shiro?”

Shiro was lost in thought, dealing with nerves that had started to settle in the moment they started on their journey.

He had a thousand questions. Namely: what if this wasn’t what he expected? The Blade of Marmora could mean literally anything. It could even be a cult that was more interested in Voltron than defeating Zarkon.

 _Then how did Ulaz know about Earth?_ he wondered, drumming his fingers on the edge of the table. _How did he know about me?_

If he knew about Shiro’s past in the ring, why was he calling him some sort of hero? To them, maybe that _was_ heroic. God, he didn’t even want to think about it. He wasn’t some kind of hero, let alone a _martyr_ —

“Earth to Shiro,” Lance drawled. “You okay, man? You look a little pale.”

Shiro jumped, his eyes going back into focus.

“Sorry, what?”

 “You okay?” Keith asked. “You look…uh…”

“Scared,” Pidge finished.

“What? No, I’m fine.” Shiro tried to assemble his expression into something the paladins had come to expect. “Just nervous to see what’s in store at the coordinates. I barely remember Ulaz; it’s more flashes, just like most of my memories.”

Except for Sendak. Thanks to their bond, he had wormed his way inside Shiro’s head and stayed there. There were still gaps, like the moments between being knocked out and suddenly ending up in an escape pod—which was why he’d assumed that Sendak had everything to do with his escape. Learning that there was something else going on made him question the entire structure of their relationship.

 _I’m just glad he’s not here,_ Shiro thought, gazing out the window to watch the stars pass by. _Or I might want to punch him._

There was a flash of—something across the bond, but before Shiro could parse through the feeling, Coran was calling them up to deck to see what they’d come upon.

Apparently it was some kind of mine field.

“Are you sure this is right?” Shiro asked.

“These are the coordinates number five gave me,” Coran replied.

“’Number five’ is right here, y’know,” Pidge called, rolling her eyes. “My decryption is solid. _This_ is it.”

“There must be something we’re missing.” Shiro turned back to his console to get a closer look at the zanthorian crystals while Allura threw her concerns out to the rest of them.

“This is a mistake,” she said, sounding more sorry than angry. “If we go in there, this entire ship could be blown to bits. We’ve checked it out, but now it’s time to move on.”

“There _must_ be something more to this,” Shiro urged, feeling a strange tugging at the back of his mind. “I think we should wait. I can feel it.”

“Are you _certain,_ Shiro?” Allura asked, carefully. She knew about the bond with Sendak and how it worked; likely she thought something else was going on, but Shiro could tell it wasn’t anything related to Sendak. This was…different somehow.

The longer they waited, the stronger the feeling. Soon, something was going to happen, Shiro knew it. Soon—

Suddenly, alarms started blaring.

“There’s an intruder in the castle!” Coran cried.

“How could someone just sneak aboard the ship?” Lance asked, peering at his console like it would give him answers.

“There he is!” Allura said, after pulling up security monitors. “Level 5.”

“Everyone, suit up!” Shiro called, moving towards the door before the others had even gotten out of their seats.

* * *

They chased the intruder for a long time—too long, in Shiro’s opinion. Whoever it was, they were a skilled fighter, evading all their tactics, which, while hardly exemplary, were more than enough to catch the average stowaway.

While the other paladins were off on the chase, Shiro wasn’t feeling in top shape. As he moved around the ship, he felt suspiciously sluggish, his body refusing to move as expected. Pidge and the rest were already fighting the intruder (with Coran as their narrator) while he was still struggling to catch his breath, and when he showed up, they had him cornered.

Thankfully, this gave him the chance to make it look like he’d been planning it that way the whole time. It was probably a good thing, because the moment their eyes met, the intruder took off his mask, revealing himself to be—

“Ulaz?!”

The revelation was short lived. Within seconds, Allura was sprinting towards them, slamming her fist at Ulaz and pinning him to the wall in an amazing show of strength.

“Who are you?!” she demanded harshly, pressing the ball of her hand into his chest.

“Stop!” Shiro cried. “It’s him. This is the Galra who set me free.”

“What?” Allura looked conflicted, backing away just enough to give Ulaz the freedom to push her away, rubbing his sore chest with his hand.

“I will explain everything,” he said, far too calm for Shiro’s liking.

* * *

Apparently Sendak had been lying to him.

It wasn’t necessarily that he believed _everything_ that Ulaz said, or that Sendak had done it maliciously, but—oh, who was he kidding? It would be too much to expect Sendak to suddenly have a change of heart after spending a few weeks out in the jungle together.

It shouldn’t have surprised him that Sendak was capable of this type of manipulation, yet here he was, on the verge of losing it as Ulaz explained what their plans were for the future. Allura was skeptical, but she kept shooting concerned glances at Shiro, clearly more worried for him than their intruder. She’s originally suggested locking him in chains, but Shiro insisted on letting him free, to which she reluctantly agreed.

“So let me get this straight,” Lance interrupted. “So this ‘Blade of Marmora’ is a bunch of Galra working against _Zarkon?_ ”

“Yes, a secret military operation that we have been developing for centuries. We were getting desperate for any news of the lions, and when Shiro became prisoner, we knew we had to act.”

“Are there others?” Hunk interrupted. “Are they here?”

“Hunk,” Lance whined, “can you try not to act so scared around our prisoner?”

“He’s not a prisoner,” Shiro interjected.

“Not if I have anything to say about it,” Allura muttered under her breath. “Ulaz, while I would like to trust you, I cannot simply allow you to roam free after attacking my paladins. So, explain yourself.”

“I had to be sure you were not a threat,” he said. “I would not risk our entire mission over blind hope.”

“And if we are?” she challenged.

“I will suffer the consequences. You are the universe’s only hope of defeating Zarkon. I hope you don’t waste it.”

“Waste—!” She looked like she was about to blow a gasket but managed to control herself. “We are doing our best to make a difference in this war with _one_ ship and Voltron. It sounds like you need our help more than we do yours.”

“We do. Now that I know it is Shiro who has come, you are welcome to our outpost.” He did not look up at them, perhaps for his own sake than theirs. “It lies dead ahead.”

“Behind all the zanthorian clusters?” Pidge asked.

“Yes. Just fly straight for the zanthorian cluster. You will see.”

“I don’t feel good about this,” Keith said.

“The Galra could have implanted fake memories inside your head,” Pidge added. “I don’t know if this is a good idea.”

“Ditto,” Lance chimed. “As much as I hate to agree with Keith, we should maybe reconsider.”

Frustration bubbled and burst.

“Ulaz is the reason we’re all here in the first place!” Shiro said. “Without him, we wouldn’t have Voltron. Please, Allura, just—” he sighed, “—just trust me.”

Her eyes flickered to Ulaz, then Shiro.

“Fine,” she said, after a long pause. “Coran, slow and steady. Head for the zanthorian cluster.”

* * *

It turned out that Ulaz was telling the truth, but they lost him not long after they were tracked by Zarkon’s newest creation. It had immense power, and given time they could have defeated it, but Ulaz chose to give his life to continue their cause.

“Ulaz, no!” Shiro had cried, trying to communicate just how much he needed him to stay with them, “Let us handle this!”

“You’re too valuable,” Ulaz said calmly. “The universe needs you.”

Then he was gone, inside the belly of the ro-beast.

“He did it! He opened the portal from the inside!”

“Holy crap!”

“Ulaz saved us,” Keith breathed.

“He’s…gone,” Shiro added, his voice dipping quietly. His hands tightened on the controls. Ulaz’s words kept echoing inside his head.

 _Find out how Zarkon is tracking you,_ he’d said, pushing the coordinates into Shiro’s hand, _Or everything we’ve spent centuries building will be lost._

The nausea he’d been fighting since the start of the battle rose to its peak, and he bowed his head, trying his damnedest not to lose it. The echoing inside his head wasn’t Sendak, but whatever it was, it was giving him a headache.

“Let’s head back,” he said through the comms. “We…we need to regroup. Decide what we’re doing from this point on.”

The trip back to the castle was quiet, the heavy silence met with little conversation. They had all taken Ulaz’s sacrifice hard, but none more than Shiro. By the time they docked he was pale and shaking, earning looks of concern from all of the paladins.

“I am sorry,” said Allura as she met him by the entrance. “I could not bring myself to trust him, but I know that his death must have hit you hard.” She pressed a hand to his shoulder. “You’re trembling.”

“I’m fine.” Shiro shot her a weak attempt at a grin; she sighed, not buying it, and started leading him towards the center of the ship.

“We need to decide on a course of action.”

“We should go to the coordinates Ulaz gave us,” Keith suggested.

“No way, dude! Not if Zarkon’s gonna be able to follow us. Right, Shiro?”

“Right.” Shiro licked his lips. Allura rubbed his back as he shivered, her sympathy silent, lest she alert the paladins to his ailments. He was freezing cold and trying not to vomit, along with the newly added headache to the list _._ He wasn’t sure if they were side effects of the shock of losing Ulaz, or—something else. For now, though, he felt ready to lay down and sleep for the next decade.

“For now let’s restock.” Allura gently tugged at Shiro’s arm, leading him towards the cafeteria. He didn’t feel particularly hungry, but he knew that with his condition it wouldn’t be a good idea to skip meals. “Our resources are quickly becoming depleted. It’s no longer safe here, so I will have Coran steer us to the nearest quadrant and we can go from there.”

Shiro sat down at one of the seats and closed his eyes. “Got it. See you later, princess.”

“Of course. Everyone, eat up. I’ll update you once I have news.”

* * *

Updates on any possible restocking locations didn’t happen until after rescuing the Taujeer from their impending doom on their planet. It had been ruined by Zarkon’s forces interference, and after Allura and Keith left, thinking that their link was what tied them to Zarkon, Shiro was reasonably sure that he knew what was happening. The way that he’d been feeling wasn’t normal. It couldn’t be part of pregnancy, and they happened most frequently when he got in touch with his lion in the cockpit.

Which lead him to his only reasonable conclusion.

“I’m almost certain that my link to the black lion is how Zarkon is following us,” he said to them the morning after saving the Taujeer. At their looks of surprise, Shiro smiled in what he hoped was an encouraging manner. “We know that it isn’t Keith or Allura, which means that it has to be my connection to the lion. Zarkon’s lion. Which means we’ll never be able to go anywhere without Zarkon tracking us until I’ve figured this out.” He glanced down at his feet, curling his fingers into fists. “I need to form another bond with my lion. One that’s stronger than his to keep him from taking over.”

“Well while you’re working on that, the rest of us need to find some new teledov lensors,” said Coran. “Or we’ll never be able to travel through wormhole!”

“Few Alteans could use a teledov years ago,” Allura added. “They may not exist anymore.”

“Actually, I think I may know where we can get some.”

Coran moved away from the group and stood in front of the control panel, swiping a few keys to bring up a large display of what looked like aliens brandishing swords and garish outfits fit for a band of thugs.

“Coran!” Allura gasped. “You’re not suggesting going to one of those filthy swamp moons, are you?” She looked disgusted by the mere mention. “The last time you went those space pirates took you for everything you had.”

“Space pirates?” Lance asked, eyes blinking wide. “Why is this the first we’re hearing about this.”

“I’d completely forgotten until now,” Coran explained, twiddling with his mustache. “The Unilu were traders and pirates that roamed the galaxies and dealt in black market goods.”

Shiro looked at the display, doubtful that more than a few of them could even potential carry the items they needed. He tuned out the conversation for the most part, focusing on his own thoughts of the black lion, until he heard Allura mention his name.

“I need something from you specifically, Coran. Shiro’s suit is starting to…” She hesitated. “…tear, so we need _extra_ _fabric_.” She emphasized her words carefully, ignoring the looks of the other paladins.

“Really?” Hunk glanced at his suit. “Looks fine to me.”

“It’s…under the armor,” Shiro explained lamely. “It would be bad to expose myself in space without protection. I would really appreciate the help, Coran.”

“Of course.” He looked between the two of them, trying to communicate something to them through waggling eyebrows. “I’ll speak with the princess before we go. You take of your lion and I’ll get us that Scaultrite!”

It was decided. While Lance, Keith, Hunk, Coran, and Pidge were headed for supplies, Allura and Shiro stayed on the ship.

“You be careful,” Allura murmured as he passed her by. “Zarkon is not to be toyed with lightly. He may interfere somehow.”

“I know,” Shiro said. “Thanks. Time to go bond with my lion.”

He made his way down into the cockpit and sat in his seat, feeling a new sense of dread hanging over his head. The headache was back, throbbing more than it ever had before. It was like someone was fighting inside him, trying to connect and take control. It _had_ to be Zarkon.

He laid his hands on the controls, closing his eyes.

“Work with me,” he whispered. “What do I have to do to strengthen our bond?”

Like a switch had been hit, his lion came to life, catapulting through the castle and out into space, heedless to his calls.

“Stop!” he barked, yanking on the controls. _Zarkon is doing this. He’s taking me right to him!_ “Come on! I said stop! Listen to me!”

The lion ignored him, moving forward through a wormhole until they were in the outskirts of a decrepit planet that Shiro didn’t recognize.

“Where are we?” he whispered, gazing up at the hood for some kind of clue. “Why did you bring me here? What are you trying to tell me?”

Telling became _showing._ Shiro was thrown back in time, visions of the planet’s vast and glorious surface teaming with life. There was a comet and—Zarkon. Zarkon and Alfor had worked together. They were standing next to each other, young and broad shouldered, their gazes soft. Friendly.

They’d been allies. _Friends._

 _I’ve got you now, paladin,_ Zarkon’s voice echoed inside his skull.

He was ripped from the memory at the revelation, only to be sucked into another realm as light, brighter than anything he’d ever seen, swallowed him whole.

Shiro opened his eyes and landed roughly on solid ground. He looked up, shocked to see that he was far from his lion—far from anything he recognized. It was like some kind of space plane, and Zarkon stood in front of him, tall and foreboding and entirely too real.

“You are a fool to face me here,” he rumbled. “When you die in this realm, your body dies as well. And then I will take control of Voltron.”

“What? Where are—”

Shiro had a millisecond to prepare himself as Zarkon charged at him. Zarkon’s fist slammed into his stomach, sending waves of pain, terror, and anger ricocheting up Shiro’s spine.

The next time that Zarkon came at him, he twisted away, bracing his back against Zarkon's fist, but he was thrown back, landing a few hundred yards away. He wanted desperately to reach down and feel the state of his stomach, but Zarkon was moving quickly, and Shiro didn’t have time. There was no way he could protect himself by staying on the defensive, not here where he was vulnerable without any armor.

It was now or never. A determined fury began to work through him, giving him the strength to stand.

“You won’t hurt them!” he roared, activating his arm. He ran straight into Zarkon and threw his fist, connecting solidly with Zarkon’s forearm. “I won’t let you. I will _never_ let you have the black lion.”

Zarkon swung his arm in a vicious uppercut; Shiro dodged, returning with a shot at his abdomen. They both managed to strike the other, but Shiro was the one without any kind of armor. When Zarkon’s elbow slammed into his back, he couldn’t keep from shouting.

His face slammed into the ground, bits of compact dirt clinging to his cheeks when he rose.

“Fuck,” he breathed, fingers clenched into tight fists. Something was pulsing behind his eyelids, echoing inside his skull. He could barely concentrate on the dark expanse in front of him. “I have to—I can’t give up. Come on, move. Move!”

He sprang to his feet just as Zarkon lunged towards him. Shiro ran straight at him, giving it everything he had. His fists, his arm, even his head; but Zarkon was more powerful and more experienced. He caught Shiro’s in his palm and _squeezed,_ shocking a scream out of Shiro.

The kick to his stomach made bile rise in Shiro’s throat. Panic was starting to slice through the adrenaline rush, making him stumble the next time he got up.

Clutching his abdomen, he aimed a glare at Zarkon.

“You’ll never pilot the black lion,” he hissed. “You _can't_ after everything you've done! You can never lead Voltron again! You're _no_ paladin!”

“You have no idea how to command a weapon like this!” Zarkon called, delivering blow after punishing blow. Shiro could do little but raise his arms in defense and try to stay alive.

“No one commands the black lion! Least of all you!”

“You dare lecture me?” Zarkon growled. He pushed Shiro to the ground, wrapping his hand viciously around his throat. The echo inside Shiro’s head grew louder than ever before. He could hardly hear himself.

“Do you think the Black Lion would allow such a feeble creature to pilot it?” Zarkon asked, lifting him slowly by the throat. “Only the powerful can command it.”

Shiro’s fingers scrambled for purchase along Zarkon’s forearm, his arm the only thing anchoring him by digging into the metal. The edges of his vision were starting to blur.

Zarkon growled, lifting him higher, and the echoing sound inside Shiro’s head exploded.

_Shiro!_

An intense longing that he’d been denying for months filled him until he felt like he would burst. He cried out, tears working their way down his cheeks.

 _Sendak,_ he thought, desperately clawing at Zarkon’s arm. His vision wavered, the blackness crawling in. He blinked once through his tears, then twice, and then…

The hold on his throat loosened. Suddenly he could breathe.

His back slammed into the ground. Shiro lifted himself, coughing, and looked up.

Sendak was standing above him. He was clad in his Galra armor, including his prosthetic arm. He didn’t look at Shiro, instead focusing on attacking Zarkon with all his might.

“What are you doing here?” Shiro shouted incredulously, bringing himself to his feet.

“Protecting my mate!” he roared, sending his fist directly into Zarkon’s sternum. “You called for me and I came!”

Zarkon for his part seemed equally in shock, but he had already recovered, pushing Sendak back towards Shiro within a matter of seconds.

“You! How are you here?” He aimed at Shiro this time, but Sendak defended the blow, a ferocious growl preceding his next strike to Zarkon’s shoulder plates.

“The will of my mate and its paladin is stronger than even you know, Zarkon,” Sendak spat, his words like venom. “You truly have become a disappointment. This is what you call the Empire? I once fought for you because I _believed.”_

He sent his arm sailing towards Zarkon, followed by a burst of purple electricity as it connected. “How far will you fall until you accept your defeat?”

“I will rule the lion!” Zarkon roared. “No manner of man nor beast will stop me. I _will_ command it!”

“You’ve forgotten what’s most important,” said Shiro, stepping next to Sendak, his resolve overcoming the shock at seeing him. He pushed aside his feelings, deciding to deal with them later. “It's not about power. It's about earning each other's trust.” He looked at Sendak, who returned his gaze with one that was inscrutable. “Something you, Zarkon, will never understand.”

The black lion landed behind him and opened her mouth, shooting a beam of light straight at Zarkon. Shiro saw the word start to dematerialize around him and reached for Sendak, trying to find the words to say before it was too late. There was so much he wanted to say to him—to thank him, to scream at him, to ask why he'd lied, but there just wasn’t _time._

Sendak’s fingers met his cheek, gentle, warm. He murmured Shiro’s name like a praise.

In that moment, Shiro didn’t know what possessed him to say what he did, nor did he know if Sendak heard him, but just before everything went white, he gripped him by the shoulders and shouted:

“I’m pregnant!”

* * *

When he came to, his face was wet.

“Whoa. Did-did you and Sendak just…save me?” He looked down at the lion’s controls, squeezing them tightly. “Thank you.” His voice wavered as more tears collected and dripped down, thoughts of Sendak forming a tight knot in his throat. “Let’s go home.”

The lion purred, and the world around him changed back to the ship’s interior. Shiro gasped, sitting up in his seat.

“We never left…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know at least one of you hasn't watched the show so if you'd like to see the original scene where Shiro fights Zarkon [here it is](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugcvrzo0XUo). I think it's worth a look!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The paladins get suspicious, Keith is frustrated, and Shiro just needs a break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a reminder: varga = hour and quintent = one day

The paladins had been just as successful as Shiro, if not more. They had gotten the lenses and Coran had also managed to gather enough material for Shiro’s new suit as well. They were packed away in his bulging sack, and when he pulled them out, Shiro was remiss on how to thank him.

“Think nothing of it,” Coran declared. “I had a blast. Wouldn’t you say, paladins?”

“If you call running from the police ‘fun’,” Keith groused.

“I had fun,” Lance said.

“Me, too!” piped in Pidge.

“I got to teach a man the intricacies of fine cuisine.” Hunk shrugged. “So I’d say it was a good day.”

“Did you get the _other_ thing I requested?” Allura asked Coran. “The sweater?”

“Sweater? I thought I saw you carrying around something really ugly,” Lance said, waving his hand at the bag. “Is that the red thing there?”

Coran pulled out what Allura had called a ‘sweater’; it was a sickening shade of red and looked like whatever animal it was made out of needed a serious haircut.

“It’s perfect!” Allura crooned. “Shiro, this is for you.”

“Me?” He blinked. “Why me?”

“I’ve noticed the castle has been far too cold for your liking, and while I did raise the temperature of your room, I wanted you to be comfortable elsewhere as well. It’s the kind of sweater my grandmother would have gotten for me during the holidays, and it’s amazingly warm.” She shoved it at him, heedless to the snickering paladins around them. “Please, take it!”

“I…” He grabbed it by the sleeve. It was soft, and _did_ seem warm. “Thank you, princess. I love it.”

She beamed. “I’m so glad!”

“Were you able to bond with your lion?” Keith asked, slicing through their pleasant conversation.

Shiro sobered, nodding at Keith and then Allura. “Yes. We need to get moving. Zarkon’s connection is weakened now, so we’re going to set a course for the Blade of Marmora’s headquarters.”

* * *

_I should have never let us come here,_ Shiro thought, watching the scene unfolding behind the screen with no little amount of trepidation. More than once the Galra rebels had to grab him by his shoulders and hold him back as Keith was pummeled. They wouldn’t stop, and it was all Shiro’s fault.

Allura had been against it from the beginning, but it was mostly her concern for Shiro’s well-being, and their own need for knowledge that made her acquiesce into running the lions through a star being swallowed by two blackholes.

The Blade of Marmora had not been forthcoming with either their welcome or the release of information.

“This is Keith,” Shiro had said, starting off as friendly as he’d allow being surrounded by potential enemies. “And I’m Shiro. We’re paladins of Voltron.”

“I know who you are,” said the leader of the Blades, linking his hands behind his back. His voice was robotic, implying that he was using some sort of voice changing device, or he wasn’t a biological being. Shiro tended towards the former.

Shiro straightened, ignoring his growing sense of dread as the Blades formed around them. “Then you know why we’re here.”

However, the leader was not willing to part with knowledge. It wasn’t until Keith revealed his sword—one that Shiro had never seen before—that the leader even considered allowing them to stay for an extended period of time.

And now Shiro was helpless to watch as Keith threw himself at the Blades in a fruitless bid for truth. He didn’t like seeing people he cared about being beaten; he liked watching Keith struggle like this even less.

“How long does this go on?” Shiro asked, hating the way that his voice cracked and wavered. He clenched his fists, reverting his attention back to the window when the Blade member stared at him.

“Sometimes the greatest challenge is knowing when to stop.”

“He’ll never quit,” Shiro said, knowing it was true.

“One way or another, this will end,” he replied, his tone infuriatingly level. “Knowledge, or death.”

It was as if Keith’s struggle to suffer for the sake of knowledge or die trying was something completely ordinary.

Shiro could feel irritation itching underneath his skin, waiting to burst out.

“Please, just tell us what we need to do. We want this alliance. We—” he swallowed, meeting the leader’s heavy gaze. “We need this. I need this,” he added, before he could help it.

There was a sudden tension in the air that hadn’t been there before. At Shiro’s words, the leader hardened his stare at Shiro for a while longer, and just when he seemed like he was going to speak, they were alerted by activity on the screen. Keith had just barreled through the Blade members and dove into one of the holes they came out of, using his knife to keep it open.

“Follow me,” the leader said, leading them to another room. Keith continued his journey, putting himself through hallucinations that wore on him until it was all Shiro could do to keep himself from smashing through the glass holding them apart. He couldn’t watch him hurt like this, not if Shiro had anything to do about it.

“I’m ending this now,” he declared, pushing past the guards and into the room holding Keith. The room was starting to rumble unexpectedly, which only spurred on Shiro’s actions.

“Stop what you’re doing!” the leader called, drawing his sword alongside the rest of his brethren. “Call off your beast. You will not leave with that blade!”

There was more yelling. Shiro ran forward, arm outstretched and ready to fight for his friend’s life—and the one inside him. As much as he wanted to learn more about the Galra from potential allies, Keith’s well being was more important than his own selfish desires. He ignored the churning in his gut and focused on the present, swinging his arm at the nearest attacker.

When their blades clang, he nearly didn’t hear Keith shouting behind them. It wasn’t until the Blade member loosened the pressure of his blade that Shiro stepped back.

“Wait!” Keith called, holding out his knife. “Please, don’t hurt him. Just take the knife.”

Shiro took a step back, adrenaline still pumping hard in his veins. He was secretly relieved he wouldn’t have to fight; this would have been his first fight since he’d learned he was pregnant, and he didn’t even have the suit that Allura had promised him yet. As he turned to face Keith, his hand gravitated to his stomach, prodding gently at the spandex covering his flesh.

The skin was warm and firm, and for a moment he could imagine feeling the pulse of another being inside him. He shivered.

The glowing light from Keith’s sword was what brought him back to reality.

Shiro blinked, staring at the newly formed sword sitting in Keith’s palm. It had transformed in front of them, becoming more elongated with a particularly nasty curve for cutting into soft flesh.

“He activated the blade,” one of the Galra gasped.

“The one way this is possible,” their leader began, “is if Galra blood runs through your veins.”

What transpired over the next few minutes felt like a dream. His mind was all over, trying to reconcile what he heard with what he knew.

_Keith? Galra?_ There was also something like relief running through him, keeping him moving and speaking as they negotiated with the Blade of Marmora. They returned to the ship and informed Allura of the potential alliance. She was hesitant, but accepted the Blade member with great diplomacy.

The leader—known as Kolivan—discussed with them at length in regard to their plans. With his help, they devised one that was risky, but well worth it if successful.

Shiro was extremely aware of the danger in his part as the black lion but tried not to let on that it bothered him. At this stage, he couldn’t afford to let the paladins know that he was concerned for his safety at—let alone pregnant. Maybe if he could just find a way to work it into conversation…

“Shiro?” came Keith’s voice, breaking him out of his trance.

“Huh?” Shiro blinked, turning to face Keith. “Oh, sorry, were you saying something? I was just, uh,” he looked up at the map of the Galra Empire’s flagship, its display staring at him unblinkingly, “thinking about what we’re going to do.”

“It’s a lot,” Keith said, dipping his head in acknowledgement. “But that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about. I’ve been meaning to ask if you…I mean…” He stopped and sucked in a sharp breath. “Does me being part Galra bother you?”

Out of all the things Keith could have asked, this was not what Shiro expected. “What? No. Why would you think that?”

“I just mean—you looked so shocked when you heard the news and I—“ He rubbed the back of his neck, casting his gaze away uncertainly. “I just want to know that it isn’t going to be a thing.”

“It’s not nor will it ever be a thing. I don’t care that you’re part Galra; I wouldn’t care if you were part mermaid.”

Keith chuckled at that, his shoulders relaxing underneath Shiro’s humor.

“Good,” he said, sounding relieved. “I don’t know what I’d do if you started hating me. None of the others have said anything weird about it, although I’m not so sure about Allura. She’s taking it so well I’m almost convinced she’s faking it.”

Shiro tried not to flinch.

“I think she’s coming around to the idea that not all Galra are evil.” He shrugged, feigning innocence. “She’s been taking a lot of things in stride since she woke up. Why wouldn’t this be one of them?”

“I guess.” Keith mirrored Shiro’s pose, glancing out at the starry expanse beyond the ship’s windows. Then he turned to Shiro and looked him in the eye.

“Have you been feeling all right?” he asked suddenly, much to Shiro’s shock.

“I…yeah.” It sounded like a lie to his own ears. “I thought I told you it didn’t bother me.”

“No, Shiro, I mean—you seem tired, or worried, or—something,” he mumbled, his words trailing off. “You got better from whatever was making you sick, but you’re still always cold, and you keep eating a lot, even more than any of us, and you smell _weird_. I just can’t shake the feeling that there’s something you’re not telling me.”

God, Keith was perceptive. It was something Shiro respected, but it made hiding secrets from him even harder.

“I think you’re imagining things,” he said, adding in a chuckle for effect. “I feel great. Better than ever!”

“Yeah?” Keith’s fists clenched. His mouth twisted into an angry line. “Well when you’re ready to tell me what’s really wrong, I’ll be waiting to hear it.”

He started walking away, and Shiro had the feeling that if he didn’t stop him now it might make things way worse.

“Keith, wait!” He jogged to catch up to Keith, laying his hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I know it’s hard to believe, but I am okay. There’s something going on even I don’t understand, but I didn’t want to worry anyone, least of all you.”

Keith lifted his face from where it had been pointed at the ground and gave Shiro a look that spoke volumes.

“I’ll worry more if you don’t tell me,” he declared. “C’mon Shiro, you know you can trust me.”

“I know. That’s why I’m waiting until I know more, okay?” It felt horrible to work lies into the truth, but it was the only thing he could think to do. If Keith knew Shiro had bonded with Sendak, things wouldn’t go well. It might even rip apart Voltron, and they couldn’t afford that kind of casualty at this stage.

“Okay,” Keith said at length, heaving a sigh. “Just let me know if anything changes, deal?”

“Deal.”

“Goodnight, Shiro.”

He allowed Keith to briefly scent him before he left, receiving a small, relieved smile before Keith turned the corner towards his room.

Shiro sighed, waiting a few minutes before he headed for his own room.

* * *

Hours bled into days, and days bled into weeks. The Blade of Marmora was working on its own half of the plan, communicating with their contacts on Zarkon’s ship. Shiro ached to ask them questions about his capture and the Galra themselves, but the paladins had their own duties to attend to.

Keith and Hunk had been sent to retrieve ingredients necessary for more Scaultrite, the power source for wormhole generators, meanwhile Shiro and Pidge were headed for Beta Traz to free a renounced scientist. It took some doing, but eventually he managed to find Slav and everything was going great as they waited for Pidge’s response.

Save for one little detail.

“No thanks.”

“What?” Shiro couldn’t keep the bite out of his voice. “We’re finally going to stop Zarkon! We have the Blades and the Olkari on our side, but without you, we can’t do it. Now come on.”

After much pushing, Slav very reluctantly agreed to leave with him, but he was ridiculously particular, and Shiro had very little patience left over. He was freezing, exhausted, and he just wanted to be back on the ship, not on a space prison with an insane genius.

“You're so strong. Must be that robot arm.”

And he was _chatty._

“No, not that way! This could be the reality where I trip and fall down the air duct!”

“Look at all those cracks! I can't step on those.”

He wouldn’t stop talking, and he wasn’t making it easy for Shiro to pick a route. Not only that, but carrying him was starting to make his back ache, which only exacerbated his levels of irritation.

“You seem stressed,” Slav examined from his shoulder, fingertips drumming over his back and helmet at an incessant beat. “You should relax. For the babies.”

Shiro nearly tripped and fell in response.

“What?!” he croaked. “What did you just say? Did—did you say _babies?_ ”

“Oh, yes—”

“Shiro! There’s no alternate route,” Pidge said, interrupting their conversation. “That’s the only way to get out of there.”

“Thanks, Pidge,” he ground out. Then he cut off his comms, dropped Slav, and faced him with his arms crossed. “Slav, how did you know? I’m barely even showing.”

“It’s very obvious,” Slav said simply. “Every species has a scent for that. What, was it a surprise?”

“No. I mean, yes—no one is supposed to know. Don’t mention it. Please.” It was the first time he’d asked Slav something of this severity and tried to translate how much his cooperation would mean to him. “Please, Slav.”

“I can keep a secret!” he declared. “Depending on if its two or three there’s a higher probability of us being sucked into space on the way out. I ran the numbers and the percentage is a fraction of—”

“Enough!” Shiro snapped, his previous sincerity gone. “We need to focus on the mission. Let’s head out. We’ll talk about that later.”

They managed to escape unscathed—thanks to Lance’s sharpshooting skills—and when they returned, Shiro was even more eager to find out some answers. Slav was an unexpected option, but other than finding out the answer to questions he wasn’t sure he wanted the answer to, he’d rather go for the Blade of Marmora.

Luckily, Kolivan was back from a mission just as Shiro returned. He found him near the entrance to his temporary quarters and approached him with false bravado.

“Kolivan! Just the Galra I was hoping to see.”

The look that Kolivan leveled him with was supremely unimpressed, but he didn’t turn Shiro away.

“What is it? I have a meeting with the princess in a varga.”

“I just a few questions I was hoping you could answer.” He shifted from foot to foot, ignoring the look that he garnered from Kolivan as he crossed his arms over his bright red sweater. “It’s about Keith.”

“I know very little about the Red Lion’s pilot. You'll have to be more specific.”

“Specifically, his Galra half,” Shiro said. At Kolivan’s look, he clarified: “I’m not worried about him being dangerous, but I admit I’m…curious. How would a human and a Galra have a baby? Don’t species have restrictions in their DNA to keep mutants from happening?”

“Normally, yes,” Kolivan replied. “All species are not created equal in that bearing children between a yupper and say, a merlape would be impossible. For sentient advanced species, however, many have evolved to allow for breeding between a variety of combinations. Galra DNA is especially so; there are many half-breeds throughout the system.”

“Oh.” Shiro felt a sense of relief compounded onto what he’d already learned. “So it’s normal, then.”

“In a sense, yes. It's been confirmed that there were once Altean-Galra children ten thousand years ago.”

“Yeah, that’s—” he chuckled, feeling strangely giddy. “That’s something. Thanks for letting me know. So, uh, humans and Galra: how many kids do they usually have?”

Kolivan raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

“Just simple curiosity,” Shiro insisted. He was starting to sweat. “I’ve never heard of that combination before. Humans are born in nine months; what about the Galra?”

He knew he was being less than subtle, but he couldn’t help the questions from tumbling from his mouth. He needed to know, for more than just his own sake.

“We're not so secretive about our ways, but I will only answer these questions if you'll tell me why you're asking.”

“I...I have to know,” he whispered. “I have to know what’s going to happen.”

“To who?”

_It’s now or never. If I can’t trust our closest Galra allies with this information, I’ll never get the answers I need._

Shiro took a deep breath. “To me.”

“You—?” Kolivan’s eyes went wide. “You’re joking.”

Shiro let out a humorless laugh. “I wish I was, but it’s true. I’m…” _terrified_. “I’m going to need that information now.”

“Does your princess know?” Kolivan asked, looking behind Shiro as if he might spot her.

“Yes,” he replied reluctantly. “Why?”

“We should speak with her. Come.”

Shiro could do little else but follow.

* * *

Allura didn’t seem bothered to see them together, but when Kolivan revealed that he knew about Shiro’s condition, she narrowed her eyes.

“How did you obtain this information?”

“Shiro told me in return for information on the Galra. Now that I know he’s pregnant, it…complicates things.”

“I can still fight,” Shiro said immediately. “I’m not prepared to sacrifice the mission if that’s what you’re implying.”

“I’m not.” Kolivan shot him a look. “I have no misconceptions when it comes to the mission: lives have been sacrificed already, and we can’t afford to stall our plans. No, this has to do with you, and only you.”

“All right.” Shiro relaxed marginally. Allura slid up beside him, laying her hand on his shoulder.

“What information do you have?” she asked. “Anything will help. While you have told us much—it’s been invaluable for planning our future interactions with the Galra—it’s just the culture that we no longer have access to.”

“Well.” Kolivan looked between the two of them before continuing. “You should know that a Galra birth is not an easy one.”

“What’s the normal gestation period?” Shiro asked.

“One year and a half. It varies depending on species.”

“A-a year and a half?” Shiro went still. “I’ll feel like this for that long?”

“What are your current symptoms?” Kolivan asked, looking curious.

“Oh, uh. I’m always cold and I’ve been eating a lot.” Shiro rubbed the back of his neck and looked up at the ceiling; he didn’t like talking about himself so personally. “Hormones haven’t been much of a problem—it’s mostly physical stuff. I feel tired a lot of the time.”

Kolivan looked thoughtful. “Heat is a requirement for our children to grow strong. Many like you have suffered in the same way. Children absorb a great deal of heat from their mothers, and our thick coat of fur allows them to stay relatively warm.”

He eyed Shiro distastefully. “You have very little fur.”

“Well on Earth this is normal,” Shiro muttered. “So I’ll just have to wear more clothes. What else can you tell us?”

“As I said, the birth will not be easy.” Kolivan grimaced, facing the princess. “Our DNA adapts, but there are certainties based on one’s race. Due to your physiology there will likely be blood. A great deal of it. Children of the Galra do not come out quietly. I advise you prepare for this inevitability.”

Allura covered her mouth with her hand, her eyes flitting to Shiro, lit with concern.

“That sounds horrible,” she breathed.

At the mention of blood, Shiro’s mind immediately supplied him with thoughts of _tearing._ Omega males did not have naturally easy births like females. He felt a little bit like he might faint.

“Is there some way we can do a C-section?”

“A C-section?” Allura blinked at him.

“It’s when the baby is removed through surgery rather than a natural birth. It’s just a suggestion,” he added. On Earth it was only used for emergencies, and while this wasn’t necessarily an emergency, he didn’t like the idea of having his lower half ripped to shreds.

“It is something to consider, certainly,” Allura said slowly, apologetically. It was clear the ship didn’t have surgical capabilities that were probably primitive compared to what they’d had on Altea. Shiro knew she was trying to make him feel better and tried not to show how much the news was terrifying him.

“We might be able to engineer something for that occasion, but I’m not sure,” she continued, gentling her tone even further as she noticed his distress. “We still know so little.” She looked at Kolivan. “Is there nothing else you can tell us?”

“I only have a basic knowledge,” he grunted. “The others might know more.”

“No!” Shiro winced at the pleading sound of his own voice. “I mean, I’d rather not let this get out. Let’s keep this between us, agreed?”

Kolivan nodded. Allura flashed him a supportive smile.

“It’s not ideal, but at least we know more now,” she said. “I’ll have to get you a few more sweaters and I’ll provide you with the access code to the ship’s thermal regulator. This will allow you to control the temperature of any room in the castle, providing it doesn’t prove a distraction for our guests or the other paladins.”

“I think this sweater is enough,” Shiro said. He was grateful for her consideration, but he couldn’t be any more obvious than he already was. “Keith is already suspicious of me and it won’t take long for the others to catch on. If I’m not careful, this could jeopardize the mission.”

“I suppose you’re right.” Allura sighed, crossing her arms over her chest. “At the very least, you must come to the pod for _quintently_ checkups.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “We don’t know how your body will continue to react to this pregnancy until term.”

Until term. Another word for completion: the completion of the pregnancy. The pregnancy that Shiro had decided to go through with. Whatever his feelings, Shiro realized he had unwittingly made his choice. No longer were they considering termination. He had committed to having this baby ( _babies?_ a small voice whispered) and everything that entailed.

_I’m going to be a dad._

His vision began to sway. Shiro leaned against the nearby wall to steady himself.

“I’m not ready for this,” he groaned, squeezing his eyes shut and wishing that Sendak were here so he could throttle him. “Why did I let this happen?”

“The father,” Kolivan said, as if reading Shiro’s mind. “Who is he?”

There was weight behind his words. Shiro licked his lips. He couldn’t possibly tell him the entire story, but his people had saved Shiro; he was owed an answer.

“It was Sendak,” he said quietly. “Commander Sendak.”

He heard Kolivan gasp.

“What is it?”

“Commander Sendak was—Ulaz mentioned that he…visited you,” Kolivan began, sounding as if the words were forced from his chest. Shiro didn't want to know what they thought of his 'visits'. “We suspected some involvement in your escape, but we couldn’t risk our mission following only a potential lead. Where is he now?”

“Not here anymore. And what do you mean ‘involved’?” Shiro asked, almost afraid to hear more. News of Sendak’s betrayal had been eating at him for weeks, and while he’d hoped that Sendak hadn’t been lying to him, there’d been little evidence to suggest otherwise. “Who really saved me that day?”

“The Blades,” Kolivan answered immediately. Then, he hesitated before adding: “There was a suspicious lack of activity in the sector where you were held. The druids were meant to work on your modifications just before Ulaz freed you, but we didn’t question it at the time. It wasn’t until later that we learned someone not of our own had modified the schedules of nearly the entire sector.”

“Sendak,” Shiro breathed. “So he did—I mean—why would he lie to me? Why didn’t he _tell_ me?”

“I don’t know,” Kolivan replied, sounding tired. “But it doesn't matter now. Princess.” Allura straightened at his tone. “We have much to talk about if we are to proceed. I can’t spend much more time on this.”

“Of course.” Allura tried not to glower and failed miserably. Then she turned and smiled at Shiro regretfully. “Remember what I said, Shiro. Every quintent. Oh, and your suit is ready whenever you’d like to try it on. Coran should be able to show you.”

“Thank you, princess.” He bowed his head, smiling weakly at her receding back. The last ten minutes had given him more than enough to think about.

He stepped out of Allura’s room and walked back into his, making sure to avoid any of his teammates on the way. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see them, but he needed a few moments to think about everything that was about to transpire.

Shiro sat down on his bed heavily and leaned forward, hands on his knees.

So, this was it. He was going to be a father.

Shiro sucked in a huge lungful of air, held it, and then let it out slowly, keeping his eyes closed. Being whisked away from Earth and learning about the universe’s greatest threat seemed like a lifetime ago. War, allies, a bond; he could have never imagined it coming to this.

Shiro opened his eyes and fell back, gazing up at the ceiling.

He’d come to terms with the idea that he might never see Sendak again. Continuing their relationship had seemed impossible at the time, and even now his trust in Sendak was limited. However, with the addition of children and the longstanding bond, he was beginning to wonder if leaving Sendak on that planet had been the brightest idea. Sure, the paladins wouldn’t have accepted either of them immediately, but he couldn’t deny the gaping void inside him, which had started out small, was growing bigger every day.

“How the hell did he get inside my head?” he muttered, brushing his fingers across his forehead. The question was both metaphorical and literal, but his main concerns lay with what had transpired on the astral plane.

Against all odds Sendak had _been_ there. He’d come to protect Shiro in a realm that existed only within the bond of the black lion. So how did he _get_ there?

Shiro had always assumed that the bond between his lion and his mate was of a different nature, but now he wasn’t so sure.

Sitting up, Shiro stretched his arms high above his head and then stood.

“There’s only one way to find out.”

The ship was quiet. Days did not differ far from nights, but there was a widely accepted galactic cycle that allowed for communications at specified vargas, making it easier for races to communicate. Based on said galactic cycle, it was nearing the end of the evening, and most of the castle’s inhabitants were getting dinner or they had returned to their rooms.

Shiro was grateful for the quiet. It gave him time with his thoughts as he wandered from his room to the control center where he could reach his lion. When he arrived, he spotted Coran and Pidge speaking but made no move to grab their attention, instead choosing to quietly step onto his platform and sink down into the lion’s chamber.

“Hey, buddy,” he said, laying his hand on its flank. “I know you can’t answer my questions, but…well, I’m hoping I’ll find some answers anyway.”

He climbed inside the cockpit and sat down in his chair, making himself comfortable. This was where he’d heard Sendak’s voice most clearly. Well, in the astral plane, technically, but he’d been sitting here.

The lion was what had connected them before. Maybe she could do it again.

“Okay.” He breathed deeply, relaxing against the seat. “All right bond, just…turn on.”

A few minutes passed, but no amount of concentration lead him any closer to communicating with Sendak. He could feel his presence—a pinpoint of existence millions of lightyears away—but it didn’t feel like it had before. Reaching out was impossible.

“Come on, girl,” he whispered. “You did it before, didn’t you? That was you, right? I need your help. Please.”

The lion did not provide any answers. Shiro waited there, hands out stretched until he was stewing with disappointment.

“Why can’t I do this? Why does everything have to be so confusing? Why is this so _hard?”_

Shiro slammed his fist against the armrest, on the verge of tears. One thing: there was just one thing he wanted to be able to control in his life, and this was it. If he couldn’t even make his bond work, how the hell was he supposed to do any of it?

“I can’t—” His voice cracked. He swiped his hand over his face. “I just can’t do this alone.”

The quiet no longer seemed comforting, but weighed over him like a heavy blanket. Shiro waited a few more painstaking minutes before he finally left his lion, dejected, and walked back towards his room. On his way he passed the chow hall and it reminded him that he was starving, but in no mood to entertain seeing anyone else.

He paused despite himself, eyeing the surrounding area like he was afraid someone might jump out at him.

_Maybe they’re all asleep._

When he wandered into the room, the opposite was true. Nearly all the paladins _and_ the Blades of Marmora were gathered, eating and talking in equally serious manners. Shiro almost felt like he was interrupting when he stepped in and a dozen eyes turned to look at him.

“Uh. Hey, guys.” He flashed a smile and started walking towards the kitchen. “I’m just gonna grab a bite to eat. Don’t mind me.”

“Hey, Shiro!” Lance moved to catch up with him, apprehension in his gaze. “Allura said you might not join us.” He peered at Shiro’s face. “You doin’ okay?”

“I’m fine,” he answered immediately. “Just—hungry, is all. What’s everyone talking about?”

“Oh, just the mission.” Lance waved his hand. “Speaking of, I wanted to ask you something.”

Shiro blinked, taken aback. The fact that he couldn’t remember the last time he’d helped one of the paladins with anything was proof that he was doing a terrible job as the leader. Pushing the team around was one thing, but he wasn’t just there to order people around. Shiro was there to provide aid whenever it was needed.

“Sure, of course, Lance. What’s up?”

“Do you think we could get some extra training in?” He smirked. “Not that _I_ need it, but with what’s coming...” Lance’s smile suddenly fell, his bravado evaporating. “I know everyone’s busy, but I thought it would be a good idea. For all of us. You’re the most experienced pilot here, and I doubt any of them—” He jerked his thumb at the Blades “—are willing to take us under their wing.”

“That sounds like a great idea,” Shiro lied. The sad thing was that it _was_ a great suggestion, but Shiro knew that he wouldn’t be in top form. He felt fragile enough as it was. “We can do it tomorrow around lunchtime.”

“Cool! Awesome, I’ll let the others know. Thanks, Shiro!”

He watched Lance prance to the other paladins, flailing his arms as he told an exaggerated version of their conversation. Shiro smiled, something in him easing, and turned to grab some food.

* * *

“What is _that?”_

At Hunk’s exclamation, the other paladins turned away from what they’d been doing and looked at Shiro who’d just come in wearing his new suit. Shiro could feel himself starting to blush.

The new suit, while protective, was not the fashion statement that his other one had been. Allura had done her best to make its design similar to the old version, but the thick armor that covered the entirety of his body in a ridiculous way did not paint a very good picture.

“Whoa, dude.” Lance let out a bark of laughter before Shiro shot him a glare, immediately ruined by the red hue of his cheeks. “You look like you belong at a geek convention.”

“Why are you wearing that?” Pidge asked, adjusting her glasses. “Is this some kind of new test?”

“No, it’s—” Shiro ground his teeth together. “It’s not part of any test. I asked Allura to modify my suit to give me more protection. For the mission.”

It was the best excuse he had available. The reception to his new outfit included quite a few laughs, but none of the paladins questioned his motives—save for Keith.

“And this is for the mission?” he asked doubtfully. “Are you planning to be out of your lion or something?”

“No, it’s just a precaution.” The smile he directed at Keith carried a warning that only he would recognize. “You can never be too careful.”

“Right.” Keith narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest, averting his gaze in a huff. Shiro didn’t have the presence to deal with Keith’s anger and focused instead on the team at large, directing their first drills quickly.

Everything went great, save for one little thing.

As the minutes wore on, it was getting pretty obvious that Shiro was struggling. He hadn’t lost any of his muscle mass, nor was he malnourished, but the Galra aspects of the pregnancy and his own mental issues were draining him like crazy. He’d been sleeping more, but the nightmares had been worse than ever. He could barely keep up the facade as they fought back wave after wave of bots.

Shiro couldn’t recall struggling this hard even when they had first worked through training sessions.

“Do you want to take a break?” Hunk suggested, using their position in the back as an opportunity to say so quietly.

“I’m fine,” Shiro insisted, when in fact he felt like he was about to pass out. Sweat lined the back of his neck and it felt like his face was constantly bathed in it, but he knew he had to endure. The suit, thankfully, was light and airy as Allura had promised, although at that moment it felt like lead against his aching body. “Just need some time to catch up.”

“You don’t have to do this,” Hunk replied, ignoring Shiro’s words. He fired off another shot and then looked at Shiro as seriously as he’d ever seen him. He could smell his concern from afar. “We’re not stupid. We know something’s up.”

Shiro sighed. “Hunk—”

A voice over the comms interrupted them.

“Hello paladins!” Allura waved at them from across the room, high up in the control center. “I am so sorry to interrupt, but I need to borrow Shiro for a few moments. Could you come up here, please?”

There was an edge to her voice. Shiro repressed a growl and marched towards the elevator, ignoring the looks of his fellow paladins.

“Someone’s in trouble,” he heard Hunk sing just before he got out of range.

“What?” he snapped, once he stepped out of the elevator. Allura raised an eyebrow at his venom. “You do realize this isn’t going to help any suspicions they have.”

“Oh and I suppose running around looking as if you’re about to fall over is doing just as good a job,” she drawled. She put her hands on her hips and pointed at him. “I thought I told you to come and get quintently checkups.”

“I’ve been busy, okay? We have a mission, remember? And I don’t even know what that is!”

“Perhaps you should be paying attention, then, considering this is your health on the line. What are you doing down there? We don’t even know if you should be moving around!”

“Well I can’t just sit here!” Shiro exploded. He ripped his helmet off and viciously wiped the sweat off his forehead. “They’re counting on me. I have to be the leader they expect me to be! This is all that’s keeping Voltron together until they find out the truth!”

“What do you mean?” Allura narrowed her eyes at him.

Shiro deflated, his anger leaving him in one fell swoop. He was tired of going over this every time. First Sendak hadn’t believed his doubts about his leadership, and now Allura was playing dumb.

“When they learn that I bonded with Sendak, they’ll never trust me again.” He sighed, leaning his head against the wall. “I’m barely holding things together as is. It’ll just be one more notch in the belt of reasons that I’m not cut out for this.”

“Shiro!” Allura almost laughed at his credulity. “You cannot seriously believe that the paladins will reject you for your involvement. I admit that I am not…happy, but before being the pilot of the black lion, you are first and foremost my friend.”

She smiled, taking his limp hand between hers.

“They will accept it, with time. You need to stop acting like you can ignore it enough and it will go away. You are _pregnant,_ Shiro. There are better ways to deal with this than being bull-headed.”

“I know. I _know._ I’m just afraid—” And that was it: Shiro was afraid. Terrified. He couldn’t imagine a scenario where everything worked out and they lived their lives happily ever after. The universe was too cruel for that.

But he couldn’t tell her that. Allura didn’t have to know how little he knew about what he was getting into. Gathering himself, Shiro pushed away from the wall, only to be drawn into Allura’s waiting arms.

“We will make it through this,” she said, her voice hushed. “Don't shut us out.”

“I know.” He breathed in her scent, clean and clear, like most non-identifying people. “Allura, thank you for everything. Not only the suit, just—everything.”

“Say no more.” She smiled and patted his cheek. “Now get back down there and tell them I need you for a while longer. You have a checkup to make.”

Keith, Lance, Hunk, and Pidge collectively tried not to look like they’d been staring at the window of the control center him when Shiro walked out of the elevator, scrambling to take their places.

“It’s okay,” Shiro said, smiling. “Relax. I know you’re probably wondering what that was about. We just needed to discuss a few things about the mission. My safety is at stake—more so than usual—so we just needed to…double check a few things.”

To his left, Keith snorted. “Right, like that’s why she sounded so mad. When are you going to stop lying, Shiro?”

“What Keith means,” said Pidge, adjusting her glasses nervously, “is that we just want to know what’s going on. Anyone with half a brain can tell that you’re fighting something.”

“You’ve been acting like a ghost, dude,” Hunk added. “You’re barely around, and when you are, you’re wearing those weird sweaters and avoiding talking to anyone for too long. And I think we’ve _all_ noticed the smell.”

“I can take a shower,” Shiro offered weakly, dread settling in his stomach.

“I don’t think anything could get rid of that scent.” Lance wrinkled his nose. “It’s like…I can’t even place it! It’s annoying me so much! Shiro, why can’t you tell us what’s wrong?”

“Yeah, Shiro.” Keith’s gaze softened, his eyes pleading with Shiro. “You can’t keep hiding it forever.”

“I…” Shiro’s lips felt stuck, like they’d been glued together with cement. He curled his fingers into fists and stared at the ground, trying to think of any way to assuage their fears without lying to them anymore. “It’s complicated.”

“Then uncomplicate it!” Keith threw his hands into the air. “What’s so complicated about all this? We can’t help you if you won’t tell us what’s going on.”

Shiro flinched; those were nearly the exact words that Allura had used on him at the very beginning of all this. And a part of him wanted to tell them, he _did,_ but it might prove to be the tear in their strong connect as Voltron. Shiro couldn’t risk it.

“I’m sorry. I can’t tell you just yet.” He lifted his head, meeting each set of eyes individually. “But I promise I will when I can. Right now, I need you to trust me.”

They exchanged looks varying from disbelief to disappointment. Keith looked the most wounded, like Shiro had betrayed him personally.

“Okay.” Keith nodded, and the others followed along. “But you _have_ to tell us once this is over.”

“I will.” Shiro closed his eyes, failing to imagine a scenario where that went well. “I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An earlier update because I felt like it. And it's more S2 stuff. This is just about the last of it, though. The next chapter will start at the end of s2 which is as far as the canon stuff goes. I wrote this before s3 came out and then pretty much ignored everything after it when it did. So ---- spoilers if you haven't seen s6 ----- Shiro isn't technically dead or anything like that.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro is lost, and Sendak is found.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this first section is the fight with Zarkon at the end of s2 so if anything seems confusing [here is the link to the fight](http://kimcartoon.me/Cartoon/Voltron-Legendary-Defender-Season-2/Episode-13?id=73234). 14 minute mark should be about where it all takes place. Hope you enjoy the rest!

Shiro's promise would never be fulfilled. Nothing they could have done would have prevented what happened that day.

The mission to take down Zarkon had originally started out a little hairy, but then everything started to turn in their favor.

Truth be told, that was when Shiro was most wary.

Keith had just shut down the power to the Zarkon’s ship and the teleduv was hanging above it, glowing with Allura’s power. Sparks of electricity traveled the length of each prong, and the glowing grew stronger still, enveloping the surrounding area in a wormhole as large as anything Shiro had seen.

“We’re doing it,” he whispered, elated. He moved his lion closer, careful not to run into any of the powered down ships floating aimlessly around them.

“Hurry paladins!” came Coran’s voice from the comms. “We must make it in before the wormhole closes.”

The other side of the wormhole seemed remarkably similar from where they’d just come, but Shiro knew instinctively that this was far, far away. For one, there were none of the fighters Zarkon loved. Secondly, he could barely feel his connection to Sendak. Wherever they were, it was far from home.

“We did it!” Pidge crowed. “I can’t believe we did it!”

“Coran, how’s Allura?” Shiro asked. She’d been worried about him, but she was in more danger than any of them. The amount of power that it took to turn on the teleduv—he didn’t want to imagine it.

“She’s weak, but alive. Don’t worry about us; take care of Zarkon.”

“Right. Take care of her.” Shiro nodded at the screen. “It’s not over yet. Everyone, form Voltron!”

With Voltron, they made quick work of the battleship, slicing at its hull with their sword. Zarkon’s forces were silent from the inside for a time, but then, as they were dragging a pulse beam across the underside of the ship, a weapon like nothing they’d ever seen before began to build at the base of the ship.

“What is that?” Lance cried.

“I don’t know, but I don’t like it. Move!” Shiro wrenched the controls as hard as he could, but it was too late; the beam of dark energy swallowed them whole, ripping from them something Shiro knew deep down they could not replace.

He would never forget the sound of the paladins’ screams, drowned out only by the roaring inside his head, threatening to split him in two.

 _Have to…._ He fought against the pull of darkness, hands quivering on the controls. _The paladins. My friends, I—_

_You will not die_

The voice in his head echoed, then faded, in and out.

_Stay alive._

His eyes slipped closed.

_Shiro._

_Shiro!_

* * *

He’d never felt so weak before. Even suspended in air it felt like his body was a vessel too small to carry the soul within, stretched thin across the space of the lion’s cockpit. His eyes fluttered open, then shut, weighed down by an exhaustion that ran deep. The comfort of sleep threatened to draw him in to where he would be content to stay forever, if for not the pounding, pulsing sound in his head.

_Stay alive, you must stay. Alive._

_I command you, I—_

_I beg of you_

_Shiro please_

As he slowly wrenched his eyes open, he realized it wasn’t Allura’s voice that had pulled him from the deep.

_Sendak?_

Before he could get an answer, another voice yanked him back to the present.

“Paladins! Shiro!” she shouted through the comms. “Can you hear me?”

Allura. The magical beam. The baby, _fuck._ His hands felt around his middle, but it was impossible to tell if it had been affected. Shiro grit his teeth, pushing back panic. There wasn’t any time.

“Yes, princess.” He swallowed thickly, working his tongue in his mouth before he was able to speak again. “We’re alive.”

“Thank the ancients,” Coran breathed.

“Is Voltron operational?” Allura asked, but it sounded like _are you okay_.

He wasn’t, but neither was Voltron. The lions wouldn’t respond to any of their prodding.

“You have to get out of there!” Coran cried. “You won’t survive another blast like that!”

“C’mon,” Shiro growled. “Come on!”

“It’s not working,” said Hunk.

“I can’t move my lion.”

“Me neither.”

“Wait,” said Lance, his tone alerting them to something rising out of a doorway of Zarkon’s ship. It was a ship that was humanoid, much like Voltron, but far more menacing. It turned its head and faced them and Shiro fell back as Zarkon’s connection rang deep inside his head.

“Zarkon. It’s Zarkon.”

Fighting a giant robot that was nearly just as powerful as your own made for an incredibly tough battle, particularly when said giant robot had just been drained of juice. Zarkon’s creation was so strong it was a wonder that he wanted Voltron. It was almost like the bond was what drew him to them, despite the power. Zarkon had never sought after the other lions like he did the black lion.

 _If I could just force him out!_ He pushed forward and Voltron’s sword clashed with Zarkon’s. They were nearly even in strength and resilience, but something had to give. Shiro just wished that they knew what.

“We’ve never faced anything this powerful before,” Pidge said, the slight quaver in her voice revealing her fear.

“One way or another, this may be our last battle.”

The thought of losing was incomprehensible. These were just kids that had been thrown into a universe that they’d never known before. Shiro couldn’t let them down. 

“We’ve got to give it everything we have. Dig deep and fight!”

Shiro was bathed in sweat and he could barely hear past the ringing in his ears, but his hands on the controls were steady.

 _One way or another,_ he thought. He closed his eyes. _Sendak, if you can hear me—_

He stopped the thought before it could form. No, he wouldn’t say goodbye like this. Sendak had pleaded with him not to die. Shiro wouldn’t let him down just yet.

“We’re gonna be okay,” he whispered, glancing down for a split second. “All of us.”

“Look out!”

Zarkon slammed into them, forcing Voltron back.

“This is my time to reclaim the black lion,” he declared. “Nothing can stop me!”

Shiro’s head slammed into his seat. It felt like his brain was being set on fire.

“He’s trying to control my lion. I—I can feel it.”

“Fight it, Shiro!” Keith yelled.

“I’m trying,” Shiro grit out. He tried to concentrate on moving Voltron and fighting against Zarkon but there was too much happening; before they knew it, Zarkon had shoved his sword into Voltron and ripped them apart, tearing straight into Shiro’s mind in the process.

* * *

He was tired. So, so tired. His limbs were like weights, weighing thousands upon thousands of pounds. His body ached with fatigue, and Shiro wanted nothing more than to sleep forever.

 _Shiro, you must fight._  

That voice again. The same voice that kept bothering him every time he wanted to sleep. Why wouldn’t it leave him _alone?_

_Your paladins need you._

_I need you._

He managed to pull his eyes open, blinking at the image coming into focus. The lions were outside, fighting—fighting who?

Zarkon.

He sat up, breathing hard, and looked around for anything that might happen. His eyes ghosted across the control panel, back and forth, looking for something, anything—

Suddenly an object to his left started rising. It was the slot for his bayard. The bayard that he didn’t have.

His mind sang with a familiar energy, telling him what he needed to do. Shiro focused in on Zarkon’s position and started moving.

_This is stupid and reckless, but it’s all I’ve got!_

He urged his lion faster, and faster still, the power of two people pushing him forward, and then suddenly he was going too fast to see anything but a bright light and a shining object near Zarkon’s left hand—

When he opened his eyes, his palm felt heavy. He looked down and gasped at the sight of Zarkon’s bayard lying there.

“I-I got his bayard. Zarkon’s bayard.”

“You mean your bayard,” Keith replied.

“Yes!” Lance whooped. “Let’s go down swingin’!”

From there it became a fair fight. A fight that they could _win._ The ship was back online, Allura and Coran were doing fine, and they were fighting back. For a moment, it seemed like things were going to turn out okay.

But then, just as they had plunged their sword into the stomach of Zarkon’s fighter, he gripped Voltron by the head and sent a surge of electricity directly into his lion.

Shiro screamed, writhing in his seat. He could feel the electricity dancing along his armor, a massive energy blast that Zarkon had done nothing to contain. Zarkon was trying to get into his head again, only this time, with Shiro feeling weaker and weaker, it felt like he might win.

As his vision swam viciously, he noticed something out of the corner of his eye. The spot for the bayard—his bayard—was glowing, urging him to slot it into the place it belonged.

With nothing left to lose, Shiro used the last of his strength slam his bayard into the dock. Light encompassed his vision; the electricity didn’t ease, but grew even stronger, crawling into his suit and boiling his blood. They destroyed Zarkon’s ship, but he felt hot, so hot that he couldn’t stand it. The light forced its way into his mouth and nose, into every part of him. He couldn’t stop _screaming—_

Then, quiet.

* * *

**SENDAK**

“No!”

Sendak slammed his fist into the nearest tree. An agonizing rage that had first appeared when he heard witnessed Zarkon try to destroy his mate, one that had been curdling inside him for weeks finally exploded. He tore at the bark with his claws, taking out his frustrations on the unsuspecting foliage.

Shiro was gone.

Not _gone,_ precisely, but Sendak’s connection to the link was so weak that he could barely make out its existence. And after communicating so brilliantly, the last few weeks had given him hope that there would be a future for them—whatever that may be. Now, he could only wonder what had happened to Shiro and seethe in his rage.

“If one hair has been touched on his head, I will obliterate Zarkon,” he growled lowly. Such feelings were recent, but he had come to accept them. Once, Zarkon had been the pinnacle of leadership, sending them down the path to victory. Now, Sendak felt lost and confused.

The only thing that remained a constant was Shiro. He wasn’t going to let go of that now. Not this easily.

“I must get off this forsaken planet.” He shoved himself away from the tree and marched through the forest back to his campsite. Currently, Sendak resided in a fairly thick region of the jungle where the predators were vile things that didn’t take kindly to strangers. It provided a challenge, something to stave away the boredom of being stranded alone.

A sigh exploded out of Sendak as he sat down and reached for the pile of fresh fruit. Shiro’s words from the other night kept echoing inside his head on constant replay.

_“I’m pregnant!”_

He tossed aside the fruit’s spiny shell with a huff. Surely, he’d misheard; Shiro was male, and while that didn’t stop many a species, he’d never indicated that he had any concerns about conception.

 _The translator must have malfunctioned,_ he told himself.

 _And if it didn’t?_ a voice insisted. His claws dug into the fruit’s flesh. Sendak stared down at his hand, turning it contemplatively. He’d only witnessed one birth in his lifetime, and it had been a nightmare.

 _If he is with child, and it’s yours?_ it insisted, sowing the doubtful seeds in his mind, burying them so deep he knew he would never be rid of them until he discovered the truth.

_It was a farce. A trick of the mind. Nothing more._

Sendak had to believe that it couldn’t be true. Otherwise—

Something unfamiliar swelled in his chest. He swallowed. Every passing day his concern for Shiro grew exponentially, and with it so did the indicators that not everything was right with his paladin. The times that Sendak caught wind of his condition, he had been distracted. He suffered. It made a protective rage boil up inside Sendak, and the thought of a child being thrown into the mix only made him realize how foolish he had been to let him go.

He suddenly stood, his appetite forgotten. Building a ship would be impossible for someone without any skill, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try.

 _Wait for me,_ he thought, gazing up at the sky. _I will come for you._

* * *

**ALLURA**

The paladin’s voices were hushed as they spoke to them about Shiro’s disappearance.

“He was just…gone,” said Pidge. She looked lost. They all did.

“What do you mean ‘gone’?” Allura asked, trying to be gentle while her heart was racing a mile a minute. “Where could he go?”

Keith lifted his head, his eyes hard. Allura had the distinct feeling that he blamed her for what had happened to him. In a sense, he was right: this was all because of her.

“I don’t know,” he said. “But he’s gone. We have to find him!”

And then there was the child. Allura felt her heart come to a solid stop.

“Oh, no,” she moaned, burying her face in her hands. “This is a disaster. Coran!” Her head snapped up. “Quickly, scan our surroundings for Shiro! Find him!”

“Right away, princess.” Coran did not waste time and took off like a shot behind them. Allura turned to Kolivan who stood there looking as lost as the rest of them. She was suddenly reminded that he’d just lost two valuables members of her inner circle, just like they had.

“Kolivan, I—” She swallowed around her words, not trusting herself to say the right thing. “I’m sorry. You sacrificed so much for us. I know it must be hard.”

“There are wounded we must attend to,” he replied, deadpan. He hastily averted his gaze when Allura tried to meet his eyes, but the flash of deep pain that she saw was enough. “We will heal. And with Zarkon taken out, we will grow stronger.”

“Well what do we do now?” asked Hunk. He twiddled with his fingers, looking unlike the strong paladin that had just bested a ten-thousand year old Emperor. “After we find Shiro, I mean.”

Allura wrapped her arms around her middle, closing her eyes. “We have to find Shiro, but after that…” She opened her eyes. “We keep moving. Zarkon’s forces will not wait for us to recover.”

“I agree,” said Kolivan.

“We find Shiro first,” Keith said. “I’ll go get my lion.”

“Keith, wait!” The words were out of her mouth before she could stop herself. Keith looked back at her, but Allura was already looking away, something like guilt resting on her face.

“You know what was wrong with him, don’t you.”

“Wait, yeah!” Lance swung around to look at Allura. “Shiro promised he’d tell us what was up after we fought Zarkon. I’m surprised that guy was able to fight, honestly.”

“Maybe it’s why he disappeared,” Keith added darkly.

“Let’s not get too crazy,” Hunk said, chuckling lightly. He looked at Allura, chewing on his lower lip. “Right?”

She shook her head. “No, I don’t think so. He was—" She sighed. “I really shouldn’t discuss this. It’s not my place.”

“Just tell us,” Pidge insisted. “Come on, how bad can it be? Is it a disease? Does he have cancer?”

“We’re a team, and we’re tired of being lied to,” Keith said. “And if you haven’t noticed, Shiro’s not here! We deserve to know what’s been going on.”

“Maybe it’ll help us find him?” Hunk tried.

Allura looked between the four of them, then looked at Kolivan, who nodded slightly.

“You, too?” Lance gaped. “Does everyone know but us?”

“Enough,” Allura said, interrupting them before they could become even more incensed. “As much as I understand your anger, I will not tell you without knowing that Shiro isn’t here. First, we will search for him. And if we don’t find him—”

 “We will.”

“—then I will tell you all I know.”

The paladins agreed that that was a fair trade. They nearly dragged themselves from the room, stumbling into their lions with the grace of warriors who were carrying the scars of a hard-fought battle. Allura admired their tenacity. They were fighting even now, with little fight left to give.

“I should not have let them go,” Allura whispered, lowering her head. “We need to regroup and I’m certain the scanners would do just as well as the paladins.”

“They wouldn’t settle for less,” said Kolivan. There was an edge of pain in his voice, and Allura was again reminded that they weren’t able to recover the bodies during the fight.

“We will find your friends,” she said, knowing it wasn’t enough. Kolivan looked at her, allowing the edges of sorrow to bleed into his gaze before he began walking away tiredly to his own quarters.

Once she was alone, Allura sighed, rubbing the heels of her hands against her eyelids.

“Pull yourself together, Allura.” She took one deep breath, then another. “There’s still so much work to be done. We should celebrate this victory!”

If only it felt like one.

* * *

They searched for hours, but there were no signs of Shiro. The thermal scans were a complete mess what with the damage around them, including but not limited to bodies floating in space, pieces of both of their ships, and the lions themselves, scattered, looking for any indication that he’d been there.

The glimmers of triumph and hope that had been rekindling inside Allura fell when they returned, empty handed, looking even more exhausted than before. Her limbs ached from standing for so long and she was desperate for a shower, but her troubles felt like nothing when she imagined Shiro floating in space, pregnant and alone.

“You should rest,” said Coran, ushering the freshly returned paladins inside the navigation room. “It’s been hours and even the long-range scanners haven’t picked him up.”

“Not until we find Shiro.” Keith’s eyes fluttered shut, further betraying how tired he was. “We have to find him.”

“You will be of no use to him like that.” Allura crossed his arms. “You need your rest!”

“Yeah, well Shiro needs us!” Keith snapped. “I’m going back out there.”

“Then you’ll never hear what I have to say about what he’s been hiding from you.”

Keith turned his head. She had their attention.

“That’s right.” She sniffed. “Perhaps it’s time someone should tell you lot, for all the good hiding has done. It will be a shock,” she added, hesitating a moment before continuing: “But knowing what we’re dealing with may be the key to his survival if— _when_ he is found. First, you should know that he only hid this from you because he was worried about your reactions. What he has is not a disease.”

“Then why does he smell so weird?” Pidge interjected.

“Yeah, and why has he been acting so strange? He was eating and sleeping like crazy.”

“Not to mention he was always cold,” Keith added thoughtfully.

“Those are all part of the, uh, _problem,_ shall we say. But it is not a disease.”

They were staring at her even harder now. Allura tried not to look away, knowing the next few seconds would change everything.

“Shiro was pregnant.”

Four sets of eyes stared at her, uncomprehending. At their silence, she shifted on her feet, brushing her fingers through her disheveled hair. 

“He has been for some time now. I wanted him to tell you, but he was afraid to know what you would all think.”

The tension in the room lie heavily over them. Allura waited, reminding herself to be patient.

“Pregnant?” Lance squeaked, the first to break through the tension, his words sharp as a knife.

Soon the air was filled with questions, each of the paladins trying to get a word in edgewise

“Oh my god.”

“Holy quizknak, are you serious?”

“How? Who—”

Pidge and Keith looked at Lance and Hunk, who in turn shot them equal looks of horror.

“No way! Nu uh!”

“Do you really think I’d do that? With _Shiro?_ No offense, _”_ Lance added.

“Well you two are the only alphas around,” Keith grumbled, intense with relief. “Who else could it be?”

“Now now, paladins, settle down,” said Coran, lowering his arms in a shushing motion. “Shiro trusted us as his primary care physicians, and it’s not our place to be speaking about what went on. Right, Allura?”

Only she wasn’t paying attention. She was lost in thought, staring down at her hands, mind racing with possibilities.

“I think I know one place we should look. Coran, set a course for the Sega quadrant.”

“Wait, why there?” Keith asked, looking between them. “Wasn’t that where Shiro was stuck—”

He froze mid-speech. It didn’t take long for the others to catch on, and when they did, they looked at Allura.

“What happened on that planet?” Keith’s voice was scarily steady.

“Nothing that you should concern yourself with,” Allura replied, her voice clipped.

“But—”

“I will not hear another word about this,” she said, her voice hard. “I gave you what I promised. Now you will eat, shower, sleep, and then return here, in that order. I’ll let you know when we enter the quadrant, but until then you _will_ do as I say. Is that clear?”

None of them looked particularly happy to be told to leave it alone, but there was nothing in the world that would change Allura’s mind, and they knew it.

“Yes, princess,” Keith said at length, standing up and walking out without another word. “But this isn’t over.”

The rest of the paladins followed, shooting them concerned looks before departing.

“Well I think that went rather well!” said Coran, placing his hands on his hips. “There was barely any screaming involved at all.”

Allura sighed, turning to steer the ship.

* * *

When they arrived at the planet, Allura was immediately on edge. She trusted Sendak far less than the Galra that had recently been aboard her ship, and that was saying something. She spoke few words to the paladins as they flew close, choosing one of the transport shuttles to make her way across the jungle lands.

“Why are we here again?” Lance asked in a hushed whisper, about a foot behind.

“I can hear you,” Allura said. She pressed her palm to the console beside the castle door and waited for it to recognize her signature. “I only asked that you be available for backup in case I run into trouble. This shouldn’t take long, if my hunch is correct.”

“And that hunch is…?” Hunk asked, walking in anxious circles around Lance. “Not that I don’t love surprises, but you haven’t told us, like, anything.”

“I’m not going to,” she replied, her voice terse. “You are to stay in the castle until I return.”

“What exactly do you think you’re going to find?” asked Pidge.

“Answers,” was all that Allura would say. In truth, she knew far more than that. In fact, thanks to the scanners, she knew exactly where Sendak was. They didn’t need to know that, though.

“Oka-ay,” Hunk drawled. “Have a safe trip, Allura. Call us if you need anything.”

“I will.” Allura gripped her helmet and shoved it under her arm. For more protection. _Just in case._

“Thank you,” she added, ducking hurriedly under the castle door as it opened. “I know you want to know what’s happening, but so do I. That’s why I’m here. I just ask that you trust me, please.”

* * *

They watched her go, waiting until the door to the castle slid shut before looking at each other.

“So, what do you think this is all about?” Hunk asked no one in particular. No one gave him an immediate reply.

“I think we should follow her,” Pidge declared, raising her fist. “We know it has to do with Shiro and—you know.”

All of them were reluctant to talk about the elephant in the room. Acknowledging it made it feel real, and the paladins had barely begun to accept the fact that he was missing, let alone _pregnant_ and missing _._

“Shiro wouldn’t want us to meddle,” Keith pointed out, sounding like he didn’t believe it. “We should respect his wishes.”

“Oh, like you’re not curious? The dude’s _pregnant,”_ Lance said, slicing through the thick barrier of tension, “and you had _no_ idea. Doesn’t that sting, just a little?”  

Keith’s lips pressed into a thin line. His fists were tight at his side.

“None of us had any idea,” he bit out. “We were so absorbed in our own problems that none of us noticed. And it should have been obvious!”

Keith stood and slammed his fist against the wall in an explosion of movement. Sitting next to him was Hunk, who jumped and reared back, staring at Keith’s fist like it was out to get him personally.

“Sorry,” Keith rasped, averting his gaze guiltily. “I just—I should have noticed. I know Shiro better than anyone and I let him down because I didn’t want to see how much he was hurting. If I’d known—"

“You couldn’t have known,” Hunk said, laying his hand cautiously on Keith’s shoulder. “He—he must have had a good reason for hiding it, right? Maybe Keith’s right; maybe we should stay here and wait.”

They all went quiet, the tumultuous state of their feelings rendering them silent.

“Maybe Kolivan’s the dad,” Lance said eventually, his voice hesitant, unsure how well the joke would be received. “And they’re gonna have big purple babies.”

Hunk let out an unexpected laugh. He coughed to cover it up but failed to hide his smile.

“Then they’d be Galra, just like Keith,” Pidge said, holding back a snicker.

Hunk shifted and nudged Keith his with shoulder. He was starting to flush under the scrutiny.

“Knock it off,” he grumbled. “It wasn’t Kolivan. He’s way too serious. And anyway—why are we even talking about this? Shiro’s not here; we should be searching for him, not making up stupid theories.”

“Well _someone’s_ gotta be the dad,” Pidge said.

Lance huffed, crossing his arms. “If Shiro’s got a bun in his oven, you can’t blame me for being curious. When did he have time to get pregnant?”

“Well, he _was_ trapped here for…” Pidge trailed off, her eyes going wide.

It didn’t take long for the rest of them to realize the significance of the statement.

“Holy crow,” Hunk squeaked. “Do you think—do you think he’s _here?”_

Lance looked thunderstruck, the words falling out of his mouth slow and cautious. “When we saw him last, he didn't look pregnant. And he didn’t start acting weird until _after_ he came back. We have to go!” he shrieked.

“Do you think Allura was gonna let this guy get away?” Hunk asked, sounding angry for it. “He should take responsibility for what he’s done!”

“Assuming that it _is_ male,” Pidge added. “Aliens, remember?”

“He, she, they, whatever! Let’s go!”

It only took a few minutes for them to rush to their lions, and even less time to leave the castle and head straight in Allura’s direction.

* * *

“Blasted overgrown—ugh.” Allura swiped at a stray fern that was clinging to her legs, its spines prodding at her suit. “Of all the places to be, he had to choose this one. Why not the beach?”

“Why indeed.”

At the sound of a familiar voice, Allura spun around, brandishing her propulsion gun straight at Sendak.

“Sendak,” she said. Her weapon did not lower. “Just the Galra I was hoping to find.”

Sendak appeared unaffected, watching her with a calm measure that Allura refused to find unsettling. He looked like she imagined he would after months of being stranded on a planet: unkempt, scar-ridden, and most obviously, missing the arm that they had stored in the castle.

“I need answers.” When he shifted she didn’t waver, keeping her weapon trained on his face. “You will give them to me.”

“And why would I do that? So you and your _paladins_ can reap the rewards?” He chuckled darkly. “I don’t think so.”

“It’s not about Zarkon,” she spat. “It’s about Shiro.”

“Shiro?” At that, Sendak’s express broke; a vulnerability that she had not believed he possessed plastered itself all over his face, a network of emotions she couldn’t hope to untangle. “Where is he? On your ship?”

Somehow, the way that he phrased it made her believe that he knew exactly what she was going to ask. Allura took a step closer, her gun raised a fraction of an inch.

“He went missing after we defeated Zarkon. You will tell me where he is before I hold you prisoner and _make you.”_

Sendak ignored her, his eye staring unfocused at something in the distance. When she took another, forceful step forward, he suddenly came back to himself. His expression wavered, struggling to retain the neutrality he had braced like a shield.

“Tell me!” she demanded.

“I do not know where he is,” Sendak growled, like it was painful just to admit. He glowered at Allura, curling his single hand into a fist. “I am not the one who foolishly lost sight of him!”

“I do not know what Shiro saw in a monster like you, but one thing is for certain.” Allura’s grip on the gun tightened. “You know he’s missing. If you care about him, you will tell me.”

“I know nothing that concerns _you,”_ he spat, lips curling.

Allura narrowed her eyes. Once, Sendak would have proved useful for information, but with Kolivan and his spies on her side, she no longer needed his secrets. Even as a prisoner he would only serve to take up valuable resources from the castle to keep his body alive in a chamber.

“Then stay here and rot.” She began to back away, weapon raised. “I knew this would be a waste of time.” She cocked her head, eyes going slightly unfocused. “Coran. I’m coming back.”

“Uh, there might be a bit of a problem.”

“What?” Allura’s weapon fell and she glanced back where she’d come. “I will be right there.”

“Wait.” Sendak’s voice caused her to still. “Before you go, I must know one thing.”

“Uh, Allura?” Coran’s voice crackled with concern.

“I don’t have time for this. Coran—I’ll be there momentarily!”

“Was he with child?” Sendak stepped towards her, determined.

Allura froze. Then her shoulders relaxed and the look she gave him spoke volumes of her hatred.

“Yes.”

Sendak’s gasp ripped through the quiet tension. “You must find him!” he demanded, far more aggressive than he’d been a moment ago. He stepped towards her, reaching out for something beyond.

“You don’t think I know that? Perhaps if you hadn’t had your way with him, he would still be here!” she shouted. “You clearly do not care about his well-being for all the help you’ve been.”

“I did not know,” Sendak rasped. “I could not have known!”

He sounded gutted. All that Allura felt was disgust. Knowing that Sendak was Shiro’s chosen partner, even for a time, was one thing, but to be confronted with it was another.

“You knew.” She scoffed. “Why else would you ask me if he was pregnant?”

“He told me, but I did not believe it,” he said, almost to himself. “You must take me with you.”

“What?” Allura blinked. “How on Altea did you come to that conclusion? I am not taking you anywhere!” 

“I can help you find him. Shiro and I share a…connection,” Sendak said, his reluctance in revealing the information clear. At her disbelief, he clarified: “It is part of his omega physiology. If you will bring me, I can prove it to you. It is how I knew he was gone.”

“A connection? What are you going on about?”

But before he could answer, Coran’s voice blasted over the comms at the same time that the lions burst through the underbrush, surrounding the two of them.

“Paladins!” Allura yelled. “What are you doing here? I told you to stay near the castle!”

“We were worried,” Hunk said.

“And curious,” added Pidge.

“Is that…Sendak?”

Lance’s declaration garnered the attention of the other paladins. At their simultaneous gasps of horror, Allura closed her eyes. _Quiznak._

“Yes, but we’re leaving,” she ground out. “Head back to the castle. Now.”

“No way.” Keith’s voice was hard. “Not until you tell us what’s going on! Why is Sendak here and how did you know he’d be here?”

“Oh my god,” Hunk breathed. “Sendak is Shiro’s baby daddy. Holy crow!”

“We don’t know that!” Pidge hissed. “Not yet, anyway. For the record, I really hope you’re wrong.”

“Paladins, please,” Allura begged. “Go back to the castle and I will explain.”

Instead of following her orders, the paladins poured out of their lions, weapons brandished and pointed in Sendak’s direction. His grin grew feral, and it was then that Allura knew she had lost complete control of the situation.

“What did you do to Shiro?!” Keith was shouting, swinging his bayard into sword form. He didn’t waste any time in letting his anger overcome any rationale that suggested otherwise and made a mad dash for Sendak, who didn’t hesitate to face him head on unflinchingly.

Keith swung his sword in a quick upward strike, but Sendak blocked the path of it with his hand. However, without any of his usual armor attached it left him vulnerable. His palm started bleeding, blood dripping steadily down his arm.

“Keith, stop!” Allura cried.

“He hurt Shiro!”

“I did not give Shiro anything he did not want,” Sendak said, a low, angry rumble. He pushed forward inexorably, ignoring the wounds on his hand and forcing Keith back before sending his blade flying. “He accepted this bond freely, I assure you.”

The thunderstruck look on Keith’s face made Sendak’s smirk grow wider.

“That’s right. Your Shiro is not the paladin you think he is.”

“You’re lying!” Lance said, rushing to join the fray after the effects of Sendak’s confession finally wore off. “Come on, guys!”

“Enough!” Allura shouted, thrusting herself between the two groups. “You are paladins of Voltron and I expect you to act like it! This means not attacking the defenseless, no matter how much we’d like to.” She cleared her throat before smiling encouragingly. “I understand that this is confusing, but if you’d let me explain, I promise you we can work this out.”

* * *

**SENDAK**

The princess’ explanation only served to anger the paladins even further.

They did not like the fact that Shiro had supposedly willingly put his bed in with Sendak and the way that the small, dark-haired paladin was staring at him only served to strengthen that sentiment. His fury stained the air, filling the room with its scent. The rest of the paladins looked uncomfortable, but it was nothing that Sendak did not expect. He wanted to be here as much as they did—which was to say, not at all—but if any of them wanted to find Shiro, they would need him, and as much as he hated to admit it, he needed them.  

“Are we sure he’s not lying?” Lance asked, refusing to look at Sendak. Keith was doing more than enough for both of them. “Soul bonds like that aren’t just rare, they’re nearly impossible!”

“I don’t know,” Allura admitted. “Is there some way of verifying the type of bond?”

“Not really.” Hunk shrugged. “Not from an outside source. Sometimes the depth of the scarring can tell us a little, but Shiro’s not here to show us. Right now all we’ve got is Sendak’s word. And the smell,” he added, wrinkling his nose. “That’s why Shiro smelled so off all this time. He smelled like Sendak.”

Allura scrubbed her palm across her forehead, wiping away the sweat collecting there. They hadn’t yet moved from where Sendak had been originally found. His hand was still dripping blood.

“This is completely unhelpful,” Allura continued. “If only my father were here, he might be able to help us.”  

“Yeah. I wish my dad was here, too,” Lance said.

“Me, too.”

“Ditto.” Hunk smiled weakly. “If all our dads were here, their collective dad power could save the day.”

“We waste time,” Sendak interrupted, tiring of listening to meaningless babble. “This discussion will get us nowhere. Wherever Shiro is, he is very far away, and only getting further.”

He first bit he was sure of. The second one, not so much, but it proved the wrench that began turning the cogs in the paladins’ latent brains.

Allura hesitated before speaking, a mixture of disgust and regret flitting across her face.

“I can’t believe I’m agreeing to this, but…okay. Sendak, you will be allowed in the castle on one condition,” she said. She raised her finger, something like glee entering her eyes. “You will be restrained for the entirety of the trip.”

“No!” Sendak stood, his earlier bid for cooperation forgotten at the thought of being a prisoner once again. “I will not be taken prisoner!”

“Then I suppose you won’t be joining us.” Allura smiled sweetly. “It’s that or you can stay here and live your life on this _beautiful_ planet all on your own.”

Sendak glowered, tempted to lash out at her, but he knew a losing battle when he fought one. The princess would not relent on this matter, of that he was sure.

She held his gaze, and after a few tense moments of silence, Sendak looked away, a snarl on his lips.

There was only one option moving forward.

“Fine! Have it your way, but I will not be put back in that tube.”

“Agreed.  You can hardly help us when catatonic. Although perhaps your memories would be useful…”

“I will enter that ship only on your word with you will not take advantage of my imprisonment,” Sendak said, knowing that, while he could demand very little, this was something that he desperately, desperately wanted to avoid.

Something in his voice must have suggested as much, because Allura looked at him curiously before reluctantly agreeing.

“We will not tamper with your memories nor your wellbeing without your consent.” Keith made a noise at this, but she soldiered on. “We need time to prepare for your…arrival. Until then, stay here. Gather anything you deem important.”

She said this in a way that implied how very little she believed he could value anything in this wild place, but she was wrong. Aside from his armor, there was thing Sendak would bring with him, and one thing only.

* * *

“What is that?” Allura asked when he approached, eyeing the strange cloth that he was staring at intently.

“Nothing important,” he lied, hastily tucking it underneath the folds of his armor.

It was the harness that Shiro had fashioned many cycles ago. Sendak had been anything but useless for a one-handed individual, but Shiro wanted him to have as much mobility as possible and fashioned this for doing some of the heavier lifting. It had fallen out of use quickly after Shiro left since it wasn’t possible to tie it around his shoulder one-handed, but Sendak had not been able to convince himself to get rid of it.

“Fine.” She narrowed her eyes before turning on her heel and walking up the castle ramp. When she spoke again, her voice was hard. “Follow me and do _not_ touch anything.”

“Afraid I will tarnish your precious ship?” he sneered, running his fingers rebelliously along the metallic walls.

“It’s too late for that,” she muttered. Then, louder: “Before I show you your room, you must be decontaminated. And of course, there are the restraints.”

What followed was something out of a nightmare. Sendak was unceremoniously shoved into a room and without warning, ice cold water came gushing out of the ceiling. He was thoroughly drenched within seconds, and furious within minutes. They then sprayed him with some kind of soap that smelled like concentrated chemical waste and then the blast of warm air that came from the opposite end of the room nearly felled him.

After that, she fashioned a gravity ringlet on his wrist and positioned it on his back so that it would remain where it was locked into place, giving him very little mobility. If he tried to move, it only tightened, pulling his arm back into the place it had been set.

“Is this normal procedure?” he groused, trying not to let on how much his fur, which was standing up in huge puffs, bothered him. “It’s barbaric. The Galra Empire employed sonic decontamination rooms.”

“Standard procedure ten-thousand years ago,” she replied, looking as though she wasn’t sure whether she wanted to laugh. “Follow me.”

Sendak trudged along behind her, noticing for the first time that her merry band of soldiers were nowhere to be found.

“The others have not shown themselves,” he said aloud, despite himself.

“They are stewing in their own anger,” she said, her tone level. “They are not happy with you.”

“Neither are you,” he observed.

“Of course not.” Her stride did not falter, but her fists curled. “You took my ship. You worked for Zarkon. You hurt my family! I would only love to do the same.”

Sendak scoffed, turning his head so he wouldn’t have to look at her. To think, he’d fallen so far as to need the paladins of Voltron helping him. And for what?

The thought nearly slowed him until he came to a stop, but Allura soldiered on ahead, forcing him to keep up with her pace.

He had never been the noble type, preferring to work for his own gain. It had been that way for decapheebs. And then Shiro had come along and changed him. Now he was throwing in his lot with his old enemy in order to rescue his bondmate. And for _what?_

Doubts mounted upon the doubts already fighting for precedence inside him. He swallowed thickly, the tips of his ears twitching down.

_Have I lost myself?_

Even if Shiro was to be found, there was no sensible reason that Sendak should want to find him. The child, as it were, would be perfectly happy without a father like him. There was no reason for him to be doing this.

And yet.

He was startled out of his reverie when Allura cleared her throat. She’d been speaking for some time now.

“As I said, this is your room.” She said ‘room’ in the same way that one might say ‘garbage disposal’. “Utilize it as you please. You are forbidden from wandering the castle alone, and know that you will be under constant surveillance.”

Her eyes turned hard.

“Harm any one of the people residing here and I will personally ensure that you never survive the next flight out. Is that clear?”

The urge to strangle her had not dissipated. “Certainly.”

“Then you will remain here.” She stood by as he entered his room, ducking his head to avoid brushing his ears against the doorway. “I will let you know when dinner is available.”

“So I am to eat with no hand,” he sneered. “And what of an emergency, princess. Your plan was hardly well-thought.”

“Shut up.” She looked away, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear. “I cannot simply let you wander around on your own. You are lucky you got this far.”

“You need my help,” he said, ignoring her. “Shiro chose me as his mate. I would not search for him only to kill those he holds most dear. I am not loyal to your cause, but I have no desire to engineer its downfall.”

Allura peered up at him for a long time. Neither of them spoke, and Sendak did not break eye contact. Eventually, when it was clear that neither of them was going to give, Allura sighed, closing her eyes briefly.

“Do not make me regret this.”

The metal came off his wrist. He rubbed it reflexively against his thigh, wishing that he had his other arm.

“My earlier threat stands,” she added. “I will come and tell you when it is time to eat.”

Sendak sat down heavily on the bed after she departed. The cushions were soft and buoyant; completely unlike what he’d been sleeping on for nearly half a year. Sendak ran his palm over the sheets, reveling for a moment in their texture, ruined only by the sting when he ran it over his wound.

He raised his hand and stared down at what that the red paladin had left. The skin was pink and marbled, flecks of blood still seeping out of it. The ferocity in his eyes had rivaled what Shiro’s had been like when he first discovered him on the planet. A feeling of intense longing filled him, mingled in with the barest amount of hope.

He curled his hand into a fist, claws digging into the skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wink wonk. btw I think I said this before but I'm ignoring everything that happened after s3 so Shiro isn't dead


	5. Chapter 5

**SHIRO**

Shiro was really tired of waking up in unfamiliar places after being knocked out cold.

Total darkness greeted him upon wakening. Shiro didn’t move, waiting, eyes straining to see in the dark. About five feet away was a pinprick of light that wavered in his field of view. He laid his palm flat next to him and felt around.

Metal, shifting under his fingertips. He was in some kind of vehicle.

Shiro gingerly sat up, squeezing his eyes shut against the onrushing wave of dizziness and looked around. There were figures around him, most of which were huddled in groups of two or three.

 _Where am I?_   He turned his head and hissed as his neck protested the movement.

There was a rustling sound beside him and someone shifted closer.

“You are awake,” they said. They sounded female, but Shiro couldn’t be sure. Everything was pitch black. “How are you feeling?”

Suddenly the vehicle rocked violently, sending some of its passengers careening to the other side. There was screaming. The stranger was holding onto Shiro’s arm, steadying him as he moved into a crouch.

“Where am I?” he asked, shrugging off their, uh, hand. It felt slimy. “Where is this? How did I get here?”

The stranger cocked their head, regarding him curiously. “You do not remember? We were taken from planet Orebel and now we are on our way to one of the Galra Empire’s factories.”

“Factories?” Shiro swallowed down another barrage of questions, focusing on relevant information. “What will they do to us when we get there?”

“Go to work.”

They shrugged. Or, at least, it looked like it. Shiro’s eyes were beginning to adjust, but not by much.

Another bump sent him flying forward, his cheek scraping the floor. He tasted blood and spat.

“You shouldn’t be sitting up,” they cautioned, pulling him back into position. “It will be like this until we arrive.”

“Why aren’t we on a ship,” he grit out, hands flying to his middle. The babies. Oh, god, he’d nearly forgotten about them. “I have to get out of here. I shouldn’t be here. I’m a paladin of Voltr—”

The stranger’s thick, slimy tentacle extended and covered his mouth before he could say another word. The room grew hushed as the vehicle came to a stop, then the doors were thrown wide open.

“Everybody out! Now!”

It was a Galra soldier barking orders at them. Now that Shiro could see, he was immediately aware of the variety of aliens that were on board. Some of them he recognized from his travels, but most were unfamiliar to him, including the stranger that had helped him find his bearings.

They smiled at him, thick lips stretching far wider than any human mouth was capable. They looked vaguely like a fish, but more humanoid and with translucent skin.

“Thank you,” he said. “I’m confused. I have no idea how I got here. Last thing I remember—”

The last thing he remembered was fighting Zarkon. They’d been winning, and then—nothing. It was blank. He’d been in his lion, and now he was here.

_What the hell happened?_

“You there! I told you to move! And how did you get out of your handcuffs?”

Shiro scrambled to his feet as the soldier barked at him to move, ushering them with little patience. A fresh pair of handcuffs were slapped onto his wrists and he received a swift kick in the backs of his knees for his trouble. The stranger in front of him received similar abuse, but they seemed immune to the Galra’s obscenities, their skin remaining unscathed as the Galra beat into them with a weapon that carried a horrifying amount of dried blood.

They were lead through a series of climate-controlled tunnels about ten feet wide, giving most of the alien species very little room to maneuver. Shiro avoided the ire of the guards, keeping his head down until they arrived at a complicated looking set of doors.

“Get into a line, single file. No funny business.”

Shiro hurried to catch up with the fish alien, staying close to them as they took their place in line.

“Do we need some kind of ID?” he asked, casting furtive glances at the guards.

The creature’s skin flashed brightly for a moment. Their smile widened. Shiro had the distinct feeling that they were amused.

“This is not that kind of place.” They peered at him closely. “You did not have handcuffs on when I saw you and you are genuinely confused. How interesting. You really have no idea where we are?”

“No!” At the guard’s warning glance, he flinched, lowering his voice. “No. I don’t belong here. I have to get out somehow. My team, they need me. They’ll be looking for me. I need to get on a ship—”

“You there!”

Shiro flinched reflexively, but the guard was thankfully preoccupied by another prisoner that had been attempting to sneak around the back of the line. Shiro’s gratitude was quick to dissipate as he watched the prisoner get dragged off to the right, his screams echoing long after he’d gone.

“Where is he being taken?” Shiro asked warily.

The stranger paused before answering him. “It’s better you don’t know. You should be cautious, human. If you do not follow what they say, you’ll get the same.”

He froze.

Human.

The alien knew what race he was. The admission was telling, but before Shiro could even begin forming a sentence in his head, one of the guards walked over to them and Shiro reverted back to his original position, eyes straight ahead.

It took some time and more than a few shouted words, but once they decided that the prisoners were good to go, Shiro and the others were ushered into another, smaller room.

“Clothes off. Now.”

Shiro grimaced. He wished he’d had the forethought to remove his armor before coming in here. In fact, he wished he’d thought to _escape._ There hadn’t been handcuffs on him before they’d stopped and if he’d just—if he’d been more alert, he might not be here. Wherever here was.

Shiro was stripped of his armor and was soon standing next to the other aliens, shivering in the cold air. The fish alien was shooting him concerned glances, but they couldn’t afford him any extra attention if they didn’t want to get in trouble with the guards.

Shiro was just glad that the Galra probably didn’t know what a pregnant human looked like or he might be in real trouble.

Once they were outfitted with the Galra-standard prisoner’s clothes, they were lead to the center of the factory where the other prisoners were hard at work. Shiro winced at the sight of those that had clearly been there for a long time; they looked exhausted, moving parts and building machinery at a pace that was too fast for their tired bodies. Most of them looked about ready to collapse, their heads down, bodies tight with fear.

“This is awful,” he whispered.

“It is the Galra Empire.” The alien glanced back at him. “My name is Qie. What’s yours?”

“I’m Shiro,” he replied quietly. “I tried saying this before but I’m a paladin of—”

“Shh!” Qie hissed. “I understood what you meant earlier. Although I can’t say I believe it, it would be unwise to admit it so freely. They might try and take you to Zarkon. Or _worse.”_

That gave Shiro pause, but he recovered quickly, nodding along with Qie’s exclamations. It made sense that the aliens here had no idea that Zarkon had been defeated, and it was unlikely that the Empire would broadcast the state of its leader; not unless he’d taken out Voltron. Shiro didn’t know if he was dead, but they’d really ripped him a new one, and it would be a while before he got back up.

He lowered his head as a guard came strolling past them, but he wasn’t interested in any of the prisoners. He came to a stop in front of their guard, saluting before he began to whisper calmly into his ear. Shiro strained to hear what they were saying, but the sounds of the machinery around them quickly drowned them out.

“They are worried,” Qie whispered. “Something about an attack.”

“Attack?” Shiro shot them a glance. The guard up front didn’t look concerned, but maybe that was the point. He suspected that it wouldn’t be a good idea to let prisoners in on the fact that they were worried about a possible attack.

 _Maybe this’ll be my chance to get out of here,_ he thought, hope flitting inside him.

They began separating the prisoners into blocks and directing them to different parts of the factory. Shiro was lucky enough to get in a block with Qie and four other aliens who didn’t seem nearly as thrilled.

“You seem nice,” Qie said when guard in charge of their block moved on ahead, his rapid pace leaving many of them lagging behind. “I hope you are able to escape. For you and your family.”

Shiro swallowed. _Family._ Plural.

“How did you know?”

Qie cocked their head. “I can see it.”

“Can others also see it?”

“I don’t know.”

Qie was very…honest. It was a quality that Shiro appreciated. He just hoped that he could find a way to not only free himself, but also the other prisoners here.

“What do you know about this place?” he asked, sidestepping a piece of equipment that looked like it might chop his arm off if he got too close. The entire factory had the same dark hue that the Galra loved so much. Shiro was beginning to hate the color purple.  

“Nothing,” Qie replied earnestly. “But I have very good hearing. And I can get out of these pretty easily.”

They wiggled the handcuffs. At Shiro’s questioning look, Qie waited until the guard’s back was turned before demonstrating by removing one of its tentacles from the bracelet. Qie had done the genius thing and formed their tentacles into a ball-shape to simulate a hand, separating them to escape. With so many different types of aliens, it was obvious that the soldiers wouldn’t have questioned it.

“That’s…amazing.”

Qie nodded, slipping the tentacles back in place.

“Do you think you could help me get out of mine?” Shiro asked.

“No.” A pause. “But perhaps in time I may be able to. I can’t do the same for my feet, only my hands. It’s not so useful yet.”

“It’s something.”

Shiro’s arm was still at his disposal, but he couldn’t take on all the guards at once and he wasn’t about to try if it meant potentially losing his only weapon. For now, he’d have to wait for the right opportunity to present itself.

“We’re here,” the guard said. He turned to face them, raising his electric pole and pointing it at them threateningly. “Through here is your sector. I’ll show you what your jobs are. Once. If you don’t get it right after that, well—” he grinned. “I hope for your sake that you do.”

Great.

All this talk was giving Shiro flashbacks to his time in the arena, only this time he didn’t have the curiosity of the druids on his side. If he messed up, he’d be in trouble for real.

Without further ado, they were lead into a room marked for assembly. The guards told them each where to stand. They were chained, and then the guard in charge began to explain what to load onto the line, giving them instructions to “assure the quality of the material”, whatever that meant. The hunks of rock that the guard briefly showed them didn’t appear any different to Shiro.

Qie seemed to recognize the material, however.

Shiro waited until the guard left before addressing them.

“Are you getting any of this?” he asked. “They all look the same.”

“It’s a common element to the people of this quadrant. You are not from here, so you wouldn’t know. To tell the difference is simply—”

“Hey! Quiet, you! No talking!”

Shiro hadn’t even noticed the guard at the door come in. Qie made their displeasure obvious, rolling their eyes where the guard could not see. Meanwhile, as the rocks slowly began building up on his end of the assembly line, Shiro was starting to panic.

_Keep calm, Takashi. You’ve been through worse. This is nothing._

He took a measured breath and picked up the nearest rock…thing, bringing it closer for inspection. It looked exactly like the others. He was about to set it down, but Qie swept it out of his hands and tossed it into the reject pile.

He picked up the next one, set it back down.

Again, Qie threw it in the pile.

The third went on down the assembly line, and so did the forth.

The fifth rock that Shiro picked up looked a little duller than the rest, and he shot a questioning look at Qie, who nodded at him encouragingly.

He tossed it in the pile.

The first few days of his imprisonment went similarly. There were no breaks until after their shifts, when Shiro was dying for a piss, and the bathrooms that they were provided with were small and ill equipped to handle the variety of alien lifeforms living there.

As for their workload, Shiro was quick on the uptake, but as their production increased, so did the pace at which they were expected to do so. It didn’t take long for the Galra to move them out of the assembly room and into the larger part of the factory. The screech of the machines was deafening and grated on Shiro’s ears.

The few times that he attempted to talk to Qie over the sound of machines were met with confusion. Things weren’t looking good.

Shiro’s hands shook as he picked up some kind of electric board, assembled it to its adjoining piece, and shoved it down the line. He was so cold that he could hardly concentrate. Not all Galra were furry like Sendak, but they didn’t seem to mind the cold at all. The suits that the prisoners wore were pathetic, and he was constantly rubbing his hands together to generate some warmth.

After long days of swapping between lifting heavy machinery and working on the assembly line, Shiro’s muscles were screaming at him for relief.

Despite its monotony, it was exhausting work standing on his feet for hours, freezing his ass off. For the most part Shiro put his head down and kept quiet. Talking to Qie was rarely successful, and the Galra’s strict rules about doing anything out of turn made it very difficult for Shiro to plan his escape.

Then there were the nightmares.

The work didn’t wear him so much as the lack of sleep did. If he managed to grab at scraps of sleep, his dreams were filled with visions of himself back at the arena, fighting against his friends, his family—Sendak.

Those ones hurt more than the rest. Sendak had a way of bringing up insecurities when it favored him, and in his dreams he tore at Shiro’s subconsciousness until he felt like there was nothing left of him by the time he woke up.

The warning bell sounded. Shiro’s eyes snapped open. He had no idea how long he’d been out. Maybe minutes.

Time was impossible to tell here. Shiro had taken to counting the seconds to every minute, the hours in a day, but as the days passed, it was getting harder to grasp at the trains of thought. He stared into space more often, thoughts drifting, zoning out.

If he’d felt exhausted before getting captured, that was nothing compared to this.

Shiro swayed as he picked up a piece of something, using the conveyer belt to hold himself upright.

He could feel waves of sympathy pouring off Qie. He tried smiling at them every so often to thank them for picking up his slack, but it only seemed to worry them even more.

“You are on the brink of collapse,” Qie whispered during the brief guard change. “You should be resting.”

He had to repress a jaw-cracking yawn before he could reply. “Tell that to them,” Shiro said, jerking his thumb at the guards.

That was his first mistake.

“What did I say! No talking!”

“Who are you pointing at, scum?”

Stomping her way over to them, the Galra in charge was covered head-to-toe in armor just like the rest, with tufts of hair peeking out from underneath.

 _Furry,_ Shiro thought deliriously.

She looked furious.

It occurred to him that she was saying something, and he could see that her mouth was moving, but he was having a hard time understanding any of it. He was so, so tired.

His eyes snapped open when he felt a blow to the side of his head. Shiro stumbled, righting himself just in time for her to grip him by his collar, yanking him close.  

“I’m talking to you!” He blinked at her, incomprehensive. She narrowed her eyes at his glassy stare. “What, are you sick or something? You should have informed us immediately. You there—” she pointed at a guard walking by, “—take this prisoner to the med bay. If he’s fit to work, send him back. Otherwise…” She grinned. “Toss him out with the rest of them.”

_The rest of them?_

Shiro’s thoughts were scattered and sluggish. He didn’t put up a fight as he was dragged away from the belt. His eyes fell shut.

When he opened them again the world was on fire.

No, not the world. The factory.

Screams erupted into the air as the far side of the building caved in. Smoke was everywhere. Another explosion followed the first, this time to his right. Shiro no longer felt cold.

The hands that had been holding onto him let go, and Shiro activated his arm, moving on instinct alone. He sliced through his handcuffs and took out the Galra next to him. Then he turned and made a mad dash for Qie.

They were struggling to unlatch the cuffs at their feet. Shiro made quick work of them, earning a smile in return.

“Thanks. I wonder what happened to cause this. We should move.”

“Don’t have to tell me twice! I don’t know what’s going on, but we need to take this chance.” He looked around wildly, searching for an exit. “Come on, this way!”

They made it a few steps before the walls behind them exploded. Scraps of shrapnel and metal sliced into his back. Shiro catapulted forward, slamming into a piece of equipment. His vision swam viciously.

“Qie!” he screamed, waving his hand uselessly at the smoke billowing inward from the newly made entrance. Shiro pried himself off the ground and stood, clutching his arm. He was bleeding, but nothing felt broken, thankfully.

“Qie!” he tried again, scanning the ground for any signs of them.

Nothing. Shit.

He resisted the urge to keep screaming their name. The Galra were scrambling right now, but it wouldn’t be long before they tried to wrangle back control. Shiro needed to get out before that happened.

He followed the path of the belt, keeping his head low and his arm at the ready. If only his eyes would stay _focused._

Shiro shuffled past the chaos that was the very center of the factory. A cursory glance told him that there had been another explosion, but this one was more contained, damaging the systems without injuring the prisoners working around it.

There was a scuffling sound behind him. Shiro tensed, rounding on his adversary, only to be faced with—

“Matt?!”

The person that had the barrel aimed at his chest looked an awful lot like Matt Holt, only he was wearing some kind of robe and carrying a rifle in his hands.

“Shiro?” Matt’s mouth fell open and he lowered his gun. “Holy quiznak, is that you?”

There were a dozen questions, all clamoring for space to fit inside his mouth. Shiro swallowed down his curiosity, focusing instead on the current situation.

“What are you doing here? Last time I saw you—” He stopped. The last time he’d seen Matt, he’d been taken away to another facility with the professor. His father.

“Where’s your dad? Were these explosions because of you?”

Matt opened his mouth, but an explosion on the other side of the facility gave him pause. “We don’t have time!” he shouted, tugging at Shiro’s arm. “Come on!”

“Wait!” Shiro halted, resisting Matt’s abnormally strong pull. “I have—friends. A friend. I can’t just leave them.”

“Where?”

“I…I don’t know,” he admitted. “I lost them.”

Matt looked away for a brief moment. “I’m sorry, Shiro. We’ve saved everyone we can, but I can’t go back there without good reason. We only have so much time.”

“How—” He had so many questions still. Matt adjusted the protective goggles over his eyes and started herding him towards what was presumably an extraction point. 

Shiro did his best to keep up, but the rush of adrenaline that had kept him standing until now was steadily trickling away. His feet felt like they’d been tied with lead and his breath rattled in his chest, every heaving breath harder than the last.

“Just a little further,” Matt assured him.

Shiro had never seen Matt this confident, this self assured. Matt had always been a bit awkward, a little weird. The goofy smile that Shiro had come to know and love was nowhere to be found; in its place was a hardened warrior, fighting the forces of evil. Just like him.

“Matt, I…” _I’m so sorry._

Matt looked at him and flashed him a brilliant smile, and for a moment Shiro was thrown back in time, seeing a person that didn’t exist anymore.

 _This is my fault,_ he thought, just before the world started spinning out of control.

The ground grew to meet Shiro’s face. Matt was calling his name. His hands were hot on his shoulder, trying to pull him up, succeeding only just.

“What the fuck happened to you, dude?” Matt wheezed. “You’re heavy. When we get out of here…we’re having a serious,” he grunted, “talk.”

That was the last thing Shiro remembered before everything went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor shiro amirite :(


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frankly, I wasn't gonna make the chapter this long, but if I cut it off it would be another cliffhanger and I felt it fit better as a whole giant piece. Hopefully...none of this is confusing.

**SENDAK**

Sendak did not join the paladins at dinner when Allura came knocking.

Even as his stomach growled Sendak remained where he was, long after the day’s cycle had reached its end. He glanced at the door, a far-off part of his brain considering the merit of bracing the trip around the castle if it meant finding sustenance.

The thought of meeting any of the paladins stilled any thoughts leading in that direction. His pact with the paladins was one borne of necessity and convenience; he would not endure their accusations and insults if he could help it.

He was grateful that he had eaten plenty back on his planet, although he was regretting not taking some food with him—as a precaution—now that he was here. Alone.

Approaching the door, Sendak tried the bio-lock. It did not react to his hand, remaining closed.

It was possible the princess had not yet programmed him into the system, but it was more likely that she intended to trap him here until she deemed it unnecessary. A sweep of anger rushed through him and he was suddenly tempted to see how well this door would hold under pressure. Sendak was certain he could find its breaking point.

It would be a show of strength. The paladins would see how dangerous he was and not underestimate him ever again.

It would prove that he was a worthy opponent.

It would feel _good._

 _Shiro wouldn’t like it,_ said a niggling voice in the back of his mind.

He sighed, unclenching his fist. Indeed, Shiro would not approve of such behaviors. In fact, he would likely insist that they collaborate immediately to void any suspicions that remained.

But Shiro wasn’t here. He was _gone,_ lost among the stars.

Sendak sat down on the bed and waited. Allura would come for him, he would do his best to act civil, and it would soon be over.

The dining hall was empty when Sendak arrived.

“The others are at their training session. I thought it would benefit us all if you ate alone.”

“Wise,” Sendak grumbled, walking towards the machines. They were somewhat similar to those on some of the older Galra outposts Sendak had been to, though clearly modified in some way. When Sendak pressed a suspicious looking button below the console, a pink, globulous substance dripped into his bowl.

“That’s ice cream,” Allura said quietly to his right. “Hunk devised a way to—” She caught herself and cleared her throat. “There are other flavors as well. Choose, quickly.”

He shot a glance at her as he filled two more bowls, attempting another one of the additions. “I don’t suppose you will leave me to my meal in piece.”

“No.” She answered without hesitation. “I will not allow you to be alone. Even in the event that you incapacitate me, I’ve programmed the ship to lock down the moment I lose consciousness from an outside source.”

“And if I dose you with a sleeping potion?” he asked, with no concern for his own self-preservation. The look that Allura leveled him with seemed to sense as much.

“Let us hope that you keep up your end of the bargain, Sendak.” Her smile held no warmth. “You want to find Shiro, and so do I. Let’s leave it at that.”

Sendak said nothing at that, and Allura clearly felt no need to fill the tense silence. The food was a pathetic mush, but it was passable—far better than some of the things that he had eaten when he was just a low ranking soldier. Rations had hardly been designed to appetizing when they were meant to sustain an entire empire.

Shoving aside thoughts of his previous life, Sendak rose, full enough to sate his hunger and ready to return to his room. Ideally he would have liked to explore the ship, scout and follow the scents trailing around every corner, but that was an unlikely scenario; one he did not entertain for long.

“You will remain there for the rest of the night,” Allura said at his door. “I will fetch you in the morning for breakfast, then return here. You will not be allowed outside of this room until I feel that you are no longer a danger to the paladins or anyone else on this ship.”

“Locked up like one of your Galra rebels.”

Allura’s eyes snapped up to meet his.

“I can smell them. Always reminded me of the sewers of Galadria. I am surprised they’re still in operation.”

Allura’s lips flattened, thinning with restraint. “You will be alerted if we require anything more of you,” she said, giving him one last look before she shut the door in his face.

All things considered, it went far better than he had expected. Civility was the best that he could offer the princess, and she was hardly keen to offer him comfort after what he had tried to do. This ship had nearly been his, many cycles ago.

He sighed and moved to the bathroom to rinse the newly coagulated blood from his wound.

At the very least, he would sleep in a bed. She could have locked him in a cell and the paladins certainly wouldn’t have minded. Perhaps it was Shiro’s influence. He wondered how much he had told them about them, what they knew of their relationship.

A sudden wave of jealousy rolled over him and he brushed the imagined scenarios from his mind. There was no point in speculating.

Sendak sat down on the bed and closed his eyes, concentrating on the bond that had been cultivating. It echoed back at him, weak, but still there. Its strength was dependent on the distance between them, and so far it seemed that Shiro was too far for Sendak to pinpoint.

His best bet was finding a way to communicate with Shiro like they had before. Unfortunately, the rare moments in which their connection became strong enough were few and far in between. Sendak didn’t even know what caused the anomaly, and how he might replicate it. The only thing that he could recall were distinct feelings that had risen up within him, like water ready to boil.

He remembered the concern he’d felt when Shiro’s panic had filtered through the bond the very last time, a feeling so distinct that Sendak had thought it was his own.

Now he felt nothing.

After hours of intense concentration and with nothing more than a headache to offer, Sendak retired to bed.

Come morning, he would try again.

* * *

Sendak did not go to breakfast nor dinner the next day. When Allura opened his door he claimed that he wasn’t hungry and she didn’t press him.

This same pattern repeated for the next three days: Allura would check on him and he completely avoided interacting with her, instead preferring to stay in his room working tirelessly to find ways to connect himself to Shiro and his location. He was completely unsuccessful on all accounts, but that only meant he had to work harder.

On the morning of the fourth day he decided to eat once—just once—in the morning when the princess summoned him, only to find that it wasn’t the princess that was at his door.

“Oh.”

The smallest paladin was staring at him through large circular lenses, blinking owlishly, like she hadn’t expected him to be standing by the door staring directly at her.

“Um, hi. Allura said to bring you some food. I didn’t actually think you’d be, uh, cognizant. She said you were occupied with…something.”

The last part was mumbled quietly, but Sendak’s ears were sharp. He said nothing.

The green paladin set down a plate of unappetizing goop, adjusting her glasses nervously before stepping back.

“Okay, well…bye.”

He watched her leave and wondered what such a small creature could possibly offer Voltron. He glanced down at the food she had left, curiosity fleeing in the face of his hunger. It hadn’t even occurred to him that they would have left food for him. He had assumed that her summons would be all the chance that he was given.

Sendak picked up the plate and brought it to his bedside. The taste of something completely unknown to him assaulted his tongue. There were spices and the flavor of meat, but whatever else they had included in the recipe was foreign.

He instantly hated it, but forced it down and went back to work.

The results of day five, six, and seven were inconclusive. He thought he’d felt something on the last, but it may have been leftover indigestion from the goop that the small paladin kept serving him. For some reason she was now in charge of his meals; perhaps they thought she seemed less threatening (and they were right) but Sendak was no fool; he’d seen smaller creatures take down armies.

The next time that she delivered his food, Sendak stepped forward and handed the plate back to her.

“I despise this flavor,” he said, baring his teeth.

“Wait, what?” She floundered for a response. “You don’t like pizza? This is my _favorite_ flavor! I worked really hard getting these calibrations right.”

“I dislike it.”

She frowned at him. “Well what _do_ you like? We have ice cream, tacos, french fries, and we’re working on getting actual _food_ to come out of the machine, not just goo.”

“This is your sole source of nutrients,” Sendak said, more of an observation than a question. “And you, an Earthling, have made advanced modifications to a system ten thousand years old.”

“Well, yeah.” She lifted her shoulders in a shrug. “We live on that stuff, so it’s kind of hard not to want to change it. It’s mostly engineering, honestly, which is Hunk’s thing. The code base didn’t take that long to get the hang of. The original flavor is way worse than pizza, by the way.”

Sendak cocked his head, his previous curiosity surfacing. “You pilot the green lion.”

“What of it?” Her eyes narrowed. She took a step back towards the door. “If you want the lion, you can’t have her!”

“Her?” Sendak snorted. “I do not care about the lions. I am just surprised that Voltron enlists children.”

“I am _not_ a child,” she snapped. “I’m almost sixteen!”

“I stand corrected. You are barely an infant.”

“Well you’re probably old enough to be my grandpa. _And_ you’re bonded to Shiro. Yugh!”

Sendak didn’t understand all of what she said, but he knew when he was being insulted. “Shiro made his choice. Age had little to do with it. You should all accept that your precious leader was lying to you all this time.”

“We already figured that out, genius,” she said, crossing her arms. She looked like she wanted to leave, but something was keeping her standing there, staring at him. She opened her mouth, then closed it and marched for the door, leaving without another word.

The next day she was back, shoving a new pile of goop at him without ceremony.

“It’s taco flavor. Eat it.”

“How kind,” he drawled, setting it on his bed. By the time he’d turned around, she was at the door, her fingers hovering over the bio-lock.

“You know, the princess didn’t actually send me over here,” she admitted. “I offered because I wanted to. That and no one else was interested, not even the other Galra. You haven’t made many friends on our side.”

“And you're interested.”

“I want to know why he did it,” she said, still not to face him. “He never told us. He never told us _anything._ I want to know why he lied, and why he would commit to bonding with _you.”_

“Are you sure you want to know the answer?” Sendak asked, baiting her, a part of him hoping she would abandon that inquiry and leave him be.

“I don’t want to know; I _have_ to know.” She turned her head slightly, lips pinched. “So tell me.”

Sendak considered lying. He considered telling her how their relationship was born of convenience and Sendak's own selfish curiosity, that Shiro had only stayed and cemented their bond because their situation had demanded it, but even that didn’t feel like the truth. Because the truth was far simpler, and far more confusing.

“I don’t know,” he said.

The paladin’s shoulders sank. She was silent for some time, fingers still resting near the bio-lock. Eventually she gathered herself, turned to look at him one last time, and activated the door.

“Let us know when you have any clues,” she said, and then she was gone.

Sendak sat down on his bed and closed his eyes. He was wasting time.

A few days later Allura declared he wasn’t an immediate threat and allowed him to find his meals on his own time, since it was clear he wasn’t interested in joining them. Sendak was certain it was because none of the paladins would serve him any longer. He was more than happy to oblige. To avoid bumping into any of the paladins, his first outing on his own was early, only a few hours after they had returned from a mission.

It was just his luck that the blue paladin—the one that had shot his arm off—was already seated at the table.

“Oh.” He looked at Sendak like a vrash-in-floodlights. He sat up quickly, brushing away the vestiges of his exhaustion with a swipe of his palm. “What are you doing here?”

“Eating.” Sendak turned and made to do just that, making the assumption that the conversation was officially over.

He would never find himself so lucky.

“Right, so you’re just gonna—keep doing that. Freeloading.”

Sendak shot him a loot that he hoped conveyed how ineffective he found his insult without understanding a word of it.

“What I mean is that for someone who claimed they could help, you’re not being very helpful.”

“There is nothing to report until Shiro has been located,” Sendak said.

“Right, Pidge said you said that, but don’t you think that maybe teaming up…you know, the whole point of you being here…might be more useful?”

Sendak could respect how there wasn’t a single tremor in the young paladin’s voice as he spoke to Sendak in such an insolent way, but he assumed that was due to the early hour. He kept yawning and rubbing his fists over his eyelids just to stay awake.

“I’m certain you’ve kept busy enough,” Sendak said. “You wither even now.”

The paladin sighed. “Saving the galaxy isn’t easy. Spent the better part of the night escorting supply carriers. Might be helpful if we had another Galra on our side, maybe with the Blades.”

Sendak sorely wanted to bark a scathing retort at the insinuation that he would ever join the Blade of Marmora. They were a pathetic group of insolents that relied on trickery and sneaky tactics unbefitting of a soldier.

The look on his face must have said as much; the paladin stared at him, toying with his spoon like he wanted to chuck it at Sendak’s face.

“They’re doing their best. It’s not easy fighting an empire. And maybe we’d get somewhere if you’d just help us for once instead of acting like you’re surrounded by enemies!”

Ah, an explosion of human emotion. If Sendak weren’t so suddenly reminded of his mate he would laugh.

“You sound like Shiro,” he said without thinking. “I never claimed to be your ally.”

His adversary’s eyes lit up with curiosity, much to Sendak’s chagrin. He hardly wanted to encourage him. “Enough questions, paladin. Don’t you have better things to do? Galaxies to save?”

“The name’s Lance. And you know, we all want to find Shiro,” Lance said, watching Sendak pick a flavor without much care for what he was choosing. “Not so sure about you, though. You say you want to find him, but you sure don’t act like it. Are you sure you care about him, like, at all?”

“My feelings on the matter are none of your concern,” Sendak snapped. The metal tray bent under his fingertips. The _nerve._

“So you _do_ have feelings. Romantic ones. For Shiro!” He blinked. “Yeah, that’s not _not_ gonna be weird anytime soon.”

Sendak snarled something in Galran, but Lance only smiled at his reaction.

“I rest my case.” His smile fell, and he sobered, considering Sendak thoughtfully. “Don’t worry, we’ll bring him back, with or without you. We could use your stupid soul bond powers, though, just so you know.”

All humans seemed hell bent on testing his patience. Sendak bit back a growl; it would serve no purpose.

“Just because we have a common goal does not mean we are on the same side.” Sendak took his food and started walking for the door. “Do not mistake me for an ally, _paladin.”_

“Oh, come on!” Lance called after him. “If you’re not gonna even try, then why are you here? Do you really want to find Shiro?”

Sendak ignored him and kept walking.

* * *

“Oh, hey, it’s you.”

The green paladin. Just perfect.

Sendak would have to find a new time to procure his meals. Apparently going very early in the morning was a mistake. The green paladin had gotten there before he did, and had hooked a variety of computers into the food machine.

“What are you doing.”

“Messing with some calibrations. I didn’t think anyone would be up right now,” she said, adjusting her grip on her lap computer sheepishly. When he didn’t speak, she continued, spewing out nonsense at a rapid-fire pace.

“I’ve been thinking about Shiro a lot and _that_ got me thinking about his pregnancy. You probably don’t know anything about it, but humans required a strict diet. There’s iron levels to take into account, blood sugar, and estrogen depending on if they’re a man or a woman, alpha or omega.”

Sendak stayed silent as the paladin spoke. As much as he loathed the blather, he was…curious to know more about Shiro. 

“Shiro’s gotta be suffering right now. So when he gets back he’s going to need a lot of help. We’ve got the human bit down but I’m not so sure about the Galra part.” There was a pause where her hesitation clearly showed. “You… wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?”

Sendak opened his mouth to answer before he heard footsteps coming from down the hallway. Heavier than the others he had met—the yellow paladin?

“Hey Pidge, I got the wires you asked for—”

The yellow paladin froze at the door, staring at Sendak.

“What-what is he doing here?” he stammered. “Why is he out of his room? And why _here_ of all places?!”

Finally, someone with sense enough to see him as a threat. He bared his teeth at the paladin, who squeaked and rushed to hide behind a nearby chair.

“He’s here to eat, obviously,” said ‘Pidge’. “But we’re almost done here. Just a few more calibrations for our new recipe...” She went silent, tapping away at her keyboard until Hunk coughed at her. “Oh, right. Uh, Hunk, plug the wires in—” she wiggled her fingers in the general direction of the machine, “—there.”

He followed her orders reluctantly, nearly crawling across the floor to get to the open system. Once he began working, however, his confidence grew. He began to not only follow Pidge’s orders, but deliver his own, maneuvering wires and handling equipment with the familiarity of a solid engineer.

It was almost impressive.

“Finish, quickly,” Sendak drawled at length. “I do not have all day.”

“Right, right, you’re busy looking for Shiro.” Hunk glanced up at him. “How’s that going, by the way? Made any progress?”

Sendak glowered at him.

“Oka-ay. That’s a no then. Anything we can do to…help?”

“You can help by getting _out_ of my way.”

“You know, this would go faster if we had another set of data,” Hunk said, pausing in front of his machine. Though he spoke to him, he wouldn’t look directly at Sendak. “We’re trying to fit in everything we can into the Shiro setting because we just don’t know yet. Your intel could really help us.”

“Ask your Blades,” Sendak sneered. “I’m certain they would savor the chance to show off.”

“Yeah, uh, we tried that,” Hunk said, drawing circles in the air with his tool. “But they’re busy on other missions. They don’t have time to worry about this.” Now he was looking at Sendak, something fierce and protective in his gaze. “You have to know _something.”_

“It would really help us,” Pidge insisted, baring her teeth at him—a gesture that humans used to indicate pleasure, apparently. “Otherwise, who knows.” She shrugged. “Shiro could die.”

Obvious as the tactic to sway him was, he couldn’t help but feel his heartbeat stutter at the mention of Shiro’s imminent doom. Sendak held in the snarl working its way up his throat, breathing out his aggression in a slow breath.

“There is a nursery rhyme for pregnant Galra about a fruit that supposedly provides a number of vital nutrients to the waiting mother.” Sendak hesitated, trying to remember the exact lyrics. “I cannot it recite it, but I recall the fruit is one that’s common near the planets at the heart of the fleet: Go-lath.”

“Golath.” Hunk’s brows furrowed, confusion flitting across his face. “I’ve never heard of it, and I’ve been researching _a lot._ Think the Blades might know about it?”

Pidge shrugged. “Worth a shot.”

“It is an old wives’ tale,” Sendak said defensively, self-conscious of this piece of information getting to the Blades. If he was wrong, he didn’t want them thinking him foolishly believing in children’s stories. “They will not have any idea where to find it. A search of your planetary database should suffice.”

Pidge and Hunk shared doubtful looks. “What, so you’d recognize it?” he asked.

“There is a possibility.”

“I don’t know…” Pidge chewed on her nail. “Letting you near the computer systems seems like a bad idea. Especially after what you did before.”

“I could inflict no damage.” He gestured to himself. “I have no weapons on me and even if I tried, I’m certain your computer can handle a beating.”

“Well, he’s got a point,” Pidge mumbled. “I don’t like it, but it could really help Shiro. And I care about Shiro more than I care about what’s going to happen to him—” She jerked her thumb at Sendak, “—if we get caught.”

“All right. Okay. Sure.” Hunk combed his fingers through his hair. “I mean, what could go wrong? This isn’t totally crazy.” He looked at Pidge. “Do we have to do this now?”

“Come on, this is our best bet at helping Shiro and you know Allura wouldn’t let us do this if we told her.”

“For obvious reasons! It’s not like I don’t have better things to go than escort a homicidal Galra commander to do a Google search!”

Sendak smirked. “I have no interest in your ship any longer, I promise you. Even if I were inclined to try and take command, Zarkon would only kill me after killing all of you.”

“That’s reassuring,” Hunk drawled. He scrubbed his hands over his face, sighing deeply, like the weight of the world was resting on his shoulders. “So, I guess we’re really doing this? Oh my god, I can’t believe those words came out of my mouth.”

Pidge beamed. “Let’s go, before you can change your mind. We don’t have long until Allura’s awake.”

Hunk groaned but stood, abandoning his tools for the mission at hand.

After the green paladin stuffed her things in her backpack and they returned the dining hall to its former glory, they took Sendak back towards his room and looped around a different hallway that lead to what seemed like a tunnel of various rooms that lead into _more_ hallways.

He was aware that the castle was massive, but seeing it laid out in person was far more impressive.

“Should we have blindfolded him?” Hunk whispered conspiratorially as they walked down yet another hallway. Sendak was tempted to tell him there was no need; without a map of some sort, he would be hopelessly lost.

“Nah,” Pidge said, waving her hand. “Don’t worry about it. I’ve got surveillance in real time downloading directly to my computer. If he tries anything, we’ll know about it.”

“But what if you’re dead?” Hunk whispered. “Who will get to your computer then?”

Pidge opened her mouth, then closed it. Before she could offer her reply, they stopped in front of a massive set of doors.

“Oh. We’re here,” Hunk said, sounding more than a little fearful. “All right. Uh, you stay here,” he waved at Sendak, “and we’re going to make sure that everything’s all set up first.”

“If you must.”

They scurried inside the chamber, leaving Sendak alone in the hallway. Perhaps not the best course of action, considering he had the ship at his disposal. Still, he had no interest in wreaking havoc on such an outdated model; there would be nothing he would gain from it.

Sendak waited, but when it became clear that it they were going to take longer than a few minutes, he glanced around his location, impatience and decapheebs of experience urging him to explore his surroundings.

For all intents and purposes the hallway was completely unremarkable from the rest of the ship, its doors unmarked save for small symbols hanging above the entrance to each.

A glyph in particular caught his eye across the hallway and he approached it, curiosity spurring him to take a closer look.

It was Galra.

Not a symbol that he recognized, but he would know that writing anywhere. Despite his better judgement he opened the door, finding it unlocked, and stepped inside.

Sendak blinked, taking in the sight before him. The room was filled with Galra technology.

And only was there old, outdated tech that he had expected to find resting on the shelves lining the walls, but there were new pieces that had clearly taken from adversaries they had faced in the recent past. Sendak immediately recognized a piece from the armor of the robotic beast that the witch had sent after the paladins—the one modeled after an adversary Shiro had taken on in the ring.

In retrospect, it had been a terrible decision on her part.

Sendak smirked, approaching the shelf. He ran his hand along the scuffed marks along the metal edge, images of Voltron flashing in his mind.

Then a sound from across the room caught his attention. He hadn’t realized it before, but there was a very subtle thrumming in the air, like the sound of something being held up by an anti-gravity machine of some sort. Sendak’s ears perked and he looked towards the source.

His hand slipped off of the armor display.

It was his arm. His _other_ arm. The one he had lost so many moons ago, the one he had been sure the paladins had disposed of.

Sendak walked over quickly, his heart pounding with building excitement. While he had grown used to his predicament, when faced with the opportunity to feel like a whole Galra again he felt such acute _longing_ that he could not help his hand from running along the length of the gauntlet in reverence.

This was not what he expected to find, but suddenly he _knew_ he had to have it. Now, if only he could turn off this machine…

“Hey!”

Sendak froze.

The green paladin had found him and she sounded angry.

“What do you think you’re doing?” she shouted. “We told you to stay where you were!”

“You did not explicitly state I stay in one spot,” Sendak said without turning around. Something dark and familiar churned in his gut, like a feeling, or an instinct.

 _With this,_ he thought, _I could easily take her out._

He only needed a moment to recalibrate it to his arm. It wouldn’t even hurt.

“Fine, whatever, but dude—we’re here for a reason, not for you to mess around. And don’t touch that!” She pointed to the gauntlet. “Allura didn’t say you could have that back. Were you going to put it on?”

Sendak bit back a dozen responses, all of which would only bury him deeper in the hole he was already in. The paladin’s voice was high-pitched and grating, but she had a point. If he did this now, any trust that he had favored—from her included—would be destroyed. Everything he had endured, everything he had worked for would be for naught.

His hand hovered above the gauntlet, taut with temptation.

 _Shiro would be disappointed,_ insisted the same irritating voice.

Sendak sighed, letting his hand fall. The ache in his chest subsided as he turned and stepped away, leaving behind the last piece of himself that reminded him of who he was—who he used to be.

“No,” he said, keeping his eyes facing forward. “You may destroy it or not; I don’t care. It is useless to me.”

“Really?” she asked doubtfully, regarding him with suspicion as they walked towards the giant doors where Hunk stood waiting nervously. “You looked like you wanted to.”

“Whether I did or did not is none of your concern,” he said evenly. “We are here for a purpose. Let’s go.”

“Right.” She rolled her eyes, but made no more comments until they reached the inside.

The system that was setup was incredible, even for its age. Screens lined the walls, displaying huge amounts of data about the castle and its inhabitants. Sendak saw himself on the surveillance camera, but before he could ask, Hunk was already speaking.

“We’ve rigged it so it won’t ‘see’ us for the next thirty minutes or so. That should give us enough time to find this berry thing.” He glanced at Sendak, eyes skittering nervously across his face. “Right?”

“Move aside,” said Sendak.

He approached the console and began typing in commands. It was quite outdated, but the paladins had already brought up the necessary search function and the planet-wide scanner. All he needed to do was find the Go-lath fruit and all would be well.

The paladins had already explained to him that the data was corrupted after his attack, and he was quickly coming to regret his hasty work in dealing with a ten-thousand year old ship now that the information proved vital.

How ironic that he inadvertently destroyed pieces of information that could help him now that he was no longer on Zarkon’s side.

He persevered.

Thankfully, the database had a plethora of information on the Go-lath planets around the heart of the fleet, which should still provide him with useful information even if the Empire had depleted them of their resources.

He keyed in a search for the Galra word for fruit, which yielded an astronomical amount of results, many of which were corrupted files or file systems. He narrowed his search by size and shape, recalling vague images of something blue and juicy. Fewer files this time, but going through them one-by-one would take time.

“It’s been ten minutes,” Hunk whispered, in that same tone that he assumed Sendak could not hear. “Can he really do this?”

“You want to help your leader, don’t you?” Sendak sneered, eyes scanning the lines of data rapidly. Interestingly enough, he found a great deal of recipes from back when they had shared banquets with the Alteans.

He could not even begin to imagine such a time.

“Are you looking for the right thing? Have you tried to narrow the search to ones with medicinal properties?” Pidge suggested.

“It would not help much,” Sendak replied, cocking his head in her direction. His eyes remained on the screen. “Most of the files that are unrelated or non-vital to the system are corrupted.”

“Let me take a look.” She walked up next to him, her eyes scanning the text as though she might understand it.

“Can you read Altean?” Hunk asked, sounding impressed.

“Only a little,” she admitted sheepishly. “Just enough to get me to the bathroom and to start up a few processes. I definitely can’t read any of this. I assume this is Galra.”

“It is translated from Altean,” Sendak confirmed.

“Wait, this thing can translate into another language?” Hunk asked excitedly. “Could we have been reading in English all this time?!”

“Hardly,” Sendak replied. “It has over ten thousand languages available if it’s of any decent make, but most of those were well-known throughout the systems. Your planet is tiny by comparison.”

“Oh. Right.” Hunk sighed. “How much time we got left?”

“Fifteen minutes,” Pidge answered. “Give or take. I’m not sure my program is working at all, honestly.”

Sendak heard Hunk gasp. “Are you serious right now?”

“Quiet,” Sendak said. He leaned forward, trying to discern if the file was useful. “This will take too long to go through all these by hand.”

“Maybe—maybe I can write a program…” Pidge trailed off, “but I don’t know if the system would _recognize_ it. I’ve been able to rig my way into the system using my laptop, but typing directly is another thing.”

“Try.” Sendak stepped away, giving her space. She rested her hands on keys reluctantly and began typing.

After a few minutes, she stepped away with a sigh.

“No luck. I tried keying a search, but whatever language they use is completely unrecognizable. Man, I should really start taking some of those Altean coding courses.”

No, no, no. This was not how this was supposed to go. Finding a simple fruit should have taken them minutes; there wasn’t even any guarantee that it would be useful. And yet, the castle—the universe—was conspiring against him when all he wanted to do was help his mate who was _lost_ lightyears away in the only way he knew how.

But it was another waste of time. Another _failure._

“Download the files,” he ground out, anger and fury burning underneath his skin. “Certainly you can accomplish _that_ much.”

“I, uh.” Pidge glanced at Hunk. “I can, but there’s no way for me to read them. And it would take a really long time considering that there are thousands here already.”

“Do it.” His tone begged for no argument.

Pidge looked at Hunk who shrugged helplessly. He said, “As long as they’re read only, it can’t hurt, right?”

“For the record, this is a bad idea,” Pidge said while she removed her laptop out of her bag. “Coran would _kill_ me if he knew I was touching their information data center.” She looked at Sendak, and something in her expression went dark. “And again, for the record, I’m only doing this for Shiro. So don’t think I’ll do you any favors.”

He bared his teeth at her, suddenly aching for the use his other arm. “I would not dream of it.”

The files were downloaded, but it took far too long. The green paladin’s program must have worn off by that time, but she didn’t mention it, and Sendak’s glare was stormy enough to quiet the yellow one’s complaints. His concern was not with Allura; she would not kill him, and he was certain that the paladins would convince her of their good intentions within time.

“There,” Pidge said after an indeterminable amount of time. “I’ve got them all, and it used up most of my external hard-drive space, but they're there. It’ll take me a while to figure out how to read them, and then I can figure out if maybe I can search through them all using some of our methods.” She paused and looked up at Sendak. Her eyes were glittering. “This actually could be a fun challenge. I’ll update you once I find something.”

“Is that all?”

“Yes. This is all we’ve got. Take it or leave it.”

Irritated as he was by the prospect of waiting, he had to concede to her expertise. He nodded, then turned towards the door. “I will return to my quarters. Alert me when you have news _immediately.”_

“Uh huh.” Hunk moved out of his way, watching him with bright eyes. “Good talk. Do you remember the way—”

Sendak was already gone, walking in the general direction he recalled them going.

The paladin’s lack of fear was beginning to grate on his nerves. Even the yellow paladin’s fear had morphed into a strange determination. What was it with these humans? Did they not comprehend who he was and what he could do?

 _I’m not afraid of you,_ Shiro had once said.

Then, before he could move, a panic so powerful that he flinched surged through him, flooding his mind with Shiro’s thoughts, the scent of smoke, and pain.

* * *

**SHIRO**

There was sound all around him.

Crackling, gurgling, muffled sounds that pressed against his ears like a wall. His head felt like it was about to explode. Shiro cracked his eyes open, only to squeeze them shut immediately after when his eyes met the sun. Or whatever bright light was currently hovering directly above his eyes that bore a strong resemblance to the sun.

Someone touched his shoulder, and he quickly became aware of a ringing sound in his ears.

“I think he’s coming to,” someone said. Their words were muffled and barely imperceptible, but at least he could hear.

“Shiro!” There was a hand on his shoulder, jostling him in what they probably thought was a gentle manner but only succeeded to make Shiro want to vomit. He groped around his surroundings and his hands met fabric on either side of him.

“Where am I?” He tried to sit up, but those same hands pushed him back into place.

“You’re safe now. We’re on our way back to our base. Just a warning, it’s a little crowded in here.”

That voice. Why was it so familiar?

Then it hit him. Matt.

Shiro’s eyes snapped open. He blinked for a few seconds, trying to adjust to bright lighting of the ship.

“This is our makeshift med-bay,” Matt explained quickly. “It’s not ideal, but we’re doing the best with what we’ve got.”

“We?” Shiro ran his palm across his forehead, dislodging a wet cloth in the process. Matt caught it before it could fall and set it aside. Shiro blinked, still having trouble deciding if this was all just a figment of his imagination. “Who’s we?”

“The resistance.” Matt smirked, a subtle twist of lips that harkened back to his days at the academy. He looked tired. No, _exhausted_ was the right word for it. Shiro’s gut twisted.

“Matt, I…I don’t know what to say. I can’t believe I found you. I mean, you found _me_ _,_ but that’s…” Shiro trailed off, then shook his head ruefully. “Man am I glad you found me.”

Matt smiled. “It’s good to see you, Shiro.” He hugged him, quick and fierce, putting a little too much pressure on Shiro’s forefront. He rubbed his palm across his chest when Matt released him, trying not to wince at the tenderness.

_When did that happen? Did I take a blow to the chest?_

“How the hell did you get out in space?” Matt asked abruptly. “This whole time I’ve been trying to figure it out. Aside from being a Galra prisoner, you don’t seem _surprised_ by any of this. What the hell happened?”

Shiro shifted, glancing around the two of them. They were surrounded on all sides by what was presumably rebels and the wounded. “It’s a long story. I’m not sure I should say it here.”

“You can trust us,” Matt said. _Us._ God, that was going to take some getting used to. “And I bet you’ve got quite a story to tell. Maybe not as exciting as _mine—”_ he grinned, “—but all right. We can save it for later.”

 He winked. Shiro was grateful for the consideration. He didn’t want to spill his secrets in front of all these people.

* * *

The planet that Matt was calling home was quite unlike the one Shiro had inhabited. For one, the air on the surface wasn’t safe to breathe. Matt showed him the masks that they carried in case of an emergency, forcing Shiro to apply it to his face four times before he relented.

“We’ve only had a few accidents.” His mouth was set into a grim line as he took the mask from Shiro. “Don’t want any more repeats.”

They docked near an abandoned housing facility, walking inside and to what was essentially a huge hole in the ground that created a vacuum, allowing them safe passage down below. That was where it was safe to breathe: underneath the planet.

It was dark when they arrived, but as they exited the cave entrance, Shiro’s breath caught in his throat.

The inside of the planet was nearly hollowed out massive by caverns, those of which stretched far as the eye could see. High above their heads were a kind of mushroom-plant that gave off a steady, even glow.

They traveled down a rocky slope that lead to a plateau where a few large buildings were clustered. They clearly hadn’t been built by the resistance, but they didn’t look exactly lived in, surrounded by smatterings of those same mushrooms.

“We’ve been growing them,” Matt said, noticing Shiro’s gaze. “We got here a few months ago and we’ve been…stuck. We came to rescue the people from the factory—the one you were at—and ended up losing our ship when Galra drones attacked us. We’ve got most of our supplies, and we were lucky to find this place on short notice, but we need a way out.”

Shiro nodded. While he wasn’t certain what he could do without his lion or his team, he would do everything in his power to help. “What do you need me to do?”

Matt shook his head. “Rest first, dummy. You just got rescued yourself.”

“I wasn’t there for that long,” Shiro said in protest.

Matt ignored him and kept walked towards one of the larger buildings. Once they were at the front he made a sharp left, drawing Shiro away from the rest of the crowd. The sound of Matt’s fellow rebels explaining their living arrangements echoed in the cavern, loud enough that Shiro could still hear it as Matt pulled him towards one side of the building, pausing to enter something into a keypad.

“Where are we going?” Shiro asked. He craned his neck to look at the building more closely. It was powered by electricity and had keypads attached to all of the doors. “Who built all this?”

“Not sure. There were a bunch of these. Whoever lived here before—” He waved his hand absently, “—didn’t stick around. The planet is basically abandoned. I think maybe the Galra or somebody made this planet toxic and unlivable, and they tried to go underground, but it just didn’t…work.”

“It’s a miracle these buildings still run,” Shiro said, impressed.

“Yep, but only the keypads and door locks. Whatever it's running on, it doesn't support the temperature control systems, which is just our luck since it’s nice and cold down here.” He gestured in front of him. “This is my place. Well, room, really. It’s not all that nice, but it’ll give us some privacy.”

Matt’s room was sparse, void of any of the personality that Shiro had come to know, which wasn’t unexpected, but it was still jarring. A part of Shiro expected to see Matt’s comics books and his volumes on advanced physics and engineering, but it was just…sterile. Devoid of life, safe for the essentials. A few bottles of drinkable liquid were stowed away in a small cabinet, and there was an extra mask and a weapon on a desk. Beside that was Matt’s bed that was essentially just a pile of blankets and a single pillow.

Matt shut the door behind them and turned to look at Shiro.

“Now spill.”

“Right.” Shiro’s shoulders slumped. This was happening so fast, but he couldn’t blame Matt for being impatient. They hadn’t seen each other in almost two years. “Okay. This isn’t going to be easy to hear. Just…give me a chance to explain myself.”

“Hey, it’s no problem.” Matt frowned. “Take your time, Shiro.”

Shiro took a deep breath. Instinct urged him to keep everything bottled up in the safety of his head, but he was so _sick_ of lying. He just wanted to tell the whole, simple truth to somebody, even if he wasn’t wholly prepared for it.

“You remember that ship we were on? Well, after we got separated, they turned me over to the druids.”

He started at the very beginning, describing how he had been made their champion for many months, a violent tool that was used purely for their entertainment.

Matt raised his eyebrows knowingly, having been rescued from that fate by Shiro, but with a heroic effort he didn’t say anything else, opening his mouth on occasion only to quickly close it again, giving Shiro the time he needed to get it all out.

 _All_ of it.

He even admitted to bonding with Sendak, and how that had lead him directly to the lions after they learned of his purpose because of the bond.

It was at this point that Matt couldn’t stop himself from interrupted Shiro and asking, “wait, wait, he could sense you? How?”

“It’s complicated,” Shiro said, a response that was becoming all too familiar. He didn’t even know where to start with the Gordian knot of issues that was his and Sendak’s relationship. “Let me finish first.”

Matt pouted and crossed his arms, the very picture of reluctance; it reminded Shiro so clearly of their old university life that he had to look away for a moment to compose himself.

Once he was able to speak, he told Matt about Allura and their quest to take down the Empire with the help of Voltron. He talked about his team, and Pidge, describing her as the heroic and ferocious teammate that she was.

Matt’s jaw dropped at news of his sister joining them on an incredibly dangerous quest. Shiro had delivered the information quickly and concisely, hoping to rip off the band aid, as it were, but he didn’t seem shocked in the way that Shiro expected.

“Pidge? My little _sister_ came with you _into space?”_ There was a note of awe in his voice.

“I know it’s hard to believe,” Shiro said, pressing on insistently, “but she’s been an amazing asset to the team. We wouldn’t be here without her. Without her help, they would have never found me after the wormhole was compromised.”

He told him about getting lost after taking on Zarkon, and his time lost on the planet in the Sega quadrant. Matt made a shocked, unhappy sound at the mention that Sendak had also been housed there, but his eyes flew past his forehead and disappeared under his hairline when Shiro admitted that Sendak _might have_ helped him more than hurt.

“He—he wasn’t bad. It was pretty good, actually.”

“Wh- _what?_ Sendak? Commander Sendak of Zarkon’s army? Are you _crazy?”_

“Maybe,” Shiro admitted sheepishly. He was blushing. “It’s not something I can explain. And at that point he wasn’t a commander anymore.”

“Okay. Okay.” Matt closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. “I think I need to hear the rest of this. Keep going.”

“There’s more about Sendak, but I’ll get to that in a little bit.”

Shiro kept talking until his voice went hoarse, at which point Matt gave him some liquid to drink and then made him remove his shirt so he could inspect him for any wounds.

Thankfully, aside from some bruising, he was relatively unharmed.

Shiro glanced down at himself. He still had most of his muscular mass, but his middle was becoming soft and slightly distended. His breasts, surprisingly, didn’t look any different. They were just sensitive as hell whenever he brushed against them.

“So. I went back, and Sendak stayed.”

He described the chain of events that lead to where he was now, saving the one final detail for when Matt had absorbed everything else.

“Wow,” he breathed, blinking like he was coming out of sleep. “I can’t believe all that happened. You’re a paladin of Voltron!” He gaped at Shiro. “Oh my god, my sister is a paladin. This is amazing!”

“Yep. She is.” Shiro’s smile faltered. “But there’s one more thing. One thing I haven’t been able to share with anyone. It’s…you might not like the news.”

“Oh come on, how bad can it be? I know you’re bonded to Sendak. What’s next, he got you pregnant?”

Matt threw his head back in laughter at that, but when Shiro stayed silent, his laughter grew quiet and he looked at him like he wasn’t sure what to make of him.

“You’re not pregnant, are you?”

“I—” He swallowed. Maybe it hadn’t been such a good idea to go with the truth. It had seemed so much easier when he talked to Allura and Coran about it. They kept it very clinical and worried mainly about his health and the health of the child—children.

Matt was his friend, had been missing for over a year now, and Shiro had just revealed the fact that he was bonded to a Galra soldier after seeing him for the first time. It was a wonder he didn’t punch him in the face and ask where the real Shiro was.

“Well.” Matt took a breath, then released it, sitting back on his heels. “Fuck.”

“Sounds about right,” Shiro said, hoarse with relief. “I’m so sorry Matt. I didn’t—I never asked for this.”

“Hey, don’t apologize to me! I know you didn’t, Shiro.” Matt wouldn’t look at him, but he didn’t sound angry. “It sounds like you’ve had a rough time. No one would ever blame you for anything that happened.”

“You can,” Shiro croaked, oddly overcome. He rubbed his palms soothingly over his kneecaps, trying to keep it together. “And you should. Everything is so fucked up. The things I did, who I am now, I—I don’t know what to do with myself. Nothing feels right anymore.”

“This Sendak, he…” Matt trailed off, licking his lips, “…did it feel right with him? Did he at least treat you right?”

There was a hint of humor in his voice that Shiro wished he could appreciate. He smiled humorlessly, shrugging.

“It doesn’t matter. He cared about me as much as anyone in his position could, I think. The bond brought us together and he…he was different when he was with me. But I won’t pretend that it fixed all the wrongs he committed.”

Matt sighed. Then sighed again, rocking back and forth from his spot on the floor. “This wasn’t what I imagined when we set out for Europa.”

Guilt sliced through Shiro’s heart. He swallowed, tamping down the feeling in favor of focusing on their present situation. He could have a meltdown later, when they were all safe.

“Neither did I. It’s a mess, but we’re a part of it now. I can’t just ignore it.”

“I know what you mean,” Matt said.

He leaned forward and laid his hand over top Shiro’s, his eyes bright and kind.

“We’re a part of this war, whether we like it or not, but at least we’re together.” Then he retracted his hand, leaning back against the wall. “Don’t worry, buddy, we’ll get you home. Now where did you say your ship was parked?”

Shiro had no idea where the ship was. It was very unlikely that it was still hanging around Zarkon’s army. He was sure the paladins had taken it to the castle, wherever that was. He couldn’t even recall what system they’d taken Zarkon down in. He was regretting not paying more attention.

He was regretting a lot of things lately.

“That’s okay,” Matt said once he said as much. He glanced off into the distance searchingly before returning his gaze to Shiro. “We’re actually trying to get our hands on a ship with warp capabilities. We’ve got some shuttles back on the planet, but what we really need is a big ship to get all these people home. Including you.”

“Including us,” Shiro corrected. Matt smiled at him.

“Of course! I have to see my baby sister in action,” he said, his chest puffed with pride, “and I bet the resistance would love to have Voltron on their side.”

“We’d be glad to have them.”

“Cool.” Matt grinned, unable to help himself. “I can’t wait to see it. This is going to be so amazing!” Suddenly he leaned forward, eyes alight with curiosity. “Tell me, is it really made of cats?”

* * *

 

**SENDAK**

“Shiro!” Sendak roared, his voice getting swallowed by the cavernous expanse of the ship’s hallway.

Pidge and Hunk, who’d been trailing behind him, hastened to his side, crouching behind him. He could feel them hovering, low murmuring voices saying words that Sendak couldn’t understand because he was so focused on the feeling inside his head.

After such a long silence, feeling Shiro’s emotional state so keenly felt like someone had punctured a hole inside his heart. His body _burned._

Someone’s hand touched his shoulder. He belatedly realized he had fallen to one knee, his hand braced against the floor. It was trembling. _He_ was trembling, and he couldn’t seem to make himself stop.

 _You’ve become weak,_ he thought.

He clenched his fist and growled, lashing out at the person touching him. His claws tore through something soft and worn, but then his mind exploded with Shiro’s thoughts, and he was lost.

_Qie—_

_Have to find them I have to_

_Get out of here I can’t_

_Matt—?_

“Dude—”

No. _No._ Shiro’s voice was being drowned out by the paladin’s shouting at him.

“Quiet!” he barked, struggling to hold onto the connection. It was there, it was right there with Shiro who was in need, in _danger._ He closed his eyes and concentrated, imagining bringing it close and grabbing hold of it. He could feel Shiro’s exhaustion, practically _taste_ his panic.

But the thread was starting to fade, as quickly as it had come.

Sendak launched himself forward, charging directly at the source. There was a wall in the way; he wanted to smash through it, tear this ship apart piece by piece if it meant getting closer to Shiro. A roar erupted from his throat and he slammed his fist against the metal again and again, a desperate bid to reach his bondmate.

 _Shiro! Shiro! Stay with me. Let me_ find _you._

It was a matter of seconds before the bond’s heavy thrum of connection closed, leaving him with the same dull sensation that he had grown accustomed to.

Anguish swelled within him, forming a hard knot inside his chest.

It was over. Shiro’s presence had dissipated, and all that Sendak had left was the feeling that something had gone horribly, horribly wrong and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it.

“Sendak?”

It was the green paladin’s voice. She sounded frightened.

 _Good,_ he thought viciously, some of his rage sated at the knowledge that someone still feared him. It would be easy to direct it at her knowing he still had some modicum of influence and control here, even if it was in regard to a pathetic human.

He turned to face them, expecting to find fear written on their faces, but instead of fear, he was shocked to find determination in its place. They stood tall, unafraid, and the green paladin was clutching her bag against her chest like a shield. A faraway part of his brain noted that fabric had been shredded, long gashes marked along the front and side.

It was her eyes that had his attention. She didn’t look away when Sendak met her gaze, and her voice, which he had initially assumed was fear, trembled with a fierce, protective fury.

“Did you find him?” she demanded, thrusting her bag forward as if to say, _you had better, after nearly doing this to me._

Not so pathetic, then.

“I…” He was at a momentary loss for words. “I only sensed him for a moment. But I did sense him. He is in this direction, and he is in danger.”

“Are you sure?” Hunk asked. _He_ sounded unsure, but he had to admire his willingness to question Sendak on the matter of _instinct._

He laid his palm against the wall. He focused in on their bond, recalling exactly where the connection had been leading him.

“Yes,” he said.

“Okay.” Pidge breathed, letting her bag slip to the floor. “Looks like we’ve got work to do. That’s a lot of space to cover.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sendak: i want to break shit  
> his inner shiro, shooting him with a spray bottle: no


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I try not to reply to comments too much bc I don't want to inflate them but I love each and every one. Tysm!!!!

Allura was less inclined to believe him than the other paladins had been.

“Repeat this again for me. You said you ‘felt’ him in that direction?” She pointed behind her, at the vast expanse of space just outside the window.

“Yes,” Sendak said, trying and failing not to sound irritated.

“You’ll excuse me for not finding that very helpful. I know you’re trying,” she added, when he opened his mouth to press upon her that very fact for the umpteenth time, “but it isn’t enough to go on right now. The best we can do is conduct a deep space scan for any anomalies, of which there are likely hundreds, if not thousands.”

“Do it,” Sendak said.

“Do not order me around,” she snapped, then straightened her shoulders. “I am the leader aboard this ship, Sendak, and you will respect my authority. Now, while I…appreciate your concern, again there is not much more I can do at this time.”

Sendak was well aware of this, but it didn’t assuage him to hear it come from someone he still considered an enemy in one capacity or another.

“You are wasting time in this system!” he exclaimed, thrusting his arm out in the direction of the planet they resided on. “Shiro is in _danger._ Do you care for him at all?”

“My allegiance is not in question, Sendak!” she said. “These people need us. Crucial supplies are being transported from their planet onto the castle, and I will _not_ abandon them because you want to go on a wild search for Shiro when we have no idea where he is!”

She exhaled harshly, fists clenched tight by her side.

“I know that you care for him,” she continued, softer now. It only angered him more. “But he is _lost_ and we don’t know how to find him. You are not the only one trying. Our resources are stretched thin.”

Her eyes flickered to Keith. The red paladin was staring at Sendak with barely contained loathing, leaning back against the furthest wall from Sendak. It would not surprise Sendak to know he had been searching after learning that he had been the closest to Shiro.

“We,” and the way she said ‘we’ sounded like an accusation, “have been searching tirelessly. “When we have the chance, we will wormhole a few systems ahead in that direction and conduct more searches. For now, at least we know where we should be headed. It’s a start and for that, I must…thank you.”

It sounded like it physically pained her to admit it. Sendak couldn’t help but smirk.

“Thank me once we have found him,” he said. “Better yet: give me a ship and I will search for him myself.”

She shook her head. “Absolutely not. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have work to do. Just keep trying to reach him and update us if you learn anything else.”

Sendak forgot how much he despised being under someone else’s command. He was escorted out of the room by the Blade of Marmora, who treated him with the same revulsion he felt for him. Their masks might have hidden their faces, but Sendak could feel their disgust rolling off of them in waves.

They reached the door to his room within minutes. The entire procession was ridiculous; it wasn’t as if he was locked inside, but it clearly sated Allura’s fears to see her precious Blades treating him like a criminal.

“Find out what you can,” one of them said before turning away. The leader, perhaps, for the way that the others followed him.

Sendak sneered at their backs as they disappeared, leaving him alone in the hallway.

Had he been less inclined to stay with the castle, he would have stolen a ship. As it stood, he had a much better chance finding Shiro if he stayed with the paladins who needed him. Even if it meant putting up with their attempts to slowly turn the war towards their side.

It was a foolish quest. Zarkon could not be beaten.

The memory of Shiro’s face flashed inside his mind, eyes lit with that same fierce determination he had observed in the green paladin.

Foolish, but not foolishly fought, he would admit. They were stronger than he’d like to admit.

With the knowledge that Shiro was alive and in danger, Sendak opened his door and was about to enter when a voice from behind made him pause.

“Hey! Sendak.”

It was the red paladin. He couldn’t recall his name.

Sendak turned only slightly, itching to get inside his room and work on his attempts to find Shiro.

“I want to know what you _really_ know,” said the paladin.

His fury was detectable even from where Sendak stood. Something primal inside him lifted its head, more than happy to find a combatant who was willing to take him on. It had been _so_ long since he’d been in a good fight, and Sendak was sorely tempted to bait him into it. It would be almost too easy.  

Almost.

“I am otherwise occupied,” he said instead. “If you have some issue with me, take it up with your princess.”

“I want the truth, Sendak.” He pointed his bayard at Sendak, sword handle extended, which forced him to face him fully. He would be foolish to allow an opponent to aim at his naked back, and Sendak was no fool.

“You are aware of the circumstances that have led me here. I have withheld nothing.” His teeth stretched into an ugly grin. “You are upset that he lied to you, and now you want to take it out on me. As much as I would love to waste time in such a manner, I have more important things to do. Like finding your leader.” He paused, unable to help himself, not with the red paladin looking at him with such disregard. “And my bondmate.”

“He would never bond with you!” he shouted, taking two steps forward. Sendak changed his stance, but he did not lose his ground, remaining still as the paladin approached him. “Shiro is a good person. He would never—he wouldn’t—”

But even as he spoke the words, the paladin couldn’t seem to force them out with any true conviction. Even he knew that their bond was nearly indisputable; otherwise, why would Sendak be here, allowing them to hold his imprisonment over his head?

“You can smell it, can’t you,” Sendak said, feigning innocent curiosity. “There is no use denying the truth.”

“The truth—!” Incensed, the paladin lunged at him, pressing the hard edge of his sword against Sendak’s throat. “The truth is that you _manipulated_ Shiro into bonding with you. Admit it!”

Sendak could feel the edge digging into his fur, cutting through the thick strands on his neck.

“This is all your fault,” he continued, words hot with fury. “He didn’t really want this bond, did he? But you were stuck on that planet and there was no one else and you knew you could have him. Shiro isn’t the kind of person to make a bond like this: _you_ are.”

Sendak was irritated to admit that the paladin’s words were getting to him. It was true; Shiro _hadn’t_ wanted the bond. While he had accepted and welcomed it due to the circumstances on the planet, the original instantiation had been completely out of his control.

At the time, Sendak hadn’t thought it was possible. He hadn’t even cared.

So why did that bother him so much now?

“Just admit it! You don’t care about him, and you never did. So why are you really here?”

_You don’t care about him._

_Why are you here?_

The answer should have been simple. Sendak opened his mouth, but found that the words wouldn’t formulate properly on his tongue.

He’d once wondered if he’d lost himself in coming here; Sendak hadn’t known what to think, at the time. He’d just been following his instinct—the same instinct that told him to find Shiro and bring him back at all costs.

Shiro: the man—human—in which he had found an unlikely partnership and mate. In the beginning he had seen him as a convenient curiosity that allowed him meager satisfaction in the realm outside of his duties, but his obsession with him had grown until Shiro was all he could think about.

The more he thought about it, the more he realized that he longed for his taste; his smell; his kiss.

Sendak shoved the red paladin’s sword away, disgusting with himself for letting him get so close to the truth.  

“I am here because Shiro needs me,” he declared, his tone brooking no argument. “Come back when you have the power to find him.”

Keith narrowed his eyes, irises holding the kind of fury that Sendak had once recognized in himself. With the right training, Keith could master his ferocity and turn it into a powerful weapon. It was a very Zarkon-like thought, so much so that Sendak turned away, ears flattened.

“Leave,” he said, on the cusp of begging him to do it.

“Stay away from my friends,” Keith hissed before storming off.

* * *

**SHIRO**

Shiro’s duties in the compound were simple: get food. Get water. Help any of the others that might need it.

Sure, there were more 'dangerous' tasks, like doing the daily perimeter check and working on making this place a little more livable, but Matt had spread the word that Shiro was indisposed, as much as he tried to convince him otherwise.

“I’m fine, Matt,” Shiro said. He felt like he’d had this conversation a thousand times now. “I’ve been here for a few days already and I’ve barely been useful.”

“You’ve been—” Matt paused, hands grasping loosely at the bottom of a box he was carrying for a handhold. Shiro took pity on him and grasped the end on the other side, earning a grateful smile. “—totally useful! See? Just because you’re not on the field doesn’t mean we don’t need you here.”

The ‘field’ referred to taking shuttles into space and observing their surroundings, looking for potential life on the planet or attempting to intercept nearby Galra supply routes. They didn’t go near the factory, knowing too well they were probably scanning the surrounding areas constantly.

“Yesterday I read a book to kids. The same book I’ve read them a hundred times in a row.”

“Are they tired of it yet?”

“Well, no, but—”

“Then you’re getting plenty of practice for the future.”

“Matt!” He pulled on his end of the box, stalling their progress to the facility where they stored their supplies. “Matt, I’m serious.”

“I know you are. So am I.” Matt started to move, and Shiro, not one to drop cargo as precious as food, was helpless but to follow. “We need you in all the ways we need you. I get that you’re used to a little more action, but there’s nothing we can do until we know when the next freighter is going to take off. That’s our only ticket out of here.”

It wasn’t much of a plan, but it was their best shot.

The factory that they had all but decimated was still recovering, and the resources they had there were hardly enough. Soon more reinforcements would have to be sent, which meant a bigger ship with warp capabilities was bound to show up. When that happened, they had their ticket.

Shiro grunted as he set the box down on the ground, realizing he was a little more winded that he thought he’d be. He stood, catching himself from rubbing one hand over his chest like he’d been prone to the last few days. His breasts were really starting to hurt, but he wasn’t about to let on to Matt that it was happening, or he’d be confined to the barracks. 

“I still don’t understand how we’re supposed to hack into a highly advanced warship when we only have the resources on hand,” Shiro said, glancing around at their food supply. It was a little sad to behold. They had a few days left of rations on hand now, and in the future? Who knew if they’d have any more luck finding other edible foods in this dark world with only mushrooms to light their path.

“You’ll see soon enough.”

“What, are glowing mushrooms going to help us?”

“Not exactly.” Matt grinned. Then he motioned for Shiro to follow. “It’s probably time you two met.”

* * *

“Shiro, meet Wade, our resident hacker. Wade, meet Shiro, a very important friend of mine.”

“So you’ve said.” Wade glanced at Shiro up and down, placing his hands on his hips. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Shiro. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“You have?” He blinked. “I mean, that’s great. It’s nice to meet a friend of Matt’s.” He shook Wade’s hand, which was more like a claw, six-fingered and rough to the touch. “I’m guessing there’s a story there.”

“Wade’s the reason we’re here,” Matt said, smiling as the two of them shook hands. “Without his intel, we wouldn’t have been able to find you.”

“Aw, you’re just sayin’ that.” Wade smiled, revealing rows of sharp teeth. “The name’s Wadicant. Matt’s being generous when he calls me a hacker. My biology relies on natural magnetic fields, but with some work I can harness electromagnetic fields. That makes it easier for us to disable their systems for a short while and put in our own override. Having a working computer also helps.”

“That’s—that’s amazing!” Shiro smiled, something like hope flitting inside him. “I wasn’t so sure about this plan, but when you put it like that—you’ve really thought this through.”

“Yeah, well.” Matt’s smile dampened. “We’ve got people counting on us.”

“Plus, the support of the paladins when you—” Shiro began, only to have Matt jab him in his side, an edge to the smile on his face.

“Isn’t it time for your daily reading?” he teased, pointing towards the building where they held all the children Shiro had been tasked with.

He sighed. “Very funny. But no, I think Tersa has duty tonight. I’m on first shift watch.”

“Oh, really.” Matt squinted at him. “I was sure Olten was on watch tonight.”

“I think he said something about coming down with the flu,” Shiro said innocently. “Must be going around.”

“Uh huh.” Matt crossed his arms, shooting a look at Wade as if to encourage him to enter the argument. Wade gave them the approximation of a shrug and then moved away, having decided to let them deal with it on their own.

“Fine. But just this once.”

“Nothing’s going to happen, Matt. You don’t have to look so worried.”

“I know, I know.” Matt let his arms fall, defeated. “I just can’t stop thinking about it. About you and…I know you’re amazing and way stronger than I am, but I can’t lose you again. I’ve already lost my dad.”

Shiro softened in the wake of Matt’s confession. “You won’t, Matt, don’t worry. We’re safe here. We haven’t seen any real action since we landed.”

“I guess you’re right.” Matt lifted his shoulder, brightening almost immediately. “The wildlife seems aggressive, but they’ve never gotten close enough to put us in danger. You’re right; I shouldn’t be worried. I can trust you to take care of yourself.” 

“Good.” Shiro nodded, relieved at having a purpose aside from lending a helping hand when needed. What he really wanted to do was move his muscles, take a run, and get some training in, but for now he would have to settle for Matt’s overbearing protective nature—even for a beta—and deal with it.

He finished his work with Matt and was about to leave when he caught sight of Wade hanging out in the back, nearly hidden behind a few large mushrooms, watching them both with intense, pensive eyes. Once he noticed Shiro looking, his mouth stretched into a smile and he waved jovially.

Shiro waved back. He wasn’t sure how he felt about Wade just yet, but it seemed like Matt had a history with him, so he reminded himself to ask Matt about it later.  

* * *

**SENDAK**

Despite his best efforts, Sendak always found himself surrounded by the same two paladins.

They were like gnats, fluttering around him and annoying him with prying questions about his and Shiro’s relationship, masked as concern for his child.

“How does that taste?” Pidge asked, passing him another plate.

Sendak sighed, allowing his building irritation to show. “How many more of these must I be forced to eat?”

“Until we’ve decided we’ve got the right palate for Shiro. You said the Galra have very specific tastes and we just want to make sure Shiro’s happy.”

“ _Shiro’s_ tastes will not change,” Sendak pointed out. “The pregnancy will impact nothing.”

“Dude, you have never seen a pregnant human, have you?” Hunk smirked. “When omegas are pregnant their food choices even gross _me_ out, and that’s saying something. I can eat just about anything.”

Sendak glared at him and tore his way through the meal they prepared. _Fine._ If they wanted to waste his time, he would give them the satisfaction if it meant he would be left alone.

Their casual regard of him was grating, but a part of him was relieved to have the paladins on his side, so to speak. Sendak had expected an entirely hostile environment, so having would-be allies made it easier to plan for a future where an inevitable conflict would occur.

“This is revolting,” he said, passing it back to them. “Far too sweet. Worse than your ‘milk shake’ concoction.”

“You are insane!” Hunk exclaimed. “This is amazing! Can you believe this guy?”

“Guess you don’t have much of a sweet tooth then,” Pidge ventured, tapping her fingers against her keyboard. She had been writing in her small computer for some time, deducing what from their interactions Sendak didn’t care to know.

Perhaps she was reporting directly to Allura. The thought didn’t bother him; it would be a smart decision.

“My teeth are not sweet,” Sendak said.

“Right. Idioms are also out. Do the Galra even have idioms?” Hunk asked. He looked at Pidge.

She shrugged. “I don’t know. If Sendak wasn’t so tight-lipped, maybe we’d have an idea.”

Sendak snorted. “If you expect me to divulge the secrets of our race you are mistaken.”

“Dude, culture isn’t a secret. Or it doesn’t have to be, anyway.” Hunk pointed at the floor. “Those lions housed underneath are a part of your culture, if you think about it. Back when you guys weren’t crazy.”

Pidge grinned, shifting in her seat to face Sendak, legs crossed at the ankles.

“We know you’re curious, Sendak. We’re not gonna tell you everything, but you _can_ ask us questions. It’s not like you’d be able to steal the lions anyway.” She jabbed her thumb at herself, a note of pride in her voice. “They only respond to _us.”_

“You would tell the enemy about your lions if I just _ask,”_ he said slowly, with apparent disbelief.

“You’re not our enemy, though,” said Hunk. “The Galra outcasted you and you’re mated to a Voltron paladin.” At Sendak’s look, Hunk twisted in his seat, poised to get up at a moment’s notice. “I’m not saying I trust you with my life or anything, but you’re not, like, evil. Even if you did try to kill us once or twice.”

“I think underneath all that fur you’re a big softie,” Pidge added. “Don’t think I didn’t notice how you left your gauntlet the other day.”

“That was big of you,” Hunk said.

“Nonsense,” said Sendak. “I am not your ally,” he added, feeling like the more he said it the more the meaning was slipping out from between his fingers.

* * *

Nearly a week had come and gone since his last communication with Shiro and Sendak was getting restless. His mission was a standstill, his purpose lacking direction.

These very paladins—Pidge and Hunk—distracted him on a daily basis when they weren’t training or otherwise occupied, but Sendak’s rut was nearing its climax and he was feeling wild and impatient, so when the culmination of their efforts approached him, he wasn’t in the mood to entertain the ideas they offered.

That morning there had been some commotion going on the center console room of the castle—moreso than usual—and while Sendak usually avoided these moments, his curiosity and boredom got the better of him.

“Oh, ‘sup, Sendak. Allura’s around here somewhere if you’re looking for her.”

Hunk barely spared Sendak a glance, hard at work as he was on some kind of machine in the shape of a cube. His fingers were buried in a writhing mess of wires, and every few seconds he would wrestle a few into place before suddenly deciding that he would prefer them another way.

Impressed, Sendak watched him for a few minutes before someone to his left coughed aggressively, drawing his attention away from Hunk.

“Sendak.” It was Allura. She didn’t look pleased by his wandering eye. She crossed her arms. “What are you doing here?”

“Is my access restricted beyond this point?” he asked, his words on the cusp of a threatening snarl. Allura’s eyes narrowed.

“Yes,” she said, with a conviction that he didn’t buy into. “Unless you needed something, that is.” She leaned against the wall nearby, eyes flickering to the activity around them. “I’ll ask once more, for your sake: what are you doing here? The paladins are just about to take off. We don’t have time to entertain you.”

Sendak bit back a growl at the implication he was a child that needed looking after. He could hardly admit that he was curious as to what the activity was about, but he couldn’t help the intrigued “take off?” that escaped him.

“We have those that need us around the galaxy, as you well know.” She turned away, effectively ending the conversation, and motioned for a Blade member to follow her around the other side of the console at the opposite end of the room.

Sendak stood there a few moments, hovering awkwardly. Pidge was busy with Lance, and Keith was glaring at him, following his every step. It was clear to him he would receive none of the welcome he had come to (grudgingly) find acceptable, so he turned and began walking towards the door.

“Sendak!”

Another voice, this one unfamiliar. When he located the source and realized it was a _Blade,_ he it was sorely tempted to keep walking. Instead, he remained where he stood, forcing the Blade to walk up to him, which was far more satisfying.

He stopped, going silent, perhaps waiting for acknowledgment.

Sendak held his own, waiting for him to speak.

“It has been aware to us that you may have…sensitive information,” he began, with the barest hint of nerves. They loved to run in circles, from what he’d observed. A ferocious angry feeling ignited inside him at the thought, doubled by his oncoming rut and the repulsively neutral scent of the Blade. Whatever was in their suits to make them smell like that, he wanted to tear it apart.

The Blade member shifted uncertainly at his lack of immediate reaction.

“I won’t give away information on the Galra Empire to _you,”_ he said at length. “Go bother someone else.”

“We were informed of that as well. There may be a way that we both come to mutually beneficial agreement, if you would speak with our leader, Kolivan.”

“He can come to me himself if he’s that eager,” he snarled. Shoving the Blade aside, he stormed past him.

Later, Pidge approached him.

“Sendak.” She sounded unhappy. “I was hoping to catch you. I saw you talking to the Blades earlier—”

“So that was you,” he said, his tone holding a good amount of anger. He reminded himself to stay calm; allowing his rut to take hold over him would not end well.

She shifted on her feet, but her eyes never strayed from him. “I might have mentioned something about you guys working together. It’s what I wanted to talk to you about. Why do you hate the Blades so much?”

“The Blade of Marmora,” he spat, “are a blemish on the map. They are traitorous Galra thieves that scrounge for any bit of information they can gather for their pathetic goals.” 

“Right, so no strong feelings one way or the other.” She rocked back and forth on her heels, watching him with a curiosity he found even more irritating. “Are you okay? You seem…angrier than usual.”

“That’s none of your concern!” he snapped.

She stepped back reflexively. A twinge of guilt bloomed in Sendak’s chest.

“It’s nothing,” he said, softer. “It is—”

He stopped, the truth hanging on the edge of his lips. There was no reason to hide a part of his biology that humans were well acquainted with—at least from her. He trusted she would do nothing harmful with the information.

“I am about to go through my rut cycle,” he admitted, with great reluctance. “Aggressiveness is a common side effect for most.”

She relaxed, the curiosity returning. “Rut? Is that anything like an alpha’s rut for humans?” 

Sendak nodded. “Shiro was the one who suggested the human colloquialism. They are the closest approximation of the word.”

“Oh. Cool. Or, not cool, I guess.” She scratched her neck and shrugged. “Anyway, I wanted to ask you to reconsider the Blades’ offer. I think you guys could really help each other out.”

“Because I am Galra.”

“Because you’re both after the same thing. You want to take down the Empire! At least partially,” she amended. “You act like you’re some prisoner here, which, okay, you kind of are, but you’re also here to _help.”_

“I have no reason to help them.”

“Yeah, you do. It’s not just about you, you know,” she declared, spreading her arms wide. “We all want Shiro home, and that would go by a lot quicker if you gave the Blades. I’m not asking you to _join them,_ I just think that with your intel, they could really get things done!”

He snorted. _Get things done,_ ha!

“Maybe,” she continued, her words careful, “they could find Shiro in other ways. Hack into databases or find records of his appearance. Don’t you think it’s worth a shot?”

Sendak’s first instinct was to laugh in her face. The thought of him, Commander Sendak, joining the Blades, a well-known joke throughout the galaxy, was laughable.

“They need your help to take down Zarkon. You know so much about high command and—and flight paths, or where the fleet is planning to attack next. I mean, come on, they’re not your enemy!”

He was suddenly reminded of how Zarkon’s frustration over the rebel infraction had grown over the years they made themselves known. At first, they had offered nothing but vague interest, until soon they started taking down ships and entire squadrons, costing the Empire millions in time and credits.

The Blade of Marmora were met with humor and scorn by many, yes, but also with equal trepidation. Their skill was worthwhile, and their targets decimated when chosen correctly. Sendak had hated them with a passion because they had abandoned the Empire, but now…

Now, so had he.

He was no commander any longer; no, he was just a Galra, like them, trying to find his mate amidst the wreckage that the Galra Empire had wrought.

“Fine,” he heard himself say. “I will speak with your Blades, but only to give them information. I don’t know how much of what I know still exists as it did when I was commander, but I will try to remember.”

“Yes! Thank you!” Pidge raised her fist and brought it down in a bizarre motion that was probably intended to convey joy. He was wholly unprepared when she shot forward and wrapped her limbs around him, squeezing his middle briefly before she took off with a backwards goodbye.

Sendak stared in the space she had occupied for a long time after.

* * *

_Shiro._  

Sendak jerked into awareness, his mind still running on the adrenaline from his dream. His hand was outstretched, reaching for an unseen enemy. He curled his fingers into fists, allowing his sharp claws to bury into his skin.

Sendak sat up and examined the room. Despite its warmth and comfort, he had grown so accustomed to having his mate by his side that he couldn’t get used to it. He scrubbed his hand over his face and lurched out of bed, trying to push the memory of his dream out of his mind.

He dreamt of Shiro often.

In them, his mate was often missing, much like reality. Sendak would find him bound, privy to the worst tortures the empire had to offer. Sometimes Sendak was the one dealing out the torture, enraged by his own actions but unable to stop in time.

He turned on the shower full blast and watched the water flatten his fur. Shiro’s hands had become adept at combing through the mess and untangling knots in hard to reach places. Sendak inhaled and closed his eyes, imagining for a brief moment the feeling of his fingers buried in his fur, running across his chest. It resembled his dreams too closely, reminding him of things he’d rather not think about.

_“Why did you lie?” Shiro, covered in blood, a phantom that could not be real, screamed at him. His fingers tightened, the pain of them pulling at his fur nearly causing him to flinch. “You’re still lying to me! Can’t you just tell me the truth, for once?”_

When he exhaled, his breath wavered.

To say that he missed Shiro was an understatement.

He _longed_ for him. Every second that they spent apart only buried the knife deeper and made it sharper. It seemed that even with his unsocial disposition the paladins could see that he was affected by the situation.

“You look sad, sometimes,” Pidge had said one morning, when Sendak had been caught staring at his bowl for a long time. “I mean—” She flailed somewhat at his vicious glare, but she was wise to his tricks, and hesitated only a split second, “—you must miss him. I don’t know what that’s like. I miss him too, but I wasn’t bonded to him.”

Sendak had just stared at her. He’d been tempted to brush of her concerns, but Pidge’s moment of confidence struck at the heart of his vulnerability. In that span of time, it seemed as though he saw Shiro’s concern reflect through her and could not conceal the truth.

“It is difficult, being without my mate,” he admitted slowly, swirling his spoon around his breakfast. “I want him back. He used to suffer from night terrors, but now I have taken on that role.”

“Night terrors? Are those like nightmares?” Pidge had asked, a spark of curiosity entering her eye.

Sendak drew the conversation away and it ended there, but her words stuck by him.

_You look sad._

He dragged his claws down his chest, forcing himself to return to the present.

There was no time to get lost in memories. He needed to find Shiro, by any means necessary.

* * *

“Where were you first stationed?”

“Arkanium. Sector 12.”

“Name those listed on your roster.”

“I didn’t have access to those kinds of files yet. I became captain a decapheeb later.”

The blade nodded, dutifully recording down his response. Beside him, another member was holding out an oral recording device. Keith was there—probably out of a sense of duty and vengeance, considering his hatred for Sendak. He had expected as much, and hardly balked when Keith shoved his sword in his face, only to be calmed by Kolivan’s quiet demands.

“Most of this is information we know. Let’s move on to more important things,” Kolivan said, nodding at the nearest Blade. They left, and then returned with a second recording device. For backing the data, perhaps.

“What can you tell us about emperor Zarkon?” Kolivan asked. He was inscrutable at the best of times, but even Sendak could see the interest glimmering in his eyes.

“Ruthless. Strong,” Sendak said. He smirked. “He would tear your party apart with ease.”

“Sendak—” Kolivan began, a bite in his tone. Likely he was tired of rehashing the same argument. Keith leaned forward, sword at his side glinting in the light.

Sendak held up his hand.

“I’m not finished,” he said. “He is strong, physically, but the brains of his operations are with the head of the druids. The witch, as she is referred to.”

There was a sound behind him. A whisper. The beep of a device switching on.

Suddenly, the room seemed to surround him, pressing in on him. The air became oppressive, and Sendak could hear the quiet hum of the recording device taking down his every word.

Here he was, about to give up the secrets that he had held onto for thousands of cycles. Nothing could have prepared him for the panic that settled in his chest. Sendak swallowed, attempting to control his own visceral response by digging his claws into his thigh. 

“Go on,” Kolivan said, sensing his hesitation.

Another few moments passed, and Sendak managed to continue speaking. The air slowly grew less oppressive, and soon Sendak was spilling every secret and every weakness that he could recall. When it seemed like he had nothing left to say, he would remember Zarkon’s hands touching his mate in the astral plane and his anger fueled him into spitting out another, and another.

It wasn’t the key to successfully winning the war, but it would give the paladins and the Blade of Marmora an edge. Kolivan could barely contain his excitement as they noted everything Sendak said, marching from one end of the room to the other.

“This is very useful,” he said, sounding surprised. Keith, drawing to his side, seemed more suspicious.

“How do we know we can trust this?” he asked, directing a glare at Sendak. “He could be lying.”

“Lying or not, it’s information.” He nodded at the Blade that handed him one of the digital notepads. “All we have to do and decipher the parts we know to be true. Don’t worry. We won’t follow it without making certain that it’s legitimate.”

“We should just put him in the pod and take his memories. That’s way more effective than waiting for him to _tell_ us.”

“That’s not how we do things,” Kolivan said. “At least not under the princess’ rule. She has forbid it.”

“So, you brought it up to her,” Sendak said, unsurprised. He looked at Keith with bared teeth. “Isn’t that a _shame.”_

“Shut up.” Keith raised his bayard. “Don’t think this means we trust you.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“You—”

“Enough.” Kolivan raised his head from his digital display. “Stop squabbling. For now, we are on the same side. And we have a lot of work to do. Keith, with me. Regris, see what you can do with the coordinates he gave us.”

Satisfied with their queries, they dismissed him. The pieces were starting to move and Sendak was no longer a part of the puzzle. The thought of them finding information on Shiro before he could with his power—so much more meaningful and greater than theirs—gave him a indescribable feeling that _burned_ in his chest, and was speaking before he could help it.

“Take me with you on one of your missions.”

“Absolutely not!” Keith declared angrily.

“That’s not possible,” said Kolivan, far more level-headed. “It isn’t a field trip; what we do involves the fate of the universe.”

“There are certain to be areas that you cannot reach, but I can,” Sendak said, not entirely certain that this was true, but the only ammunition in arguing for his place with the Blades. He didn’t _care_ about their morals and their missions: all he wanted to find was Shiro.

If that meant teaming up, well.

“My access codes may still be in service,” Sendak continued.

Kolivan looked at him.

“Regardless, we can’t take you with us. There is more than enough to do our work without your help. Keith, come.”

With one final, smug look, Keith marched beside Kolivan and exited, soon followed by the other members. They took with them their recordings and their notes, leaving Sendak behind with nothing but an intense feeling of resentment.

* * *

Stepping outside, Sendak was met face to face with the blue paladin.

“Oh. Um, sorry, dude. I was just, uh,” he chuckled, taking a step back, “looking for Keith. Is he here?”

He peered past Sendak, a sort of blind hope on his face indicating he’d really like to find Keith if it meant he didn’t have to face Sendak's ire.

Sendak shook his head and moved past him, barely sparing him a glance. Lance had not been as harsh as Keith, and he had even insisted that they join forces, but he hadn’t come at him with the level of camaraderie that Pidge or Hunk had, and as such he trusted him even less.

“Hey, Sendak.”

Sendak stopped and turned to look at him. Lance smiled uneasily.

“You know, Pidge, she—she mentioned you wanted to know about how Earth people deal with pregnancy, but that they couldn’t tell you much.”

“Really.” He had insinuated as such, but he hadn’t asked her to start gossiping about his interests.

“I could help, you know!” Lance darted forward, ignoring his obvious signals to be left alone, stiff but excited, stopping Sendak with hands gesturing excitedly. “I have a bunch of siblings and I saw my mom get pregnant twice. She’s a beta female, so it’s a little different, but basically the same—”

Sendak let out an explosive sigh, already tired of dealing with the shenanigans of his supposed allies.

“Explain then, if you must.”

“Great.” Lance’s hesitation melted, and in its place was the familiar cockiness that the other paladins described so dearly. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about this, but Keith has been up my ass about training all the time when we’re not out doing Voltron stuff. He’s—” the joy vanished from his face, “—he’s not taking it so well.”

“No, he is not,” Sendak agreed. “I don’t care how your red paladin feels. He will either accept it or he won’t. Now, human pregnancy.”

“Right. Okay. This might take a second. Maybe we should get something to eat first.”

Sendak nodded towards the kitchens. He started walking.

Lance quickly fell into step beside Sendak, not really looking at him, as if he wasn’t sure how to approach a long stroll with his former enemy.

“So…how’s the castle treating you?” Lance winced. “That’s kind of a dumb question, I guess. You’re kinda stuck here. Not that you don’t deserve it. I mean, you did try to take over this ship once upon a time.”

Sendak glared at him.

“Hey, you can’t deny the truth.” Lance placed a hand delicately on his chest. “I’m fine with you being here. Sort of. I just wish—” He let his hand fall, clenching his fingers into a fist. “I wish Shiro had _told_ us before he disappeared.”

“I’m certain it would have been easier for you,” Sendak added unkindly, some bite still in his tone.

“Well, yeah.” Lance grimaced. “It’s hard to take your word for it when we don’t _know_ anything. Honestly, it kinda feels like the team is splitting apart. Which is why I thought I’d talk to you, since you’ve been hanging around Pidge and Hunk. If we’re going to be allies, we need to start working together.”

“No more of this ‘freeloading’,” Sendak added, blindly referencing Lance’s language from their first meal together many cycles ago, whatever it meant.

“Heh. That’s a good one.” He flashed his teeth at Sendak. “I did say I wanted us to work together. I even think maybe we could take you on a few missions, see if proximity helps with your bond.” Lance shrugged. “Allura won’t be on board, but I’m hoping I can convince her eventually.”

“A bold claim to make.” Sendak stopped in front of the cafeteria entrance and placed his hand on the door. “You trust in my help a great deal.”

His tone was slightly mocking. Lance wasn’t unaware of this. He lifted his chin, looking Sendak straight in the eye when he spoke.

“I want to find Shiro, whatever it takes.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My beta said I always end chapters in dialogue. I never noticed until now. HUH.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't going to make this one so long, but breaking it up didn't feel right.

**SHIRO**

A month. They’d been here a month underneath the dark recesses of the planet’s atmosphere, and their scanners still hadn’t picked up a ship. Shiro suspected they were attempting to bait out rebel forces, but he couldn’t be certain. All that he knew was he was getting desperate to eat anything besides mushrooms every night.

“I brought you your favorite, Shiro! Mushroom stew!” Matt lifted his bowl with gusto before setting it down in front of him. Shiro was disgusted with their ‘chef’s’ latest creation, but he wasn’t stupid enough to turn down food. Especially _warm_ food.

“Don’t suppose we have any extra blankets?” he joked, repressing a shiver. “I’m freezing in here.”

He cradled the warm bowl of soup in his hands, wishing he was on some tropical planet like the one he’d inhabited with Sendak. Instead, he was confined to his bed for the day after Matt had realized he had a cold.

Shiro wasn’t negligent with his health, but he was always cold, and the sudden change in environment no doubt weakened his immune system. All in all, it made sense.

Matt, however, didn’t see it the same way. He was adamant that Shiro stay in bed, doubling him up on blankets and hot bowls of soup.

It was certainly warm underneath his pile of blankets, but—not warm enough.

Matt frowned. “Are you really that cold?”

“Yeah.” Shiro shivered. “Sorry.”

“No, no, that’s okay. Is this a—galra thing?”

“I’m not sure. Maybe?” He brought his legs up to his chest, careful of his burgeoning stomach. Into his fourth or fifth month at this point, he was starting to balloon outward. It’d be obvious to anyone who knew humans—or that could smell it on him—that he was pregnant. “All I know is I’m always cold, but it feels like my insides are warm. It’s really strange.”

“Maybe we should get you checked out,” Matt said worriedly. “I don’t like this.”

“Yeah, neither do I.” Shiro laughed quietly. Then he shivered, fingers tightening around his bowl. “Think I could get this soup reheated in a bit?”

“Only if Tersa is feeling generous.” Matt smiled and sat down in front of Shiro on the only chair available, pulled from one of the old labs they had repurposed as shelter. “You gonna be okay if I get back to it?”

“Yep. A little cold, but I think I’ll live. What’s on me for tomorrow?”

“Shiro—”

“I still have to earn my own keep,” Shiro interrupted, his tone booking no argument. “It’s not up for discussion.”

“Stubborn idiot,” Matt muttered. “Fire duty. You’ll relieve the last post at half a cycle. Get ready to sit your ass down all day.”

Shiro smiled. “Can’t wait.”

Matt nodded and left. Shiro looked down at his meal, wondering how he was going to make himself eat it.

* * *

 

**SENDAK**

The day for their combined forces came when Kolivan, out on a retcon mission, received an important transmission from their long-range sensors. A Galra supply ship had been spotted in a zone outside of its usual route. This was noted with great suspicion and spurred the Blades to investigate.

“Normally we would wait for better intel, but with the emergence of this new form of quintessence, we feel compelled to investigate. We should act now.”

She wrung her hands for a moment, staring down in thought. “I agree,” she said, at length. “We can send Voltron to investigate immediately.”

“This information may not be reliable,” Sendak grunted, after Kolivan explained this to the paladins. He was standing by the door outside the control room, and had been for time, edging on the outskirts in case he wasn’t welcome, but Allura didn’t seem inclined to getting rid of him in that moment.

Kolivan glanced at him briefly before addressing Allura directly.

“An infiltration mission makes more sense,” Kolivan said. “We can plant a tracker and see just how far the supply route extends. It’ll just take some time. With all the Galra activity as of late, my agents are spread thin.” 

“Not anymore. I’m in,” Keith declared.

“But what about Voltron? We might need you!” Lance exclaimed.

“You heard him. Their agents are spread thin. I can help.”

“As can I.”

Heads turned towards the voice that had spoken. Sendak, who stepped forward with a confidence that he didn’t necessarily feel.

“Sendak,” Allura began, at a loss for words.

“You wanted information and I gave it to you, but there is still much you don’t know. If you don’t have access to the ship, your mission will be a failure.” He placed his hand on his chest. “Take me with you.”

Kolivan was silent, staring at Sendak inquisitively. Then he turned away from his screen and began speaking to someone on his end, his words muffled.  

“Regris is our best hacker,” he said, addressing Sendak directly. “Even if we don’t have an entrance, we can make one.”

“You’re lying. You know as well as I do that tracking will be useless if the Galra Empire detects entry on its more precious cargo.” Sendak smirked. He was well aware of Zarkon’s paranoia. “I can ensure you have the more recent codes, at the very least.”

“No!” Keith gestured angrily at Sendak. “We can’t take him along. He could sabotage the mission, or worse, get us killed!”

Kolivan exchanged a look with Allura.

“I will admit that Sendak’s intel so far has proven true. We haven’t had time to explore much, but what we have seems promising. While is not ideal, it’s a risk I suppose I’m willing to take. That is, if you are.”

“What?” She blinked.

“You’ve lived with him. Would you say he’s a danger?”

Allura looked at Sendak. He returned her gaze without fear, resisting the urge to make a remark. He simply let her examine him freely without saying anything. As her eyes raked across his face searchingly, he nodded.

She turned to the screen.

“Kolivan. I trust you will bring him back without harm. Finding Shiro remains a priority.”

“Of course.”

It was hardly a resounding endorsement, but Sendak felt satisfaction mount inside him nonetheless. The bond that thrummed under his skin was faint; weak, barely proof that Shiro was alive, but touching upon it now it felt like a beacon, just waiting to lead him in the right direction. If only he was _closer,_ their bond might be something tangible once more.

Sendak watched Keith tear past him, fury radiating from him in waves. It didn’t matter what the Blade mission was or what it entailed. It didn’t matter that they were all working against him. None of it mattered, because finally, he was closer to his goal.

* * *

“I’m not interested in wearing one of your suits,” Sendak said in response to being handed one of the Blade’s outfits. The material was soft and velvety to the touch, but he was covered in _fur_ and wasn’t particularly interested in being stifled.

“It’s not a request. You will wear it, or you won’t be a part of this mission.”

Sendak growled, a move that usually made the humans step back in fright, but the nameless Blade member that stood in front of him only cocked his head, pointing to the item of clothing once again.

With one final glower, Sendak walked into another room to start the arduous process of dressing himself with one arm.

* * *

“I don’t think you’re going to be very useful with just one arm.”

Keith’s distaste for Sendak was palpable. Whereas his friends had grown used to Sendak’s persisting presence, the red paladin continued to be hostile, even in an environment that required them to work together.

It wasn’t as though he was being intentionally cruel, either. His concerns were valid; it was just that Sendak didn’t care.

“I will be fine,” Sendak said. He leaned back against the wall of the ship that they were riding in, picking absently at his outfit. “I’m not so sure about you.”

Keith bristled.

Sendak didn’t feel up for a fight when he was being smothered by his uniform. Whatever manner of agents the Blade had, their fur must not have been as thick (he refused to acknowledge Shiro’s way of referring to him as _fluffy)_ as Sendak’s. He felt completely out of his element, especially now that they were in an unfamiliar environment and he wasn’t allowed to know where they were going until they reached the location.

“I’ve been training with the Blade for months. You have no idea what I’m capable of.”

“Perhaps,” Sendak admitted, “but refusing to work with me will not get you any closer to finding Shiro.”

Sendak could practically hear his teeth grinding against each other.

“It’s not about Shiro. It’s about _you._ You’re part of the Galra Empire. You’re evil.”

“I _was_ a part of the Galra Empire until I was _relieved_ of my duty by the black paladin when he sent me off into space. And despite that, he is my mate.”

Keith opened his mouth, then closed it, his expression forming a complex swirl of emotions at the mention of their relationship. Shiro hadn’t told them, so Keith and the others didn’t exactly know how it had come about. To them, it seemed confusing and unimaginable; the real story ran along a similar vein. It hadn’t been organic and loving, but had been bred from lust and convenience, transforming into a bond that they had begrudgingly acknowledged and then accepted.

Keith was silent from then on.

As the ship moved through space, the few remaining Blade members accompanying them on this mission filtered into the room, standing near Keith or against the wall opposite to Sendak. He was left alone, treated with suspicion that was easy to parse through their blank expressions.

It didn’t matter to him that they didn’t trust him. He just needed the opportunity to find Shiro. That was all that mattered.

When they arrived at their destination, Kolivan addressed the team directly.

“We’re here,” he said, perhaps for Sendak’s sake. “Let’s make this quick. In and out. Sendak, Keith, Regris and I are going. Pilots: you know the drill. At the first sign of trouble, if we don’t make it back in time you move on without us.”

Sendak opened his mouth to argue against the stupidity of leaving their best members behind, but before he could voice his thoughts the Blades were already shuffling towards the open doorway and activating their jetpacks. He cast a glance at the pilots, considering the merit of offering them a threat. It wasn’t likely to work, but Sendak was tempted to try. He hadn’t come along to be left behind because they were afraid of a little danger.

He looked back out the door where his ‘team’ was quickly leaving him behind, their bodies growing smaller the longer he waited. For a tick he stood there, suspended, stretching his senses to reach for his bond with Shiro. It was as faint as ever, but seemed the slightest bit closer, filling him with an inordinate amount of hope.

His comms crackled to life, Kolivan’s voice filtering through. “Sendak.”

Sendak braced his hand on the wall and propelled himself out of the doorway.

“We’ll leave you behind next time,” Kolivan warned once he’d caught up. “Now come on. Triangulate positions around the ship.”

They separated. A robotic voice inside Sendak’s suit told him where to go based on his current path. He followed its instructions, releasing his jetpack when he came close, landing in a burst of electricity that magnetized his feet to the ship.

He was at the northern tip. Keith had dropped down in front of him and placed a device against the metal plate. He pressed a button and then a screen appeared over the device in his hand, displaying readings that Sendak recognized but couldn’t decipher.

“I’m not detecting any bio-rhythms,” he declared.

“Could be a crew of sentries,” Kolivan returned. “Let’s get in and find out.”

They looked at Sendak. He looked around for the entrance.

“This…is an older model. One we—that the empire stopped using a few many decapheebs ago.”

He swung himself down towards the lower end of the ship, feeling with his foot for the latch. Once he found it, he used it as leverage to pull himself towards the main entrance underneath the ship. The Blade members followed him, watching him like a proto-valk. He largely ignored them in favor of stilling his momentum so he could enter in the access code one handed.

“The access code for the particular ship has probably been updated,” he said. “However, as a commander I had overrides for almost every ship in the fleet, including this one. Assuming the removal of my access has not been updated on the network, it will open.”

He pressed enter, sweat building underneath his fur. If he couldn’t gain access to the ship, his worth could be proven fatal, and with it, his chance to find Shiro. As the system ran through processing he placed his hand on the door as if it would speed up the process, when in reality it was to ground himself to something solid.

After a few more seconds, the door beeped rapidly, then lit up and slid open.

“You did it,” said the Blade whose name he could hardly remember. Regris.

“Let’s move in.” Kolivan didn’t share in his awe, and Sendak nodded, not eager to linger.

They slipped inside, quietly readjusting to the gravitational changes before Kolivan signaled they head off in opposite directions. They were to meet back at the center once they had cleared each wing.

It was suspiciously easy. While Sendak hadn’t expected much of a fight, he had expected some sort of bodies on board. Instead, the ship was completely deserted.

“I completed the secondary sentry scan. There are none on board,” said Regris. His tail flicked back and forth, disturbed by the lack of opposition.

“The entire place is empty,” Keith added. He looked at Kolivan. “Have you ever seen this before?”

Kolivan looked at Sendak, who shook his head. “Automated ships are common, but of this type of importance I am not so sure. If it delivers quintessence, then it would be a top priority for the empire. Half of its soldiers rely on it.”

“Something’s not right here,” Kolivan said, apparently agreeing with him. “We should leave.”

“We came all this way,” Keith said, beating Sendak to the punch. “We should at least plant a tracker and find out where this ship ends up.”

“There is no one here,” Sendak added. “It would be foolish to leave without finding what we came for.”

“You haven’t been on the opposite side of this war before,” Kolivan said, facing Sendak. “But since Keith shares your opinion, let’s make it quick. To the control room.”

They entered the control room with weapons raised, but it was just as unguarded as the rest of the ship. The platform above them, usually reserved for a commander, was strangely absent. The ship ran on autopilot, steering them slowly towards an unknown destination.

Sendak didn’t like the feeling that this gave him. Everything in his gut was telling him to leave, but he wasn’t about to give up the chance to track an important chain and potentially find his mate. If he were with the empire, quintessence might be needed for whatever they decided to do with him. It was a stretch, but it was all Sendak had outside of relying on their bond.

“I’ll check the logs,” said Regris, sounding excited to do so.

“Planting the tracker,” said Keith. He took a panel off of the wall and was in the process of planting it between the folds of tech when an alarm sounded, and text appeared on the main screen.

“I’m locked out of the system!” Regris yelled.

As if on cue, the exit door closed with a sharp hiss, signaling the end of their escape.

“It’s rigged to blow!”

“The ship’s a decoy. Everyone out!” Kolivan snapped. Then he turned around and shoved his blade in between the crack of the doorframe. Keith followed his example and the two of them began to pry the door open. Sendak didn’t have their arsenal of equipment, but he did have brute strength, and used it to pry at the door with the others.

Regris was still at the main console, typing rapidly. He was attempting to bypass the failsafe, but if Sendak knew Galra tech, then there was nothing he could do unless he wanted to sacrifice himself.

“Attempting to override,” Regris said. His voice was clear; focused. He had obviously worked in stressful situations before.

“There’s not enough time!” Keith yelled, desperately trying to wedge the door open under his shoulder. “Come on!”

The beeping was getting faster and faster. The place was about to blow, yet Regris was foolishly glued to the computer, fingers moving even more rapidly. Sendak could imagine the turmoil inside him, urging him to find the truth even at the risk of his life.

“Just a few more ticks…”

Sendak’s arm went slack along the door. At the edge of his vision he could see Kolivan dragging Keith away.

In the few ticks that Sendak pushed away from the door, time seemed to slow. The rapid beeping faded. His blood pulsed in his ears, drowning out the sounds of Keith’s screams.

Regris was probably one of the Blade’s most valuable members. Anyone who could hack into the Galra’s systems was worth saving. Anyone who could find _Shiro_ was worth saving. Even if a mixture of fear and terror clawed at Sendak’s innards, urging him to turn around and get out before he gave his life for someone that wasn’t even his mate.

As Sendak thrust his arm around Regris, something warm and hot pulsed inside of him, expanding until for one, single moment it felt like he could feel him, closer than ever.

_Shiro._

Then it was gone. Sendak banked and tore for the door with a roar, muscles burning with each sprint. He had just made it past the door when the explosion thrust him forward and drowned out the rest of their cries.

* * *

 

**SHIRO**

Shiro wished he had the forethought to ask Matt about Wade now that it was obvious he was acting strange. More so than what was usual for his species. He interacted socially in the same way most species did, but Shiro didn’t think that _this_ was normal.

Wade stared at him. A lot.

It was one thing to receive a few odd glances for his looks, but Wade’s eyes always stayed on him, the weight of his gaze heavy on Shiro’s shoulders.

At first, he wondered if he knew about the pregnancy but then dismissed the thought when Wade neglected to show any interest in Shiro when he displayed obvious signs of discomfort in his daily routine.

For one, his feet and back hurt. His stomach pulled him forward, heavy and warm, and he compensated by trying not to need to move unless it was necessary. That was made difficult, since he had tasks that needed to be completed.

Then he considered that it might be his scent, which was heightened by how much he missed Sendak.

That is to say: he was horny. All the time.

Thanks to the hormonal imbalance of not having his alpha around, his scent was stronger than ever. Matt had the decency to not comment on it—after all, it was just his body projecting _come hither_ in an attempt to entice his mate—but he couldn’t help the occasion sniff he gave whenever Shiro had gone a while without showering. Granted, that wasn’t exactly obvious, particularly if an alien specie’s didn’t understand the nuances of humans’ scents.

It also didn’t help that he still, after all this, had to deal with his heat.

Matt was the one who had insisted Shiro stay with him in his room, one of the few private quarters that they had in the compound. At first, Shiro had resisted, wanting to avoid any form of special treatment, but the day he felt one of his heats start up he was grateful.

See, the thing about being an omega was that their nature never really stopped working to ensure the safety of child and mate. Even when pregnant his body exerted incredible effort to draw his mate’s attention, whether it involved his scent or otherwise.

Otherwise, meaning heats. Pseudo-heats that lasted just a few hours but felt almost exactly like the real thing.

Not every omega experienced pseudo-heats mid-pregnancy. Shiro hadn’t been pregnant before, so he couldn’t have predicted the way his body suddenly drew on the heat inside him and expanded until he was shivering in bed, but not from the cold.

Matt understood what he was getting at when he explained the situation almost immediately, and as his friend, he didn’t make any comments. Well, no more than usual.

“Just tell me if you need anything,” Matt said to him before he left. “Water, mushrooms—you name it.”

“No more mushrooms,” Shiro ground out, fingers sliding up and down his forearms. He was trying not to touch himself even though he really, really wanted to. His body convulsed, heat pouring up his throat, trying to escape in the form of a moan. He chewed on his lower lip, hips shifting back and forth.

He realized Matt has been speaking when he called his name.

“Sorry,” he choked, face lighting up. “I. It’s hard to, uh, concentrate.”

Matt’s lips twitched. “Figured. I’m gonna go now. I’ll check on you in a few hours.”

A few hours. Shiro just had to hold on for a few hours. It should have been easy enough, considering it wasn’t a tried and true heat but one that was there to encourage closeness.

It was like torture. Relief wasn’t forthcoming, and even though he hadn’t expected any, without his mate there with him the factors seemed multiplied. His last heat had involved Sendak; he could still remember the thick weight of his dick sliding inside Shiro. The extra appendages had been weird, but very, _very_ good.

His fingers slipped down his stomach, pressing into his groin. He bit back a groan.

That had been a long few hours.

Shiro shifted, returning to the present and ignoring the arousal slowly building inside him in favor of paying attention to his current problem.

If he had been attracted to Shiro, he would have acted different before and after his heat, but he hadn’t.

So, in short, none of his conclusions helped explain Wade’s creepy brand of staring.

 _I’m just going to ask,_ he thought. He could be casual and surreptitious about it. There was no need for a confrontation.

Shiro was sitting in front of the compound’s main fire, poking it idly every so often, very aware of the occasional stare he was garnering from Wade. He was going to get up and do exactly as he’d planned, but then he suddenly felt the bond sing in a way it hadn’t in weeks.

Adrenaline, hot and heady, rushed through him. The air no longer smelled like fire and the smell of cooked food, but sweat and fear and—

Sendak.

Like an answer to his silent call, Sendak’s voice echoed loudly in his mind.

_Shiro._

Shiro gasped, his entire body going rigid with tension. He whipped his head around, eyes scanning his surroundings like he might see Sendak standing there, waiting for him. The connection thrummed inside his chest. It felt good; better than anything Shiro had felt in a while. He sought out the contact, but as quickly as it had come, the sensation faded.

He glanced around, relieved to see that no one had noticed his little outburst. Not until he realized Wade was looking at him. Normally Shiro would avert his eyes, but Wade held his gaze, eyes trained on Shiro as he made his way over. He only looked away to stoop down and sit next to him.

“Hey,” he said in greeting, lips stretching into a toothy smile. “You’re looking a little pale there, Shiro. You all right?”

“Yeah,” Shiro said slowly. “I’m okay. Just caught a chill for a second.”

“Plenty of fire to go around.” Wade spreads his hands. “Have you eaten anything yet?”

“Not yet,” Shiro said. He wasn’t hungry. All he really wanted to do was finish his shift, go to bed, and try to connect with Sendak again. “You?”

“Yeah, I ate a while ago. Let me tell you, mushroom soup isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”

“You got that right,” Shiro said, smiling. Wade didn’t seem inclined to say any more, so Shiro took the lead. “Is there something I can help you with…?”

“Yeah, actually.” Wade leaned in close, his smile growing even wider, exposing the rest of his teeth. “I’ve been meaning to ask for a long time, but I didn’t want to be proven wrong, honestly. Matt said I was imagining things. I don’t think I am.” He pointed a clawed finger at Shiro. “You look familiar to me.”

“Familiar?” Shiro repeated, resisting the urge to lean back. “How do you figure? I’m pretty far from home.”

“I’ve seen you. Around the galaxy. Not in as bad of shape, but that’s definitely your face.”

Wade eyes lit up.

“You’re a paladin, aren’t you?”

Shiro let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. Of all the things—

“Is that why you’ve been staring at me?” he asked wryly.

“I couldn’t help it!” Wade gushed. “I’ve never met a paladin in real life. You guys are legends. _Actual_ legends.”

This wasn’t what Shiro had expected. Wade’s behavior had been marked with suspicion, but now that he knew the truth was a fanboyish sort of admiration, that made things a lot easier. He felt himself begin to relax, a slow smile spreading across his face.

“I don’t know about that legends, but I am the real thing.”

“Which lion do you pilot?” Wade asked eagerly.

“The black lion. She’s—” Shiro paused, frowning. “She’s probably alone back at home base. Waiting for someone to pilot her. While I’ve been stuck here this whole time I’ve been worried about my team back home.”

“I don’t suppose you could call her over,” Wade joked. “A paladin lion would be really useful right now.”

Shiro chuckled, running his hands over his stomach absently. “I wish. It would solve a lot of problems.”

“How did you get all this way out here anyway? From the sound of it you’re pretty capable at taking care of yourself.”

“Truthfully… I don’t know. We were fighting the empire and winning—I think—when everything went black and I woke up near that facility.” He jerked his head in the general direction of the factory. “It’s been…confusing.”

“Huh.” Wade stared at him, his expression unreadable. Then he brightened, clapping his hands together. “So, what are the rest of them like?”

Shiro spent the rest of his shift talking to Wade about the paladins, giving him the same spiel that they relayed to the public when necessary. The information was basic, but usually more than enough to satisfy people’s curiosity. Wade absorbed every bit of information, seemingly excited just to hear about it. It was probably a nice confidence boost given the rebel forces had been dealing with a hard situation as of late.

“So, you’re all from Earth?” he asked, interrupting Shiro mid-sentence.

“Yeah, it’s pretty far away. Not much to talk about, honestly. Way less interesting than the stuff out here.”

“Matt’s mentioned it a lot. I’d like to visit someday, if the people on Earth are anything like you guys.”

“I suppose,” Shiro said slowly. “We have to get out of here first. Have you seen anything out of the ordinary lately? Matt mentioned that you give them updates.”

“Oh yeah,” Wade said, waving a hand. “I report to Matt and a few others every day, but it’s never more than a few words exchanged. The Galra are very patient. So far we’ve only seen a few small supply ships. No cruiser with a working warp drive yet. It’s bound to happen soon, though. They can’t hold out forever.”

Shiro frowned. “What’s taking them so long?”

“Waiting for us, I think. Hoping to draw us out.” Wade huffed a breath, crossing his arms. “Losing most of their slave labor had to have hurt, and with Voltron and other rebel forces helping free the galaxy, they can’t take chances. Right now, what they don’t know is where we are. We assume they think this planet is too contaminated to contain life since that’s true on the surface. Basically, we’re safe, but only until they get antsy.”

“I sincerely hope so,” Shiro said. “Maybe then they’ll get a move on.”

“We can hope!” Wade grinned and stood, waiting for Shiro to do the same before he clapped him on the shoulder. “I think I see your relief walking over. Let’s get you something to eat and get you in bed. You look like you could use it.”

Shiro nodded, realizing how tired he felt as soon as he stood. Maybe tonight he might actually get a decent night’s sleep.

* * *

 

**SENDAK**

Sendak woke to the sound of the paladin’s frantic cries and the presence of his mate in his mind.

“Kolivan! Kolivan!”

Sendak groaned, closing his eyes. The stars spun across his vision, bright pin-pricks of light that pierced his eyelids and made his head ache. There was a heavy weight on his arm, and when he tried to move that was when he realized that Regris was still within his grasp, knocked out cold.

“You are welcome,” Sendak said lowly, using stray debris to right himself and stop that awful motion.

Once he had, he took a look at his surroundings.

Keith was nowhere to be found, but his voice hadn’t been that far off, still distinguishable in dead space. Sendak pushed aside more hunks of metal, using some of the larger pieces to propel himself towards Keith’s voice. Regris was a heavy weight at his side, but he didn’t have the time to waste checking to see if he was alive. Either they would have their hacker, or they’d have the fallen body of their comrade.

Not to mention Keith’s voice was getting further away. Sendak couldn’t see him, but he could see the ship hovering in the distance. If he wanted to get out of here alive, he needed to get to that ship.

“Paladin!” Sendak shifted Regris over his shoulder and pushed past a hunk of metal, moving them in the direction of the ship. “Your operative is alive.” He paused, waiting. “Paladin, do you read me.”

Silence. Their communicators were malfunctioning.

Sendak swore, narrowly avoiding the oncoming swing of a boulder.

Why hadn’t they planned for such an occasion? Surely, they should have known something like this was possible. It occurred to him that his presence may have given them false hope that things would run smoothly, and Sendak was willing to admit that even he had felt his cautions relax around the Blades, a seemingly capable crew of Galra soldiers.

He’d been so focused on finding Shiro that he hadn’t even considered the possibility that it might be a trap. Or rather, he hadn’t wanted to consider it. But now, with a body over his shoulder and a ship just out of reach, he was sorely regretting his lack of concern.

By the time Sendak drifted close enough to see the ship, Keith was already catapulting towards it. Sendak shouted for him, but his voice was lost in the dead of space. He probably had only a few ticks before they gave up on finding him and headed back to the paladin’s castle ship.

He glanced down at the weight over his arm, considering how easily it would be to abandon him, gain the use of his arm, and make it to the ship in time for their imminent return.

Shiro would have disapproved of the notion, even if it would aid in their survival. He had always been considerate in all the ways that mattered; the opposite of Sendak. As a commander he would have left him die, maybe even helped him along to ensure he didn’t return undeserved.

“I hope you are alive,” he said gruffly. 

Sendak barely made it. The only reason that the ship waited was because he slammed into the side of it hard enough that they were forced to investigate for damage. When they found Sendak gripping the ship’s side and inching his way towards the main access they were quick to aid him—especially once they realized he had saved their operative.

“You…saved him.” Keith narrowed his eyes at Regris’ prone form as if he would transform and reveal the truth. “How did you—why?”

“He is a part of your team,” Sendak answered simply. “And someone who can actually help find Shiro. His data should provide us with useful information, assuming he got anything out of the ship.”

“We’ll soon find out,” said Kolivan. He was frowning. “What you did back there isn’t something we normally do. The mission comes first.”

“Your mission is different from my own,” Sendak replied. “I am not interested in taking down the Galra Empire; I’m only interested in finding Shiro.”

“As you say. I can’t enforce rules that don’t apply to you. If you want to risk your life, that’s your choice. However, anything that endangers my team _will_ be on your head. Remember that.” He paused, his eyes glinting with unspoken emotion. “And thank you.”  

“Wake him,” Sendak said. He nodded down at Regris. “I want to know if he found anything.”

He hadn’t. Regris had only just gotten past the blockade when Sendak pulled him away from the blast. He thanked Sendak somewhat sheepishly, doubtlessly grateful but annoyed at having a former empire soldier save his life. Then the team debriefed and returned to their positions as if nothing had gone awry.

Sendak settled down in a corner of the room, fatigue pulling him down against the wall.

For a tick there he had been worried he was about to be left behind. He had struggled to bury his mounting terror underneath the adrenaline rush that spurred him forward, and then the crushing relief that he’d had felt when he was pulled inside the ship was similar to the one he’d felt when he had realized he had landed on the planet in the Sega quadrant, alone but somehow alive. 

And then there was the connection. Unbroken, beautifully thick and full and _there._

Why couldn’t he grasp it? Every time he tried to take it in his hands, it slipped away like water.

Sendak huffed a sigh and took off his mask. This was ridiculous. What was he doing here? He should be focused on finding his mate in more likely ways, not going on missions with the _Blades._ Even with the anomaly he was back to where he’d started.

When he looked up, Keith was standing in front of him, staring at Sendak like he was a beast in a cage, unsure of the danger.

“I don’t understand,” he muttered, low enough that Sendak wasn’t sure he was meant to hear it. “Why did it have to be you? The one guy who tried to kill us like, a bunch of times. I just don’t buy it.”

“Don’t tell me you are jealous,” Sendak sneered half-heartedly.

“Wha— _jealous?_ I—no. No!” Keith exclaimed, waving his arms to emphasize his point. “No, I couldn’t—with Shiro? _No.”_

Sendak smirked, relieved despite himself. For a tick he had felt a righteous sort of anger tear fill him when he considered that the reason the paladin was so hostile to him was because he was envious of their relationship, but his concerns were evaporated by his flustered appearance. It reassured Sendak that Keith was just stupidly protective where he needn’t be.

“You should stop wasting your time on me and focus your efforts on trying to find Shiro,” Sendak said, nodding towards the ship’s door. “You’ll find more success there.”

“I _am_ trying to find him! You have no clue how hard we’re working.” Keith pointed at him, his cheeks flush with intense hatred. “Unlike you, we don’t have a convenient excuse to stick to the castle and try to find him telepathically or whatever it is you do. We’re actually out there _doing_ something.”

Despite the vantage point being low to the ground left him, Sendak did not lower his head, craning his neck to look Keith in the eye.

Keith stared at him for a few ticks before he turned around and stormed away.

Sendak closed his eyes, too tired to consider the truth of the paladin’s words. _Just for a moment,_ he promised himself.

* * *

“We’ve arrived.”

Sendak jumped, flinching away from the wall he had been sleeping on, bracing his hands against the metal. Well, hand. The one hand he had naturally yearned to lean on was still gone, something that his foolish brain refused to recognize and left him slumped against the wall in an embarrassing display while a Blade watched him impassively.

“How long have I been out.”

“Long enough.” He turned and walked away, leaving Sendak to collect himself. By the time he stood and walked to the door, they hand docked inside the paladin’s castle. Sendak stepped out of the hatch, a sense of disappointment washing over him.

He had learned _nothing._

Previously he had insisted heavily to the princess that they begin exploring the universe, and after her rejection he had turned to the Blades.

The possibility that he may have found information had spurred his decision to join them, but after traversing just a small patch of the universe, his meager hopes were further dashed. It was foolish of him to hope that he would suddenly stumble upon his mate, but Sendak hadn’t been able to reliably connect through their bond and he needed to do _something._

Before his frustration could begin to stew, Pidge greeted him in the debriefing room, looking exited to see him. Then when she realized Allura was going to speak, she stood back, waiting until the debrief was finished to speak with him at length.

It didn’t take long. The mission had been a failure, so their report resulted in cautions to stay safe. Sendak tuned out most of what the princess said, instead turning to speak to Pidge.

“You have news,” he ventured, and started walking towards the door, a silent gesture for Pidge to follow.

“You sure you don’t need to stick around?” she asked, pointing over her shoulder.

“No. Your princess is only interested in the Blades and their report. I was only along for the ride.”

“How did it go?”

She peered up at him, honestly curious. Sendak felt the urge to growl and curled his lips instead.

“Not good, huh? Figured as much. Shiro’s lost—like _really_ lost. It’s not gonna be easy to find him.”

“Then your news is not related to Shiro,” Sendak said, trying to steer them back towards a conversation that didn’t make him want to tear something apart.

“Right. We have news. Not like, big news, but something I think you’d be interested in.” She smiled and reached behind her, patting the pack that she carried around. It contained the various devices she employed. The very same ones she claimed would help solve their little file problem.

Suffice to say, Sendak was intrigued.

“Hunk and I have been working on those files we downloaded, and we might have found something. I wanted to wait until we were sure, but you looked pretty down back there and I thought it might cheer you up.”

Sendak frowned. Had he become so easy to read, or was Pidge just unusually perceptive? Considering how things had started out, Sendak was beginning to think he was becoming negligent among his reluctant companions.

“Explain,” he said, when she offered no more information.

“I think we found it,” she gushed, bouncing her feet on the floor. “It took _so_ long, but Hunk was able to rig up a machine that could work with my computer somehow. Coran even helped too, although he didn’t realize it was for stolen files. I mean, you should _see_ it—”

Sendak exhaled through his nose.

“Right. I haven’t said what _it_ is. It’s the Go-lath fruit! I think we found it.”

Sendak broke his stride, pausing to look directly at Pidge. “You found an existing strain.”

“Hell yeah we did!” she crowed. “I’m actually kind of excited to see if we can get our hands on it. It’s something that we can do for Shiro that isn’t just sitting around _waiting.”_

Sendak acknowledged the truth of the statement with a nod. “I will admit I am impressed.”

Impressed was an understatement. The fact that she had deciphered thousands of files in the time that she had, _without_ equipment that was equipped to handle the data, was remarkable. Sendak wasn’t a technological genius, but he had been around enough Galra tech to understand the basics of how theirs and other alien systems interacted. Rarely was it successful.

“Yeah, well.” She waved her hand, cheeks turning pink. “Come on! You’ve gotta see it.”

She tugged at his side, stretching the fabric away from his body. Sendak started, having nearly forgotten he was wearing their uniform.

“I must change first. This _outfit_ is suffocating me.”

“Oh, sure.” She blinked, watching him with a curious glint in her eye. “You know, it’s weird seeing you fully dressed. Even though you’re furry and all, we should get you a regular shirt. Not sure if we have anything that would fit you, though…” She bit her lip. “Shiro might have a few extra. I mean, he’s pretty built.”

“You talk as though he will not return.”

“Well, yeah, he will.” She shrugged awkwardly. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t borrow them.”

Sendak’s heart skipped a beat at the mention of Shiro’s quarters. He hadn’t considered the possibility that they could visit them. And why should they not? It may contain information regarding his disappearance. That, or something that might help Sendak connect with him.

He told himself it had nothing to do with the fact that it was _Shiro’s_ room, the only remaining reminder of his existence prior to his disappearance.

“Take me there.”

She blinked up at him. “Now?”

“I am interested in not his clothing, but information.”

“Oh. You want to go through his stuff.” She glanced down at her feet, slowly coming to a stop. “Well, we already checked when he disappeared, but I guess it can’t hurt. We’ll talk about heading out after.”

They turned around and started walking through an unfamiliar set of hallways that lead them towards a set of doors.

“Here are our rooms,” Pidge said, pointing to each in turn. “Mine’s there on the left. Shiro’s is down a little further.”

They took a right at the end of the hallway and then walked some ways before coming to a stop in front a door at the end of the hall. It looked just like the other nearby doors, unassuming if not for the smell radiating from the room. Sendak’s nostrils flared, his fingers flexing at the scent of his mate.

He desperately wanted to go inside. 

“Well?” he prompted, unable to keep the impatience out of his voice. Pidge waved her hand at him.

“Hold on a sec. Gotta make sure the override still works. I don’t know if Allura changed it yet…” The door slid open, revealing an even stronger scent. “Nope. We can walk right on in.”

Sendak didn’t have to be told twice.

He swept past Pidge and stepped into the room, just taking a moment to inhale the scent of his mate. There were a variety of unfamiliar smells—likely those who had entered in search of him—but Shiro’s was the most obvious, marked like bright paint and smeared across every inch.

“We looked at everything,” Pidge said, watching him carefully. “But maybe you know something we don’t. It doesn’t hurt to try.”

Sendak said nothing, save for an answering grunt. He was busy pawing through Shiro’s bedsheets, trying not to make it obvious how much he wanted to smother himself in their scent. His fingers hesitated against the fabric, instincts ringing loudly. Attachments to Shiro’s lingering scent was expected, but clearly he had underestimated the power of their bond.

Sendak removed himself gingerly from the bed and moved on to Shiro’s pile of belongings. They consisted of the bare necessities, including toiletries and the items of clothing Pidge had spoken about. There weren’t many; Shiro had afforded himself no luxury, preferring the functionality of a few sets of clothing.

A cursory look into the bathroom offered him a similar story. While the room was clearly his, he hadn’t tried to make it his home. Perhaps he had always assumed the worst at any given time. They were fighting in a war, after all. Sendak would have admired his diligence if it didn’t also mean that they were no closer to discovering his location than before.

“Is that all?” Sendak asked, unable to keep the frustration out of his voice.

“Well—”

“Why is Shiro’s door open?”

A voice echoed outside in the hallway interrupted whatever Pidge was going to say.

It was the red paladin. Keith.

He rounded the corner and entered Shiro’s room, perplexed and a little annoyed. He hadn’t realized Sendak was in the room yet, or he would have sounded much more hostile.

“Pidge, what are you—”  At the site of Sendak standing there, Keith’s shock transformed into anger. “Why is he here? What are you doing?”

“Nothing!” Pidge was quick to say. “We’re not doing anything.”

“Shiro is my mate,” Sendak said in lieu of an explanation. _I have more than every right to be here,_ went unsaid.

Keith did not appreciate the reminder. He looked at Pidge like he was about to explode.

“We’re just scouting the place for clues, but we didn’t find anything,” she said. “We’re about to leave. Right?”

The look she gave Sendak indicated that he should agree with her and make a quick exit. Keith was blocking their path in front of the doorway. _Posturing_.

Instinct urged Sendak to not to give him the satisfaction of his exit. A growl built up in the back of his throat. This paladin in particular had threatened him more than once.

It was tempting to take him on; challenge the threat of his existence.

As if sensing his urge, Pidge scooted closer to Keith. His eye flickered to her, taking in the expression on her face. Her hands strayed toward Keith, but she was looking at Sendak. She was concerned—for both of them.

He met Keith’s eyes, glimmering with a grim determination. The same determination Sendak recognized in himself.

 _He is worried about his leader._ It was a thought that came to him unbidden, but no less untrue for it.

 _You don’t have to stay here,_ Shiro had told him before leaving the planet, extending a kindness that Sendak did not want nor deserve. _You could come with us. With me._

His eyes had been bright with emotion. He had touched Sendak, fingers digging into his fur. He meant every word. Sendak could almost recall his scent.

Shiro had believed in him, even if just for a moment, and Sendak had driven him away and lost him. Now Keith, for reasons similar to his own, was concerned for the safety of someone close to him.

“Yes,” he said, surprising both of them with the weariness of his tone. “We are leaving.”

He pushed past Keith without another word.

A flurry of steps behind him told him that Pidge was following close behind, confirmed when she reached inside her pack and started talking. She had just begun discussing their next destination when they heard Keith call out to them from behind.

“Hey, wait!”

He locked Shiro’s door shut and walked up to them. He stared at Sendak, his expression stern.

“Are you going to look for Shiro?”

“That is none of your concern,” Sendak replied. Consideration or not, he felt no inclination to include him in their plans. He no longer cared what he was wearing while they did; he just wanted to leave and find the fruit for Shiro. 

“We’re looking for some kind of fruit,” Pidge sad, to Sendak’s ire. He glared at her, but she was looking at Keith. “It’s a Galra thing that’s supposed to be good for Shiro. We’re gonna go and get it now.”

“And this is supposed to _help_ him?” Keith crossed his arms. “How do we know it’s not poisonous to humans?”

“It supports the health of unborn children,” Sendak supplied snidely.  “I would not poison Shiro.”

Keith glanced at him. “Let me get a look at this fruit.”

“Well, we don’t exactly have a picture.”

Pidge explained that they were essentially running on the hope that there would still be wild strains left. Keith expressed his doubts, but when Pidge pointed out that it was better than ‘sitting around doing nothing’, Keith conceded with shrug.

“Fine, you’re going to find a fruit snack for Shiro,” he said, a mirthless smirk edging onto his lips. “I’m coming with you.”

“You are?” Pidge asked, at the same time that Sendak said, “No.”

Sendak stared at her. “No.”

Pidge returned his gaze, the look in her eyes confirming what he already feared.

* * *

“So, this is nice.”

Hunk’s voice cut through the silence that had permeated the trip since they had used a wormhole to reach the star system where the fruit was said to be located. Multiple eyes set on him and Hunk reared back, flashing them a nervous smile.

“We’re pretty close to this place, right?” he asked. He leaned forward to look at Pidge’s console, inadvertently shoving his bulk into Sendak’s personal space. “Like, we’re still technically in Galra territory, aren’t we?”

“Yeah,” Pidge confirmed. “We’re lucky we’re close-ish because of colonies around here. We’re helping them break free of the empire’s control. By the way, we’re on diplomat duty tomorrow with the council.”

“Oh, no.” Hunk wrinkled his nose. “Isn’t Allura usually the one to handle that sort of thing? Negotiating with a bunch of different aliens sounds like a nightmare.”

“We’re a part of Voltron,” Pidge said in reply. “We have to show that we’re invested in the mission. Which we are, remember?” She nudged him with her elbow, a teasing smile on her face.

“As touching as this is,” Sendak interrupted, “you should pay attention to what is on your screen. Look.”

Pidge looked. Hunk groaned.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

The planet was of average size, and its surface was unremarkable. What did capture their attention was the dozen or so fighter jets patrolling the atmosphere. To what end, Sendak did not know. He didn’t particularly care. His goal was to find Go-lath and either grow or replicate it for Shiro’s consumption.

“I’m glad I decided to go stealth,” Pidge said. “Figured we might run into a few Galra around here.”

“We should be able to slip past them,” Hunk said. For some reason, he looked at Sendak. “Right?”

“Your lion,” he addressed Pidge. “You were the one to upgrade it, correct?”

“Yep,” Pidge said with a grin. “Don’t worry. They won’t see us.”

The screen blinked with a notification that said, ‘cloaking activated’, followed by a cartoonish symbol meant to represent Pidge. Then the field around the lion’s view warped before smoothing out in the center.

It wasn’t obvious to Sendak that anything was different on their end, but none of the Galra jets noticed their presence, so it was clearly working.

“Excellent.” Sendak pressed his palm on the console. “Scan the planet. I want to know exactly where it is.”

“Got it. Hold on one second…”

Keith made a sound behind them. A quick glance assured Sendak he was still standing by the door, fingering his weapon like he expected to use it at any moment. He’d left it exposed on purpose. Sendak would have risen to the bait had he not had other objectives that required his full attention.

“There.” She pointed to various points on the screen. The map was displayed from a bird’s-eye view with small blinking dots. “That’s where conditions should be perfect for that fruit to grow. Whether it’s there or not is another thing.”

“Do you think it tastes good?” Hunk asked excitedly.

“You will not eat it,” Sendak said. “It is for Shiro’s consumption.”

“Aw, come on. We have to try it to make sure it’s safe!” Hunk pressed his hands together pleadingly. “Just a little bite. Tiny bite. The smallest bite in the universe.”

Sendak liked to think he was completely immune to the paladin’s antics, but as Hunk pleaded with him, he couldn’t help the amusement that flared inside him, the tiniest smile forming on his face.

“There are only a few of its kind per vine. You may do what you want with the others as long as we find just one. With seeds.”

“I still wish we knew what it looked like,” Pidge said.

“You don’t even know what it looks like?” Keith scoffed. “Great, just what I like to hear.”

“It’s blue,” Sendak declared with confidence. “An unnatural shade. You will be able to see it from afar.”

“In this jungle, I hope so.” Pidge pressed a few buttons on her screen and the map turned, displaying a three-dimensional view of the nearby land. “It looks like we’ll be dealing with a lot of plant growth. There isn’t much wildlife, as far as she—my lion can tell. Just a lot of vines and trees.”

“It is the right condition for its growth. We’re wasting time.” He gestured to a spot on the map that seemed promising. “Land.”

* * *

Sendak had underestimated how difficult it would be to navigate the planet’s surface without any weapons.

The vine growth was so severe that it was nearly impossible to walk anywhere on foot without some sort of aid. The paladins used their bayards to cut a swath of vines for travel, but it was slow going, and the air was cold. It would have been easy were they able to use the green lion’s sharp claws for quick traversal, but Pidge was hesitant to use its abilities and potentially alert the Galra squadrons to their presence.

“Maybe we should split up,” she suggested. “We can spread the search and let anyone know if we find it. It’s blue, so it shouldn’t be that hard.”

Hunk nodded, gingerly stepping over a vine twisted around the exposed root of a giant tree. “This place is pretty much all green. Who’s gonna take Sendak?”

“I will go alone.”

“You don’t have a communicator, at least not one that’s synced up to our system,” Pidge pointed out. Inexplicably, she started smiling. Sendak didn’t understand why until she spoke. “Why don’t you go with Keith? You guys have the frequency installed in your suits, right?”

“What?!”

Keith’s outburst was met with a snort of agreement from Sendak. While he was still wearing the awful Blade outfit, that didn’t mean he felt inclined to work with him again.

“Try again.”

“He’s got an extra knife you can use,” Pidge said. She pointed at the knife attached to his hip. “And you’re not gonna make it far on your own. It makes more sense to have the extra man-power.”

“Why does it have to be me?” Keith whined.

“It’s not like he can steal it if you’re around,” Hunk said.

“No.” Keith’s response was firm. He crossed his arms, adopting a stubborn stance. “He can’t use my knife. It’s _mine.”_

“Well, then lend him your bayard,” Pidge offered.

“Why don’t you lend him _your_ bayard?” Keith shot back.

“I’m not the one with an extra weapon!” she exclaimed, tossing her hands into the air. “Now can we hurry up? I’d like to find this fruit before we all freeze to death.”

For all its greenery, the planet was stupidly cold. Sendak vaguely remembered the fruit being seasonal in nature. They would identify how to store it once they found it.

Keith looked at Sendak, then down at his bayard. After a few moments of deliberation, he activated it and shoved the handle at Sendak gracelessly.

“Fine! Come on. And for the record, I’m only doing this for Shiro.”

“Likewise,” Sendak said with a snarl. He fell into step behind Keith, waiting for him to start moving through the vines before he began to own search beside him.

They were so thick and gnarled in the roots of trees that spanned entire yards that they had no choice but to work together to further their journey.

The work was silent, but grueling. Sendak took great joy in ripping apart the vines, doing so with great gusto, enjoying the way it made his unused muscles ache in the cold. Keith took charge of their left, and Sendak took on the right. Occasionally Keith would grunt and curse as he struggled alongside, but otherwise they kept to themselves.

There was very little to go on.

Sendak had initially assumed it would be easy to spot the fruit, but he realized how much the foliage managed to hide. Animals skittered around them, chattering and clicking away, but he saw neither hide nor hair of any of them. They were evasive, avoiding contact with them at all costs, which suited Sendak just fine. He kept his eye open regardless, knowing fully well how important it was to be vigilant.

He thought of the blood that had seemed to endlessly drain from Shiro’s wounds so long ago, claws sinking into his skin. His fist tightened around the paladin’s bayard.

He paused in striking at the nearest root to observe it up close. Sendak had not expected Keith to give up his bayard so easily—as far as he understand it, this was the key to accessing certain features of their lions.

“Wh-what are you doing?” Keith asked, teeth chattering from the cold. He stared at Sendak, eyes tracking the movement of his hand as he shifted the bayard to and fro.

“Nothing,” Sendak said. He stepped away from Keith and slashed through a thick layer of vines stretched between two tree trunks until he could see the other side. When his eyes caught a flash of blue, he doubled his efforts.

“Paladin, here!” he called, not checking to see if Keith had heard him. He didn’t need his help, but Sendak knew he wouldn’t react favorably if he disappeared with his bayard in tow.

The fruit had been expertly hidden. Now that he was looking at it, Sendak was shocked he had even noticed its color. Hidden underneath a bundle of vines, armed with spikes, the blue that was so vivid was almost imperceptible to the human eye. As he drew close, Sendak wondered how it remained untouched when its defenses were easily thwarted by a sharp object.

He realized why as soon as he noticed the smell.

“Ugh!” Keith made a sound behind him. His voice came out muffled, covered by his palm. “Is that it? It smells awful.”

“Yes.” With his heightened senses it was even worse. Sendak tried not to breathe and reached forward with Keith’s bayard to get rid of most of the vines. Despite its scent, it looked remarkable.

It was shaped somewhat like the vines that protected it; spindling and long, with spikes protruding its casing. That wasn’t what made it special, however. Its coloration, a rich, cerulean blue was what set it apart from anything like it. Sendak uprooted the entire plant and brought into the dim lighting for inspection.

“It’s…”

“Perfect,” Sendak remarked, fingers tracing the spines. Satisfaction burned hot in his chest, fueling the strength back into his limbs. He couldn’t help but smile. _Finally,_ something had gone his way.

“So, this is it, huh?”

Keith reached out to take it and Sendak jerked it away from his grasp on instinct, earning a scornful glare.

“Sendak.”

With a huff, Sendak offered it up to him. Keith took it gingerly, feeling the texture and weight of it just as Sendak had done for himself.

“It’s actually pretty heavy. And there’s just one?”

“Yes.” Sendak rose from the ground and brushed dirt off of his knees. “I do not know if this is normal. We should search for more.”

“That could take hours,” Keith said. “And it’s _freezing.”_

Sendak glanced back at him, lips curling. “I did not realize you cared so little.”

Keith’s grip tightened on the fruit. For a tick, Sendak expected him to foolishly crush it under his fist, but he shocked him by shoving it at his chest, eyes glimmering with emotion.

“I care more than anyone!” he yelled. “I’ve been looking for him non-stop since this whole thing started! _You_ don’t have any room to talk. _You_ didn’t show up until after we went looking for you, after he was—”

Keith pressed his lips together, lapsing into silence.

Sendak was surprised by the unexpected outburst. His words had been intended to rile him some, but he hadn’t expected—anger. Grief. A longing for someone who wasn’t there, so deep that Sendak could feel it himself, echoed between them.  

“Why are you even here?” Keith continued, his voice quiet. He ducked his head, gripped by sudden emotion. The fingers on his free hand curled painfully around Sendak’s suit, tugging at his fur. “I just don’t get you. We should be out there, looking. Not here. This is just some stupid mission that’s supposed to make everybody feel better about not being able to do anything, but it isn’t helping. The only thing that can help would be finding Shiro.”

Keith’s grip gradually eased until Sendak was able to shake from his grasp without damaging the fruit. He did so gingerly, staring down at it like it might disappear if he shifted away his gaze.

_You don’t care about him, and you never did._

_So why are you here?_

The paladin had been asking him this since the beginning. Even now, while he meant it laterally, it still sank somewhere deep inside Sendak’s chest and stayed there, burying itself deeper every time he considered the question.

He felt the truth begin to change inside him, burning hotter and brighter until he no choice but to acknowledge it. His previous answer had always revolved around the fact that _they_ needed his abilities and his strength. It had always involved _their_ need of him, and not the other way around.

Maybe that was wrong.

Maybe _he_ was wrong.

“Shiro is pregnant with my child,” Sendak said suddenly.  

Keith sucked in a sharp breath, like the admission hurt. He opened his mouth, but Sendak spoke hurriedly, eager to relieve himself of words he did not want to speak.

“Shiro spoke to me; through our bond, he told me that he was with child, but I did not believe it. Not until your princess came for me, after he was already gone.”

Keith blinked rapidly, taking a moment to absorb what Sendak was saying. “He…spoke to you?”

“Yes. There are moments where our connection becomes— _clear._ I can speak to him, hear him, _taste_ him.” He licked his lips. “But it is not often, and every time I feel more infuriated than the last. Why can’t I speak with him?” Sendak let his frustrations take hold, fingers twitching around Keith’s bayard, wishing he could plunge it into something soft, something that would tear. _“Why?_ ”

Keith stared at Sendak as though he didn’t know what to make of him or his speech.

“Why are you telling me this?”

“You have asked me why I am here.” Sendak held out Keith’s bayard. “The truth is you do not need me.”

It made his chest ache just to admit it. It was a sign of weakness, of his own vulnerability, and yet it was true all the same. It had always been true, but Sendak had been too absorbed in his own pride to admit it.

“Even without my help, you would inevitably find him,” he continued. “You have all proven your capability in the face of danger. I am not here because Shiro needs me,” he paused, placing his hand on his chest, “but because I need him. Shiro gave my life purpose; a drive to continue with this wretched existence when I had no other. He is my mate by choice, and I would have no other. That is why I am here.”

Keith did not speak for a time. He looked down at his bayard, then at Sendak.

“You know, I never would have given you my bayard before today,” he said. “I only did it because I was angry at you. I wanted…proof.”

“Proof.” Sendak cocked his head. “Explain.”

“I wanted proof that you were going to do something once you had it. Proof that this was all a lie you made so you could get close to us. Proof that you were here for all the wrong reasons. I know it doesn’t make any sense, but I was hoping—”

“That when you had your proof, you could eradicate me,” Sendak finished.

“Maybe,” Keith admitted. “I don’t know. But you didn’t do any of that, obviously. You know,” he let out a short, humorless laugh, “this whole fruit thing is kind of ridiculous, but now I think I understand.”

He approached Sendak, holding out the Go-lath fruit until he took it. It was like an exchange; one Sendak would be a fool not to see the significance of.

“First thing’s first: I still don’t trust you.” He shifted on his feet. “But I’m willing to believe that maybe you actually do care about Shiro. A little. At least until we find him.”

Sendak blinked, astounded by the announcement.

Perhaps he shouldn’t have been. There was an undeniable heroism to all the paladins that was showcased every time they spoke about their leader. By now he should have learned that anyone associated with Shiro would bear his mark.

“Your approval is not one I expected to receive,” Sendak said, lacking a better response. “You paladins continue to surprise me.”

Keith barked a laugh. “Yeah, well, maybe you should start asking yourself why that is.”

Before Sendak could inquire further as to what the hell that was supposed to mean, Keith turned around and started walking away, calling for the others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: I asked myself a few times, "would Keith really give Sendak his bayard? Is that too OOC?" (assuming it would work in the canon universe; of course it works here in fic land! haha). Then I decided 'fuck it' because I wanted to write that scene. So I did.
> 
> Also BTW, in case it's not obvious (because it's me, it probably isn't LOL), the bond is basically triggered by a strong emotional response to something. That's gonna be explored in more detail later so just like...bear with me.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh worm....

**SHIRO**

Shiro woke up to a scream.

At least, he thought he did. It felt like waking, but instead of rousing into a state of awareness, he sank, consciousness coming to him for a moment only to plunge back into a restless slumber. It wasn’t like his nightmares, which made him wake up in a cold sweat, screams still hanging on his lips. This wasn’t natural.

Heat expanded in Shiro’s abdomen. He tried to open his eyes, but they were too heavy. Then he tried to move his limbs, but they remained still at his side.

Sleep clung to his mind like mud, dragging him back down as soon as he started to wake. He felt his head loll. 

 _Matt,_ he thought, delirious, the thoughts inside his head sticky and slow; slow, like he was in a dream, trying to find ways to communicate without knowing how. He felt himself go in and out of an uneasy sleep, startling into a sort of wakefulness that dissipated when he tried to grasp it.

 _Wake up,_ said a voice that wasn’t his own.

_I can’t move_

Something akin to panic surged inside him. He tried to open his mouth and scream, but it felt like his teeth were welded shut. Heat bloomed in his stomach. His gut churned.

_Get up get up_

His eyelids fluttered open, vision swirling in and out of focus. He groaned, fingers twitching against the sheets.

_Tell me where you are._

_Shiro._

“Sendak.”

The memory of his scent enveloped him and Shiro breathed his name like a prayer. The bond rang loudly, a point of focus in his tumultuous mind. He opened his eyes and rolled over to the side of his bed, fingers clinging to its edge.

Shiro groaned again. He felt sick. Bile climbed up his throat. He gagged, then vomited the previous night’s dinner on the floor, feeling slightly better for it.

“What—”

He let the word hang, unsure. For a few minutes he couldn’t remember where he was, or why he was there. Only once he was able to think properly did he realize the air was unusually quiet.

Shiro looked around. Matt was gone. Standing up gingerly, Shiro looked towards the door and remembered why he had originally woken up.

“Somebody needs…” He lurched for the doorway, his body screaming in protest. “I…”

He slumped down against the wall, his strength leaving him in one fell swoop.

_What’s going on?_

He was often tired, but he’d never experienced anything like this before. Shiro glanced at the mess he’d made at the foot of bed and tried to remember what had happened the night before.

He’d been lying in bed, cold as usual. Matt brought him food, also not unusual. He ate it, then fell asleep pretty soon after. He didn’t even remember feeling tired.

_Something strange is going on._

With effort Shiro managed to work himself to his feet and opened the door. He leaned on the building’s edge, taking in his surroundings.

The compound was completely silent. As far as he could tell there were none of the signs of life he had grown accustomed to. No one was on duty, and the fire that normally provided them with so much of their light had been reduced to a pile of embers.

Shiro walked through the site, his steps careful and slow. He clutched at his stomach, grimacing in pain. He felt terrible, like he’d eaten something rotten, but it wasn’t getting any worse, at least. He briefly considered the idea that it could be something wrong with the babies but quickly dismissed the thought. It was too panic-inducing to consider, and the way that things were looking, there was more to the story than an upset stomach.

Everyone was gone.

Shiro examined every inch of the compound, but it was empty. Things had been haphazardly thrown to and fro and the pattern of many feet scuffled through the dirt and clear drag marks suggested that a lot of people had moved around at once.

Shiro stumbled back into the room he shared with Matt’s, fearful adrenaline kicking him into high gear.

 _Where is Matt?_ he thought, placing his hand on the doorframe. _Is this real or some kind of fucked up nightmare?_

It felt real, and that was what terrified him. If something had happened and he’d been left behind, then that didn’t bode well for his survival.

Panic began to crawl up his throat and Shiro ground his teeth together to keep it locked down tight.

_I just need to think._

He looked at his surroundings. There were only a few buildings, and with the temperature being what it was (cold as fuck), Matt wouldn’t have stopped to stick around outside unless there was a fire going. So where else might he have gone?

Shiro’s eyes were drawn to the other building—and Wade’s room. He kept all his tech there, if Matt was to be believed.

It was worth a shot.

When he burst through Wade’s door, Shiro found Matt, just as he’d been hoping, but the state he was in made his heart catch in his throat. He was on the floor, motionless.

“Matt!”

Shiro knelt by his body and pressed his fingers to his throat. His pulse sounded against his fingertips, uninterrupted.

_Oh thank god._

He was just asleep. On the floor. Shiro breathed a sigh of relief, but that was quickly replaced with concern. Matt wasn’t the lightest sleeper, but if something had happened to take everyone away, he should have woken up.

Shiro recalled how difficult it was for him to wake up and swallowed down his unease.

“Matt.”

Silence. Shiro walked up to him and shook his shoulder gently. When that didn’t garner a response, he shook him even harder. “Matt!”

His breathing was coming out deep and even, but he didn’t look good. He didn’t even react when Shiro called his name.

“What is going on?”

It took a while, but Shiro was eventually able to wake Matt up. Slowly; gingerly. Whatever made him feel ill was affecting Matt—when he opened his eyes he looked pale and grey, only seeming to wake when he was able to drink some water.

“What happened? Why’d you wake me up?” he moaned. “I feel like shit.”

“I could barely _get_ you up,” Shiro said, slowly helping him to his feet. “Something happened to our camp. Everyone is gone.”

At that, Matt’s eyes snapped open. “Everyone? What do you mean, ‘gone’?”

“I mean they disappeared. I couldn’t find anyone.”

“ _What?_ They couldn’t have just gone!” Matt was already headed for the door, albeit slowly.

Shiro followed Matt out into the compound, staring around in shock at the state it was.

“What the hell,” he said slowly, looking around with wide, unseeing eyes.

He jerked into motion, starting for one of the buildings. Shiro had already checked everywhere, but he knew without a doubt Matt wouldn’t be content to let matters lie unless he’d seen it for himself.

Shiro glanced back at the dying embers of their fire and thought about rekindling it. It was a good idea; depending on what had happened, they might be stuck here a while.

Then he heard Matt calling out the different names of the people they’d come to know and couldn’t sit still. He jogged towards Matt, helping him in his search.

“I don’t understand,” Matt said for the tenth time, staring down at the empty room. “Where did they go? Who took them?”

“I don’t know,” Shiro said in reply. “From the marks all around the dirt, it looks like someone came in and did it by force.”

Matt didn’t seem satisfied by this and turned around, running back to the center of the compound.

“How?!” he shouted, shooting frantic glances at Shiro like he was worried he would disappear, too. “How were they taken right under our nose? Why didn’t we _wake up?”_

Shiro shivered, bringing his arms up around his middle. “I think someone…someone must have slipped something into our food or the water supply at some point. I woke up feeling really bad. I threw up,” he added as an afterthought.

Frowning, Matt walked over to Shiro and peered at his face, brow knit with concern.

“Now that you mention it, you look pretty beat. You okay?” He pressed the back of his hand to Shiro’s forehead. “Whoa, you’re burning up!”

Shiro resisted the urge to lean into his fingers; they felt warmer than the rest of him.

“I’m okay,” he whispered. Then, louder, “We have to figure out what went wrong. And where everybody went. Do you think it was the Galra?”

“They wouldn’t have left us,” Matt pointed out. “They would have killed us on the spot before bothering to poison us.”

 _Poison._ Shiro didn’t like the sound of that.

“If it wasn’t the Galra, then that means someone else is responsible.”

“One of our own,” Matt supplied, saying what Shiro had been too afraid to admit. _“Fuck._ Who was in charge of dinner last night?”

“I, uh.” Shiro frowned, thinking back on it. Last night felt like a different timeline; he’d spent the evening reading with the few kids they had. Most Galra slaves were adults, but occasionally they would mistake a child for an adult alien. The resistance had a small selection of material that they enjoyed no matter how many times they had to listen to it. That, or they pretended to.

Shiro hazarded a guess. “Pat, I think. I don’t really remember. You were the one who brought me my food.”

“I did?” Matt rubbed his arm. “Everything is so fuzzy. Feels like I can barely remember anything.”

They fell into an uncomfortable silence where they considered their options.

“The shuttles,” Matt said suddenly. “The shuttles they—we should see if they’re still here! Come on!”

Matt took off in an instant, and Shiro wasn’t far behind, following at a slightly slower pace. The shuttles were stored in a separate cavern that lead to the surface, making it easier for them to go in and out.

Shiro almost didn’t want to hold out hope. If someone had done this from the inside, they probably would have stolen the shuttles, or at the very least, decommissioned them.

On their arrival, it was obvious which one was correct. The shuttles were gone, a few empty containers of fuel the only indication there had ever been anything there in the first place.

“Fuck,” Matt said, panting. “Fuck! I don’t understand—”

He broke off, letting out a snarl of frustration.

“God fucking damn it!”

While Matt shouted expletives, Shiro approached one of the shuttle spots, carefully crouching down over the dirt. The same scuff marks that had lead up to the zone were present there. Whoever had made off with all their people had made sure that Shiro and Matt wouldn’t have a way out.

Shiro’s heart sank into his chest. He stood and looked at Matt, who was wearing a similar expression on his face.

“We should get the fire going again,” Matt said quietly. He seemed drained of energy. “You’re freezing, and I think being a little more comfortable will help us think past how fucked up this is.”

Shiro wanted to say that they say should keep search for any evidence that might lead them in the right direction, but even as he thought he could feel his strength flagging, his body listing every time he moved.

“I’ll get the fire going.”

Together they were able to bring the fire back to life, and then Matt wandered off in search of any packaged food they might have left over. With the knowledge that someone had sabotaged their mission, they couldn’t trust anything that had been handled by anyone else, but they also knew they wouldn’t survive if they didn’t have anything to replenish their energy.

By the time Matt returned, Shiro was feeling marginally better. He was slightly warmer than frozen, the ache in his head had abated some, and he was actually feeling a little hungry—a good sign, all things considered.

“I’ve got some water I kept in my room and a few energy bars,” Matt said as he approached the fire. “I hope you like flor flavor.”  

“I have no idea what that is,” Shiro replied honestly. “But anything sounds pretty good right now.”

“We’ll see about that,” Matt joked. “It’s awful.”

It was awful. The flavor reminded Shiro of tar and it lingered in the worst way. Shiro kept swiping his tongue across his teeth and the roof of his mouth after he’d eaten, trying to rid himself of the aftertaste.

He watched in horror as Matt opened a second bar.

“You should eat another one,” Matt insisted, when Shiro made a face. “I know it’s bad, but you need your strength.”

“Not sure I could swallow another one of those,” he admitted. “I think I’ll be okay for now. We should really be looking around.”

“I know. Trust me, I know. But you need to eat another one of these, and drink some water. Come on.”

He handed Shiro a pouch, watching him like a hawk until he’d downed the entire thing. Then, when Shiro refused the energy bar, Matt threatened to choke him with it if he didn’t give in. Knowing it was a losing battle, Shiro accepted it reluctantly and somehow managed to force it down, feeling like he was about to vomit the entire time.

“Now we can talk about looking for clues,” Matt said, satisfied. He craned his neck to look at their surroundings. “First things first, let’s lay the groundwork. What we know so far is we’re stuck here. Somebody took the entire camp population, the shuttles, all of our crucial supplies, and we don’t know who did it or why.”

“Sounds about right,” Shiro said, trying not to let the panic surging in his chest take hold.

“We’re royally fucked.”

 “Yeah.” Shiro glanced off to the side, catching sight of the open doorway leading into Wade’s room. “Why were you in Wade’s room, anyway?”

“Huh?” Matt followed his gaze. “Oh. I…don’t remember. I think he wanted to talk to me about something. I’d been messing around with the thermal systems again, trying to see if I could get ‘em running. It wasn’t going great.” He paused. “I hope he’s okay. He had bad experiences with being in Galra captivity.”

Shiro frowned, turning back to the fire. He spread his legs and pushed his feet closer to the warmth, trying to think of something helpful to say and coming up short.

“We should take another look around,” he said instead. “See if there are anything we missed. There’s gotta be something. Whoever did this—no one leaves without a single trace.”

“Yeah,” Matt agreed. “Let’s split up. I want to look at the leftovers from last night, see if I can tell what he—what they might’ve done.”

Shiro nodded. They split up, as agreed, and began the process of searching the entire compound all over again. Matt wanted to take another look at Pat’s bedside and Shiro went in the opposite direction, combing all the remaining rooms for anything that seemed like it might be out of place.

_Come on, come on. There has to be something. Nobody could have done this without some kind of help._

Shiro’s eyes strayed towards Wade’s room again. It was where he had found Matt unconscious on the ground. He hadn’t thought about it at the time, but now that he was considering it, it seemed a little bizarre that he would have fallen asleep on Wade’s floor without him knowing.

 _He wanted to talk to me about something,_ Matt had said.

Shiro walked into his room, closing the door behind him to ward off the chill in the air and started rifling around his things. He’d given them a cursory once over after finding Matt lying there, but he didn’t know what most of equipment was used for, or why.

Shiro glanced at the terminal on the desk. It was jerry-rigged to run on what looked like an engine, the system had been hooked to it via some cables. It was enough electricity to keep this thing running, but for how long Shiro didn’t know.

He poked at the terminal until it powered on, displaying a screen that required a passcode.

Shiro peeked his head out of the building and called for Matt.

“What? Did you find something?” Matt shouted.

“Wade’s computer!” Shiro returned. “Do you know his passcode?”

“Yeah! Try ‘humansrock’! No spaces and all lowercase!”

There was a an uncomfortably long pause.

“You’re not serious, are you? Does this thing even have English characters?”

“Yep. I programmed it myself!”

Shaking his head, Shiro returned to the terminal and typed in the passcode. It flashed red.

“Matt, it didn’t work!” he yelled.

“What? Are you sure you typed it right?”

“Yes!”

“Try again!”

Shiro tried it again. The response was the same.

“Matt, it’s not working!”

Matt abandoned whatever he’d been looking at and jogged over to Shiro’s side.

“Show me,” he said, sounding annoyed.

Shiro lead him to the terminal and showed him the screen. He typed in the passcode carefully and then pressed Enter. It flashed red.  

“The hell?” Matt leaned forward, squinting at the screen. “He wasn’t supposed to change it without telling us.”  

“How many of your members had the passcode?”

“Four or five of us. Obviously, none of them are here.”

“All right, so what kind of information is on here? Do you think it’ll help?”

“Logs of the data he was collecting, results of any scans—all stuff he’s showed me before.”

“Scans? You mean like the scans of the ships?”

“I don’t know if Wade told you, but we used the local scans built in the shuttle systems to check for any ships passing through.” Matt scratched his head, pursing his lips. “They always acted kind of fiddly because of the planet we’re on, so Wade was in charge of reporting back to me and a few others. He was the only one who could get a clear scan with his electromagnetic shit.”

“Then we should try and get into the computer. Maybe one of the logs will tell us something.”

Shiro examined the space around the terminal, searching for any sort of conveniently placed reminder for the passcode. A sticky note would have been nice.

After a moment of hesitation, Matt joined him in his search, patting the edges of the terminal like he expected to find a hidden compartment. They searched for a while, but as the minutes stretched on, Shiro felt his tentative hopes fade. The longer they spent searching for something that didn’t exist, the more Shiro was convinced they weren’t moving in the right direction.

Using the terminal to pull himself up from where he’d been crouched, Shiro started to say, “Maybe we should try somewhere else,” when he felt his fingers brush against something soft on the underside of the desk. It felt like fur.

He snatched his hand away, afraid that he’d touched a wild creature that had managed to get into the facility, but when pulled it out from under the desk, he realized it was just a few leaves from a plant.

“What is this?” Shiro asked, holding it up for Matt to look at.

“That’s…one of the plants that grows here.” Matt took it from Shiro, rubbing it between his thumb and forefinger. “This one is one of the more toxic ones.”

“Why is it here?”

“I…I don’t know.” Matt set it down on the desk and then straightened. “We keep a couple samples of everything we find in storage. I don’t know why Wade would have been messing with them.”

Shiro looked down at the leaf, then back up at Matt.

“Does Wade know a lot about this kind of thing?”

“No!” Matt exclaimed. “I mean, I don’t think so. I don’t actually…know.”

There was a pause where neither of them said anything.

“Let’s not jump to conclusions,” Shiro stated. “Maybe…maybe it’s nothing.”

“It doesn’t mean Wade did anything. He wouldn’t—he wouldn’t,” Matt finished.

“Where did you say you kept the samples?”

* * *

“We’ve just got a few here,” Matt explained, shoving aside containers on the shelf in front of him, reaching for the back. “Enough to actually give us an idea of what each one does. Hold on a tick…aha!”

Matt reached forward, to the back of the shelf, and brought one of the containers forward.

It was empty.

Matt stared at it, unseeing. Shiro shifted on his feet, opening his mouth to offer, what, he wasn’t sure. Words of comfort? Doubt? This didn’t confirm Wade had anything to do with their disappearances, but they didn’t have anything else to go on.

Matt surprised Shiro by tossing the container on the ground and shoving his hands back on the shelf. He reached for more of the plants samples, bringing them to the forefront and opening them.

Every single container that he opened was empty.

“I don’t think this was Wade,” Matt said tightly, “but somebody used this to keep us from waking up. To keep _everyone_ from waking up.”

"So how did we wake up?" Shiro asked.

"You were the one to wake me up. How?"

"I...the bond, I think? It sounds far-fetched, I know." Shiro stared at the empty containers, something in his gut recoiling. He felt like he was about to vomit all over again. There was no telling what that might be doing to his body. He placed his hands on his stomach. His skin felt prickly. "We need to move. We—we need to find a way out of here.”

Shiro made for the door, but then he had to stop and lean against it. His head was swimming, his insides churning. All he wanted to do was sleep and wake up back home, leaving this nightmare once and for all.

Matt hurried to catch up with him, laying a hand on his shoulder.

“Shiro, wait! We don’t even have a way out of here. What do you think you’re going to do?”

“I don’t know,” he said with a level of confidence he didn’t exactly feel. “But we have to do something! They could still be nearby.”

“I know that more than anyone,” Matt reminded him. “These were my people— _my_ friends. Trust me, I know. So let’s just...sit down for a second. You’re shaking.”

Shiro hid his trembling fingers under his armpits.

“I guess it’s a little cold in here,” he joked weakly. He’d been cold enough that he could see his breath in front of him for a while now, but the fear of being left behind—even with Matt by his side—was enough to make him start trembling with it.

Matt sat him down in front of the fire and wrapped a few spare blankets around his body, tucking him in tight. It didn’t occur to Shiro how cold he actually felt until he sank into its warmth gratefully, closing his eyes.

“Thanks. And sorry, I’m just…” He shrugged, at a loss for words to describe how he was feeling. “Feels like we’ve been stuck here forever, and now we’re stuck all over again. I want to go _home._ I’m ready to see the paladins, Allura, Coran, and Sendak, no matter what they might think of me.”

The last name had been a slip of the tongue, but he felt it all the same. He missed Sendak with a vicious intensity that only seemed to increase exponentially with every passing day. His feelings were probably being multiplied by the bond and being pregnant, but that didn’t make them feel any less real.

“They won’t think anything. They probably just miss you,” Matt said sincerely. He smiled at Shiro, patting the top of his head. “Before we do anything, you’re going to eat something again.”

Shiro tried not to sigh as he watched Matt pull out his last energy bar and offered it to Shiro.

“Remind me again why we couldn’t eat the wildlife here?” he asked.

“Toxic, remember?”

“Right. Toxic.” He paused. “You’re sure?”

“Pretty sure.” Matt shoved it in his hands. Shiro scowled down at the wrapper like it personally offended him. “Did I ever tell you how we found out?”

“No.” Shiro tried to be subtle about putting the bar on the ground where Matt couldn’t see it. Maybe if he was lucky, Matt would assume he’d eaten it. “How?”

“It was before we rescued you guys. One of our own.” Matt’s eyes followed Shiro’s hand, completely wise to his tricks. He reached over, picked up the bar, and put it back in Shiro’s lap.

“Matt, please.”

“So anyway,” Matt continued blithely, “not everyone here needs to eat things cooked, because, aliens, so someone tried to eat one of the little guys raw and ended up getting really sick. We’d barely figured out how to clean the water when we were already losing him. Even though it could have had something to do with his physiology, we didn’t want to risk it.”

“That’s fair,” Shiro admitted. As much as he hated mushrooms now, they were mild and didn’t pack much of a punch. “Still a shame. I’d love some meat right about now.”

Matt grinned, leering at Shiro suggestively. Shiro mimed punching him.

“I’m never going to hear the end of it from you, am I?”

“Nope,” Matt said, enunciating the word with a pop. “I still can’t believe my friend got bonded before I did. What happened to waiting for marriage, huh?”

He pressed his hand against his chest, wounded. Shiro laughed, genuine and unprepared. He was shocked at how good it felt.  

“Nobody waits for first bond anymore,” he pointed out, still smiling.

“You did,” Matt said, only half-teasing him.

“Yeah, well, look how well that turned out.”

“Being an accomplished space pilot and travelling around with a bunch of aliens seems pretty legit to me.” He winked. “Then there’s your Galra sugar daddy.”

His hands reflexively went to his stomach, pressing over the smooth curve. He was getting…not exactly huge, but definitely on his way.

“I would pay to watch you to call him that to his face.”

“I will,” Matt promised, throwing Shiro a salute. “I solemnly swear I will say it to his face. I’m sure he’ll take it for the compliment that it is.”

“He wouldn’t have any idea what you mean.” Shiro’s smile turned fond. “He hates being in the dark. He’d always tell me to explain whatever I said that didn’t mean anything to him.” He closed his eyes briefly, imagining Sendak frowning at him. “It was kind of cute.”

“Oh, ew. Don’t make that face.”

It was Matt’s turn to gag. He kept doing it until Shiro threatened to hit him with his energy bar. They shared another chuckle before falling into a companionable silence that stretched on, abating only when Matt decided he’d waited for Shiro long enough.

“Come on, Shiro. You need your strength. Eat it.”

“I literally can’t stomach another one of those,” Shiro said, on the edge of a whine. Matt was so protective when it came to Shiro’s health and it was driving him a little nuts, honestly. “It’s so disgusting.”

“It’s not that bad. Here, how about this. We split it. I’ll even take the bigger half. Deal?”

Shiro nodded, sliding closer. Even though he hated the flavor, he knew it was probably a good idea. It would make him feel invigorated, a little readier to tackle the dangers that were ahead.

“Matt?”

“Yeah?” Matt glanced up at him from where he was breaking the bar with his fingers. “You good?”

“I’m glad you’re here with me. Not that—this happened, but that I’m not alone. It’s good to just have it all out there, you know? No secrets, no questions. I know I can trust you.”

“Agreed.” Matt smiled, raising his fist for Shiro to bump. “We’re in this together, buddy. Even if we crash and burn.”

“Let’s hope not,” Shiro said, chuckling.

“Oh my god.”

The bar dropped from Matt’s hand.

“What is it?” Shiro asked, looking around for whatever was causing the look of utter surprise on Matt’s face.

“I just remembered. Shiro! Holy crow, I completely forgot. I can’t believe I’m so stupid.”

“Forgot what?” Shiro insisted. Matt was gesturing wildly towards a random direction, and it was hard not to get caught up in his excitement. “What did you forget?”

“The shuttle!” Matt exclaimed, pushing himself to his feet. He made an aborted movement towards his left, only stopping when Shiro tried to move. “Hold on, wait—wait here. No, never mind. It’s too far. Just—give me a second.”

“Matt,” Shiro started, his voice firm, refusing to hope, “what are you talking about? What shuttle?”

“When we crashed here, one of our shuttles got messed up in the crash. We didn’t have the time to try and repair it and we had the others that we used to rescue you guys, so there wasn’t that much of a need anyway.”

He started pacing around the fire, waving his hands excitedly.

“I’ve learned a lot about engineering since I joined the resistance. I know these shuttles. Maybe with some fiddling—” He broke off, then started again on a new train of thought, “I bet I could re-purpose some of the parts from Wade’s computer. It might take a while, but I think…I think it’s out best chance. Our only chance,” he added.  

“Are you serious?” Shiro couldn’t help the smile that broke over his face. “We could get out of here right now!”

“Don’t get your hopes up,” Matt smiled weakly. “That’s only if I can do it.”

“You’re capable, Matt. If anyone can do it, you can.”

“Okay.” Matt let out a short breath, running his fingers through his hair. “We don’t have much choice, do we? Let’s do it. We need to unhook the wires and stuff from over there,” He pointed towards Wade’s room, “and carry it to the shuttle. That’s going to be, uh, fun.”

“I’ll help,” Shiro said immediately.

“No way,” Matt replied. “You stay right there. No heavy lifting for daddy.”

“Oh, come on.” Shiro rolled his eyes. “I’m not just going to sit here waiting for you to do all the work.”

That’s exactly what ended up happening.

As much as Shiro wanted to help, moving around a lot, let alone heavy lifting, was a strenuous activity that he wasn’t sure he was up to when he was still feeling fragile. Thankfully Matt was more than happy to do all the work, even if it hurt.

“I know I said to stay put, but I—” he grunted, tugging on a bundle of cords to loosen it, “—wish I had those big muscles of yours right now.”

“Little to your left!” Shiro called cheekily. “I said I’d help if you needed it.”

“And we both know that’s not going to happen. I’ll get it there eventually.”

Eventually ended up being what felt like at least an hour or two. The ship was only about a hundred yards from the compound, but round trips meant they worked overtime to get the tool they needed in place. Shiro carried the lighter loads, like wires and a few pieces of metal, whereas Matt was tasked with hefting what Shiro learned was an alien version of an alternator,  streaming sweat with every step.

“This thing is burning my hands,” he whined, waving them in the cool air.

They’d taken a small break at the halfway mark. Shiro winced in sympathy at the state of his fingers, which were flushed red from carrying the device that was still warm.

“I’m sorry,” Shiro said. “I wish I could help. If we had more time—”

“I know,” Matt cut in, flashing him a smile. “Let’s get moving.”

When they reached the ship, Shiro was pleasantly surprised. It was in pretty good condition for what had happened. It was certainly something they could get working.

“Finally,” Matt wheezed, wiping the sweat from his forehead. “Let me see if I can hook this up and we’ll get moving.”

Moving: just the word that Shiro wanted to hear. He carried the last of the equipment over to Matt and then found a spot to make himself comfortable, letting him do the tweaking for the both of them.

“You want to sit in the ship?” Matt asked at length, poking his head up from under the hood. His face was streaked with grease. “It might be a little warmer inside.”

“I’m good out here. Plus, if you cause an explosion I don’t want to get caught in it.”

“Ha ha. You’re hilarious,” Matt drawled.

It took longer than they expected to get to a point where it was even potentially serviceable. It involved a lot of confusion on Matt’s part; he was a scientist, not an engineer, although he’d clearly picked up a few things. There were a multitude of issues that were solved only to discover something else that wasn’t quite right, putting them back even further.

While there wasn’t much he could offer in way of insight, Shiro was familiar with space crafts and suggested things here and there that ended up leading Matt in the right direction.

However, even with his help, it was clear this wasn’t something that could be finished in just a few hours. When he realized that, Shiro brought the remaining flammable material lying around the compound and started a fire a few dozen yards away from Matt.

Regardless of the trials and tribulations, he was feeling hopeful. They were _so_ close.

 _Almost there,_ he thought, gazing up at towards the surface. _We can make it._

* * *

“All right,” Matt said an interminable amount of time later. His face was slick with sweat and grease, and his clothes weren’t faring much better. “Start ‘er up.”

Shiro yawned, stretching his arms high above his head. While he was loathe to leave his cocoon under the blankets, he was more than ready to get off this planet.

“Already?” he joked, letting them slip from his shoulders to stand.

“I’d like to see you do better,” Matt teased, offering him a slap on the shoulder as he went by.

Stepping up into the cockpit, Shiro laid his hands on the dashboard, familiarizing himself with the ship’s system. It was pretty similar to the lion’s, as far as the display. When he was ready, he nodded at Matt through the window. He had the hood up, ready to keep an eye on things and make sure it started properly.

Starting at all would be a great improvement upon their situation.

“Ready when you are!” Shiro called.

“One sec.” He fiddled with something before stepping back, hands raised. “Give it a try!”

The display came to life almost immediately, a promising sign. Shiro pressed the activation sequence, his heart in his throat.

For a moment, nothing happened.

Then the ship sputtered, shuddering as it came to life—

“Woohoo!” Matt crowed. “Hell yeah!”

—only to falter, its engine failing unexpectedly.

“Wait, no, that’s not supposed to happen!” Matt took his head between his hands, groaning loudly. “Please!”

“It’s okay,” Shiro said, stepping gingerly out of the ship. “We can make it work. Give it another try.”

“I’ll just have to figure out what went wrong. Maybe this isn’t connected properly…”

They tried starting it at least a dozen times, but it appeared their luck had run out. Shiro could feel the hope that had been holding him up slowly start to drain. It was…

Disheartening didn’t even cover it.

As they failed to get it to start again and again, it was quickly becoming apparent that there was nothing they could do for the crashed shuttle. This had been their last chance to work their way out of an unwinnable situation, and they had failed.

Shiro had failed.

Guilt piled upon the guilt already festering inside him.

“This is so stupid!” Matt said. He slapped his palm on the ship’s side. “We don’t have time for this. God damn it.”

“This is bad,” Shiro murmured, pressing his palm over his forehead. He felt his breath quicken, helplessness rolling over him in a wave of anguish. He opened his mouth, the words sticking in the back of his throat.

 _This is_ _my fault._

_If I could have just figured things out sooner_

_If I wasn’t blinded by my own problems I might have noticed_

What he said was, “We’re never going to get out here, are we?”

“Yes, we are,” Matt said, turning to face him. “Let’s just—see what we can figure out, yeah?”

His voice was gentle, like he was afraid Shiro might break.

“We have to,” Shiro said, phrasing it almost like a question. “The universe never likes to make it easy on us.”

 _Think,_ he told himself, digging his fingernails into his skin. _Think._

But his mind was blank. He couldn’t come up with anything that would reasonably get them out the bind they were in. There was nothing they could do. They couldn’t even leave the planet without the atmosphere eating them alive.

_Things can’t continue like this. We have to find a way out. We have to find a way out. We have to._

_I can’t_

“Shiro, it’s okay,” Matt said, laying a hand on his shoulder and shaking him gently. Shiro realized his breath was coming out ragged, and the fingers on his face were trembling. “We’ll figure it out. We always do.”

“Not in time,” he rasped. Raw emotion welled within him, bringing hot, stinging tears to his eyes. He dragged his hand down his face and tried to remember how to breathe without feeling like his lungs were going to collapse. “They’re probably gone already. The Galra; whoever took them. They’re probably long gone and we’re _stranded_ here.”

“Shiro…”

It was like a void had opened inside Shiro and he was hanging on its edge. He shook his head. He couldn’t speak or he was worried he’d lose it.

Matt went silent, sensing that there were no more platitudes that would help the situation. So instead of speaking, he sat down next to Shiro, wrapped his arm around his shoulder, and held him there, offering him comfort the only way he knew how.

Shiro closed his eyes, humiliation and shame burning hot inside him. God, Matt was comforting him when he was the one deserving of comfort. This was his people, his mission. He bit down against his knuckles, hands balled into fists.

He was a failed leader, a failed teammate, and now a failed friend.

He should have sensed that there was something more to Wade’s behavior. He should have—he should have _noticed._

 _You could never have predicted anything that’s happened to you,_ a voice told him. It sounded like a lie. _That’s what makes it hurt so much._

Shiro gnawed on his lower lip, forcing the lump in his throat down.

“I’m sorry,” he choked, blinking back tears. “You shouldn’t have to deal with my emotions at a time like this. I’m…”

_Scared. I’m scared._

It was hard to admit, because Shiro had been holding himself together ever since they’d first been captured by the Galra almost two years ago. When he had taken Matt’s place in the arena, he’d pretended he was okay with it. When he’d killed all those people he’d tried to convince himself that he had no choice, and that they deserved it, that he deserved his place as a paladin. And then, after everything, after finally feeling like maybe he was _home,_ he learned he was pregnant, and tried to act like it wasn’t the most terrifying experience of his entire life.

Shiro hadn’t been ready for any of this, and he was just so _tired._ He was tired of coasting, waiting for the next disaster to come along.

“I want to be okay,” he said, his lower lip trembling. He bit down on it until he felt the skin break. “I want us to be okay, and I don’t know what to do, Matt.”

“I don’t either,” Matt said quietly, “but we’re going to figure it out.”

He enveloped Shiro in a hug, his mild scent comforting in a way that Shiro had missed _so much,_ and he broke.

Releasing the building pressure behind his eyes, Shiro buried his face in his hands and dissolved into tears.

“I just want one fucking thing to go right, for once,” he cried. “I just want—to feel okay. Why is that so much to ask?”

Embarrassed beyond belief, he tried wiping at his eyes, a fruitless attempt at quelling the stream of tears, but then he eventually gave up and just cried, his shoulders quivering with the weight of all his worries resting on his shoulders.

Matt held him all the way through it, stroking his back in soothing motions, murmuring words of encouragement.

“It’s gonna be okay,” he said. “We’ll make it. We’ll save them.”

Shiro wasn’t sure anymore, and that was what terrified him the most.

* * *

  **SENDAK**

The nights without activity bled into days.

Sendak had been working with the Blades on a purely informational business since their ill-fated mission, providing them with as much detail as he could muster whenever the situation called for it.

They were eager to work with him, but slow to trust.  

 _Good,_ Sendak thought with a vicious sort of satisfaction. Even though he no longer allied with the Galra Empire, it was difficult for Sendak to reconcile what he had believed as a commander and what he had learned as Shiro’s mate.

It helped when he forcefully reminded himself that without the Blade of Marmora, Shiro would not have made his escape. Sendak had hastened the process, but it had been engineered by the Blades.

It was an especially sore spot to admit that he had needed their _help._

It hadn’t been considered help at the time, but even then, when he had convinced himself that Shiro was a poison on his mind, he had been stupidly grateful for their intervention.

Nevertheless, he _itched_ with the urge to rip off their silly masks every time he saw them cross his path.

Sendak was waiting by the door, listening to the Blades and the paladins they spoke of their current missions in the control room. He had been allowed to listen in for informational purposes, but their alliance was still tentative and new. They didn’t trust him, but they were willing to give him a chance to prove himself.

Then the world became blurry.

Words that had he’d intended to add to the conversation fell flat on his tongue, reduced to a wheezing gasp as his vision swam and titled violently. He braced his hand on the wall, slumping down against it.

_Shiro._

His thoughts had felt like mud, dragging slowly across the scope of his mind.

_This must be… Shiro._

Focus, he told himself. _Focus._ This time he could not— _would not_ let the connection fade. There were hands pressing on him but he swatted them away, focusing on the pull. It was as distant as ever, but if he squeezed his eyes shut...

_Matt—_

_Wake up,_ he tried to say, sending his thoughts like a pulse.

_I can’t move_

His voice was unstable; incoherent. Shiro was frightened, his body hot with unease.  

_Get up get up_

_“Tell me where you are,”_ Sendak said, unsure if he’d said the words aloud. Voices that didn’t belong inside his head were drowning him out. Sendak growled, low and deep, threatening to make them be quiet.

_“Shiro.”_

His scent was everywhere, overwhelming him. It was all Sendak could concentrate on.

He could feel Shiro’s projected desperation bleeding into the bond. His fist curled and connected with something solid. _Please._ Please.

Sendak had never begged for mercy once as a soldier yet here, surrounded by unlikely allies, knowing that Shiro was in a faraway galaxy, suffering when Sendak could do _nothing_ made him offer pleas without a second thought.

A note of clarity shot through the bond, and for moment, it was like Shiro was there.

“Sendak.”

But it wasn’t Shiro’s voice. It was Allura’s. Her hands hovered above him, unsure. Her gaze was searching.

“Are you all right? You were calling for Shiro.”

Sendak looked around. Surrounding him were the paladins and a few of the Blades. It appeared he had attracted quite a bit of attention while he had been occupied.

Hunk, Lance, and Keith were hovering a few feet away, peering at him with interest, while Allura was close, ready to help him at a moment’s notice. Perhaps the expression on his face had convinced her of something because she was staring at him with _concern,_ her voice gentler than he deserved.

The Blades were angled further back. They watched him with a curious intensity he did not like.

Sendak rose, avoiding their gazes, brushing stray particles off his clothing. He tried to appear unaffected, but when he spoke, his voice sounded strange even to him.

“I felt him. The bond allowed us to speak, but not for long. It never does,” he spat, his voice thick with anger.

“Was it clearer than last time?” Allura asked, cautious yet hopeful.

“This soul bond stuff is so weird,” Lance muttered.

“What I still don’t get how you can connect with him, but never actually on your own,” Pidge said. She sighed, cocking her head thoughtfully. “Hey, isn’t there something we can do with the memories we have?”

“I’m not sure,” Coran answered, shaking his head. “This doesn’t involve memories, as such. What do you think, princess?”

“There has to be something else to this,” she murmured. “You informed us that you could not force the experience, but what sticks out to you about it? Isn’t there _something?”_

Sendak did not like being spoken about like he was some lab rat, but he conceding to their questioning. It was only fair, for how long he had been failing his mate.

His connection to Shiro had always run deep; he’d found the castle of lions thanks to the bond when he had still worked for Zarkon, and that had been _before_ they coupled on the lost planet, further burying its roots.

Even then he had neglected to try and understand why it was happening; he had just accepted it as truth, putting no more thought into it.

“No.” Sendak looked away, his ears turning flat. “Perhaps. I…do not know,” he admitted, his tone sour. “We did not speak of it often. We were otherwise occupied.”

“Right.” Allura coughed, folding her hands in front of her. “I suppose it’s a relief to know that he is at least alive, wherever that may be. It’s just very frustrating to have gone so long with little to show for it.”

“Can you tell us anything about his condition?” Hunk asked. “How’s he’s feeling? I hope he’s okay.”

“I’m curious to know more about this bond,” said Kolivan. He narrowed his eyes. “Connecting like that would be a useful tool.”

“Then bond with a human.” Sendak’s tone edged on a growl.

“Last time you sensed him you said he was in danger,” Pidge said, turning the tide of conversation before it could get out of hand.  

Sendak nodded shortly. “He is panicked.”

He could not extract the concern from his voice. Every bolt of Shiro’s emotional state had made Sendak want to claw his way through the walls of this ship and find him himself.

“He was…in pain.”

“What kind of pain?” Keith demanded.

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?!”

“It means I cannot tell!” he barked. “I can only—”

He buried his claws into the fur on his head and tugged as if that would force the thread of connection to strengthen and take him to Shiro.

“I am trying to speak with him but he will not _answer._ We rarely communicate for long.”

The anger in his tone made Keith back down, marginally.

“Okay, then what do we do now?”

“I will try harder to maintain a connection.”

“That’s not good enough. You’ve _been_ trying and I don’t think it’s working out all that great.”

“And yet, your puny attempts at finding Shiro have been equal failures.”

He bared his teeth at Keith. Keith mirrored his expression in a surprisingly Galra fashion.

“Enough.”

Allura stepped in, her hand hovering above Sendak’s arm as though she wanted to lay it there before she withdrew. She had a habit of affectionately touching those around her, but Sendak and the Blades were the exception.

“We just finished negotiations with the Kalatar, which gives us a few quintents to figure this out. We have given you time, Sendak,” she said, turning to him, “but this is our best chance to find him. I believe we should try—that is, if you will allow it, I believe we should scan your memories.”

Sendak bristled. “No.”

“I will not broadcast anything that isn’t relevant to what we may find. You have my word.”

Sendak remembered the pull of the machine the last time he had been locked in the stasis tube.

His awareness had come in bits and pieces, memory stretching and folding painfully as it was extracted. Had it not been for Shiro, it was likely he would have stayed in a safe-dreamlike state, but because of their bond he had suffered in a state of half-wakefulness.

“I will consider it.”

Allura’s lips pressed together.

“We don’t have much time to waste, if he is in danger,” she insisted. “I hope you will consider quickly.”

Sendal said nothing for a moment.

 _This is for Shiro’s sake,_ a voice reminded him. _Sacrificing comfort will be worth it to have Shiro back._

Sendak looked at her, taking in the severity of her expression. She returned his gaze, unwavering.

Ultimately, it was up to him, even if he said no. That was more consideration than he had expected.

“Fine. On one condition: I would like to visit with the black lion.”

Allura’s eyebrows rose, her relief at his admission short-lived. “I…suppose. Why?”

Sendak did not know how to explain the astral plane without bringing in further questioning.

“Perhaps it will provide insight,” was all he said. He didn’t want to say more in front of the blades, and she accepted his response readily enough, sparing him a puzzled glance.

“I’ll show you how to access the hanger later this evening. For now, let’s continue the debrief,” she said, addressing the room at large. “I apologize for the delay.”

The Blades started to move inwards, pretending like they hadn’t been listening to their conversation with obvious interest.

Sendak leaned against the wall and waited.

* * *

After the day’s excursions, Sendak went to the dining room to find food before journeying to see the lion. On his arrival he was surprised to see Pidge and Hunk were already seated at the table, prodding at a few samples they had taken from one of the Go-lath fruit.

“These smell _really_ bad,” Hunk said when he noticed him enter, pinching the bridge of his nose for effect. “Why the hell did you guys decide to eat it? I just tried some and it tastes as bad as it smells.”

“You would have to ask the waiting mothers.” Sendak’s lips quirked. “I have no interest in consuming it. I assume by your words that you have discovered it _is_ consumable by humans.”

“Yeah. It’s a fruit,” Pidge said simply. “Honestly, I thought there’d be more. It should be easy to turn into a smoothie for Shiro when we find him. Seems like it’s compatible with human physiology. We’re still doing some tests to make sure, though.”

“Though not with our mouths.” Hunk wrinkled his nose. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I have to pass on this one.”

Sendak said nothing, moving past them to gather a heaping plateful of their nutrition supplement. The gruel that they called ‘food goo’ was as formless and distasteful as ever, but he had grown partial to the vanilla flavored one.

As he stepped away, food in arm, Hunk stopped him.

“Hey, Sendak,” he called. “Why do you want to see the black lion?”

He looked at Hunk and considered the merit of lying to him. There was no need to be honest when he had only failures to show for his endeavors so far. Why should this be any different?

“I am hoping to connect with the lion,” he found himself saying. “Not as you paladins do, but as Shiro and I do. It happened once, a long time ago. It was through the connection that Shiro and I share, but the lion was involved. I’m hoping to replicate it.”

“What does _that_ mean?”

“It would take too long to explain. Inform me of anything else you learn about the fruit.” He nodded and left them staring at him in confusion.

“Well, things just keep getting weirder,” Hunk muttered, just before he was out of earshot.

* * *

After being shown the hangar’s entrance, Sendak went in alone. The black lion would only allow those worthy to pilot it, and Sendak was no paladin, so there was no need for Allura to follow him; however, he was sure she was keeping an eye on him from one of her surveillance cameras and resisted the urge to find one and make a threatening gesture.

He stepped up to face the black lion, craning his neck to peer at its soulless eyes.

Of all the opponents that Sendak had faced since this unlikely alliance, the black lion was the most foreboding.

Having experienced it firsthand what power Voltron commanded, it had not impressed him—not until he had witnessed it for himself on the astral plane. Now he understood what Zarkon had seem in them. Each of the five separate machines could hold their own in a fight, but together, they were remarkable. Particularly the black lion, the most powerful of them all, if the paladins were to be believed.

He recalled his time on the astral plane when the lion had roared. The pure _energy_ that he had felt emanating from it was confirmation enough.

Sendak ran his palm hesitantly across the surface of its claw, a part of him fearing it suddenly coming to life. From what he had seen and what the paladins had explained to him, the lions took the initiative when the situation called for it.

Whatever had happened to Shiro, wherever he had gone, the black lion had sent him there.

 _Answers,_ he thought, extending his claws into the metal. _I need answers._

The frequency of their connection seemed to be increasing, but it continued to give him a taste without truly allowing him his fill. They could exchange shouts on their behalf, but it did not last _long_ enough.

The bond was the key, but how to use that key Sendak had no idea. That was why he was here. If his own connection was not reliable, perhaps he could rely on the lion’s to bridge the gap.

He turned to face the black lion. With newfound confidence he approached its belly, stroking his hand up the metal in a gesture of praise but also—defiance. Shiro was not the only one connected to this lion, and he would prove it.

Allura had explained that while the lion did not allow for piloting, any of them could enter while in the castle. It was dark, but Sendak was well-adjusted to darkness. He maneuvered expertly throughout the lion’s lower entrance, sliding his arm against the wall. The cockpit was backlit by the hangar’s lights, illuminating the controls and Shiro’s chair.

“This is your ship,” he said quietly, planting his hand on the headrest. “Where are you?”

As far as anyone could tell, the lion had teleported Shiro. The lions had their own agendas on occasion, which meant the lion had done it for a reason. But what reason could justify leaving him alone in space?

“Tell me where he is.”

The lion did not reply. Sendak exited the lion and retreated some ways away, wondering if perhaps he should speak to its face.

“How can I locate him?” he said, craning his neck. “What are his coordinates?”

Truth be told, he had not been entirely sure what questions he could ask a sentient lion-shaped ship, and doing so now felt foolish. But Shiro had driven it time and time again; this was his only chance to attempt to connect outside of normal circumstances.

Sendak placed his palm on the lion’s flank and pressed, a weak, hapless attempt at connecting.

“If you care about him, you will help me!”

He hadn’t expected anything in particular, but it still irked him deeply. To be ignored by a creature that was meant to _help_ Shiro was an insult. More than an insult, it didn’t make sense. Why wouldn’t it want to save its master?

_Must I beg?_

The gaping wound that was Shiro’s place in his life throbbed, a pain that would never end until he could hold him in his arms again. A sudden, acute sense of sorrow washed over him, filling his chest. He lurched forward, bracing his hand on the lion’s metal, lip trembling with the weight of it. Tears trailed down his cheeks.

“This…” Sendak touched his cheek, rubbing a wet tear between his thumb and forefinger. “These feelings are not mine.”

At first it had felt like his own sorrow, but after a tick the severity faded, and he realized it was _Shiro._ The bond rang true, as it had been wont to do, but this time there was an undercurrent that felt—strange. Like an outside source attempting to intrude on their connection.

“Where—”

The words were muffled by an explosion of sound as the lion _roared_ to life.

Sendak flinched and reared back, stumbling underneath the lion as it rose to a crouch, slamming its claws on either side of him.

Its mechanical purr reverberated throughout the hangar. Its eyes came glowing to life, and its head banked sharply right, then left, as if shaking itself awake.

For a moment Sendak was terrified the lion was doing this in an attempt to destroy him. However, instead of pounding him into the ground, it ignored him completely, bounding past him towards the end of the hangar.

The lion was going somewhere.

“Sendak!”

Allura’s voice sounded from across the room. She had clearly been watching him, because she was sprinting towards him, outrage plain on her face.

“What have you done?”

“Nothing!” he snapped. “I have done nothing to your lion. It began moving on its own!”

“What? How is that possible? Shiro’s not close enough to activate its power.”

“Oh dear,” came Coran’s voice over the loudspeakers. “Princess, it’s headed outside the castle!”

“Can’t you stop it?” Sendak demanded.

“No! The lions have a power far beyond our understanding, but I’ve never seen anything like this. The black lion has _never_ acted on its own before, not without its paladin somewhere in tow.”

Allura activated her communicator and began blasting a message throughout the castle.

“Paladins,” she barked, “get to your lions. The black lion is leaving the ship and we need you to retrieve it. Now!”

Sendak’s thoughts were running wild. The memory of tears streaking down his cheeks hit him like a slap in the face. He looked at Allura.

“Your lion began to move after I experienced another link with Shiro.”

“What?” Her eyes snapped to him. “You mean your soul bond? Are you saying—wait.” She touched the edge of her knuckle to her chin, delving into thought.

“Perhaps…” she began, pausing for a tick. “The lions are connected to each paladin by the soul. I suppose that it’s entirely possible that it could be a similar bond. Maybe you were able to forge a long-range link between them.”

“Then we should not try and retrieve it.” At her sharp look, he let his smirk grow, self-satisfaction and hope flitting inside him. “We should follow it.”

“Right.” Her expression grew severe. “We don’t have time to waste, then. Since you are connected to Shiro and potentially his lion, join Keith: the red lion is the quickest. I will have the castle follow you out!”

“Wait!” he called, after she’d gotten a few feet away. She turned to look at him, still inching hurriedly towards the doorway. “How will we follow it?”

“The castle can locate all of the lions. I will send you all live coordinates to wormhole to as you depart. Hurry!”

Sendak made a sound of discontent. He _hated_ wormholes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few things. One, thank goodness for my beta Gem because without her this would still be the dumpster fire that I showed her before she whipped it into shape. Two, everything I write is usually very self-indulgent. I'm all about that sweet suffering™ and not so much the whole make-your-plot-cool-and-interesting. I'm a tropey ass bitch. So I want you to keep an open mind. I'll be uploading the next chapter very soon because I struggled a lot with this one and took too long. Thank u


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should probably be like those authors that have a posting schedule they stick to but I'm always too excited to wait. Hope you enjoy (ﾉ´ｰ`)ﾉ

**SHIRO**

“Thanks,” Shiro said, when Matt offered him a part of his cloak as a tissue. “But I’m not touching that thing. It’s covered in grease.”

Matt looked down at it and shrugged. “Good call.”

“Sorry you had to see that, by the way,” Shiro said, rubbing at his eyes with his hands and wiping away the tears gathered on his cheeks.

“Shiro—” Matt let out a short laugh. “I sobbed like a _baby_ when we first got captured, remember?”

He knocked his shoulder into Shiro’s, his grin fading when Shiro didn’t respond. Matt sighed, leaning back.

“You know, I was so fucking scared that day, because you and dad were just…gone. I’d been transported, alone, and there was nothing I could do about it. I had no control over anything and it was terrifying.”

“Yeah,” Shiro whispered. “I feel that.”

“I honestly thought you’d died in the arena,” Matt admitted. “There was no way, _no way_ you had survived against all those aliens. I can’t believe it, to this day, that you were a gladiator. And I know you don’t want to talk about it—” He glanced at Shiro, who was busy staring at the ground, “—but I know about the nightmares, too.”

Shiro felt the color drain from his face. He hadn’t told Matt about those, but Sendak had mentioned he sometimes talked in his sleep.

“We sleep next to each other. Sometimes I wake up and you’re just—” he waved his hand, “—screaming. Yelling out names I don’t recognize. I’ve seen enough of this war to know that you’ve probably seen _so much more._ You’ve been through a lot.”

Shiro shrugged, refusing to meet Matt’s eyes. What else could he say?

“My point is: you deserve to cry sometimes and not apologize for it. And if there’s anything you want to talk about, I’m here for you. We’ve got some time.”

Shiro licked his lips. He opened his mouth.

“I don’t want to talk about being a—the arena, or the nightmares, but maybe you can give me some advice.”

“Shoot.”

“It’s about Sendak,” he clarified, eyeing Matt warily, like he might storm off at the mere mention.

“Former Commander Sendak, the big furry boyfriend. Baby daddy. I’m listening.”

“God, you’re the worst.” Shiro felt his face flush, but he was smiling. Being around Matt was always refreshing in the best of ways. “Do you know much about bonds?”

“No more than anyone else.” Matt looked at him seriously. “Why, are you considering breaking it?”

“What? No!” Shiro had wanted to see if he could learn anything about his bond with Sendak by asking Matt questions, but now that he was talking about breaking it, Shiro found himself hesitating on his answer. “Well, I don’t really know. I guess. I don’t…want to?”

“You don’t want to, or you don’t _want_ to want to?”

Shiro gave it some thought, gazing off into the distance as he considered the reality of his situation with Sendak. When he thought of him, he felt warm all over, but there were still doubts. So many doubts.

Did he want to break it, given the chance?

_Just say what you feel, right now. Don’t think about it._

“I don’t want to break our bond.”

Our bond. Not this bond, or the bond, but his and Sendak’s together. A shiver traveled up his spine.

“I’m just not sure where to go from here. Sendak isn’t going to join our team. He said so himself. He’s not evil, but he refuses to let go of his pride and consider the other side. He’d rather stay on a jungle planet than be a part of the Voltron coalition.”

“Not even for you?” Matt joked, but quickly dropped the act at Shiro’s look. “He doesn’t know you’re pregnant, right?”

“I’m not sure,” Shiro said slowly. “I told him in the astral plane, but he might not have heard me. The few times we’ve spoken haven’t really been encouraging on that front.”

“So if you could magically convince him to join the fight against the Galra Empire, you’d want to stay with him, is what you’re saying?”

“I, I don’t know. Maybe.” Shiro scratched his nose sheepishly. “You probably think I’m insane. It’s messed up that I want to be with him, right?”

Matt’s expression grew serious at Shiro's question. He opened his mouth, then closed it, looking down and shuffling his feet.

“It doesn’t matter what I think,” he finally said.

The sudden hesitation was unexpected. He’d figured Matt would throw in another joke or two, but his silence spoke volumes of an opinion Shiro hadn't considered.

“Of course it matters to me,” Shiro said. “Whatever you want to say, you can say it. I would probably deserve it.”

“Well, if I’m being honest…” He hesitated, fiddling with the gloves on his hands. “I know I joke around a lot, but I kind of…hate the guy?”

“Oh.” Shiro winced. “That’s…okay, that’s understandable. He hasn’t done a lot to really make anyone like him.”

“And if I’m being _really_ honest, I don’t trust him with you,” Matt blurted, sounding like he’d been holding back for a while. “You told me he forced you to bond with him. He bit you, without your permission!”

“He didn’t understand—”

“He didn’t have to!” Matt pointed at him. “He manipulated you, Shiro. You said it yourself. And I’ve seen you shirtless. You have huge scars on your back from where he mauled you with his big metal claws! I don’t understand why you would want to be with someone who hurt you like that.”

Shiro felt his cheeks start to grow hot. He ducked his head, his reply unintelligible, drowned out by the crackling fire.

“What was that?”

“I said, ‘I liked it’.”

“What?”

“I liked it, okay? I-I liked the things he did to me. Not the manipulation and lying, but the—” he covered his face with his hand, gesturing vaguely at the air, “—claw marks. It’s fucked up, I know. I’m not denying that our relationship wasn’t built on the greatest foundation, but he wasn’t—he really didn’t understand what the bond meant and yes, at the time he didn’t care, but now…”

Matt stared at him.

“You kinky motherfucker,” he breathed, startled into a laugh. “Okay, fine. You say he’s different, but how do you know he’s changed, Shiro? Tell me.”

“Because I know him,” Shiro replied honestly. “Not in the way I probably should, but when we were on that planet, I could see the change. The bond, it’s,” he shrugged, “it’s hard to explain.”

“How do you know he won’t hurt you again?” Matt insisted, because he couldn’t help it, and Shiro didn’t blame him.

“Honestly? I _don’t_ know.” He smiled, poking Matt’s foot with his own. “But that’s for me to figure out. I can take care of myself. I’m a Voltron paladin.”

Matt sighed, kicking his feet out in front of him.

“I guess you can’t help how you feel. I’ll admit this is the weirdest thing I’ve seen in a while, but for whatever reason, you love him.” Shiro stiffened. “Of course you want to be with him. And you should do whatever the quiznak you want, regardless of what I think.”

“I don’t—”

Matt raised an eyebrow.

“—know how I feel,” Shiro finished. “He’s my bondmate, but I hardly know what that means anymore. I still…I want him in my life, but outside of that?” He lifted his shoulders and let them drop. “Everything’s fucked.”

“You wanna talk about being fu—”

A distant explosion marked the end of Matt’s sentence. They burst from their positions and looked around wildly, but it wasn’t immediately obvious what had caused the sound. Then, Shiro heard it.

It was the unmistakable sound of a lion’s roar.

“Black?” he whispered.

His lion didn’t take long to reach them. It navigated through the cavern with destructive ease, claws tearing into rock and plantlife alike to reach Shiro. When it did, he watched in awe as it crash-landed in front of them, sending dust and grit flying into the air.

“Holy crow!” Matt yelped, throwing his arms protectively over his face. “Is that—is that your lion?” 

“It is,” Shiro breathed. “I don’t know how she’s here. Black, how…how did you find me?”

The lion’s eyes seemed to sparkle. It did not answer him, and then lowered its head slowly until it was resting on the ground and opened its mouth.

Shiro stepped forward, placing his hand against its face in reverence.

“I can’t believe you came. This is amazing!”

“So, it warped here, right?” Matt interrupted, sounding excited. “Am I right?”

“You’re right. Oh my god, Matt, you’re right!” Shiro lifted his fist in a cheer. “This is perfect! I don’t know how we got to this point but there’s no time to waste. Grab your things and let’s go!”

Matt was already swiftly gathering the blankets and his tools, as well a few of the nearby mushrooms to go, purposefully ignoring Shiro’s look of distaste.

“We can grow this stuff,” he pointed out. “Even though it sucks.”

“Just get in.”

* * *

**SENDAK**

The race to catch up with the lion resulted in a flurry of movement. The paladins were scrambling to follow Allura’s orders, their screams bouncing off the walls.

Lance and Hunk had been alerted when they had just dressed down for a night in, so Sendak watched with amusement as they ran past him, practically ripping their clothes off their bodies. After a moment, Pidge streaked past in the same direction, yelling something about her computer and vital updates.

It was amazing they managed to survive as long as they had.

Sendak went to find Keith near the red lion’s hangar. When he found him, Keith was already opening the hangar door.

Sendak didn’t hesitate to follow him into the passageway, eyes scanning their surroundings curiously. It was an intriguing design. Keith didn’t bat an eyelash at this, meaning he had been informed of the situation by Allura, presumably.

“Don’t touch anything,” he warned as they were travelling through the bizarre transportation tube. “I’m serious. She bites.”

“Of that I’m certain,” Sendak drawled doubtfully. The quarters were a little more cramped than Shiro’s, but there was still plenty of room for Sendak to move around. He moved to look over Keith’s shoulders and at the dashboard.

“Back off. I can’t pilot with you hovering like that.”

Sendak moved back an inch.

Keith rolled his eyes, pulling his lion backwards and sending Sendak flying into the back of his chair. He swore something in Galran. By the time he had righted himself, the lion was bounding into open space and he had to cling to the upholstery with his hand to stay righted.

“You enjoying yourself?” Keith called, keeping his eyes forward. “Just wait until we hit the wormhole.”

Sendak resisted the urge to gripe. Between using a wormhole or utilizing a warp drive, he much preferred the latter.

“Allura’s coordinates are showing that the black lion is pretty far away. It’s probably even further by now, so it’ll take a bit for us to catch up.” Keith pressed a button on his console and the other paladin’s images came into view, all suited and readying their lions.

Meanwhile, the red lion had reared back and roared, creating a massive wormhole. Sendak tightened his grip on the pilot’s seat.

“We’re about to head out,” Keith said over comms. “The wormhole should stay open long enough for you guys to follow, but only if you hurry.”

“Don’t have to tell me twice,” Lance piped in.

“I hope Shiro’s okay,” Hunk said, shifting in his seat. “All we know is what Sendak told us, which isn’t promising.”

“But he’s alive,” Pidge said, her voice even.

The paladins went silent. Keith pushed his lion through the wormhole.

* * *

**SHIRO**

“So, what’s the plan?” Matt said as they entered the lion. He set down his bag of goodies in the cargo hold and then followed Shiro into the cockpit.

The lion looked exactly like he remembered. Shiro settled down in his chair, laying his hands over the control sticks delicately, like he was afraid they would up and disappear.

“The plan is to get out of here. Find our friends.”

“And my team. But how are we gonna do that?”

Shiro nodded. He pressed a sequence of buttons on the dashboard and watched as familiar symbols began flashing on screen. He couldn’t help but smile, joy replacing all the sadness he’d been feeling moments ago. It was like whiplash, but a good kind.

“I’m running a scan of the area,” he clarified, when Matt walked over to take a look. “This should tell us what’s nearby. I don’t want to fly out of here without knowing what we’re up against.”

“Assuming we’re up against anything,” Matt said, sounding vaguely hopeful.

The scan took a few seconds to complete. Ships quickly began to appear onscreen, and Shiro counted at least fifteen before the numbers climbed too high for him to keep track.

“That’s a cruiser!” Matt yelled, pointing at the largest ship. “Why is that here? Wade should’ve—” He stopped himself. “That has to be where they all are. Can you do a thermal scan with this thing?”

“Unfortunately, no. This is the best she can do. Maybe if we get closer.”

“That’s the only ship around; they’ve gotta be there.” Matt swore and bit down on the skin of his glove. “How close can you get without being noticed?”

Shiro took his lion and flew it as close as he dared, which wasn’t very. They could see the empire’s fleet in the distance and make out any ships passing to and fro, but with the planet’s moons acting as their only cover, he didn’t think getting any closer was possible.

From what they could tell, getting inside didn’t look like it was going to be an easy matter either.

“Wait, Shiro, look. I think can see one of our shuttles docked on the station.” Matt pointed on screen and Shiro made the image larger. It was blurry, but the markings on the side of ship proved it belonged to the resistance.

“At least we know the Galra are responsible in some capacity.”

“I hope so,” Matt said quietly. “God, I fucking hope so. I want to believe that I wasn’t living with a Galra spy.”

“Then let’s come up with a plan to get them back and find out for ourselves.”

* * *

Their plan was simple. Seeing as there were only two of them, too much complexity put them in danger.

“We need to get on the cruiser here.” Shiro pointed at the screen, adding a custom marker that blipped on the map every few ticks. “We can’t take my lion. It doesn’t have stealth like Pidge’s lion, which is an unfortunate oversight on my part. I’ll have to have her modify all the lions when we get back.”

“Wait, modify? Did Pidge add a stealth mod? By _herself?”_ He sounded so proud that Shiro couldn’t help but smile. He nodded, and Matt raised his fist. “I am going to hug her so hard when I see her.”

“Right. So anyway—”

“Yeah, yeah, first we have to get out of here. Go on.”

“—I think we should steal a smaller shuttle ship.”

Matt blinked at him. “You want to steal a shuttle?”

“Yes. There’s no way we can engage with a frontal attack, but if we hijack one of the shuttles, we can slip in unnoticed.”

“Huh. That’s a good idea.” Matt leaned forward and poked a spot on the map, staring out at the fleet to make sure he was looking at it correctly. “What about that cluster there? It looks like they’re in the middle of transporting something. Maybe if we can catch one on the way out and come back, acting like we just missed something, they’ll be none the wiser.”

“My thoughts exactly. Then we incapacitate whoever’s on guard duty, steal their equipment, and have free reign on the ship. At least until they find the bodies.”

“We’ll have to be quick,” Matt said, “since we don’t know if or when they’re leaving and transporting all these people is going to be impossible with just a shuttle and your lion. Wade isn’t here to help us hijack an entire ship anymore.”

That gave them both pause. Shiro reflected on that with a grimace.

“If my lion is here, it’s…possible the other paladins know she’s gone and are on their way. But if they’re not, we can’t take that chance. I just wish…”

“We’ll do what we have to do,” Matt said seriously. “I still have a tracker I can plant on the ship, too. We’ll come back for them as soon as we can.”

“Yeah.” Shiro swallowed, turning his lion and starting for the direction of the shuttles. “Let’s move. I don’t know how long they’re going to wait around.”

Getting to the shuttle was the easy part. Hijacking it, even easier.

Shiro knocked out both of the pilots while Matt took on the guard stationed inside. Then Matt tied them up and stuffed them in a closet while Shiro took control of the ship.

“I’ve never driven one of these before,” he admitted, as the ship teetered slightly. “It’s a little different from the ships on Earth—and my lion.”

“Here, let me.”

Matt took over, expertly smoothing their course towards the Galra fleet. He set the local coordinates and then put it on autopilot, gesturing for Shiro to follow him.

“There’s only one suit here, since there was just one guard, but I figured you could use it.”

Shiro lifted the shoulder piece and compared it to his own. “It’s a little…big, don’t you think?”

“I know, but you’re bigger than me, so we don’t have much choice.

“I guess not. It should be enough to trick them just until we get there. Hopefully.”

Matt nodded. “The ship’s on autopilot so you shouldn’t have to steer until we’re close. Sound good?”

“Not really,” Shiro said with a grimace, “but we don’t exactly have any other option.”

Shiro dressed quickly, pulling the pieces of armor over his current outfit just to provide a little more bulk. His shoulders were broad, but even then, the armor didn’t hang quite right. He just hoped it would suffice for the initial inspection.

Once they got close, Matt hid outside of line of sight, letting Shiro present as the pilot. Their communicator buzzed, and then the unmistakable voice of a Galra came through.

“Shuttle 2232. Why have you returned? We just sent you to take supplies to the outpost on planet X278.”

“We, uh.” Shiro’s mind went blank, his excuses fading in the face of the fleet. His vision swam a little, but he managed to remain upright by leaning pseudo-casually against his armrest. “We forgot something.”

“Forgot something? What the hell does that mean? It says here you compiled your completed checklist of items five vargas ago.”

Shiro glanced to his left, where Matt was pressed against the wall. He gestured at the landing pad with his hand.

“Actually—” Fuck, he didn’t know his rank. “—sir. I was hoping we could speak about that now in person. I’ve been having…doubts lately,” he said slowly, hoping his inability to retain his cool was giving them the right signals. “And someone claiming they were from the resistant contacted my shuttle.”

“The resistance?” There was a pause. “You do look pretty pale. Come on board and have the officers on duty bring you to me. We’ll see about this ‘resistance’.”

Matt, whose eyes had gone saucer-wide at the mention of the resistance, calmed when he realized what Shiro was doing, miming wiping the sweat from his forehead. He gave Shiro a thumbs up and mouthed, _good job._

Shiro nodded minutely, aware that there might be cameras still pointed at their vehicle. He didn’t know how well they could see inside the ships, but it was best to be safe. With care he managed to land the ship without crashing, and that was when Matt sprang into action, checking on the soldiers before he nodded at Shiro to get out.

“I’ve got an idea. Pretend you’ve got me in handcuffs. Then, when their guard is down we’ll take ‘em out.”

“Are you sure?”

“How else are we going to get inside? If there’s surveillance, it won’t look weird if I’m being held capture.”

“I guess not. Okay.” Shiro lifted the helmet from his head and looked around for something to use. “Do we have any rope?”

Matt’s eyes lit up. “Hold on. Let me just—” He ripped at his cloak, handing the strip to Shiro so he could fashion it around his wrists. “Let’s go.”

Shiro had been initially eager to execute the plan, but now that they were doing it, his nerves were set alight. He was a paladin, but he wasn’t Keith; he hadn’t been trained for stealth while undercover.

His hands shook as he took hold of Matt’s wrists, tying the fabric into a very loose knot that would break at the slightest tug. He forced them to calm by taking a few deep, even breaths, closing his eyes and focusing on the warmth of bond inside him. As he sat there, his heart calmed, the bond echoing, pulsing inside him.

_I can do this._

“Make it look good,” Matt whispered as they exited.

Shiro nodded, shoving Matt forward roughly like he’d seen the guards do a thousand times. There were a few Galra hanging around, but none of them paid them any mind after realizing Matt was bound.

As they were whisked into a lobby of some sorts, the two guards stationed there approached them with their weapons raised.

“Is this the prisoner?”

“Yes,” Shiro replied. Then he released Matt’s hands and pushed him into the two guards.

They shouted as Matt slammed into them, breaking his hands apart and grabbing the one on the right. All it took was a blow to his head to send him to the ground. The second one tried to reach for Matt but Shiro was there, pulling him into a headlock until he went limp in his arms.  

“Quick. I see some patrol sentries coming our way!”  

They shoved the unconscious guards into a nearby room, but not before Matt took the smaller one’s armor. It wasn’t a great fit any more than Shiro’s, but it was going to have to be enough.

“Where do we find the prisoners?” Matt whispered, closing the door behind them. “We’ve probably got half an hour, tops, before somebody comes looking for these guys.”

Shiro scanned their surroundings. They had both been on a ship like this before, but Shiro had the experience of being a prisoner for much longer.

“This way,” he said quietly. “They’re usually kept on the lower deck.”

They tried to look like they belonged as they maneuvered throughout the ship, taking care to avoid the sentry bots and Galra alike. The ship, for all its size and space, was surprisingly quiet. The only times that they were concerned about their identity being revealed was when the sentries passed, but they moved like they were on autopilot, barely sparing them a glance as they marched along.

“Those things are creepy,” Matt whispered. Shiro nodded, sparing them one final look before he continued down the hallway.

When he felt like they were close, Shiro slowed his pace, holding out an arm to signal Matt to do the same. They crept along, keeping an eye out for any more sentries that might question their presence here.

“Come on,” he whispered, keeping close to the wall.

Then, a very familiar voice started drifting from the opposite end of the hallway.

“…couldn’t take long. Our intel tells us they’re barely armed. This will be a piece of cake.”

Shiro went still. Beside him, Matt sucked in a sharp breath.

It was Wade.

He was chatting with what looked like an engineer, talking excitedly about something. They stayed like that, frozen, eyes trained on Wade as he walked towards them, completely oblivious to their panic.

“I’m going to kill him,” Matt whispered, his voice scarily steady.

“Matt,” Shiro breathed, shaking his head slowly. “We need to move.”

But his body refused to listen, remaining stiff and unmoving even as Wade closed the distance, just a few feet away now. When he realized that two officers were standing there looking like loons, he cocked his head at them, that familiar glint in his eye that Shiro had seen a hundred times.

God, how could he have ever mistaken that stare as anything other than malicious? Shiro’s skin crawled, goosebumps riding up his arms as Wade’s eyes crept over him.

“What the hell are you two doing here?”

For one single second, Shiro thought it was over. His veins froze over with icy horror, and he clenched his fists, willing his body into action, to _fight._

“Checking on the prisoners, sir.”

Matt was talking. He purposefully pitched his voice lower and accented it, speaking to Wade like he really was a Galra soldier.

Wade hadn’t noticed who they were. Shiro nearly breathed a relieved sigh before he thought better of it.

“No one asked you to come down here,” Wade said, his eyes narrowed. Then he smiled crookedly. “But I get it. You want to have a little _fun,_ don’t you? The both of you.”

His eyes skittered over to Shiro again, who was still frozen in place. He turned his head slightly to his right, looking at Matt with what he hoped wasn’t obvious desperation.

“Ah, yes, um, sir,” Matt admitted, sliding closer to Shiro and away from Wade. “We were just curious.”

“Curious,” Wade repeated. “I don’t blame you. Some of them are cute.”

In that moment, Shiro was glad the helmet covered most of his face.

He wanted to vomit. He wanted to say something— _do_ something, but Wade was already walking past them, telling them to have fun but not to _break_ them, like they were just toys, easily discarded. Shiro watched in disgust as Matt thanked him ruefully, offering him the traditional Galra salute ‘vrepit sa’ before Wade disappeared around the corner.

Once his footsteps could no longer be heard drumming down the hallway, Matt tore off his helmet and looked at Shiro.

“I really want to kill him,” he said, sounding strangled. “I’m not fucking kidding. God I’m so--” He breathed harshly through his nose, fingers white on his helmet. His eyes were shining. “This is messed up, man. I can’t believe it was Wade. I can’t believe he would do this to us, after everything we’ve been through.”

“I know. Let’s—let’s just go.”

They could mourn the loss later. Matt shoved his helmet back onto his head and they walked towards the holding cells. After making sure they were in the clear, they approached the cells full of prisoners.

And they were _full._

Despite owning a ship five times the size of Voltron, a quick peak inside assured them that most of the prisoners had been shoved together. They were huddled against each other in cramped piles, nearly silent in their fear when they realized more soldiers were looking in on them. Shiro recognized most of them from the compound, but a few he recognized from the factory he’d escaped.

_Are they being transported?_

There wasn’t time to find out. Matt was waving at the window of the first cell, grabbing the attention of most of the people in there.

“We’re going to help you,” he said. A few of them perked up at the sound of his voice, looking at each other as if they didn’t dare hope. “Just don’t freak out and make too much noise.”

Matt slowly removed his helmet, pressing his finger to his lips at the collective gasp from the prisoners.

“W-We thought you were dead,” said one of them, approaching the window with care. He looked older, with a thick beard full of grey hair and three spikes evenly spaced on top of his head. He was staring at Matt with wide eyes. “Wade, he—he told us you were dead.”

“I’m alive,” Matt assured him. “I’m sure all of you have figured it out by now, but Wade was lying.”

There was a murmur from behind him that suggested they had figured this out pretty quickly. A few members of the resistance stood and approached the cell door, the relief on their faces palpable.

“What’s your plan?” one asked.

“How long do we have to escape?” said another. They were considerably calmer than the other prisoners, proof of their experience under pressure. Matt drummed his fingers on his helmet.

“I don’t know. We knocked out a few guards but that could mean we have a few minutes or a few hours, depending. Don’t worry, though; we’re gonna get you guys out of here.”

“Well.” He traded an uneasy glance with Shiro. “Maybe not everyone. We only have one shuttle, so—”

The sound of clapping from the behind them stopped Matt dead in his tracks. He froze with his hand on the door, positioned to begin attempting to free what few people he could. Shiro was stiff beside him, almost too afraid to look and see who it was.

 _No,_ he thought, sending a desperate bid to the universe to let things go right _just this once._

In reality, Shiro knew it was never going to be that easy. Their backs were turned to what was most certainly Wade and the deafening sound of his claws clicking against each other as he clapped, nice and slow, like they were a show put on just for him.

Shiro’s thoughts turned, running through a dozen scenarios at once, attempting to formulate some kind of plan in the span of a few seconds.

Was he alone? Had he called sentries to his position?

Was there a chance that Wade was secretly on their side all along—a double cross?

What should he do?

What _could_ he do?

Without giving it much more thought, Shiro weaponized his arm and then pivoted, lunging for Wade, aiming it at his face.

Wade sidestepped like he’d expected him to do exactly that, shooting him a nasty grin.

“Did you really expect me to believe your disguises? Matt, you know me better than that. Your skin is human-pink and I could see your _hair.”_

“I don’t know you at all,” Matt spat, raising the weapon he’d hidden under the folds of his clothing. It was a short stick that extended into a polearm, like the ones the training bots used at the castle. He aimed it at Wade, waiting a beat before he joined Shiro in the fray.

Shiro had expected the fight to last, while not long, long enough that they could come up with a plan, but then Wade pulled something out of his pocket and slammed it into Matt’s gut, and he crumpled to the floor in an instant.

_No._

“Matt!” he cried, hands reaching towards Matt, curled in the fetal position. He didn’t move from his defensive stance, but he desperately wanted to. Matt was twitching, letting out shuddery, painful breaths every few seconds. It wasn’t until the weapon in Wade’s hand sizzled with crackling energy that Shiro realized he’d been effectively tasered and not stabbed. Thank god.

Then Wade shifted, raising the weapon in his direction.

Shiro reacted on pure instinct, muscles burning as he scrambled backwards and pressed himself against the wall. He should have fought. He should have run at Wade and knocked the weapon out of his hand, taking him out and securing their freedom, but all thoughts of fighting were halted, fear overtaking him in the face of something that could tear him from the inside out.

 _I have to protect them,_ he thought viciously, his insides fluttering weakly.

Like Matt’s, it extended into a long polearm, only this one was electrified. Shiro stared at the taser-end with wide eyes, his chest heaving with every breath.

“Don’t,” he breathed, frozen in place.

It was possible he could take out Wade, who was stronger and more equipped for battle, but even so there was no guarantee they would make it out of here alive. The ship had to have been alerted by now. Wade wasn’t that stupid.

He didn’t have any other options. They were running out of time.

He needed to move.

Wade ran at him, swinging his pole in a wide arc, narrowly missing Shiro’s shoulder by a few inches.

“Don’t!” Shiro ducked around his every swing, but Wade didn’t hesitate; he came at him again and again, and each time Shiro was forced to back away, one arm wrapped protectively around his abdomen.

_I have to fight. But I don’t want to risk it. I can’t risk them._

“You’re afraid,” Wade observed. “What happened to being a fearless _paladin?”_  

He nearly nicked Shiro in the chin, heat and electricity radiating from the pole. The hairs on his neck stood on end. He was sweating profusely, the exertion of moving so much after having done so little already wearing him out.

 _Come on, this is just like training,_ he told himself. _Only if you fail, your unborn children will probably die._

He wasn’t sure what the aftereffects of being electrocuted might entail, but Shiro wasn’t about to wait and find out. He needed to find an opening, and fast. That, or he’d have to _make_ one.

When Wade ran at him again, he curled his hand into a fist, ready to aim for the front of his face where his nose should be, but then Wade stumbled abruptly, nearly colliding with Shiro as he fell.

“Shiro, get him!”

It was Matt. He was clinging to Wade’s legs, arms wrapped firmly around his calves.

“Shiro!”

He didn’t have to be told a third time. Reaching for Wade’s weapon, he grabbed it and then slammed it into Wade’s back, watching with dizzying satisfaction as he screamed.

“We don’t have much time,” Matt was saying, using the pieces of fabric he was hastily tearing from his cloak. “Shiro, that’s enough. We’ve got to get these guys out of here before—”

He broke off when he heard the sound of dozens of footsteps approaching quickly. As they were surrounded by scores of Galra soldiers, Shiro felt his heart sink into his chest, the possibility of escaping getting smaller and smaller, like a distant dream.

“Put your weapons down! You are under arrest in the name of the Galra Empire!”

* * *

**SENDAK**

They did not speak much following their departure. Keith was focused on following the path of the wormhole, and Sendak stared furiously at the monitor, watching the black lion’s coordinates onscreen as if it would ensure that they hadn’t lost their way.

“The lion went far,” Sendak observed through gritted teeth after some time.

His grip tightened on Keith’s chair; the constant quivering and shaking of the blasted lion was making him want to vomit, but Keith remained unaffected, glancing at him out of the corner of his eye with one side of his mouth upturned.

“Yes,” Keith said. “As long as we keep up, we’ll find it.”

Sendak winced as the lion did another ridiculous loop into _another_ wormhole. He’d never appreciated the glory of the warp drive until he was tumbling through a wormhole like a rat in a can.

Wherever the black lion had gone, it had gone through _three_ wormholes. From what Sendak had gathered, that was quite a distance for the lion, and would drain a great deal of its energy resources. None of that mattered because Sendak could hardly think past the pounding of his skull.

He was so focused on his own suffering that he hardly noticed the other feelings that were surfacing inside him until space opened up, and he could _feel_ him.

Sendak gasped, his entire body going stiff. Like a channel opening, thoughts of Shiro _flooded_ his mind, pouring inside him and filling the void that had until now been empty.

He could feel him, closer than ever before, so distinctly that Sendak turned on instinct alone as if he expected to find him near.

“Can you sense him?” Keith asked, his voice rough. He didn’t look comforted by the way that Sendak was acting, but he was no doubt eager to find his friend and their leader.

Sendak focused, latching on to the feelings that were flowing through him, so clear that he nearly mistook them as his own. He felt—sated. Full. His body thrummed with the strength of the bond, telling him everything he could glean from a glance at Shiro’s emotional state alone.

He could tell that Shiro was deeply affected by something, flits of panic and anger fluttering through the bond in errant wisps, but there was so much that Sendak could hardly parse beyond that.

_“Yes.”_

“Good.”

The black lion was nowhere in sight, but its coordinates lead to one planet in particular. Sendak’s eyes strayed towards their left, following the pull of the bond, and his claws dug into Keith’s chair.

“There,” Sendak pointed out. Keith followed his gaze and sucked in a short breath.

“What? It says the black lion is on that planet over there and that’s…a lot of fighters.”

There was a single cruiser hovering above a distant planet, surrounded by cargo ships and dozens of fighters.

“Shiro is there.”

“You’re kidding me.”

“No.”

“Great,” Keith sighed. “Just great.”

Just then, their comms came crackling to life, and Pidge’s voice filtered through.

“We made it through. What’s the status of the black lion? Where’s Shiro?”

Keith and Sendak exchanged looks. Sendak spoke first.

“There is an empire cruiser just outside of one of the planets here. It is heavily guarded. Shiro is there.”

They heard Hunk gasp.

“Do you think he was taken prisoner? Where’s the black lion?”

“On a planet nearby,” Keith replied. “But we don’t know if it’s location is accurate. Not until Allura comes through with an update. And since Shiro’s not out there fighting, we can assume it’s been captured along with him.”

“That’s not good!” Hunk cried. “We have to save Shiro! Where is he? Can you tell, like, exactly?”

This was directed at Sendak, who’d been staring at the cruiser in the distance with great contempt.

“Sendak?”

He shook himself from his reverie and glanced at the paladins on screen.

“I do not know exactly where he is,” he admitted. “But he is in that direction. They have not spotted us yet, and I highly doubt the lions will remain conspicuous for long hovering in space. We should attack now, before they discover our presence.”

“Dude, we can’t even form Voltron right now. I don’t think that’s a great idea. Let’s land on one of the moons over there and figure out what to do.”

“We must act!” Sendak slammed his fist into the dashboard.

“Hey,” Keith cried. “Watch it!”

Sendak growled, eyes straying towards the ships again.

He knew he was being irrational, unbefitting of a commander and leader, but after having lost him for so long, searching day in and day out, relying on hope and the will of his unintended allies to aid him in his efforts, he no longer cared. He didn’t care about the danger. He didn’t _care_ about the paladin’s sense of propriety.

He wanted his mate.

“We waste time. Shiro is our priority. We attack, now!”

“Not if we’re dead,” Lance returned blithely. “I get that you want him back—we all do! But we’ve gotta come up with a plan first. Once Allura gets here—”

He paused.

“Oh, shit.”

“We’re too close to the ships,” Pidge was saying, confirming their suspicions out loud. “If they see the castle—”

“We’re in trouble,” Keith finished.

“Crap.” They could see Lance frantically pressing buttons on his dashboard. “She’s not answering. Maybe she’s still on her way—”

“Paladins!” came Allura’s voice, and then the castle was upon them, coming out of the wormhole in all its glory. Her face appeared next to the others on screen. “Do you see the black lion?”

They all started speaking at once.

“Allura, we gotta move!”

“Lance, stop _hitting_ me.”

“Hunk, you’re the one that ran into me!”

“I had to get out of the way of the _giant ship_ coming out of a wormhole!”

“Princess, we’ve got trouble incoming!”

The last one caught the attention of the others. It was Coran, and Allura’s head jerked, his eye straying towards where he was in front of her at the helm.

“There’s a Galra ship just a few ticks from our position, and I think they’re about to attack!”

Sendak craned his neck to look out the lion’s limited view window. Keith shifted his lion to face it, and Sendak felt his lips curl into a snarl as it slowly raised its guns and pointed them at the castle of lions.

“Quiznak,” Pidge said succinctly.  

* * *

**SHIRO**

“You didn’t really think I hadn’t called security, did you? I was having a little bit of fun there, but I wasn’t actually going to let you get away.”

Wade was staring at them from the other side of their cell, that same stupid grin on his face.

They had been dumped unceremoniously into a different one from the other prisoners at the insistence of Wade, and he’d been standing there for the last few minutes, goading them about their failure to complete their mission. Shiro tried not to listen—there was no point, not when he needed to think so they could escape (again) _—_ but he was fucking exhausted, too tired to tune him out.

“You do have some fight in you, I’ll give you that.”

Shiro felt a vicious stab of satisfaction when he saw Wade feel carefully along his back where Shiro had hit him.

“For the record, this is why I didn’t want you guys coming along,” he said, sounding a little smug. “I left you behind for a reason. I couldn’t have you inspiring the troops or plotting their escape, and yet somehow you _still_ managed to make it here. I’m impressed, I’ll admit.”

Shiro’s head thumped against the wall. He turned it in Wade’s direction and gave him his best attempt at a glare.

Wade sighed, put upon.

“I was going to come back for you after we had these guys settled somewhere else, naturally. I wasn’t just going to let a paladin and high-profile resistance member rot away on that planet.”

“I can’t believe we trusted you,” Matt hissed, springing to his feet. He’d mostly been silent until now for the sake of his own sanity, most likely, but whatever had been bubbling inside him burst in a fit of rage as he rammed his fist into the door, shouting at Wade’s face.

“How could you do this?! You were a part of our _family._ I—I looked up to you! You fucking maniac! Was that all an act? Did you even _care?”_

“No, it wasn’t an act,” Wade said simply, a little amused by Matt’s anger. “I do sympathize with the resistance. But I care about my life more.”

He shrugged. “It wasn’t like it was difficult. I showed you my ‘hacking’ skills and you all accepted me freely. But don’t worry,” Wade raised his hand as he started backing away, wiggling his claws, “I’m sure you’ll be happy to know we’re going to make sure all your friends find new homes with the empire.”

Shiro was moving before he’d fully registered what Wade was saying, joining Matt to pound his fist against the cell door.

“How can you live with yourself?” he shouted. “How can you support the empire when you know better than anyone how it makes people suffer? The people here don’t have anything to do with this war! Leave them out of it!”

Wade just laughed, glancing back at Shiro like he had said something particularly funny.

“You’re cute. If the rest of your race is like you two, I think I really would like to visit Earth. Maybe next time.”

Shiro let out a sound that was a cross between a shout and growl, fingers pressing into the glass like he could break through it if he just found the right spot.

“Fuck.” Matt let his head fall forward, banging it against the door. “This is bad, Shiro.”

“I know.”

“What are we going to do?”

Shiro let his hands fall, swallowing back a reply. _I don’t know,_ he wanted to say.

“Hey, Shiro.”

Shiro looked over at Matt who was staring inquisitively at his arm. He pointed at it.

“Think that thing could break through this door?”

“No,” he replied, remembering very vividly how well that had worked out the first time he tried it. “Back when I was a gladiator, I tried that a few times. This stuff doesn’t even scratch.”

Matt sighed explosively, turning around and walking towards the opposite end of the cell. He plopped down onto the ground and buried his head between his knees, taking in deep, even breaths.

Shiro watched helplessly, unsure if his comfort would be welcome. So far Matt had proven wonderfully resilient under pressure, but even he couldn’t take a beating forever. And when _Shiro_ had broken down, Matt had been there for him instantly.

“Matt—”

“Okay!”

Matt _leapt_ from his spot on the floor, marching towards the door with newfound energy, leaving Shiro to blink at him in puzzlement.

“We can do this. How much time do you think we have until the ship leaves?”

Shiro looked out the window of their cell, brow furrowed. “I—”

Suddenly, he went still.

“Shiro?”

Two things happened at once. First, Shiro felt the bond roar to life inside him, erupting with feelings that weren’t his own. Frustration and anger and resentment all burned a hole in his chest, so vividly clear that Shiro nearly growled when Matt called his name again.

This was a momentous occasion, confusing and elating him, and then the second thing that happened made him forget about anything but the warmth pulsating inside him.

“Shiro, dude. What’s wrong? You’ve got this look on your face.”

Shiro stared at him, his mouth falling open silently. He didn’t know what to say. So much was happening, and he felt lost, caught up in the tide, emotions crawling up his throat and lodging there.

His hands slid down until they were pressed against his abdomen, waiting.

Then:

The sensation of movement, almost like bubbles popping inside his stomach, or like he was driving down a steep hill.

“I felt the baby move,” he whispered. His eyes went unfocused, fingers pressed against the taut skin to see if he could feel it from the outside. Shiro let out a shocked, incredulous laugh, his lips curling into a smile. “Oh my god.”

“Wait, really?” Matt broke out into a grin, their current situation forgotten as he crouched in front of Shiro. “Let me feel!”

He pressed his palms flat on Shiro’s stomach, followed quickly by his ear. Shiro laughed again, the sound echoing loudly in the quiet cell.

“You can’t feel it yet. It’s too soon.”

“No,” he whined. “I wanna feel the baby!”

Shiro couldn’t stop smiling. All the negative emotions that he’d been experiencing were suddenly wiped away by the sheer fact that he could feel his babies ( _their_ _babies_ _,_ his mind provided) moving inside of him. He was almost certain he had been feeling it for days, but he hadn’t made the connection until now.

Shiro didn’t realize he was crying until his vision blurred and Matt called his name, laying a hand delicately on his front.

“Does it hurt?”

“No,” he choked, holding back a sob. Matt stared at him doubtfully, and Shiro shook his head, smiling through the tears. “I’m just happy, I guess. All this time I’ve been so worried that something was wrong, and now I have proof that they’re alive.”

“They?” Matt raised an eyebrow.

“Uh,” Shiro said eloquently.

There was a pulse across the bond, and Shiro nearly jerked, realizing he’d almost completely forgotten it in that moment. It felt like such a natural fit that he’d barely given it a second thought.

It was both completely confusing and utterly amazing at the same time.

The bond felt like new. It almost felt like Sendak was there, so close that Shiro could reach out and grab hold. Whatever had happened, whatever had changed, it was like nothing he’d ever experienced and yet at the same time, he knew that it was exactly what he needed.

It felt like home.  

Yet despite that, he didn’t understand the new development or what it might imply.

Their bond had always been different, but the emotional aspect had never come into play until Shiro was inexplicably feeling what Sendak was feeling and presumably vice versa. And to happen so suddenly like this?

He opened his mouth to explain this to Matt and let him in on the secret, but then decided against it. Matt didn’t need to be worrying about Shiro’s bond, and truth be told, he didn’t really _have_ an explanation.

It was just—confusing. That was the only way he could aptly describe it.

A part of Shiro was desperate to know what the sudden influx of information from Sendak’s side of the bond meant, but the larger part knew that he couldn’t waste any time on this. They had a mission to complete, and they needed to figure it out, _fast._ The quick bursts of emotion he kept experiencing through the bond would have to wait.

“Maybe we can distract one of the guards,” Shiro said.

“Oh.” Matt quickly changed tactics, following Shiro’s gaze out the window. There was something shifting in the cell opposite to theirs, but Shiro couldn’t tell exactly what it was. “That’s not a bad idea. Problem is, we don’t know when a guard is going to come by.”

He frowned. “It’s the best we’ve got, for now. If we can get to a point where we can jump ship, then maybe my lion can swoop in and take us out of here.”

“Hm,” Matt hummed, leaning his back against the wall. Shiro glanced out the door again, his eyes sliding past the tentacle that was slowly wiggling underneath the door.

Shiro froze. It couldn’t be.

He _recognized_ that tentacle.  

He did a double take, and then watched as the tentacle crawled up, wiggling and stretching, until it reached the bio-lock outside the door. It flattened overtop the sensor, and then the bio-lock went green and the door _opened._

“What?” Matt had been observing him from a distance, and when he saw his expression morph into shock he hurried to see what Shiro was looking it. “What the quiznak is _that?”_

“It’s Qie,” he said quietly. “That’s—that’s Qie.”

“Who?”

“The friend I told you I lost when you rescued me. Qie.” Shiro pressed his palm flat on the door, trying to open it in vain. “I don’t know how they’re doing this.”

Qie peeked out of the doorway, tentacles sliding back into place. They weren’t restrained by their hands or feet this time, which was something that the Galra neglected to do once prisoners were inside their cells.

Shiro pressed closer, watching as Qie waited until the coast was clear before walking slowly down the left side of the hall.

They were escaping.  

“We gotta get their attention,” said Matt.

Shiro flinched as Matt’s fist met the door’s window with a loud _bang._ He watched Qie still, and then slowly turn their head in their direction, eyes blinking placidly. Realizing it had worked, Shiro shoved Matt out of the way—

“Dude. Excited much?”

—and waved frantically, pressing his forehead against the glass. Qie’s eyes narrowed, skin glinting with a strange play of light before lighting up with recognition.

They quickly approached the door and made quick work of the lock, releasing Shiro and Matt without a second thought.

Shiro couldn’t stop himself from drawing them into a firm hug, slimy tentacles and all.

“Qie! I’m so glad you’re okay. I-I don’t even know what to say. I thought I’d lost you.”

“You did lose me.” Their skin lit up, a bright flash that gave Shiro the distinct feeling they were indeed very pleased to see him. “But it is good to see you well. What are you doing here? I thought you had escaped.”

“I could ask you the same thing. Are all the other factory workers here?”

Qie nodded. “We were tasked with the labor of cleaning the factory. We are being transferred to another location at this very moment.”

“But you escaped,” Matt pointed out. He sounded a little doubtful.  “How?”

“When I was restrained I retained DNA from a galra soldier. It wasn’t hard.”

There was certainly more to the story there, but Qie was shooting agitated glances down the hallway, and Shiro wasn’t about to wait to be discovered outside of his cell.

“Let’s move,” he said, motioning towards where Qie had been headed. “You can tell us how you did it later. Right now, we have bigger problems.”

“Problems?” Qie cocked their head, walking alongside Shiro.

Shiro turned to Matt. “I don’t think we should just plant the tracker.”

“What do you mean?”

“I was thinking. With my lion, we can get to the paladins quickly and come rescue these guys rather than waiting. All we have to do is shut down their systems. We’ve done it before.”

“What? Shiro, even if that’s true, there’s only two of us.”

“Three,” Qie said.

“Qie…” Shiro trailed off.

“I am as much a part of this as you are,” they said. “Count me in.”

“Fine.” Matt jerked his head at Qie. “Three of us. That doesn’t change the fact that there’s only three of us against an entire Galra cruiser. And the fighters. And any druids they might have on board!”

“We’ve got to shut down the ship,” Shiro repeated. “Come on, Matt. We can’t leave all these people here. Who knows if we would get to them in time before they’re all moved to different locations. Is that what you really want?”

“No, but—” Matt sighed. “I guess maybe if we can get to the central hub maybe I can figure something out. Won’t that hand of yours work on the systems there? It’s Galra tech.”

“I’m not sure,” Shiro said slowly. They were creeping down the hallway, shifting to hide behind the thick protrusions jutting out of the wall every time they saw sentries marching past. Shiro watched them carefully, waiting until they were out of sight before speaking again. “I doubt it. I can probably just destroy the panels, though, if it comes to that.”

“That is easier said than done,” Qie said. “The ship was nearly finished with preparations when we were brought on board. We will be departing any minute.”

Absorbing this for a brief moment, Shiro considered their options. Wade likely had access to any codes they might need to call this off, so it stood to reason that they should try and find him. That, or they could lure him out with their escape. Or was that too risky?

“Shiro.”

Shiro’s head jerked, and Matt pointed above them. The lights inside the hallway were flashing red, and soon with it the sounds of soldiers running past. Shiro pressed himself flat against the wall, waiting until they’d gone before exchanging looks with Matt.

“What do you think that’s about?”

“I’d say the ship is under attack, but who would be attacking it? We haven’t been able to communicate with the resistance since we got here.”

The bond pulsed, a thick layer of anger and longing settling over Shiro. _No, it couldn’t be._ He opened his mouth.

“I think—"

The following words were drowned out as the ship _lurched,_ tossing them to the other side of the hallway. Shiro let out a yelp, bracing himself against his arm so his abdomen wouldn’t slam against the cold metal.

“What the hell?” Matt wheezed. “I think we’ve been hit! Err, they’ve been hit!”

There was a dull roaring that sounded far away.

“We need to move!” Shiro barked. He turned to Matt. “Just in case something goes wrong, we should plant the tracker now, while they’re distracted by whoever’s attacking.”

“Way ahead of you. I just need to find a quiet spot to put it. Maybe a supply closet or a maintenance hatch. Any ideas?”

Before Shiro could voice an opinion, footsteps came pounding from the end of the hallway.

“Let’s just keep moving for now. There’s gotta be something around here.”

They made a break for it in a random direction, dodging sentries and soldiers along the way. They ended up having to destroy a few of the sentries they encountered, but with the attackers keeping the ship busy it was Shiro’s hope that they would think it was their doing and not some runaway prisoners.

Shiro just wished he could remember where the hell anything else was on this damn ship. He’d spent enough times passing by similar halls going to and from Sendak’s quarters. Sure, he’d been in heat, but he should recognize what a janitor’s closet looked like, at least.

He was starting to consider the idea that they should head to a different sector when they heard a voice calling out to them. With the ship on high alert, it was crawling with soldiers; collision was inevitable, so Shiro shouldn’t have been surprised.  

“You there! What are you doing out of your cell?”

He should have been ready for it. He skidded to a halt, raising his arm, but his vision started swimming viciously as the ship tilted. Then he realized it was just him, and the feeling that he was going to collapse was his problem; Matt was standing just fine, already dashing towards the group of soldiers.

Forcing himself to remain focused, Shiro straightened and joined him. Together they knocked them out with ease, but not before one of them managed to unload his pulse gun into Shiro’s shoulder.

He cried out, dropping to his knees, gritting his teeth in agony. The skin _burned_ so badly it was all he could do to hold back another scream.

Matt was instantly at his side, hands hovering over the wound indecisively.

“Shiro, that looks…bad.”

“I’m fine,” he managed, pushing himself to his feet. He swayed, but before he could fall he braced himself on the wall and waited until the spinning stopped. “We have to move.”

Matt pursed his lips but said nothing more. Shiro was right.

“All right. Come on.”

With an injured shoulder and the weight of the last few hours weighing over him, Shiro was honestly surprised he could move. Adrenaline worked strangely like that. The more that they ran, and the more people they fought, the further his pain seemed to feel. He could almost distance himself from it, pushing past it and shoving it away to deal with later.

He just hoped there was a later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alien friend ex-machina. If it isn't super obvious, I don't generally write, like, actual plot. I feel like this is my one of my weakest chapters. Plot!!!! Agh!!!!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (╥_╥) you guys are gonna make me cry. Your comments were so lovely I want to hug all of you!!! I appreciate every single comment you have no idea. ILU!!!
> 
> With that aside, this is the longest chapter yet and definitely my most self-indulgent. I want to note that there is one scene I feel should have a warning, so I'm putting that in the end notes if anyone wants to check it out. It's nothing unusual from what we've already seen, but I felt that it deserved some kind of warning in case anyone wanted to feel prepared.

**SENDAK**

“Damn.” Allura clicked her tongue irritably. “Not even a scratch. I hate these things. Coran, ready our weapons again! We fire when there’s an opening.”

“Right away, your majesty!”

“What should we do?” Hunk yelled, veering his lion out of the way of incoming fighters. Lance swooped in behind him and shot two of them down, but even more came to fill their place. “The castle can’t break their shields fast enough, and we can’t take on that ship, not by ourselves!”

“We need Voltron,” Keith insisted. He glanced at Sendak. “We have to find Shiro. And we have to pick up the black lion.”

“Yeah, good luck with that!” Lance let out a laugh. “He’s _inside_ the ship, and we can’t even get close.”

It was true. The laser guns on the ship were aimed at all of the paladins and their castle, forcing them to remain constantly on the move. Even Keith, the most mobile of them was struggling to get in close.

“I have the location of the black lion,” Allura said. “It’s docked on a nearby moon. Sendak, you are certain Shiro is on that ship?”

“Yes,” he said, speaking loud enough for her to hear.   

Sendak dug his claws reflexively into the upholstery, using it as an anchor to keep himself from vomiting every time that the lion flipped over itself at a high speed. Their maneuvers so far had been, from what he could tell, foolhardy attempts to brute force their way into the ship’s interior. They would never get far this way.

Voltron may have been a being of unimaginable power, but without the black lion, it was just a group of young soldiers attempting to take down the greatest empire known throughout the universe.

Now that his mind was clear, he knew exactly what they should do.

“Princess, follow my instructions.”

“What?” Her voice rode the sharp edge of laughter, as if it was laughable that she would ever concede to listening to Sendak on matters concerning Voltron. “I am commander of this ship, in case you forgot!”

He was aware of this. However, he was an ex-Galra Commander, and an accomplished warrior. He may not have been a fighter pilot, but that was what the paladins were for.

“I promise you, I will not steer you wrong,” he said, keeping his voice as neutral as the situation would allow. He couldn’t help that it was on the cusp of a growl, but he could hardly be blamed when his mate was just out of reach, captured by the enemy. The tethers of the bond fluttered as if in response with a strange feeling of happiness in one moment, and then determined the next.

It only spurred Sendak to push further.

“Listen to me,” he insisted urgently. “I was a commander of thousands of Galra soldiers. I lead hundreds of these ships. I was trusted by Zarkon himself. You must listen to me if you want to save him!”

There was a long pause. Then:

“I…suppose I can take your ideas under advisement, but we’ve dealt with these before.” She paused, then sighed, put upon. “What do you suggest?”

“The paladins will follow the red lion to the back of the ship while you keep their front occupied. Get in close and divert power to your forward shields. The cells are located underneath the fourth hangar. One of you will burn through their shields and create a small entryway into the ship.”

“I can do that,” Lance said. “Blue’s got piping hot lasers.”

“It will most certainly draw fire, but not enough to stop us with the princess attacking from the front. The others will provide cover while we extract Shiro.”

“We?” asked Hunk. “So you’re going?”

Sendak’s claws extended into the seat again. He resisted the urge to shout into the communicator.

“I am the only one who can sense where he is. It will be essential if we want to find him quickly.”

“Right, okay.” Hunk let out a short breath. “I sure hope this works, ‘cause otherwise? We’re freaking screwed.”

“Shiro will be screwed,” Keith returned. “We can wormhole out of here whenever we want, technically. So what are we waiting for?”

“Be patient,” Sendak said, holding up his hand. “Princess, divert power to your shields now. Wait until their main beam needs to recharge. They overheat after seven shots, and they will likely send all their fighters to cover it up. Once that occurs, we will attack.”

“We can’t handle that many shots. Our shields are already depleted by half.”

“Then we will act as a distraction until then.” He nudged Keith’s chair. “Move closer. Draw their fire.”

“Wait!”

Allura spoke sharply, her tone stopping them short. Time seemed to suspend for a small moment as Allura’s face appeared on screen, looking directly at Sendak.

“Sendak, return to the castle. I would like to speak with you before you go.”

* * *

Allura was waiting for him by the castle doors.

“I’ve instructed Coran to hold down the fort while I’m gone. This shouldn’t take long.”

Her words barely registered to Sendak, for his eyes were trained on the piece of equipment resting in her hands.

“I just wanted to give you this back.”

Sendak had not expected this when she wanted to speak with him. He had thought it would involve some sort of posturing; that she would attempt to covey how little she trusted him and his word.

It appeared he had thought wrong.

His cybernetic arm seemed to gleam under the ship’s bright light. He watched as she turned it carefully in her hands, the sheer size of the prosthetic dwarfing them. He had grown used to having one arm after many cycles, so having it be offered to him now rendered him nearly silent. 

“Why now,” he said, the words low and careful.

“Let me make this clear. I still do not forgive you for trying to hurt us. I don’t know if I _can.”_ She smoothed her fingers over the plating. “But I appreciate the things you have done for Shiro and the others. Pidge and Hunk seem to have taken an interest in you, and even Keith has been, well, civil, which is an improvement.

“I also realized some time ago that leaving you partially defenseless was no longer useful to anyone,” she added. “Not if we want to save Shiro.”

“Do not assume so little of me.” It was meant as a threat of sorts; he didn’t like to be called defenseless like he was some _stray,_ but Allura didn’t rise to the bait, watching him calmly.

“I know. But I also know that you want your arm back, and without it, you won’t be nearly as effective. However,” she stepped forward, her eyes flashing with muted fury, “I don’t ever want to see this piece of equipment used against us _ever_ again. When this is over, you will remove it. Is that clear?”

Her reasoning was simple and succinct. He understood immediately what she meant and cocked his head. Guilt crawled up his chest, a feeling as uncomfortable as it was unfamiliar.

“I suppose you want me to apologize,” he said, lowering his head a fraction.

His initial guilt was warranted, now that he knew the paladins enough to understand their motives, but to admit to a wrongdoing that had simply been a part of his mission felt disingenuous.

“No,” Allura said. “I don’t.”

He looked at her, surprised. She fiddled with the clawed fingers, moving one of them back and forth, a tired smile flitting to her face.

“An apology would mean nothing to me. It doesn’t change the fact that you tried to kill us, so there’s no point. For now we have a common goal, and you should at least have the use of both of your arms. Here.”

She held it out to him, arms outstretched.

Sendak stepped forward and took it from her, examining it closely. It was exactly the same. Nothing had been changed; it should simply slot into place, just like before.

When he looked up at her, she was staring at him, her mouth forming a frown. “Sendak—”

She paused, squaring her shoulders. She looked him in the eye.

“You can’t remain a neutral party anymore. We are at war, and once Shiro returns—” The line of her shoulders relaxed. “I just hope you will make the right decision. For Shiro’s sake.”

It was as much of a reminder as it was a threat. Sendak watched her walk away, feeling as though he had lost control of the situation the moment she had brought him his arm.

Perhaps he’d never had it in the first place.  

_You can’t remain a neutral party anymore._

Sendak shoved his arm into place, fingers prying at the edges impatiently to ensure it had connected properly.

He reeled as his nerves reconnected, linking him to a part of himself that he had been without. His balance was thrown, so he leaned against the wall and waited for it to do basic calibrations before attempting to use it.

When he lifted his left arm to his face and flexed his fingers, he felt his mouth split into a smirk.

It would take time for him to adjust fully, but for now it was enough. More than enough; it was _glorious._

* * *

“What the hell are you doing with that?” Keith asked when he stepped up into the cockpit. Sendak raised an eyebrow, but otherwise remained silent.

Keith pressed his lips together, but he wisely said nothing else, turning back to steer his lion. So far, the paladins had done a decent job of providing a distraction, but now that they were about to jump into the fray, they could finally start the final phase of their plan.

“I’m coming up behind you, Lance,” Keith was saying, pushing his lion as fast as it would go. “Give me some cover!”

“You got it!”

Sendak was relieved that he had been lumped with one of the more experienced pilots, but his maneuvers still left something to be desired. Instead of thinking of the way that his lion was spinning as if seemingly out of control, he focused on the bond, allowing its presence to flow over him, attuning him to Shiro’s current state.

There was pain in his shoulder, flaring hotly, and there was anger; exhaustion. Shiro was clearly fighting _something,_ but he was pushing forward with unerring determination.

 _I will find you,_ he thought, hoping despite evidence to prove otherwise, that Shiro would find his thoughts and comfort himself in them.

“Are you guys going in or not?” Pidge nearly screeched. “I can’t take much more of this! Not unless we form Voltron!”

“We’re going,” Keith grit out. He raised his head, abruptly turning his lion around to shoot at the fighters trying to flank them.

“Lance!” he snapped, “are you ready?”

“As much as I’ll ever be!”

They waited for evidence that the ship was starting to recharge its weapons, all the while they took a beating from the dozens of fighters the Empire threw at them until it felt like it was never going to relent.

Then, blessedly, its fire began to slow. The fighters and the other ships piloted by Galra did _not_ relent, but the main lasers had completely stopped, which gave them their opening.

“Fire!” they heard Allura shout over the comms.

A blast of pure, white energy sailed over their heads and slammed into the cruiser. Its shields reflected back at them, taunting them for their efforts, but it was just the distraction Sendak had been expecting.

“Go,” he told Keith. “Now!”

“Lance,” Keith started.

“I’m here, don’t worry. Right behind you. Fly in as close as you can and I’ll make a hole.”

Keith did exactly that. With Sendak’s guidance, they found the part of the ship where the prison cells were likely to be located. After dispatching the fighters and clearing the area, Lance got to work, planting his lion on the metal and activating his laser.

When he pulled away, there was a large hole in his place. Keith flew close, waiting for Sendak to jump ship before following behind him.

“What of your lion?” Sendak asked, watching as it hovered by the hole.

“She’ll be fine. Lance and the others are going to give us cover while we grab Shiro, and if anything happens, my lion has its own shields. She can take care of herself.”

Sendak had his doubts, but Keith’s confidence was enough for now. He nodded, and they started running with Sendak at the lead, headed towards the prisoner cells.

“So, he’s here?”

Sendak concentrated, imagining himself tugging on the bond, and felt it resonate back at him. Shiro’s presence was close, but not in the immediate area.

“No.”

“What?!”

“He is on the ship,” Sendak assured him with a huff, “but he is not in these cells.”

“Okay,” Keith said slowly, eyeing him with obvious doubt. “Then where _is_ he?”

“Difficult to tell when we are so close. The bond feels…muddled. However, I am certain he is towards this end of the ship. Quickly, paladin.”

They took off, barely sparing a glance at their surroundings—not when Shiro was clearly not here.

And they didn’t bother being quiet.

Sendak in particular made no attempts to conceal his presence. He tore apart sentry after sentry with glee, slamming their lifeless bodies against the hull and crushing their skulls under his fist, his prosthetic gleaming with black oil.

Returning to his prior state was so simple, accomplished with such _ease_ that for a tick Sendak nearly forgot about finding Shiro, eager to release the tension that had long been building inside him.

It had been so _long_ since he had felt the thrill of the hunt.

* * *

**SHIRO**

Matt held out his hand, poised to strike as another group composed of a mixture of soldiers and sentries passed their hiding spot. They were getting more frantic. Whoever was attacking was clearing making them nervous; Shiro just hoped it was someone on their side.

“There, I think I see something.”

On the opposite side of the hallway was a doorway with no distinguishable features. It could be nothing—or it could be exactly what they needed. Shiro waited until he couldn’t hear any more footsteps and they sprinted for the door, placing his hand on the pad.

It beeped and turned bright red. _Shit._

“Shiro!”

Then came the sudden sound of fighting; shouts, followed by the scuffle of feat. Something hit the wall with a loud bang.

“They’re inside the ship now,” Matt whispered. “We should—let’s go.”

Shiro turned, and the scent of his mate washed over him, filling his nose and making his mouth water. It was so close he could practically taste him. He didn’t know why he was suddenly feeling him so strongly. Not unless—

“This way!”

Matt dragged Shiro into a small hallway bisecting the one they’d just vacated. The walls were unpolished and covered in different kinds of writing. They looked like warnings, but Shiro couldn’t be sure.

“There’s a ladder here. Think it could be a maintenance hatch?”

Shiro stepped over a pipe jutting out of the wall and followed Matt to peer down the hole. It was dark, but there was a light source at the bottom.

“I don’t know,” he said, bracing his hands on his knees. His back was really starting to hurt. “Maybe. Let’s find out.”

“I’ll go first.”

“No, I will go,” Qie said, speaking up for the first time in a while. When Matt expressed his confusion, they smiled, already reaching for the ladder. “I am very resilient. If there is trouble, it would be best if I went first.”

“I suppose.” Matt looked at Shiro, who shrugged with one arm. Normally he would suggest that he be the one to take the plunge, but he wasn’t exactly in good shape.

Qie descended quickly. Shiro heard them moving around the floor, and then they called out that it was safe.

“It is for storage. The perfect place for your tracker.”

Matt’s head disappeared as he dropped down to the floor. Shiro watched him look around at his surroundings with ease.

“Yep. It’s deserted, and out of the way. I don’t even know what half of this stuff _is._ Come on, Shiro.”

Shiro reached for the ladder, but when he tried to lift himself, his body reminded him exactly how in need of rest he really was. His shoulder throbbed, pain ricocheting up his arm as soon as he moved.

He hovered indecisively over the opening for a moment, knowing that as soon as he tried to lower himself it was going to take all of his strength to get back up.

“I think I’ll stay up here,” he said. He looked the way they’d come; it didn’t seem like anyone would show up any time soon. It was safe enough—as safe as it was going to get, at least. “Just let me know when you’re coming back up.”

“Okay!” Matt yelled up at him. Then he disappeared, and Shiro pulled away to lean against the nearest wall.

He closed his eyes briefly, taking a deep, solid breath.

_I’m so tired._

The sound of chattering voices forced Shiro’s eyes open. He weaponized his arm, scooting towards the end of the hallway in case he needed to take them by surprise.

“You’re not serious, are you?” said the unmistakable voice of a Galra soldier. “We gotta get out of here!”

“You think I’d joke about a thing like this? You’re not going anywhere! We have our orders.”

“Yeah, orders to _die._ I don’t know about you, but that Voltron is too powerful for just this one ship. It’s not worth being killed over.”

“You’ll face worse if Bathar hears you tried to jump ship!”

“At least I’ll be _alive.”_

Their voices faded as they got further away, but their words echoed inside Shiro’s head long after they’d gone.

_Voltron. They were talking about Voltron._

He peeked around the edge of the hallway, his heart pounding. Placing a trembling hand over his mouth, Shiro tried to reorganize his thoughts, now that he knew.

By Voltron, they likely meant the lions sans the black lion, which was still hidden nearby. Unless someone had found the black lion and was using it to pose as Voltron—but Shiro dismissed that thought almost immediately. The strength of the attacks on the ship couldn’t have been from the black lion, even if someone might have been able to pilot it. It had to have been the castle of lions.

This could only mean one thing:

Voltron was here. And if Voltron was here, then maybe the strength of the bond meant that Sendak—

Shiro let out the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. He pressed his hand against the bondmark slowly, feeling the warmth sink into his fingers.

 _Sendak,_ he thought, letting his name hang in the air, waiting for a response he knew wouldn’t come.

“Sendak,” he said, and shuddered, splaying his hands against the wall. “I have to—Matt!”

He realized he was shouting, but he couldn’t help himself. Joy and hope were building inside him, expanding in his chest. He jogged back to where Matt and Qie were and crouched over the hole, his previous fatigue forgotten.

“Matt! The castle—the lions—they’re here!”

Matt’s head poked out to look at him. “What did you say? We’re just about finished. I was just making sure the tracker wouldn’t be found.” He paused, lips stretching into a grin. “And rooting around a little.”

“The lions. The paladins are here. I heard soldiers talking about it. That’s who's attacking the ship.”

“They’re looking for you,” Matt said slowly, his eyes wide.

“Why else would they be here?” Shiro said, unable to keep the excitement out of his voice.

“We have to go! Qie, come on!”

Shiro helped Matt as he scrambled up the ladder, who then reached down to help Qie. They hurried down the hallways and waited near its end to decide on their next action.

Shiro could barely concentrate on anything other than the bond inside him, pulsing so strongly it was like it was a second heart-beat. Sometimes he felt like it was, and he didn’t know what to think of his own response to that.

 _Focus,_ he told himself. _You’ll find out if he’s here later._

“I’ve been thinking,” Shiro started quietly, looking at Matt with wary eyes, knowing he wasn’t going to like what came out next. “We should lure out Wade.”

“What?” Matt yelled. Then, lowering his voice: “Shiro, do you have a death wish? We can’t do that! We should leave and let you form Voltron with your teammates.”

“I know, but I don’t know—” _If I can,_ he couldn’t say, the words stuck in his throat. He tried again: “The castle isn’t going to last forever, and I can’t…I can’t form Voltron. Not with my shoulder like this, and with…”

Trying to form Voltron after being away for so long and having lied about so much was a recipe for disaster. They wouldn’t trust Shiro, not after everything he’d done, and failing to form Voltron would only lower morale. No, Shiro couldn’t count on helping them on the outside, so helping them on the inside was the only way.

“We can’t count on finding them right now,” Shiro continued. “I’m not in love with the idea either, but I bet we can shut down the system if we force Wade to do it for us.”

“Absolutely not,” Matt said. “He’s a skilled resistance officer. Key word: skilled. What we saw earlier? That was him playing with us. He basically trained me.”

“If we try and barge into the control room, there’s no way we’re going to make it out alive,” Shiro said. “The best chance we’ve got is luring him out in the open, when he thinks we’re vulnerable, and use that to our advantage.”

“He’s not a commander,” Matt pointed out. “We don’t know that he’s even going to have the right clearance to activate a shutdown sequence.”

“We don’t have any other choice.” Shiro glanced off to his left, brows furrowed. “Allura and the others can’t win unless we disable the systems somehow. Wade is our best bet.”

There was a pause where Matt seemed to consider what Shiro had said.

“I think you’re right,” Matt groaned, scrubbing his hands over his face. “God, do I hate it when you’re right.”

“Come on,” Shiro said lightly, nudging him with his elbow. “It’s going to work.”

“How?” Qie asked. “He is going to be busy with the attacking forces.”

Shiro looked at Qie, feeling guilty that he’d dragged them into this mess. They’d only been trying to escape. He nearly said something, but then Qie looked over at him and smiled, and the words got caught in Shiro’s throat.

Now wasn’t the time. He could feel guilty later.

“It’s going to work,” Shiro said, “because I’m going to be the bait.”

* * *

**SENDAK**

“I don’t get why it’s taking you so long to find him.”

Sendak bit back a snarl, burying his claws into the chest plate of a sentry bot.

“This is the wrong way,” he said instead, struggling to keep his voice level when rage was boiling inside him, ready to burst.

The scent of his mate was all over the ship, but it did not provide him with comfort; instead, he could only focus on the fact that he smelled of pain and hurt. It frustrated him to no end that he couldn’t pinpoint his exact location and Keith’s jabbering wasn’t helping either.

The further Shiro had been, the more distinct the direction of the pull, but now that they were close, he could hardly track him.

“Then which way is it? We’re wasting time!”

“I don’t know!” Sendak burst. “He has been all over this sector!”

“It’s like he’s not trying to escape,” Keith said, kicking his foot into a broken bot. “It’s almost like he’s searching for something.”

Sendak stared at his fist, willing his mind to conjure an immediate solution to their problem.

_Where are you, Shiro?_

* * *

**SHIRO**

The plan was surprisingly simple. Shiro couldn’t believe they hadn’t thought of it before.

The one thing that Wade was invested in was his mission: capturing all the prisoners. It was the only reason he had the resources he did, and probably the only thing keeping him in the empire’s good favor.

So, it stood to reason that If they made it seem like he’d lost all the prisoners, then he was sure to come running if only to save his own ass.

The prisoners had been quietly freed in the chaos still encompassing the cruiser, accomplished thanks to the DNA that Qie had copied. They couldn’t go far—not with so many people—so instead they moved them to another room temporarily.

To keep Wade from looking for them and instead come directly to Shiro, he was playing bait; he had stationed himself inside his old cell, knowing that when Wade checked on them and realized Shiro was the only one left, he would show up without fail.

“This is stupid,” Matt said for the eighteenth time. He fiddled with the edge of the door, running his fingers up and down the metal anxiously. “I should lure him out, not you. He knows me.”

“Exactly. He knows you, and that’s why he knows there’s no value in finding you. No offense, but I’m a Voltron paladin.” Shiro smirked. “At the very least, he’ll want me, even if he loses everyone else.”

“That makes it worse!” Matt threw his hands up in the air, nostrils flaring. “I really, really don’t want you doing this, Shiro. You don’t even know what you smell like—”

Shiro frowned, taken aback. “What do I smell like?”

Matt winced and scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.

“It’s nothing. I shouldn’t have said anything. Just—you’ve been like that. For a while.”

“Like what?” Shiro insisted.

“I’m a beta, Shiro, and even _I_ can tell that you smell like…like you need—,” Matt broke off, looking supremely uncomfortable, “like you need to be protected. That’s why I’ve been so…hesitant with you. I just hate sending you out there all alone. You’re hurt,” he started listing things off on his fingers, “you’re pregnant, your reflexes are shit right now—”

Shiro tuned out Matt’s babbling, blinking at him like he was seeing him for the first time. Matt’s behavior made a lot more sense now. His body wanted (needed?) his alpha, and it was projecting that, loudly.

He shoveled the information away somewhere in the recesses of his mind for later examination. For now, they had a mission to accomplish.

“I appreciate your concern, but I’m doing this. I _have_ to do this. And you need to go.”

“I know,” Matt said miserably. “Wade will figure out soon that his prisoners are gone.” He turned, pausing at the door to his cell. “Be careful. And remember: when Wade shows up, just distract him for a bit and then I’ll pop in and take him out.”

“I got it. You can trust me, Matt.”

Matt left, locking him inside, and then he settled back against the wall, repressing a shiver when the cool metal touched his back.

He closed his eyes. Now that he had a chance to sit down and let the adrenaline fade, it came back to him, all at once.

His limbs ached, his shoulder felt like it was on fire, and he couldn’t stop shaking from the cold. The clothes he was wearing were threadbare, giving him modesty without comfort, and the sweat lining his back from constantly being on the move was already starting to cool.

He shuddered, fingers trembling overtop his thigh. Clenching his fists, Shiro tried to gain control over himself, but the shivers worked their way up his arms and legs, until he was quaking. His breath came out in a frigid huff.

Shiro closed his eyes again, _just for a moment,_ he thought, and when he managed to wrench them open again, then the door to his cell was wide open.

“You sneaky little shit. I don’t know what you guys are planning, but it’s not going to work.”

Wade was grinning, rows and rows of teeth gleaming in the lighting. He didn’t look happy.

“Did Matt teach you that one?” Shiro asked, feigning innocence. “You seem to have a strange obsession with Earth. Why do you want to go there so badly?”

“I don’t care about Earth,” Wade spat, finally losing some of the false cheer he’d been harboring since day one. “I don’t care about the empire. I care about _myself.”_

Wade was walking up to him, swaying. No, that wasn’t right. Shiro blinked a few times, and realized it was just his vision, swirling and twisting like it had been doing for the last few hours. Wade reached out to grab hold of him, and Shiro didn’t resist, his eyes sliding briefly shut.

It looked like Wade had come alone; he was being reckless, confident that Shiro would be an easy kill. This was planned as an ambush—Mat supposed to show up. Shiro was supposed to be getting up and fighting right now, forcing him to submit, but he was just so fucking tired.

Wade buried his claws into the wound on Shiro’s shoulder. He couldn’t help the scream that tore from his throat.

“Where are they?” When Shiro didn’t immediately reply, he buried them deeper. “Tell me now, or I’ll make this even less fun.”

His other hand drifted to Shiro’s abdomen.

Shiro’s eyes went wide. Like a switch had been hit, all remnants of his exhaustion fled, and he was suddenly, achingly aware of the placement of his claws. Shiro tried to wriggle free, but Wade held on strong, pressing him up against the wall.

“What, you thought I didn’t know?” He laughed. “Any idiot could tell you were pregnant.”  

“H-how?”

“I could smell it. Plus, the way you were behaving…it wasn’t hard to put two and two together.”

Shiro was really tired of being the last to know these things. He didn’t ask why Wade hadn’t mentioned it; the reasons didn’t matter. They were here now, and Shiro was failing to hide how much Wade’s threat rattled him.

“Don’t,” he whispered.

Wade’s hand reared back.

 _“Don’t touch me!”_ he screamed, squirming in place, ignoring the answering pain in his shoulder. He swung at Wade with his arm, but it was weak, even for him. Wade caught his wrist with ease, laughing at his plight.

“You’ve got three ticks to tell me before I punch you in stomach over,” he pressed in close, the gleam in his eyes solidifying his threat, “and over, and _over_ again.”

“Fuck you,” Shiro spat. “I’ll—”

“You’ll what?” Wade mocked, his fingers tightening around his wrist. “Hurt me? You can barely even stand. Let’s make this easy on the both of us. I’ll start. Three.”

Terror flooded Shiro’s senses. His vison zeroed in on the placement of Wade’s hand, limbs locking up in fear. He knew he should move, but his body wouldn’t listen.

“Don’t do this, don’t. Please, _please.”_

“Two.”

Shiro felt tears leak out of the corner of his eyes. He was sick with fear, his gut churning hotly as Wade’s claws settled over him.

He should have listened to Matt. He should have been more careful. He should have done so many things differently, but he was here now, and he couldn’t imagine a punishment worse than this.

 _Please_ _,_ he thought, a last, desperate bid to save himself, _Sendak, I need you I_ need _you._

“One.”

* * *

**SENDAK**

Keith had his sword pointed at the Galra soldier’s lower back, the tip just barely digging into his skin. Meanwhile Sendak had his hand around his neck, squeezing slowly, watching as he struggled.

“Tell me where you put the humans. They are not in the lower hangar cells.”

He released the tension, allowing the soldier to speak. “I-I don’t know! I don’t even know what that is, I’m just a janitor!”

“You’re lying,” Sendak said, mouth stretching into a smirk. “That simply won’t do. You will tell me, or I will kill you. Your choice.”

“I don’t know!” he cries. The galra was a blubbering mess of snot and tears, hands scrabbling uselessly at Sendak’s hand. “I s-swear, I swear! Please don’t hurt me. Please, I-I don’t know anything.”

Sendak glanced at Keith, who shook his head.

The janitor was likely telling the truth. Sendak’s fist tightened around his throat, briefly satisfied as he watched his continued struggles.

“Let him go,” Keith said, lowering his bayard. “He’s not going to tell us anything useful.”

“He is an empire _rat,_ ” Sendak sneered. “I should kill him now. Isn’t that the point of your cause?”

“We do what we have to do, but we don’t kill innocent people. Let him go.”

With great reluctance, Sendak did as he was told, letting the janitor drop to the floor. He fell, coughing and choking. Sendak scoffed at the pitiful display and looked at Keith.

“Come on,” Keith said, pointing back the way they’d come. “Maybe he went back that way. Let’s go.”

Sendak sniffed the air a few times.

Shiro’s scent called to him, all but begging for his aid, but the path remained unclear. His failure to find his mate only served to light the dying embers of his anger; it made it burn brighter, his cruelty more absolute.

Sendak would stop at nothing to find him.

“Wait, there’s another group of soldiers,” Keith was saying, at the same time that Sendak felt a strong sensation ripple through him.

It was Shiro. He was…

He was afraid.

So afraid the fear grabbed at Sendak’s core and held it there, squeezing him slowly. His breath came out in a shuddering huff, his limbs stiff and unresponsive as the fear coursed through him. Shiro was in danger, or under threat of some kind; the kind of threat that made him fear more than anything that he had ever faced before.

Suddenly pure, unbridled fury swelled within Sendak, replacing the fear. His claws dug into the center of his palm and a ferocious growl worked up the back of his throat.

He was going to tear the threat apart piece by piece if it had touched a single hair on Shiro’s head.

“Sendak?” Keith turned and looked back at him, but Sendak wasn’t listening anymore. There was another spike of emotion, and like a spark lighting a flame, he knew where he was.

Sendak pushed off the wall and took off in the direction of the holding cells.

“Sendak! Where are you _going?”_

He was sprinting, barreling past sentries, shoving them aside without a care. Soon Keith’s voice faded; the rest of the world faded, save for the thrum of the bond, pounding inside him like a heartbeat, and Shiro’s voice, clear as day.

 _Sendak, please. I need you, I_ need _you._

* * *

**SHIRO**

“One.”

Shiro squeezed his eyes shut, letting the tears fall freely, waiting for the pain to come.

But after a moment, nothing happened.

He opened his eyes and look at Wade who was just standing there, looking amused. He grinned.

“Oh, come on, Shiro. I’m not going to punch you in the stomach.”

Shiro blinked, uncomprehending.

“What?” he croaked.

“That’s cruel, even for me.” He cocked his head. “Though I was hoping you’d give up where Matt is hiding a little more easily.”

Shiro opened his mouth to speak, but then he noticed a figure appearing behind Wade. A deep, low growl sounded from the direction of the door, and Shiro shrank back instinctively until he realized who it was.

The stranger’s scent was familiar and unmistakable. Shiro’s eyes went wide.

“Sendak?” he breathed, not daring to hope.

Before Wade could even turn around, Sendak shot his arm forward and ripped him away from Shiro. He raised him up, and then slammed him into the opposite wall. There was a strangled cry, and then a sickening crunch; Shiro flinched away, not daring to look at Wade too closely. From the corner of his eye, he could tell Wade’s head was hanging at an unnatural angle.

Shocked into silence by the turn of events, Shiro looked back at Sendak.

Sendak, who was here. Sendak, who had come to rescue him, and had just killed a man because he was threatening Shiro. Bile rose up the back of his throat.

Sendak dropped Wade to the ground, lips curling, and then turned to look at Shiro, his eyes blazing.

Shiro leaned over and vomited on the floor.

Sendak rushed to his side, supporting him while he puked everything he’d eaten in the last few hours. Shiro moaned and collapsed to his knees, but Sendak was there to catch him, cradling his head with gentle hands, bloodstained fingers brushing across his cheek.

“Sendak,” Shiro choked out. He leaned over again and spat, trying to rid himself of the taste of vomit. After wiping his mouth, he turned back to Sendak, blinking rapidly.

This had to be a dream. This couldn’t be happening to him.

“I-I can’t believe it. Oh my god. Tell me you’re really here and I’m not hallucinating.”

“I'm here,” Sendak said, his voice wavering. He pressed his forehead to Shiro’s, his relief pulsing through the bond in waves. “I felt you calling to me. Every day I searched for you; I tried to reach you.”

"You found me. You _saved_ me."

Shiro’s fingers came up to touch the side of Sendak’s face gently, shaking as he brushed them across his cheeks. Tears flooded his eyes. He decided that even if this was a dream, or a hallucination, he didn’t want to wake up.

"I have told you before: if you call to me, I will come in an instant. I will always come for you, Shiro."

“Sendak!”

Another voice. Keith’s scent filled his nose, and then his head came into view.

“Keith?”

He didn’t have the brainpower to process the implications of the two of them working together. He stared between the two of them, now almost certain he had to be dreaming.

“Holy crap, Shiro, you look terrible. We’ve gotta get him out of here!”

Keith reached out to grab hold of him, but Sendak was there, shoving himself bodily between the two with a thunderous growl.

“Seriously, Sendak. I don’t have time to play this game. He needs help.”

Sendak hesitated, but whatever words went unspoken between them seemed to convince him of the severity of the situation, because he moved out of Keith’s way. They both helped him stand, and it was Keith who examined the wound on Shiro’s shoulder, wincing at the sight of blood.

Shiro felt more tears spring in his eyes, though not from the pain, his hand coming up to reach for Keith’s.

“Keith.” He smiled when Keith took his hand without hesitation. His eyes were wet, too. “You have no idea how good it is to see you. What are you doing here? I don’t understand. What are you both—?”

“Looking for you, obviously.”

It was Sendak who answered, and it was Sendak who moved Shiro gently into position and lifted him into his arms, bridal style.

Shiro inhaled unsteadily, hands hovering over his armor like he was afraid that if he touched it, he might disappear. As if sensing his hesitation, Sendak shifted him so his head was laying on his shoulder, and Shiro went instantly limp, whimpering and pressing his cheek into metal greedily.

He felt weightless, his body relaxing completely in the safety of his alpha’s arms. When his eyes fluttered shut, it took all his effort to resist the temptation of sleep that kept threatening to pull him under.

“We have to save everyone,” he found himself slurring, stringing words together, “we have to shut down the ship.”

“What? No! We have to get out of here!” Keith said, incredulous.

“No, you don’t understand. Matt—Pidge’s brother—he’s here. There are prisoners hiding with him.” That was right: he had a job to do. Matt still hadn’t shown up; something must have happened. Shiro pressed his palms flat against Sendak’s chest, trying to get out of his hold. “I have to find them."

Sendak’s fingers tightened their grip around his thigh.

“You will not be going anywhere,” Sendak growled, fury practically leaking from his pores. “You are _injured.”_

Shiro let his head fall back against Sendak’s shoulder. It was true. He was hurt, his head felt like it was going to explode, and his body wanted to do nothing more than lie in Sendak’s arms and scent him forever, but there was still work to do.

Drawing on his remaining strength, Shiro sat up and looked him in the eye.  

“We’re going to find Matt and rescue the prisoners, or I’ll do it alone.”

Shiro knew without a doubt that Sendak could ignore his demand. With how weak he was, they could drag him to ship and there was nothing he could do about it.

He didn’t care. He would _not_ leave his friends behind.

Sendak stared down at him, lips curling. He practically vibrated with rage. Shiro knew it wasn’t directed at him, but he felt weighed down by it nonetheless, eyes shifting to his abdomen. He laid his hands on his belly, for comfort, perhaps.

“Shiro,” Keith said, staring at the place where his hands were resting, “you need help.”

“They’re counting on me. I won’t abandon them.”

Keith looked up at Sendak.

Sendak said nothing at first, but he lowered his head and began to scent Shiro, nosing at his throat and jaw in a way that was achingly familiar. Shiro went stock still, but his body didn’t even give him time to consider it; he exposed his throat automatically, shuddering violently at each pass of Sendak’s nose across the crook of his neck, warm breath ghosting against too-cold skin.

He had missed this. He had missed Sendak so much, and even though it hurt his shoulder, he returned the gesture, nuzzling Sendak as closely as his position would allow, fingers coming up to grab the back of his neck.

“You saved me,” Shiro said quietly. “You and Keith. I don’t know how to thank you, but right now I need to help the people here. They’re counting on me.”

Keith was looking at them anymore. He had turned his head away, jaw clenching and unclenching rhythmically.

Shiro couldn’t think about his reaction just yet. Using his good arm, he pulled Sendak down by the back of neck and kissed him desperately, urging Sendak to understand. No matter how much he missed him, no matter how much he wanted to go home, he had to do this.

Sendak didn’t resist; he claimed Shiro’s lips with great fervor, growling into his mouth and making Shiro’s stomach flip.

When Shiro pulled away he was panting, his head spinning.

“Sorry,” he said, “I, uh, probably taste like I just threw up.”

He swore he heard Keith snort, but didn’t look to see.

“I don’t care,” Sendak said. Shiro doubted that, but he kept his opinion to himself. He was still marveling at the fact that he was here.

Sendak sniffed Shiro again.

“We will complete your mission,” he said against his jaw, his voice surprisingly even. Pleased, almost. He nuzzled his mouth against Shiro’s, a soft press of lips that made Shiro’s heart tremble with happiness. “Aside from his injuries, Shiro is not ill. Where is this Matt?”

Keith didn’t look happy, but it was hard to gauge when he wouldn’t look at him. Shiro tried not to let it get to him. He lead them outside, still seated in Sendak’s arms, and when they turned the corner, they found Matt running towards them, covered in sweat.

“Shiro!” he yelled, raising his weapon. He pointed it at Sendak. “Let him go!”

“It’s okay! They’re friends!” Shiro raised his hand, belaying the step that Sendak had been about to take. “This is Sendak, and Keith, from the Voltron coalition. You remember him from the garrison.”

Matt’s mouth fell open, surprise blatant on his face.

“Oh my god, Keith. I didn’t even recognize you.” He planted his polearm on the ground, unsure. “And…Sendak.” He narrowed his eyes, taking him in all at once. “I’m so sorry I didn’t come sooner. I was just—we got caught up fighting a bunch of reinforcements that found our hiding spot. So they—” He stopped, glancing between the two of them incomprehensively. “Where’s Wade?”

“Wade’s dead,” Shiro said without inflection.

“I killed him,” Sendak added with a nasty smirk.

Matt’s eyebrows shot to his forehead. “Well, fuck.”

“Yeah.” Shiro shifted, wincing as it pulled at his shoulder. “We can still get everyone out and into the castle, but it’ll take a while and I don’t think the castle will hold out that long.”

“Quiznak. Okay, well, what are we supposed to do now? We need to get those systems down.”

Shiro ran his hand down his face, sighing. “I don’t know.”

Keith had been mostly silent beside them, but at the mention of shutting down the systems he lifted his head.

“Wait, you’re trying to shut down their systems?”

“Yes, like we did with Zarkon. Only, we don’t have Thace, and Wade was our best bet. We were hoping he'd have the right access codes.”

“Is that the only plan you have?”

“It’s the only one that’ll work,” Matt said. “We can’t attack their headquarters with just the few of us.”

“Damn.” Keith frowned, then turned and looked up at Sendak. “Sendak, do you still have your access codes?”

“No. They change at least every pheeb. Plus, this is not a ship I commanded.”

Keith swore again. It was clearly not the answer he had wanted to hear.

“So that’s it?” Matt’s lips turned down into a deep frown. “We’re toast?”

“No, there’s…” Keith let out a breath. “There's another way, but it’s not ideal. We can still shut down their system in the hub if...” He glanced at Shiro. “When I shut down Zarkon’s ship with Thace, we weren’t able to use his access codes. He did it manually.”

“I remember that. I didn't consider it because we didn't know how to do it without the codes. But I'm assuming you do. We can work with that."

“I do." Keith closed his eyes. "But—Shiro. You remember, I told you what happened. The only way we were able to shut it down was to overheat it.”

“And the last time it overheated...” Shiro trailed off.

"Thace died," Keith finished. 

Shiro was silent for a moment.

"Well, this time it'll be different. All we have to do is get out before it overheats, right?" he ventured. "We can do that."

“It’s not that simple,” Keith said, aggravated. Shiro watched him pace back and forth, biting on the end of his thumb. “Somebody has to stay, lock the door, and then keep inputting commands that force the system to overheat, meaning there may not be time to escape when the whole sector blows. Plus, they won’t just sit around and _let_ us destroy their systems.”

“Oh,” Shiro said, realizing what Keith was finally getting at. He felt faint.

“I’ll do it,” Matt offered.

“Matt!”

“No,” said Keith, shaking his head. “You don’t know what to do.”

“Well, no, but—” Matt’s mouth moved soundlessly for a moment, “—I can figure it out. Or you can tell me.”

“No.” Keith sighed. When he met Shiro’s eyes, he looked sad. “Thace told me what codes he was using, which is why I should be the one to do it.”

“Keith…” Shiro trailed off, laughing incredulously. “That is ridiculous. You literally just saved me. You can’t sacrifice yourself. Voltron _needs_ you. We can figure out another way.”

“Voltron needs _you,”_ Keith said, pointing a finger at him. “You’re the black paladin. You’re the one we’ve been looking for all this time.”

“That can’t be the only way.”

“Do you have any better ideas?” Keith challenged.

“Well, no, but I’m not letting you do that!” 

“You don’t have to let me. Look around us!” Keith gestured wildly at the ship’s blinking lights, the sounds of laser blasts distinguishable from where they stood. “There’s not enough time! We can’t just sit here debating this. The castle isn’t going to hold on much longer.”

“Then we’ll form Voltron! Even if everything hurts, I can still fight.”

“Shiro.” Keith averted his gaze. “You know that’s not a good idea. You can’t do anything in your condition.”

Keith didn’t just mean his wounds. He meant—everything. And even though Shiro had recognized in himself the lack of will to form Voltron, he tried not to let on how much that hurt to hear from Keith. He’d always been in his corner, and now he wouldn’t even look at him.

He recalled how his eyes slid over to Sendak, looking disturbed by the pair.  

“I’m doing this,” Keith said, breaking him free of his thoughts.

“No. We can,” Shiro thought fast, looking around for something to trigger inspiration, “we can attack the command center. If we go quickly, they won’t be able to retaliate.”

“They know we’re here!” Keith yelled. “We blew a hole in their wall! We’ve been fighting soldiers and sentries trying to find you. They’ll be locked up tight in there, and we can’t risk your life trying to do something so reckless. There’s no time. I’m doing this, whether you want me to or not!”

“Neither of you are doing anything,” Sendak said, speaking for the first time in a while.

Understanding dawned on Shiro as soon as their eyes met.

“I will do it. I know these systems better than any other,” Sendak stated, at time same that Shiro said, “No.”

His response was immediate. He didn’t even have to think about it. Sendak was not going to do this, not even on the off-chance that he would die; Shiro wouldn’t let that happen.

“They may not even come,” Sendak said, scarily calm in the face of his own demise. “There may be time to escape.”

“No.” There was a waver in Shiro’s voice. When Sendak went to put him down, his hands started trembling. He looked up at him, but Sendak wouldn’t meet his eyes. “You are not doing this, Sendak. Nobody is doing anything that requires their sacrifice.”

_Not for me. I couldn’t live with myself if you died because of me._

Sendak shifted his gaze to stare at Shiro, his expression unreadable. Then he leaned down and kissed Shiro sweetly on the mouth, which only made him want to fight harder.

When Sendak spoke, his voice was gentle.

“The paladin is right. Voltron is an essential part of your coalition. All of you are necessary for the success of your cause, but I am an former commander of the royal guard. I am nothing to the Galra, nor your coalition. My sacrifice would mean nothing.”

"You're something to me!" Shiro snapped. "Don't talk about yourself like that. Don't—don't even say that."

Sendak turned to Keith. “Get him out of here, quickly. Begin shuttling the prisoners with your lions. My actions should draw all activity in the area. When you see the system shut down, aim for the fifth hangar; the rest of the hangars will shut when one is compromised.”

“It’ll keep any more fighters from being sent out,” Matt said. “That’s actually genius.”

“Don’t listen to him!”

Shiro grabbed Keith’s arm when he tried to pull Shiro’s over his shoulder. He was aware that he was shouting, but his alpha was telling him he was about to send himself to an early death because Shiro wouldn’t leave anyone behind. There was no way in hell he was going to accept losing Sendak after having just found him.

Keith opened his mouth, then closed it and averted his gaze, like he couldn’t bear to look at Shiro any longer. Like there was nothing left to say.

“You can’t leave me again,” Shiro begged, breaking free of Keith’s grasp. He grabbed Sendak’s hand, tugging on it persistently. “You just found me.”

Sendak swallowed visibly. “If I recall correctly, you were the one who left me on that planet.”

“It was stupid—I was stupid. You can’t do that to me.” He shivered, leaning into Sendak, encouraging him to surrender. “I need you, Sendak. Come on, we can think of a way to get through this without resorting to that.”

Sendak wavered in the face of Shiro’s desperation. He tried to shutter his face into his favored neutrality, but he couldn’t hide how upset Shiro’s declarations were making him, discernable to even Shiro, who was half-gone from a combination of fatigue and the affects of being around his mate while in such bad shape.

“Take him,” Sendak said to Keith.

“Keith,” Shiro turned to him, gripping him by the shoulders. “Please. There has to be another way. I-I can form Voltron if you just give me a chance. I promise—”

Keith sighed, then squared his shoulders and pulled Shiro away from Sendak. He nodded at Matt.

“Let’s get him out of here first. I’ll send in the lions after.”

“No! Sendak, I’m not leaving without you!” Shiro struggled in his grip, managing to break free only to fall back into Matt’s waiting hands.

“Shiro,” Matt said quietly, “come on.”

He knew he was being unfair. The many lives of innocents meant more than the sacrifice of one person. That was how they’d always operated when it came to the more important things, but this was Sendak. His mate; his alpha; the father to his children.

He was finally here, and now he was trying to leave. How could he do this to him? How could he walk away when Shiro could barely stand the thought of him leaving?

“Sendak, please.” His voice cracked, splintering with emotion. _“Please._ We can figure this out together. Please don’t leave me. Please. Just—”

Sendak walked forward and pulled Shiro into a searing kiss, and for a moment, Shiro thought he had won. But then Sendak was pulling back, turning away from him and walking in the opposite direction, his fists tight at his side.

“Don’t do this! Sendak, come back, please! Sendak!” He was sobbing his name, choking on his tears. In the ensuring struggle Shiro managed to work his arm free and reach out towards Sendak, but Keith grabbed his wrist and pulled him back the other way.

Before he knew it, Sendak was gone, his anger and determination the only lasting pieces Shiro had left.

_This isn't happening._

Shiro sagged, his strength leaving him in one fell swoop now that Sendak was out of sight.

_This can't be happening. This isn't happening._

“Come on,” Keith said, his voice hard. “We’re taking you home. Matt, go get the others.”

“Right. I’ll bring them here after I get Qie to open the door for Sendak. He's probably clearing a path for us right now.”

Keith nodded. “Hurry. We don’t have long now.”

After Matt departed, Keith hiked Shiro’s arm higher on his shoulder and together they started the long walk to the entrance that Lance had created.

“We have to come back,” Shiro rasped. “Keith, I can’t—" He let out a hitching, quiet sob. "I can’t _lose_ him.”

Ignoring him, Keith pressed a button on the side of his helmet. “Lance, we’ve got Shiro. We’re heading for my lion right now.”

_"Really?! Thank quiznak! Allura says the shields are just about to crack, and the castle needs to recharge its weapons. What’s your ETA? And how’s Shiro?”_

“A few minutes, give or take. As for Shiro—” Keith’s eyes flickered to him. “Not great. Have one of the healing pods ready.”

“Please,” Shiro whispered. “Keith, I know he’s not our ally, but we can’t just let him die. Don't make me leave him.  _Please.”_

“Shiro—” Keith broke off, chewing on his lower lip. “You’ll feel better once we’re on the ship.”

A few minutes later, they reached the hole in the wall of the ship. Keith’s lion was waiting for them, mouth open wide. Keith helped Shiro over the threshold, carefully depositing him inside the mouth of the lion before stepping over it himself.

“I’ve got Shiro in my lion,” he reported over comms. “We’re on our way to the castle.”

Shiro was barely listening. He was focused on feeling out the tether of the bond, projecting his thoughts deliriously to Sendak like a lifeline, hoping beyond all hope that he would hear him even though they had never been able to do so successfully before.

_Please don’t go, please don’t go, please don’t go_

_I can’t do this without you_

_I need you to understand why don’t you understand that I need you_

Had Shiro not been out of his mind from exhaustion and fatigue, his thoughts and feelings wouldn’t have been so desperate. Maybe he would have understood the kind of sacrifice it took for Sendak to walk away like that; maybe it wouldn’t feel like his heart was splitting in two.

But he was tired, so tired, at the complete mercy of his instincts, ones that were screaming at him to grab hold of his alpha and hold on tight.

_Maybe he doesn’t want me._

It was a thought that was wild and untrue; Sendak hadn’t left him because he wanted to, of that he was certain. Even so, the moment the thought crossed his mind, Sendak’s presence washed over him and he heard his voice ring inside his head, clear as a bell.

_I want you, more than I have wanted anything, Shiro, but I will also do whatever it takes to save you._

An outpouring of emotion flooded their connection. It was a warm, hot surge of feeling that enveloped him in an emotion neither of them had dared to name. Shiro covered his mouth with his hand, feeling like someone had taken his heart and buried a knife into it.

 _Don’t say that, don’t_ do _that._

Sendak’s presence faded, and he was left with silence.

_Sendak?_

Warm hands found Shiro, lifting him into a standing position. He was moved through the lion’s cabin and then placed on a bench inside the lion’s cargo hold.

“Don’t move from this spot,” Keith said, kneeling in front of Shiro. When Shiro didn’t respond, he placed his hand on Shiro’s knee. “Hey, Shiro. Look at me.”

Shiro lifted his head. When he met Keith’s concerned gaze, he had to quickly look away, or he’d lose it again. He’d made a fool of himself once already, and what with Sendak’s scent and his presence starting to fade, he was feeling slightly less desperate and not interested in crying any more than he had.

“Is there anything you need before we take off?”

“No, I….I just want…” Shiro’s lip trembled. He wiped stubbornly at his eyelids with the heel of his hand, taking a harsh breath. When he realized Keith was looking for a real answer, he flashed his best attempt at a smile without really looking to see how it was received. Judging by Keith’s silence, he wasn’t exactly successful.

“I’m fine,” he said quietly, as Keith continued to stare at him. “A little cold, but, it’ll do. And for the record, I’m—sorry. This can’t be easy for you.”

Keith pressed his lips together. “It’s not about me. We’re here for you. To get you home safe.”

“You’re angry with me. You can barely look at me. I—I’m sorry I lied and didn’t tell you what was wrong.” The apology had been building for months. He took in a shuddering, watery breath. “I’m so sorry, Keith.”

“Hey.” Keith took him by the chin and forced him to meet his eyes. “I’m looking at you right now, and I’m telling you I’m not mad at you. You have nothing to apologize for. I don’t blame you for anything, okay?” When Shiro didn’t immediately answer, he repeated it. “Okay?”

Shiro swallowed thickly. “Okay,” he replied hoarsely.

Relieved, Keith disappeared out of view, and Shiro leaned back against the wall, his thoughts in a whirl, unable to properly process what was happening to him. There was one thing, though, of which he was certain.

He was finally going home.

He just didn’t know what kind of home would be left to welcome him.

* * *

**SENDAK**

Walking away from Shiro had been nothing less than pure torture.

Shiro’s scent had changed since they had last seen each other. Sendak had noticed it previously but hadn’t had the time to consider it when it was so imperative he be found at all. Most notably though was the way that it had called to him, reaching out and grabbing hold of Sendak like a vice, urging him to never let go. Stepping away from his scent hadn’t been the worst of it.

The words that Shiro had spoken were what nearly broke him.

Shiro had begged him not to go. He had cried, staining his air with his sorrow, and yet Sendak had to walk away and ignore his pleas and his bargains as if he didn’t care; as if every word didn’t weigh down Sendak more and more, until he felt like he could hardly move.

He glanced at the bodies around him, making certain they were devoid of life before he began the process of overheating the hub as Keith had described.

It was stupidly simple, really. It was just a matter of plugging the main power source units into the console, and then he began entering commands that used the most processing power.

His fingers shook as he typed in command after command, the warmth beginning to build around him, signaling his success. From outside came the sound of gunfire and shouts, but Sendak had barricaded the door. It would take them some time to break through it, and by then the hope was that he would be long gone.

His thoughts turned back to Shiro and the expression on his face. He could still feel his sorrow so keenly that it made him want to turn around and bury Shiro in his embrace.

Sendak didn’t plan on dying. He would not lay back and let something as simple as an overheated system destroy him; however, he wanted Shiro to live, and if that required a sacrifice on his part, then he was more than willing to do so.

_Why?_

Sendak’s fingers stilled on the console.

It was something that he asked himself more times than he could count. He had always considered any emotions outside of anger the folly of weak, and the occasional bargaining chip, but now that he was subject to them himself, he understood what power they could hold over a person.

He would do anything for Shiro. And for what?

 _Because you care about him,_ a voice offered. _Because deep down, maybe he’s the only person who will ever love you, and you don’t want to let go of that._

As if on cue, Shiro’s thoughts began to filter into his mind. Even his thoughts were doused in an anguish that Sendak could not stand.

_Please don’t go, please don’t go, please don’t go_

Sendak began prodding at the screen again, gritting his teeth.

_I can’t do this without you_

His pace faltered.

_I need you to understand why don’t you understand that I need you_

He swore, stabbing his finger viciously at the screen.

_Maybe he doesn’t want me_

That froze Sendak in his tracks. All of the things Shiro could have said to him, that was the one he couldn’t stand to leave unanswered.

 _I_ _want you, more than I have wanted anything, Shiro,_  he thought, pouring everything that he was feeling into it, willing him to understand the emotions roiling inside him, _but I will also do whatever it takes to save you._

Shiro’s answer was immediate; pain and sorrow and something unnamed. _Don’t say that, don’t_ do _that._

Sendak kept working.

_Sendak?_

He keyed in command after command, suddenly unimaginably angry that the Galra had never thought to make it possible to enter in multiple commands at once. Perhaps this was exactly why.

The heat was almost impossible to ignore now. Sendak was sweating underneath his armor and the glow of the system’s power core was dangerously bright.

There was a spark that crackled above his head. The heat became so intense that he could barely breathe without feeling like his lungs were on fire.

Sendak recalled Shiro’s voice ringing inside his head, saying, _I need you._

 _I will not die here,_ he reminded himself, a righteous, fiery anger growing hot in his chest.

Despite the odds, and despite the army that was waiting for him outside the door, Sendak would fight to be with his mate until his dying breath.

He stepped away from the panel after entering in one last command. He probably had just a few seconds left before it would overheat and explode.

Running towards the door, he slammed his fist into the panel and burst out into the open, ignoring the various weapons pointed his way.

“Out of my way!” he roared, shooting his fist at the nearest soldiers and sending them flying. He could feel heat at his back, and a high-pitched sound that was slowly increasing in volume.

Sendak didn’t dare look behind him. He ran towards where he knew the escape pods were located, but he only made it a few steps before the world behind him exploded, sending metal and shrapnel flying into his back.

At the same time, something inside him—something that felt like his bond with Shiro but was distinctly different took hold of him. He shielded himself as best as he could with his prosthetic, pressing himself against the far wall, willing the flames to ignore him, all the while he knew it was inevitable.

* * *

**SHIRO**

At some point, Shiro fell asleep and started dreaming.

He dreamt that he was in a dark room. There was a door, but when Shiro tried to open it, he couldn’t find the handle. Then he caught sight of an access pad, blinking at him placidly. He entered in what he instinctively knew to be the access code. It didn’t work.

There was heat on his back, warmth crawling up his neck.

He entered in a different access code, but when he looked at the screen he saw the same code as before. He tried another, but again, he found he had typed out the same code.

_Why isn’t this working?_

He tried another code, and then another, but every time he received the same response: _ACCESS DENIED._

He tried the codes again, and again, but nothing worked. The symbols never changed, no matter what he tried, reflecting back at him, taunting him with a truth he didn’t want to face.

 _LIAR,_ it said.

The heat on his back became almost too much to bear.

Shiro closed his eyes and entered in a random string of numbers. When he opened them again, the light was still red, but the word had morphed into something else.

 _MONSTER,_ it read.

“No,” Shiro whispered, his blood running cold, “no, that’s—that’s not me. I’m not a monster!”

_LIAR._

“I’m telling the truth, I swear! I’m not lying!”

He tried again. Flames licked at his back, tearing through his clothing. Out of the flames rose a pair of claws that sank into his shoulder and pulled at his flesh.

He screamed, abandoning the pad to bang on the door with his fist.

“Let me out! Please, let me out! I’ll do anything, just—please, let me go!”

The claws disappeared. A pair of arms wrapped around his body. Shiro jerked away, but they held steadfast. A familiar scent entered his nose.

“Sendak? What are you—?”

“You must go.” He was pushing past Shiro, placing his hand on the door. It opened with ease, revealing another room, darker than the first.

“I don’t know what’s out there,” Shiro said. “I’m scared.”

“Go. Hurry. There’s no time.”

Shiro stepped away, fully expecting Sendak to come with him, but then the arms withdrew from his body. When he looked behind himself, Sendak was being absorbed by the flames that had come for Shiro.

“Sendak!” he shouted, sounding faraway. “What are you doing? Follow me!”

“It’s the only way,” Sendak said, sounding sad. Heartbroken. “It’s the only way. Go!”

The door closed, locking Sendak inside.

“No! Sendak! _Sendak!”_ Shiro screamed, banging desperately on the door. He could feel the heat through the metal, warping it against his fingers.

He shouted and screamed until his voice went hoarse and he couldn’t touch the door without it burning his skin. Within moments it was sagging, droplets of molten metal falling slowly to the ground. Shiro let out an anguished cry and dropped to his knees, burying his head in his hands.

_This is my fault._

_It’s because I lied; it’s because I am who I am. Sendak, the baby, all because of the decisions I made. It’s all. My. Fault._

The darkness swallowed Shiro from all sides. It seemed endless; inescapable. He didn’t know how long he sat there, crying and alone, when suddenly his bond with the black lion settled over him. He shivered, its presence like a cool touch against his mind.

“Please!” He looked out in the empty black space and saw it there, standing tall, towering above him. Its eyes were dark. “You have to help me! Black, I-I need you. I need you to help me save him. I can’t do it on my own, I can’t—” he leaned forward, words coming out in a whisper, “I can’t do it alone.”

Its eyes began to glow. The black lion opened its mouth and roared, filling the room with light.

* * *

**SENDAK**

The wall behind Sendak shuddered. Within seconds, the metal was torn from its hinges and Sendak was swallowed along with it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for the chapter: threat of miscarriage. More specifically, Wade threatens to punch Shiro in the stomach a bunch of times.
> 
> So!! What happened to Sendak??? Ohh~ :3c
> 
> Ok ok real talk: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ What can I say? I have had that sacrifice scene in mind since day one. I am a slut for romantic tropes and having someone who was once the enemy sacrifice themselves in the name of love is just too good NOT to have. I told you I didn't know how to do actual plot! Me bad!! I hope you enjoyed it anyway tho bc there is way more to come.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (ﾉ´ｰ`)ﾉ Hopefully this chapter makes up for the hurt <3

**SHIRO**

Shiro woke up feeling like shit.

The first thing he noticed was that his shoulder ached like hell. When he reached over to grab at it, the rest of his body protested loudly, reminding him that he was as sore all over. He groaned, letting his hand fall back against his chest tiredly.

 _Where am I?_ he wondered, attempting to voice his thoughts, only to find his lips wouldn’t move. His mouth felt bone dry.

He swallowed thickly, managing to wrench his eyes open, blinking up at the wall. He was in a room, and lights were on. Although the light wasn’t as bright as he initially assumed, it still made his eyes sting. He had to squeeze them shut a few times before he could get a good look around.

 _This is…_ He turned his head, moving his hand to grope at his side. He was in a bed, covered in white bedsheets, propped up on several soft pillows. He lifted his head slightly, taking in the sight of chairs scattered around his bedside with a furrowed brow.

_Am I at the castle?_

Shiro closed his eyes against a building headache, trying to recall what exactly had happened. His memory came back to him in pieces, scattered because of how delirious and out of it he’d been.

He remembered being taken into Keith’s lion. He also remembered leaving Sendak behind.

Tears sprang into Shiro’s eyes.

He didn’t dare try and feel if the bond had changed. He didn’t know what it would feel like once the other bondmate had died, but Shiro didn’t think he could handle it, not right now.

 _Don’t think about it,_ he told himself. _Whatever you do, don’t think about it._

He inhaled sharply, wincing when it made parts of his body stretch and move. When he felt at his chest, he realized there were ribbons of gauze wrapped around his torso and blanched.

Someone had undressed him and wrapped his wounds.

The skin itched like crazy, but he didn’t have the strength to worry about that now. Letting his hand fall away, he tried not to concern himself with what they might have been thinking when they saw the state he was in. He just hoped it was either Coran or Allura, who knew all there was to know about his pregnancy.

Shiro’s thoughts turned to his memories again. To the red lion—and Keith.

After he’d fallen asleep in the cargo hold, he had started dreaming. He didn’t remember anything about his dreams, but for some reason he knew the black lion had been there.

He remembered waking up, a cacophony of voices surrounding him, and being held in someone’s arms as they transported him into one of the pods. Allura’s voice rang the most distinct, her particular sharp cadence bringing a small smile to his face.

After that, he remembered nothing at all.

Shiro tried to sit up and managed to move a little higher up on the stack of pillows supporting his back and shoulders, but it wasn’t easy. As he was trying to adjust the long shirt that had been pushed up in his sleep, the door on the other side of the room opened with a hiss.

Shiro went still, rearranging the expression on his face into something neutral.

Allura appeared around the doorframe, turning around without looking at him to close the door behind her. She paused with her hand on the doorframe, the line of her shoulders sagging as she let out a deep sigh.

“Allura,” he croaked, relief flooding him at the sight of her.

Allura jumped about a foot in the air, whipping around to look at Shiro with wide eyes.

“Shiro!” she exclaimed, hurrying over to the side of the bed. “You’re awake! Oh, thank quiznak.”

She took hold of his hand and sat down in the nearest chair, her eyes shining with unshed tears.

“It’s so good to hear your voice. We were so worried about you. You have no idea what kind of condition you were in when Keith brought you here. I couldn’t believe it. I quite honestly still can’t.”

She was talking a mile a minute, tucking strands of her hair behind her ear that kept falling from her bun. He’d never seen her looking so disheveled before.

“Your blood pressure was absolutely off the charts,” she continued. Her voice took on a tone that Shiro recognized from when they were training, or when Shiro hadn’t followed up on one of her various check-ins. “Thankfully the scanners were able to heal most of the damage done to your shoulder, but the wounds are not completely healed, so you shouldn’t strain it. And let’s not even talk about how malnourished you are. And you were so _cold—”_

She abruptly paused, realizing she was going on a bit of a rant, and cleared her throat. “Regardless, you’re lucky Galra children are apparently very hardy, or it might have been much worse for them.”

“Them?” he couldn’t help but ask.

“Oh. Um.” Allura’s cheeks went pink. “I—that is, the last time we scanned you, our scans weren’t able to tell us this, but now that you’re further along, it’s very clear that—” She stopped herself before she could finish her sentence. “A lot has happened, and I think perhaps springing new and shocking information on you might not be wise. I don’t want to upset you.”

“Yes,” he said without skipping a beat. “I mean, tell me. If it’s about the baby, I can handle it. I want to know everything.”

“All right.” She squeezed his fingers gently, lips stretching into a small smile. “You’re more pregnant than we thought. You’re having twins, Shiro.”

He shouldn’t have been surprised, what with the way that other aliens had told him as much, but to hear it confirmed was another thing entirely.

“Twins. Wow.”

He smoothed his free hand over his abdomen, staring down at fascination. He could feel his insides shifting, that same odd feeling that he instinctively knew meant the babies were moving.

“I know,” she said, giggling. “I was so relieved to know they were healthy—as healthy as could be expected.”

“That’s a huge relief, you don’t even know. _I_ don’t know if I could handle adding my kids to the list of things I’m worried about right now.” Shiro squeezed her hand. “I missed you so much, Allura. You have no idea how good it is to see you. To be here, and not out there. It’s—I can’t even describe it.”

“I missed you, too, Shiro. You had us so worried for _so_ long.” She dropped his hand and leaned forward in her chair, eyes raking over his prone form. “There’s so much we have to speak about, but I don’t know where to start.” She placed her hand gently on his forearm. “First, are you warm enough?”

Shiro blinked at her, realizing that for the first time in a long while, he wasn’t cold. He was perfectly comfortable. Maybe even a little too warm.

“I actually feel fine,” he said, noting that her forehead and cheeks were slightly damp with sweat. “What’s the temperature set to?”

“Don’t you worry about that,” she replied primly. “It doesn’t matter as long as you’re comfortable. On that note, here.”

She handed him a water pouch that he hadn’t noticed until now and took it gratefully, sipping away like his life depended on it.

“Thank you.” She took it from him once it was empty and set it back on the table by his bed. “How…” He paused. “I don’t even know what to say. Did Matt escape? Is everyone safe? Are the paladins—?”

Allura nodded and Shiro felt himself relax with relief. “Yes. I suppose that’s a good a place to start as any. What do you remember?”

“I, uh, remember being inside Keith’s lion.”

He described what he could recall, and Allura nodded along like it all made sense, which bolstered his confidence in his own memories, something he had come to doubt as of late. It was relieving to know he hadn’t imagined all that had happened.

“Allura, there’s—I have a question. Before we get into everything that happened, I have to know.” He paused, biting his lip before it could start to tremble. “Sendak did he…was he…” His voice cracked, and he couldn’t make himself look at Allura.

There were so many questions that needed answering, but this one he had to know first.

“Yes,” she replied, sounding only slightly miffed. “When I tasked them to retrieve you I never would have expected that outcome. It was…shocking, to say the least.”

Shiro laid back, passing his arm over his face to conceal his expression.

 _I can’t do this,_ he thought, wishing he had the strength to tell her to stop.

“Truly, I never in a thousand decapheebs would have expected the black lion to rescue Sendak on its own. I have no idea what that means. And he’s ridiculously stubborn about you. Finally, I managed to convince him to take time and heal—”

 _“What?”_ He jerked his head around to look at her so hard that it made his shoulder twinge. “Wait, Sendak is alive?”

“I—” Allura blinked, taken aback. “Yes, of _course_ he’s alive. Did you think—? Oh, of course you wouldn’t know. Shiro, I’m so sorry.”

Relief flooded Shiro like a tidal wave, making his throat go tight with emotion. He didn’t say anything for a few seconds, staring up at the ceiling. He knew that the moment he spoke, he would start crying.

 _He’s alive, he’s alive, he’s_ alive.

“I should have considered how you might remember the situation. I’m _so_ sorry. Sendak’s right arm sustained severe thermal burns from the explosion when he overheated the system, but he is otherwise unharmed. As are the prisoners, who are being housed and relocated as we speak.”

 _Sendak is alive._ _They made it._

“Thanks for telling me,” Shiro said, trying and failing to keep his voice level. He was aware that he sounded compromised by the way that Allura hovered beside him, wringing her hands. “How did he get here? You said the black lion saved him. Why was he— _how?”_

Allura was silent for a moment, considering him carefully.

“Let’s hold off on that conversation for the moment. I think you’ve had enough excitement, and there’s plenty of time to discuss it later.” Her lips parted, hesitant. “He has been by your side since you returned. He only left because we finally convinced him he needed his wounds tending to. Would you—would you like me to find him for you after?”

Shiro didn’t have time to start speaking; his answer, which would have been a resounding _yes, yes, yes_ was interrupted by the sound of the door sliding open. Shiro realized belatedly that the bond that he’d been studiously ignoring was pulsing, the bondmark on his neck practically burning a hole into his skin.

Shiro sat up, ignoring how much it hurt, eyes glued to the door, his heart leaping up into his throat.

Like something out of a fantasy, Sendak came bursting through, panting like he’d run all the way there. It occurred to Shiro that he probably could tell that he had woken up through the bond and had come straight from the pod room.

“Shiro!”

Shiro didn’t mean to instantly start crying. He tried to say something, but the moment Sendak looked at him, he covered his mouth with his hand, incapable of doing anything other than letting out a wet sob.

Sendak dropped by his bedside, pulling him wordlessly into a one-armed embrace. Shiro reached for him without a second thought, ignoring the pain and winding his arms around his shoulders.

The scent of his mate filled his nose, something he never thought he would get to experience again. Even though he was crying, Shiro couldn’t keep the smile off his face as he squeezed Sendak as close as physically possible, burying his fingers into his soft fur.

“Sendak, Sendak, oh my god,” he said, chanting his name like a prayer. He released Sendak but didn’t pull away completely, their faces just a few inches apart. He couldn’t look away; he was afraid that if he did, he would disappear and Shiro would wake up.

“I’m so happy you’re alive.” He couldn’t stop himself from running his fingers over different parts of his face. “I’m so relieved. You have no idea—”

The tears kept coming, gathering at the corner of his eyes; Shiro tried to stave them off, but then Sendak pushed so much warm affection through the bond that he couldn’t help the sound that escaped.

“I thought you were dead. I thought I’d _killed_ you. I was so worried you had died because of me,” he said, choking on a sob. “I don’t know if I could live with myself if you had.”

“I heard you,” Sendak replied, hugging him as tightly as he could with just one arm. “It pained me to hear your cries.”

“I don’t understand,” Shiro said, pulling back to stare in Sendak’s face. “How did Black save you?”

“After overheating the systems, I ran for an escape pod; a futile effort, but I had no other options. I was going to return to you, even if it meant I would suffer longer.”

Shiro shook his head at that, his throat painfully tight, and held Sendak’s face close with still-trembling hands.

“I was certain I was going to die,” Sendak continued, staring at Shiro with a depth of emotion that made him want to start crying again. “Then your lion tore through the ship’s hull and took me into its jaws.”

“I can’t believe it. I feel like I remember her being in one of my dreams, but I didn’t think—” Shiro smiled weakly. “I’ll have to thank her somehow. For saving you.”

Sendak chuckled, a sound that was as familiar as it was startling. Shiro remembered how Sendak used to laugh at him—darkly, mocking him with a purpose. His laugh now was light, tinted with genuine pleasure and relief.

“Your lion is nothing without its paladin, Shiro,” he said against his mouth. “It was you who saved me.”

Shiro didn’t have a response to that. He planted a kiss firmly on his mouth, relishing in the spike of pleasure that it elicited.

That would never stop being weird. He decided he liked it.

He did it again, and soon he had his hands wrapped around Sendak’s neck and they were kissing frantically, a hasty press of mouths, teeth, and tongue. Sendak supplied most of the latter, kissing him with an aggression that Shiro found dizzying—literally. He wasn’t completely healed yet, and his head was pounding.

He didn’t care. Even though Shiro felt light-headed, he felt better now than he had in ages. He grinned, cupping Sendak’s face with his hands so he could pepper kisses along his mouth and nose.

A cough sounded to his right.

 _I’m kissing Sendak in front of Allura,_ Shiro realized with a start, and instantly shoved himself away from Sendak, his face flushing scarlet.

“Allura, I’m so sorry—”

“While I’m relieved you two are getting… _reacquainted_ ,” she interrupted with a wry, but fond smile, “Shiro has been out of it for some time and I’m going to have to insist you save such activities for later. Shiro needs food and more water, most importantly.”

Her tone shifted from friendly to curt when she started directly addressing Sendak. Shiro, feeling guilty beyond reason, covered his face with his hand and tried to gently push Sendak away, but he made no move to unwrap the arm he had hooked around Shiro’s waist.

“If you think I am leaving Shiro’s side after he has finally woken,” Sendak started, “you are mistaken.”

Shiro felt his heart stutter, his blush darkening. “Sendak.”

“You have no reason to feel embarrassed. You are my mate.”

He couldn’t explain why it bothered him so much in front of Allura. He could barely imagine indulging in their relationship in front of any of the paladins, let alone Allura, who had plenty of time to get used to the idea.

He tried a different tactic.

“Well, I _am_ pretty thirsty,” he said, blinking up at Sendak pleadingly, which seemed to do the trick. Sendak immediately stepped away, looking around for something to sate Shiro’s needs.

“You’re still fragile,” Allura said in agreement, her eyes following Sendak with a hint of amusement. “As I said, you will need to drink more water. The pods were able to rehydrate you some, but you’ll be needing much more. I’ll be right back with the hydration solution. And Sendak—”

She glanced down at his arm.

“Please return to Coran so we can heal the wounds on your arm. I understand you were eager to see Shiro, but you will be useless to him injured.”

Shiro followed her gaze and cried out in shock when he saw the state of his skin. He’d been so absorbed in his own relief that he hadn’t even noticed. He really _was_ out of it.

When Allura said he had said severe burns, she meant it. The fur had been completely eaten away and his purple skin was exposed and raw. It was clear that Sendak hadn’t bothered to heal until he was forced to do so, which was both endearing and frightening.

“Sendak, oh my _god.”_ He reached out in an aborted movement, jerking his hand back at the last second. “That looks horrible. You need to go heal! That must be really painful.”

“I was about to climb into one of your pods when I learned you were awake,” Sendak said, sounding put out. “The injury will heal. It is nothing.”

“It’s not nothing! You don’t want that to scar,” Shiro protested. “The pod will fix that completely. I’m serious, go heal up.”

Sendak stared at him, his displeasure at the notion of leaving when Shiro had just woken up apparent.

Shiro felt the same; he didn’t want Sendak to leave, but he couldn’t stand the sight of the raw skin of his arm.

“I’ll be fine here on my own.” He reached forward and took his hand, running his fingers over his knuckles in soothing motions. Sendak’s expression shifted subtly, placated by Shiro’s behavior. Shiro smiled and jabbed his finger at the door. “I’m fine. I’ll be fine. We’re safe here at the castle. Go.”

After hesitating for a few more seconds, Sendak exhaled through his nose and stepped towards the door reluctantly.

“Fine. But I will return shortly.” He looked at Allura. “I expect him to remain unharmed.”

“What, do you think I would maim him while you’re gone?” She raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms. “You do not need to threaten me, Sendak. I care about Shiro’s condition more than _anyone.”_

Whatever she was implying, it made Sendak curl his lips at her, but he didn’t offer any more protests, glancing back at Shiro twice before he finally left.

Once he was through the door, Shiro couldn’t help but feel a little sad, which was ridiculous. Sendak had just been proven alive and well, if not a little battered. Yet he missed him all the same, staring at the door forlornly like he could will him into coming back.

He could also _feel_ his presence just outside the door until he got too far to track, which was bizarre. He focused on that feeling, curious to know how the distance would affect it.

“He is so insufferable sometimes,” Allura said, rubbing at her forehead with her fingers. She approached his bedside, laying her hand on his good shoulder before letting it fall. “In any case, I’ll be right back with more water for you. Don’t move a muscle.”

“Wait,” he called, turning away from the wall to look at her, fingers sliding along her elbow. “Don’t go. I have so many things I want to ask.”

“We can talk more after.” She took his hand briefly in hers, flashing him a smile. “Your health comes first.”

Shiro watched her leave before returning to his original position, staring up at the wall.

_Sendak is alive, I’m back at the castle, and I have no clue how the hell it got to this point._

How did Sendak get off the planet? Why was he with the paladins? What had he told them?

His head throbbed, the ache building the more he considered the possibilities.

Seeing him had been amazing—invigorating, even—but he was still so tired, and his body felt like he’d taken a serious beating, so when he closed his eyes, he didn’t open them again until he heard voices coming from other side of the door.

“…him be! He needs his rest, and I am asking you—”

“Shiro!”

Alerted by the familiar voice, Shiro sat up just as Keith came running through the door, his eyes seeking him out and finding him immediately.

“Keith.” Shiro smiled, but it slid off his face when he realized who was behind him. Lance, Pidge, and Hunk filed in behind, surrounding him in his bed faster than he could blink. “Everyone, wow. Um, it’s so good to see you all!”

It wasn’t a lie. He was happy to see them; Shiro looked at each of them in turn, taking in the sight of friends he hadn’t seen in weeks, but when he saw their eyes stray down towards his stomach, he felt his heart sink, the reality of the situation hitting him like a ton of bricks.

He was happy to see them, but they hadn’t spoken since the battle with Zarkon, and Shiro was very obviously _pregnant._ And Sendak was here. And he was going to have to acknowledge everything he had been lying about.

Just thinking about it made him feel sick.

“Shiro.” Keith knelt by his bed, ignoring the nearby chair so he could sit as close as possible. Shiro managed to meet his eyes, wanting to curl in on himself and hide. “Allura told us you were finally awake.”

“I did _not_ tell them to come here,” Allura clarified, when Shiro directed his helpless stare onto her. “I was accosted while asking Coran for more water.” She placed her hands on her hips, gazing at each of the paladins in turn disapprovingly. “I told you he needed his rest.”

“Hey, we were just worried!” Pidge said, raising her hand in defense.

“Yeah!” Hunk crossed his arms. “Plus, Lance wouldn’t stop crying about how much he missed Shiro and blah blah blah, so, like, we had to come by or he’d never stop.”

“Wha—I did not!” Lance screeched. “I said I was tired of Keith acting like the leader and I wanted Shiro back already!”

“Same thing.”

“It is not! Pidge, back me up.”

“Hey, don’t drag me into this.”

Shiro couldn’t help but smile at their antics. It had been so long since he’d heard the familiar sounds of their banter and it made him feel nostalgic in the worst of ways, because he knew without a doubt that that would change.

“Can’t we all agree that we’re glad Shiro’s back?” Keith said, bringing their attention back to Shiro.

“How are you feeling, anyway?” Lance asked. “Aside from the obvious.”

“I feel…okay,” Shiro said. “Not great, but I’ll be okay. My shoulder is pretty sore and I’m ready to not be—” he paused imperceptibly, “—ready to, uh, get back to it. I missed you all so much.”

“You won’t be getting back to it for a while, I’m afraid,” Allura said, walking up to him.

Shiro watched her rip open the pouch (this one was blue) and insert a straw. Then she handed it to him with her eyes narrowed, as if she expected him to get up and walk away while she wasn’t looking.

As he sipped on his drink, the paladins began to chatter amongst themselves, giving Shiro a moment of calm while they got situated in the seats surrounding his bed. He glanced around at the empty ones, wondering how many of them had visited him; how much time they had sat here, hoping he would wake up.

Guilt sank somewhere deep in his chest.

Shiro focused on his drink, his free hand straying towards his belly, running his fingertips absently over the curve. Since early on in his pregnancy, his stomach (his womb?) had always been the warmest part of him, and he couldn’t help the way his hands would always gravitate towards it, seeking out the warmth.

He realized his mistake when he found four sets of eyes staring at the placement of his hand.

“Shiro—” Keith began.

“I’m sorry,” Shiro said, nearly choking on his drink in his haste to speak first. “I know you all probably have questions. It’s…it’s a long story.”

He looked down at himself to avoid meeting their eyes. His heart was pounding in his chest, but he knew it was time to come clean while he still had the chance.

“When you rescued me from that planet, I never told you the truth. The truth is…I…” He swallowed, his fingers inadvertently tightening around the pouch. “I bonded with Sendak. He was there with me, the whole time.” Shiro touched the bondmark with trembling fingers. “I couldn’t tell you because I was afraid of your reactions. Trust me, I know more than anyone that what I did…the way I lied to you all…”

He bit his lip to contain himself. He couldn’t lose it, not here, and not now.

“The other thing I was hiding from you, you already probably figured out. I’m,” he let out a humorless laugh, “I’m pregnant.”

He stopped to catch his breath and swallow down the lump in his throat. Sweat had built in the small of his back and he shifted, trying to ignore the way his shirt was sticking to his skin. To distract himself, he started playing with the end of his bedsheets, picking at loose bits of fabric as he spoke.

“It’s Sendak’s, but you’ve probably realized that by now. I know it’s probably not what you wanted to hear,” he continued, after a beat of silence. “I understand if you’re upset. It’s a lot to take in.”

Lance snorted, the first to utter a word. “Oh, believe me, we’ve been taking it in. You should have seen Keith every time he saw Sendak walk in the room.”

Shiro looked up at him. “What?”

“Hey!” Keith’s cheeks colored. “My reaction was normal. You guys were the weird ones!”

“We were just trying to make the best out of a bizarre situation,” Hunk said. He shrugged. “You probably would have been friends a little faster if you didn’t threaten him every five seconds.”

“I’m not friends with Sendak. He’s only here because Shiro is here.”

“What’s going on?” Shiro asked the room at large. “I feel like I’m missing something. You all knew?”

Inexplicably, their eyes turned toward Allura. She crossed her arms, mouth forming a frown.

“I had to tell them!” she blurted. “They were concerned for your well-being, as was I. It wasn’t an easy decision to make, but if we wanted to find you, I knew we needed to work together, which meant sharing any information we had on you. I would have never betrayed your trust, were there any other option.” She averted her gaze, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. “I’m sorry, I really am. I only wanted you home safe.”

Shiro could only stare at her. “And Sendak…?”

“That was…more of an accident,” Pidge explained. "We looked all over where you’d disappeared hoping to find out where you were. When it was obvious we weren’t going to find you nearby, she took us to the planet you were stuck on, we saw him, and figured it out pretty easily.”

Shiro had no response that could quantify the rollercoaster of emotions he was going through in that moment. It made sense, all things considered, but he couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that they knew. That they had known the entire time _._

_They know everything._

There was a roaring sound in his head, nearly drowned out by his pulse pounding loudly in his ears. The room seemed to close in on him, stealing the air from his lungs and making it harder to breathe.

Matt’s reaction to Sendak had been severe; he couldn’t imagine what the paladins were thinking of him right now. He started to sweat, beads of it sliding down the back of his neck.

 _Don’t panic,_ he told himself. _Breathe._

“I’m tired,” he found himself saying, hoping his voice didn’t betray his internal struggle. “I think I’d like to be alone now. Just for a while.”

The paladins and Allura looked surprised by his response, hesitating by his bedside, but when it was clear Shiro wasn’t going to offer them any more information, they stood to leave.

“All right,” Allura said gently. “Rest. I’ll leave these here for you. Make sure you drink them.” She placed the water packs within reach and then quietly followed the paladins out the door, leaving Shiro alone with his thoughts.

Shiro took a deep breath, letting it fill and expand his chest before slowly releasing it.

His initial reaction to seeing Sendak on the Galra cruiser and just after learning he was alive had been warranted. He hadn’t seen his alpha in months, his body was in bad shape, and his instincts had encouraged his reaction, craving relief.

But now, things were different. They had to be different. Because Sendak was here. He wasn’t just a faraway dream anymore.

Even though he had expressed an interest in staying bonded with Sendak to Matt, he hadn’t expected to see him so soon, and couldn’t reconcile that interest with his guilt over the fact that he was a Voltron paladin that was mated to a former Galra soldier—one that had attempted to kill them on multiple occasions and didn’t exactly have a great track record for being a good person.

He thought of what Matt has asked him what felt like a lifetime ago.

 _“You don’t want to, or you don’t_ want _to want to?”_

When he thought about it, his answer now was the same as before: _I still want him._ He wanted Sendak there right now; he wanted to smell him, kiss him.

He ran his hand down his face, groaning up at the ceiling.

That was the thought that terrified Shiro the most. Despite being faced with the paladins and the Blades and basically everyone he was betraying by doing so, he still wanted Sendak. He’d missed him so much, and the idea of letting him go felt like ripping out a piece of his heart and throwing it away.

“This is so confusing,” he muttered, scrubbing his hands over his face. “I don’t want to think about this anymore.”

He let his hands fall back against the bed and closed his eyes, willing sleep to claim him.

* * *

The guilt and confusion didn’t lay off even after he woke. If anything, it was made worse.

Coran was the one who woke him up, and he tried not to think about how he had treated Allura or the paladins since he’d seen them last. That Coran was visiting spoke volumes of what they were thinking right now.

When Sendak came up in conversation, Shiro inquired into his immediate health but otherwise avoided talking about him entirely.

“He should be out soon,” Coran told him. “I took a while for the skin to heal, but it wasn’t as bad as we initially that.”

“That’s good.” Shiro looked down at his lap, his brain scrambling for something to talk about. “So, uh, what kind of flavor is that?”

He nodded at the tray of food Coran had brought. It smelled…different.

“This is Pidge’s special recipe,” Coran said, picking up a bowl off the tray. Shiro looked at the concoction in his hands with a raised brow. It was an ugly shade of brown, which didn’t bode well for the taste.

“What’s in it?” he asked, fearing the answer.

“Why, nutrients necessary for the growth of you and the children, of course.” Coran smiled, shoving the bowl in his hands. “Don’t worry so much about that. It’ll make you feel fit as a Wexim in no time!”

“Pidge made this specifically for me?” A warm feeling surfaced inside him at the notion.

“And Hunk. They spent a lot of time trying to get the calibrations just right.” He winked, placing his hands on his hips. “Well, what are you waiting for? Eat up!”

Shiro reluctantly spooned some goo into his mouth, making a sound of surprise when the taste came out all right. It was a bit like applesauce, only grittier.

“This isn’t bad.” Shiro took another spoonful, realizing how hungry he was after taking another bite. “Actually, this is _really_ good.”

He ate three bowls before he’d had his fill. Coran had brought an entire tray, so he dutifully gave Shiro his refills whenever they were requested.

“Tell her thanks. This is…” _More than I ever expected._ “Great. This is great.”

“You should tell her that yourself. Everyone is very eager to see you up and about, you know.” His gaze softened. “We were all very worried for you, Shiro.”

“How long was I out?”

“Twenty vargas, just about.”

That was almost an entire day. He’d been asleep for a day. His body must have been exhausted beyond belief, and even now he felt like he could fall asleep again if he closed his eyes.

“Don’t you worry about that,” said Coran, taking his silence for distress. “We’re just glad to see you back.”

“Thanks. I don’t know what to say. This is all just…so much.”

“Yes, I imagine there are a lot of things we need to talk about.” He fiddled with his mustache. “You know, if you’re feeling up for it, we can move you into the ballroom and have a chat. Or we can come here; let you rest in bed.”

“A chat,” Shiro repeated. “Is that the nice way of telling me we’re going to talk about it whether I want to or not?”

“What? No, of course not.” Frowning, Coran settled on the edge of the bed, placing his hand on Shiro’s calf. “We just want you to recover and understand what happened to you out there. We don’t have to talk about anything at all if you don’t want.”

Shiro stared down at the empty bowl in his lap. On one hand, he really, really didn’t want to talk about the things he’d just lived through.

On the other, maybe it would be best if he got it over with, consequences be damned.

“Okay.” Shiro nodded, looking up at Coran. “Yeah, let’s do it. I think I should be fine as long as I’m sitting down. And wearing my own clothes would be nice. Not that these aren’t nice, it’s just...”

He plucked at the shirt he was wearing. It was like a smock, large and white, stretching down past his knees. It was probably for patients that couldn’t fit in the pod suit. The material was soft and gentle on his sensitized skin.

“I also want to take off this gauze. My chest is so itchy I’m just about ready to rip it off myself.”

“Oh! Great idea.” Coran nodded, jumping into action. “The wound is mostly healed, but we didn’t want to take any chances. I’ll go get you your clothes and then we can get you moving. Be back in a jiff.”

He returned with the largest sweater Shiro owned and an odd looking pair of pants. After carefully unwrapping the gauze from his chest, Coran examined his wounds, and after declaring them fit enough that he didn’t have to suffer through itchy tape any more if he didn’t want to, he dropped his clothes on the bed.

“Just don’t strain yourself. You will feel quite sore.”

Shiro nodded. He first put on the sweater and then picked up the pants so he could get a good look at them.

They looked a little bit like the sweatpants they had back on Earth, and when he slid them over his hips, he realized they essentially were the alien equivalent. Warm and comfortable, they hugged his calves, but there was room in the waistband for his stomach and more.

Shiro sat down at the edge of the bed to feel at the fabric, something inside him inexplicably at ease.

Until now, he hadn’t realized how much it meant that he was wearing his own clothing instead of that awful prisoner’s garb.

“Thanks, Coran,” Shiro said gratefully, shoving his nose into the collar of his sweater. “I really appreciate it.” He gestured down at the sweatpants. “Where did you get these? They’re so comfortable.”

“BlizBlam, of course. ‘Comfort so good it’ll Bliz your Blam’!”

“Right,” Shiro said, like it made sense. “Well, I guess we should get going.”

He attempted to stand, only to find it was a lot harder than he remembered. First there was his feet, which didn’t appreciate the amount of weight he was putting on them, and then there was his pelvis, which ached every time he shifted in the wrong direction.

“Need some help?” Coran asked, hovering beside him.

“No, I’m okay.” Shiro tried again, standing a little more delicately this time. Once he’d found the right placement of his body, he started for the door. Cool artificial air greeted him outside his room, and he shivered, realizing just how warm his room was in comparison to the rest of the castle.

They walked in silence for most of the way. Shiro was focused on taking one step after another, and Coran didn’t seem inclined to say much, for which Shiro was grateful.

They were nearly at the ballroom when a familiar voice drifted from somewhere on their left. Shiro immediately came to a stop, turning towards the sound.

“Matt?”

The voices paused and then he heard Matt’s echo back at him, “Shiro?”

“Matt!” Shiro turned down the hallway, frowning when he didn’t find him. “Where are you?”

“Here!” Matt poked his head out of a door on his right, mouth stretching into a huge grin when he saw Shiro. “Shiro! You’re awake! What the hell, man!”

He ran forward and pulled Shiro into a hug, careful not to squeeze him too hard.

“I was so worried about you! When Qie and I dropped off Sendak and then we heard the explosion, we were kind of freaking out. At least I was. Qie is really calm under pressure.”

“I noticed that,” Shiro said, smiling. “It’s good to see you safe. They told me everyone escaped, but I’d like to hear it from you.”

“We made it,” Matt said. He squeezed Shiro’s good shoulder and gave him a gentle shake, “We got everyone out. Had to fight through a bunch of sentries and soldiers since we were leaving in a giant hole your lions had made, but I’ll spare you the gory details. Point is, we did it.”

“That’s a huge relief.” Shiro stepped back, sighing, closing his eyes for a brief moment. “I feel like I’ve aged ten years just hearing that. God, I’m tired.”

“You look like shit,” Matt said brightly. “And the sweater is cute.”

“Thanks,” Shiro said, lips twitching. “That means a lot coming from you.”

“He really should be resting,” Coran piped in, sliding up beside them with a polite smile. “Hello there. I don’t know if we’ve had the chance to meet officially. I was quite busy making pods available for our alien friends.”

“Right. Coran, this is Matt. Matt, this is Coran. He’s the princess’ royal advisor and our engineer.”

“It’s nice to meet you, sir.” Matt reached out and shook his hand. “You really helped us with all those healing pods.”

“Oho! Sir!” Coran chuckled. “Please, call me Coran. It’s a pleasure, Matt.” He waved his hand. “And think nothing of it. I’m relieved everyone is getting the help they need. We were just on our way to the ballroom, if you’d like to join us.”

“Sorry.” Matt winced. He pointed behind him, at the Blade member standing at the door’s entrance. “I’d love to, but I’m a little busy here. I was actually going to visit you in a little bit after I finished with this guy, if you’re not already sick of me.”

“It was pretty terrible being stuck with my best friend for a month, but I think I can handle you a little longer.” He grinned. “So, what are you doing with the Blades?”

“Learning about their existence, first of all. Why didn’t you tell me the Blade of Marmora was a thing?” He poked Shiro’s chest and he tried not to flinch. His chest was really, _really_ sensitive.

“I guess it never came up?” Shiro shrugged. “I thought you would’ve known.”

“I’d heard rumors, but we’d never had it confirmed.” He leaned in conspiratorially, lowering his voice. “Their outfits are kickass.”

“I know,” Shiro said, at a normal volume. “But really, what’s up?”

“I’ve been communicating with the resistance and talking with these guys about our relocation efforts.” Matt frowned. “Most of these people don’t have a home to go to anymore.”

“Gotta love the Galra Empire,” Shiro said darkly. “They can stay in the castle as long as they need to. Right, Coran?”

“Of course. There’s more than enough Paladin Lunch to go around!”

“That’s what your princess said,” Matt said, “but a lot of people are already trying to get out of here, so like I said, I’ve been talking to the Blades. They’ve got a lot of connections.”

“That’s a good start,” Shiro said, nodding. “I really wish I could help out.”

“Nu uh. Nope.” Matt poked his arm this time. “You are not lifting a single finger until you’ve popped that baby out.”

“Wow.” Shiro made a face. “Thanks, I think. Also, turns out it’s not just a baby anymore. I’m having twins. Surprise?”

“What?!” Matt gaped at him, eyes dropping to his belly. “That’s…wow. I knew you weren’t just fat,” he teased. “Really though, congratulations! This is a good thing, right?”

“I think so, though I kind of knew already. Because aliens can apparently tell and everyone seemed to want to bring it up.”

“Huh. Aliens, amirite?” He smirked. “Speaking of, how did your boyfriend take the news?”

“Oh, we,” Shiro flushed, “we didn’t get a chance to talk about it. Things have been kind of hectic.”

“Oh, I get it.” Matt winked. “Too busy gettin’ busy, huh?”

“Shut up.” Shiro punched him in the shoulder lightly. “He’s healing right now from the explosion burn.”

“I think I remember seeing him running around with his arm looking pretty bad. He’s still healing?”

“He just started.” At Matt’s look of surprise, Shiro smiled, a little embarrassed. “Apparently he wouldn’t leave my side. I had to convince him to go.”

“That’s…” Matt seemed to be searching for the right word to describe Sendak’s behavior. “That’s pretty romantic, not gonna lie. Stupid, but romantic.”

Shiro shrugged uneasily. His feelings towards Sendak were in a tumultuous state right now, and he didn’t really want to think about it too hard until he was forced to do so.

“We should probably head to the ballroom.” He started to step backwards, and then paused. “Do you know if Qie has left yet? I’d like to say thanks.”

“Yeah, they’re still around. I’ll let ‘em know you want to see them.” Matt glanced behind him at the Blade that was tapping his foot, getting impatient the longer the conversation went on. “I’ll see you later, Shiro! Make sure you get plenty of rest.”

“Don’t worry, I will.” Shiro waved at Matt until he disappeared back into the room and then started walking towards the ballroom, Coran at his side.

* * *

The room was empty on their arrival thankfully, and Shiro levered himself down on the sofa, careful not to exacerbate his shoulder.

“You just wait here, and I’ll go fetch everyone, shall I?” Coran pointed at the doorway, his smile a touch too bright. “Be right back!”

Shiro took in his surroundings. Nothing seemed to have changed about the room, save for the smells. Aside from the paladins, he recognized the scents of a few Blade members.

And then there was Sendak.

Shiro swallowed, studiously ignoring the way his body was reacting to Sendak’s scent. It was mouth-wateringly good. He stared in the direction of the doorway, waiting with sweaty palms.

Pidge was the first to arrive. She walked into the room and sat down at the couch opposite to Shiro, flashing him a smile.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay.” He returned her smile hesitantly. “Sorry I was a little out of it last night.”

“Don’t worry about it. We probably shouldn’t have jumped you like that. Also, that was this morning,” she teased. “And It’s nighttime right now.”

“Honestly? I can never tell.”

They shared a chuckle, and then fell into a silence that was much more comfortable than when he’d fallen asleep. He was stupidly relieved she wasn’t angry with him for kicking them out. Pidge, for all her passion, could keep a cool head when tensions were high, and Shiro appreciated that about her.

Keith was the next to walk in. He looked like he’d just been in an argument; his jaw was tight, and his shoulders were tense, but when he saw Shiro some of that tension relaxed. He sat down directly next to Shiro, making the cushions dip.

Pidge stared at Keith, raising her eyebrow. He returned hers with a glare of his own.

Shiro felt like he was missing something important again.

He didn’t realize what else was strange about their behavior until Hunk walked in by himself, sitting down next to Pidge, with Lance following a few seconds later.

They were walking in the room single-file, out of respect for Shiro’s feelings from the night before, when they had crowded him and he’d all but exploded in their faces.

It was a little more than touching.

“Hi,” Shiro said to the group, feeling oddly shy. He turned his head to look at Keith. “You’re looking a little grumpy. Something wrong?”

“I’m not ‘grumpy’. It’s nothing,” Keith said. “Just—I think that maybe after everything _he_ shouldn’t be here. You need time to rest and he’s—you know.”

Hunk rolled his eyes. “Keith.”

“I’m just saying,” he mumbled. “Not that you’d ever listen to me.”

“What are you guys talking about?” Shiro looked between them, brows furrowed.

“Paladins,” Allura said from the doorway, “I’m glad to see you’ve all found your places.”

Her eyes flickered to Keith, mouth forming a frown.

“Perhaps we should give Shiro some space,” she suggested, jerking her head at Shiro pointedly.  

“It’s fine,” Shiro said, holding up a hand. “I’ve got plenty of room over here.”

Allura looked unsure, and he didn’t comprehend why until she moved further in the room, revealing the last person to arrive.

Sendak.

It shouldn’t have been a surprise to see him there. Coran had said that he would have been finished with the pod around then.

He was still wearing his armor everywhere but his injury, unchanged from what could only have been a few hours ago, but the skin on his arm was like new, save for the lack of fur. He had probably come straight from the medical facility.

Sendak was staring at Keith, anger practically radiating from his person.

Then he turned to Shiro, and when their eyes met, Shiro hastily averted his gaze, cheeks coloring. He felt guilt crawl up his throat, mixing with feelings already burning up inside him.

He couldn’t take the sight of Sendak standing there, evidence to everything that he had done with the paladins watching. The bondmark on his neck seemed to burn, acting as a beacon to his falsehoods even underneath his sweater, and he resisted the impulse to clamp his hand down on the skin.

 _I can’t do this,_ he thought suddenly. _I can’t act like everything is normal when they know._

The bond flickered to life inside him, Sendak’s feelings translated clear as day, and Shiro’s mind slammed down on it, imagining shutting the door, locking it, and tossing away the key.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see Sendak, because god, did he ever, but every time he looked at him, or thought about him, he felt like he was somehow betraying everyone who believed in him. He couldn’t bear the thought of disappointing so many people because of his own selfish wishes, so the only way he knew how to deal with the situation was to try to ignore it and hope things would somehow work out in a way that make Shiro feel less like a monster that he was.

It occurred to him that this was what Keith meant before when he said ‘he’ shouldn’t be here. He didn’t want Sendak around.

_None of them probably want him here. It’s because of me that he’s even in the castle._

Shiro scratched at his arm to distract him, trying not to tense when he sensed Sendak moving around to the other side of the couch. He settled somewhere to his left, up against the wall. He hadn’t said a word in greeting, and made no move to stick close to Shiro, which was both welcome and confusing.

 _This is good,_ he thought, willing himself to believe it. _He’s giving you space to talk._

Shiro was achingly aware of every inch of that space, stretched between them like rubber, trying to pull him in, and had to resist the urge to shoot constant glances his way. He wanted to look at Sendak; drink in the sight of him, but he didn’t dare while the paladins were watching him even more closely now.

_This is all because of me._

_They know. They know you lied. They know what kind of person you are. They know everything._

The words kept running on repeat inside his head.

“I guess I should start from the beginning.”

“Please,” Allura said, folding her hands in her lap. “Whenever you feel ready.”

Shiro started from when he’d woken up inside the vehicle to working at the factory. He tried to keep it concise, focusing on the important parts of the story, but it was hard to concentrate when he started to feel Sendak _staring_ at him.

“That was where I met Matt,” Shiro was saying, trying to ignore the heavy weight of Sendak’s gaze. He addressed Pidge when he spoke. “I don’t know what your brother told you, but for me, his help was invaluable. He was—”

_They can smell him on you._

Shiro felt pierced by Sendak’s gaze; layers torn away, revealing the person he didn’t want to acknowledge.

“—um. Matt was the only thing keeping me sane while we were stuck on that planet, and seeing a friendly face after all that time meant more than I can say. I…”

He trailed off, his train of thought slipping, attention zeroing in on Sendak. Distracted, his eyes skated to the hand resting against his muscular thigh.

“Matt was my friend long before we got caught up in this war,” he continued, a waver in his voice.

He forced himself not to look at Sendak, and somehow, he was able to finish his side of the story. The paladins were staring at him, hanging onto his every word, but they had noticed his obvious lapse in attention, taking turns looking at Sendak whenever Shiro got distracted.

“That’s basically everything that happened to me since I’ve been gone.”

He’d left out the part about the bond, thinking it wouldn’t matter to them either way, but the way the paladins were exchanging looks told him there was probably more that they knew than he realized.

“But why would the black lion send you there?” Pidge blurted. “Not that I’m not grateful. I mean—I’m not glad you were sent there at all, but I’m not gonna lie, seeing my brother again was probably one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.”

“Where is he, anyway?” Lance asked. “Haven’t seen him since he showed up.”

“He’s still around helping the other aliens find ways to get home. I asked him to stop working and hang out with us for a second, but he said he had to be out there, helping.” She rolled her eyes, a smile twitching onto her face. “He’s got a big heart.”

“I don’t blame him,” Shiro said. “They were in just as bad a shape as I was.”

“I don’t know about that,” Allura said, eyeing him shrewdly. “But I still have to wonder how it managed to take you so far. We knew the lions have power beyond our imagination, but that is something else entirely.”

“I don’t know.” Shiro frowned, drawing his legs up so he could prop his feet on the edge of the coffee table and relieve some of the pressure on his pelvis. “You’d have to ask Black.”

“Believe me, we tried,” Hunk said. “Sendak was the one who actually ended up making it find you. I think. Haven’t really got the full story on that.”

They all looked at Sendak, Shiro included.

He did it without thinking. He hadn’t meant to, but now that he was, he couldn’t tear his eyes away.

Sendak looked tired. It was an uncharacteristic look for him. Shiro had expected a smug sort of satisfaction and maybe a smirk or two, but Sendak just looked so _tired._ Maybe even a little sad. He wasn’t even looking at Shiro anymore.

Shiro shouldn’t have felt hurt that he was being ignored when he’d literally just done the same thing. He did anyway.

As the attention shifted to him, Sendak glowered at the paladins.

Shiro’s eyes strayed towards his lips, curled and revealing pointed teeth. His scent was detectable from here: heavy, familiar in the way only his alpha’s scent could be.

Shiro licked his lips. He wanted to kiss him. He wanted to bury his face in Sendak’s throat and scent him, even though he knew he shouldn’t.

As if sensing his thoughts, Sendak glanced over at him, and Shiro felt his heart stutter to a stop.

He wanted it. He wanted it so _badly,_ but guilt mounted upon the guilt already building inside him, weighing him down like rubble. When he looked at Sendak—facing everything that he’d done up until this point—he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

“I can’t take this anymore!” Hunk shouted, standing up abruptly.

Shiro flinched, tearing his eyes away from Sendak.

“You two—” He pointed at Sendak and Shiro in turn, “—need to talk.”

Shiro went still. “What?”

“I’m serious. I can’t just sit here while Shiro smells like that. It’s—” He broke off, pinching the bridge of his nose, “it’s driving me crazy.”

“Smell like what?” Shiro looked around at the other paladins, noting the uncomfortable expressions on their faces. Only Allura and Coran seemed equally puzzled.

Suddenly, he was reminded of what Matt had told him.

_You smell like you need to be protected._

“It’s fine. I’m fine,” Shiro started, but Hunk wasn’t having it.

“Dude, you’re completely ignoring each other even though Sendak literally crossed the universe to try and find you! Clearly you two have some issues you need to work out.”

“I don’t really think now is the time,” Allura said, her smile coming out forced. “Sit down, Hunk.”

“If Shiro doesn’t want to talk to Sendak, then he doesn’t have to,” Keith said. He directed his glare at Sendak and scooted closer to Shiro like he planned on getting between them.

“Keith,” Shiro started, his voice edging onto panicked laughter. “Really, it’s okay!”

“You’re uncomfortable,” Keith argued. “It’s because of Sendak, isn’t it?”

Shiro didn’t immediately respond.

“It’s okay,” he repeated, going for diplomacy, the safest route. “Sendak has as much a right to be here as much as anyone. He was the one who rescued me.”

“No,” Sendak said, speaking for the first time. His voice was gravelly and low and sent shivers dancing up Shiro’s spine. “I will leave. It’s clear to me that my presence is not welcome.”

“No!”

Shiro didn’t realize he had shouted until everyone was staring at him.

“Don’t go. Hunk’s right.” He scratched the back of his neck. “I’m sorry. I’m making such a mess of this. You don’t have to leave, especially not after everything. You know that I—” He stopped himself and forged on ahead in a different direction. “I don’t mean to make you feel unwelcome. You have to understand. This is…a lot.”

Sendak grunted.

Shiro looked around at the other paladins, and Keith in particular. “I’m just trying to process everything, like you are. I feel like I’m all over the place so—maybe I should speak with Sendak alone for a while. He’s—”

His heart slammed against his ribcage as he forced the words out of his mouth.

“—he’s my bondmate.”

“Well!” Coran stood, motioning for the others to follow. “I think that settles that. We’ll leave the two of you alone. If you need anything, we’ll be right outside.”

“Hold on,” Keith was saying, but multiple hands pulled him away, forcing him past the door.

Shiro kept his gaze firmly on Sendak as the paladins all filtered out of the room. He could still smell Keith’s distaste from a mile away, but he’d deal with the consequences of that later. For now—

“You no longer desire me.”

It was the first thing out of Sendak’s mouth once they were alone, and the last thing Shiro expected him to say.

“What?”

“I will not repeat myself.” He huffed, lips forming a thin, unhappy line. “You have closed yourself off from the bond. I don’t know how you did it, but your message is clear.”

“What?” Shiro repeated. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I had hoped that your distaste I could sense when I entered the room was a fabrication,” Sendak continued with a low, bitter growl, oblivious to Shiro’s puzzlement. “But seeing the way you will not even look at me confirms my suspicions.”

“Seriously, I don’t know what you’re talking about. With the bond, I mean.”

Sendak glared at him, as if he suspected he was lying, but then his expression shifted, and he cocked his head.

“You really do not realize.”

“No, I don’t. You’ve always been better about all this bond stuff. Which is funny, considering you’re not actually from Earth.”

Sendak narrowed his eye. “You are telling the truth. Then you did it unintentionally, which makes your message even clearer.”

If Shiro didn’t know any better, he’d say Sendak sounded bitter. Then again, he didn’t know better; he hadn’t been around Sendak for a long while, and apparently the other paladins had.

He had no clue how to unpack what Sendak had said about the bond, so he focused on the one thing he did know.

“I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings or close off the bond. I missed you, Sendak. You _know_ I did, so don’t look at me like that. I’m just…” He sighed. “C’mere.”

He made space on the couch, patting it. At first, Sendak didn’t understand his meaning, but when Shiro remained silent, he slowly marched over and sat down roughly on the edge.

“Look, you have to understand, I never thought I would actually see you again, not anytime soon. There’s so much I don’t understand about all of this.”

Shiro hesitated, glancing at Sendak’s hand, and then decided, _fuck it,_ grabbed hold of it, yanked him forward, and placed it on his stomach.

“I’m pregnant with _your_ baby, Sendak,” he said, gesturing down at himself.

“I know,” Sendak said evenly. “I have known since you first told me.”

“I’m pregnant,” he repeated, “and I don’t even know what that means. I know what it means to me, but not to you.”

For a moment, Sendak did nothing but stare at the hand resting on Shiro’s stomach. Then he slowly moved it higher, following the warm curve. Shiro’s breath hitched. He leaned back to give Sendak more room, his skin tingling wherever Sendak’s fingers touched him.

“What are we?” he asked, when Sendak didn’t provide him with an immediate answer. “When we were on that planet, things were different. Now, you’re here. You _found_ me, but I don’t know what you want from me.”

“I want you in whatever capacity you will have me.”

Shiro laughed quietly; it didn’t really answer any of his questions, and it scared him how much he wanted it anyway.

“That’s not an answer.” He sighed, removing Sendak’s hand. “Maybe you should start from the beginning, and we can go from there. Help me understand.”

“Perhaps,” Sendak agreed. He clenched his fingers into a fist and then set it against his thigh, like he was resisting temptation. He waited a moment, and then began speaking, his words slow and measured.

“Initially, your princess thought I had something to do with your disappearance.”

Sendak told him everything from the moment that Allura had found him, to the black lion leading them toward Shiro’s location. The story was barebones, lacking any inklings as to what the paladins or Sendak were feeling, focusing on fact.

In some ways, it was more than helpful, giving Shiro a sense of what exactly had gone on, but in others, it only made him feel confused.

Shiro could only listen in absolute bafflement as Sendak talked about how he had essentially gone on missions with both the Blades _and_ the paladins in his absence, and there hadn’t been any bloodshed on either side.

This was not what he had expected to hear when he thought of Sendak joining up with the paladins. He had assumed he would be held prisoner at best, and catatonic at worst.

“Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. You’re telling me Pidge made you eat every single flavor?” Shiro asked, interrupting Sendak as he glossed over one of his mealtimes at the castle. “What was your favorite?”

“Yes.” Sendak huffed. “Does it matter?” Then, after a beat: “Vanilla.”

“That’s a good one. Huh.” Shiro tilted his head at Sendak, as if it would help him understand what he was looking at.

Sendak did the same, watching him carefully.

“Much has changed since I saw you last.” He reached out, and then pulled his hand back in an aborted movement. “Your scent has changed the most.”

“Yeah, well, pregnancy will do that to you.” Shiro shrugged, as if he wasn’t restraining himself from jumping on Sendak at any given moment. His scent was still the same, but it smelled more potent than ever before.

He glanced at the door to make sure no one was peeking in before he addressed him again, squaring his shoulders.

“Listen, Sendak—”

He didn’t even know where to begin. The fact of the matter was that Shiro didn’t know how much he trusted Sendak, even knowing that he had been working with the paladins.

“I don’t know what to do,” he admitted. “Before, it didn’t feel—real, y’know?” He shook his head ruefully. “You’re my alpha, but…”

He reached out and brushed his palm over Sendak’s cheek, noting the way his eyes grew dark.

“I don’t understand,” Shiro said, “I just don’t understand why you would want me.”

“You are my mate,” Sendak said, like it was that simple. He sounded frustrated by Shiro’s words and captured Shiro’s hand in his own, brushing his thumb over his knuckles. “I don’t want anyone to else have you. You are _mine.”_

Shiro smiled. _That_ was the Sendak he remembered.

“How much of that do you think is the product of how I smell right now?” He raised his hand, pointing a finger at Sendak. “Be honest.”

“You are mistaken if you think your human scents affect me the way they affect your regular alphas.”

“That wasn’t an answer.”

Sendak’s jaw clenched.

“What the paladin—Hunk—said was correct. Your scent _is_ affecting me,” he admitted, with great reluctance. He leaned forward, prompting Shiro to lean back until he was pressed against the back of the couch, wary but unafraid.

“It is a scent that makes me feel anger,” he rumbled. “I want to take you and hide you away where no one can ever hurt you again. I would tear apart anyone who even _tried_ to touch you.”

 _Fuck._ That shouldn’t have been sexy, but the declaration went straight to Shiro’s omega psyche, turning him on almost immediately. His eyelids fluttered shut, his breath stuttering out in a sigh, suddenly remembering the feeling of Sendak’s claws dragging down his skin.

“I know you would,” Shiro said quietly, his heart hammering in his chest. He pushed Sendak away, but when he tried to pull his hand back, it wouldn’t listen. His fingers ran over Sendak’s armor plating, following the Galra symbols with his fingertips. “But that doesn’t mean what you think it does.”

 _Why are you so against this?_ a voice asked. _He said he wants you, and you want him. Why won’t you just accept it?_

 _Because,_ he thought, staring at the glowing symbols, _I have to know that I’m not giving my heart to someone who will break it._

He wanted to—no, he _needed_ to know that Sendak wasn’t just running into this blind, hoping that Shiro would abandon everything for him—or for the bond. He was a paladin of Voltron, and he was pregnant with his kids, for fuck’s sake.

“How do I know I can trust you?” Shiro asked. He was speaking of more than just his feelings. The way that Sendak looked away, face forming a neutral mask, showed he knew exactly what Shiro meant.

“You lied to me.”

“I have lied to you,” Sendak confirmed reluctantly.

“I know you didn’t tell me the truth about a lot of things,” Shiro looked him in the eyes, forcing Sendak to meet his gaze, “but I’m not going to bring up every bit of our past, because I know what you were like when you were a part of the empire, and I’m not going to fight you on that. I just have to know one thing: why did you lie to me about being the one to rescue me that first time, when I went back to Earth?”

Sendak cocked his head. “That is what you want to know.”

“Yes, of course I want to know that! Everything we did—those were the only things I thought I remembered when I returned to Earth. I trusted what you told me, but it turned out that you _lied.”_

Shiro placed his hand against his chest, imploring Sendak to understand.

“Do you have any idea how that felt? How was I supposed to trust you after the Blades were the ones who told me the truth? Don’t answer that,” Shiro said quickly, before Sendak could open his mouth. “Just tell me why.”

“I was not honest with you not out of malicious intent,” Sendak said slowly, like it pained him to admit it. “I did not want you to know the truth and think that I was…weak.”

“Right, because caring about me would have just been too difficult for you.”

“I have not finished,” Sendak snapped, surprising Shiro into silence. “I lied because I did not want you thinking I was weak. But in doing so, I only proved it true. I _was_ weak.”

Shiro took a moment to absorb this. “Caring doesn’t make you weak,” he said eventually. “Caring about people—that’s what makes us strong.”

“In some ways,” Sendak agreed. “Caring puts those you care about at risk for others to take advantage. I would know; it is the tactic I used to conquer stubborn planets as a commander in the royal guard.”

Shiro swallowed. More reminders of what he was considering putting in his bed with, more guilt laying over top of him.

“But that matters not,” Sendak continued. “You once said that the most important part of your paladin nature was trust.”

“I—yeah.” Shiro was shocked he even remembered.

“I should have trusted you with the truth, like you must trust me now.” He shifted closer, reaching out to run his knuckles along Shiro’s jaw in a familiar gesture. “I regret my treatment of you when I was in command. I did not realize—” He stopped. “Perhaps I could not have realized how precious you were to me. I was an idiot to treat you as I did then, but I won’t make the same mistake.”

Shiro felt his breath catch in his throat, holding back on words he wanted to say, waiting for him to finish.

“I do not expect you to place your complete trust in me. But trust in my word that I care for you, no matter how weak it may make me.” His lips quirked. “Many cycles ago I would have castrated myself before admitting to something so foolish.”

Shiro could hardly believe the words coming out of Sendak’s mouth.

“It’s not foolish. It’s,” he leaned into the warmth of Sendak’s palm, bringing his hand up to cradle it against his head, “nice.” He furrowed his brow. “I’ve never heard you talk like this. Are you sure you weren’t brainwashed? You seem so…different.”

Sendak’s lips twitched.

“You are my mate. My omega.” He paused with his thumb over Shiro’s lip. “I would not have scoured the universe and allied with your people if I did not want you. If I must prove myself to you, I will.”

“I believe you,” Shiro said, and for the first time, he really did.

“You have not yet answered my question,” Sendak said. He leaned in close, angling Shiro’s head as if for a kiss, but didn’t bridge the gap, hovering above him, waiting.

Shiro licked his lips. “What question?”

“Do you desire me,” Sendak said, his voice a low rumble, like he knew exactly what he was doing to Shiro.  

“You almost died because of me,” Shiro whispered. “I still don’t understand how our bond and how touching black would have lead you to me.”

“You know. You could feel it, every time we connected.” He brushed his lips against Shiro’s with the barest hint of pressure. “I told you: I will always come for you.”

Suddenly, Shiro couldn’t take it anymore.

The weak tethers of Shiro’s self-control snapped, and he grabbed Sendak by the collar, pulling him forward and smashing their mouths together.

Sendak caught on instantly; he shifted closer with a low growl that went straight through Shiro, drawing his arm around his waist, supporting his weight while he all but crawled on top of him.

“I still can’t believe you found me.” Shiro cupped his cheeks, running his fingers over the fur. He kissed him again, and then again, lingering each time, wanting to savor the taste of Sendak’s mouth on his.

Sendak kissed his jaw, then his neck, and began trailing his mouth up and down Shiro’s neck aggressively, kissing and biting at his skin, making Shiro’s toes curl. When Sendak’s tongue traced the bondmark, a quiet moan sounded from the back of his throat.

He had wanted this for so long; _n_ _eeded_ it, every second they’d been apart.

Like a dam breaking, the bond suddenly expanded inside him, growing strong and beautiful and _full_ again.

Shiro gasped. Sendak’s emotions flooded his mind, feelings of affection, anger, and relief, all clamoring inside him for room. His heart felt so full that for a split second he was worried it would burst right out of his chest.

Sendak kissed the bondmark, pressing Shiro closer by the small of his back.

“Careful.” He let out a laugh. “The—the babies.”

Sendak went abruptly still, frozen in place.

“Babies?” he parroted, pulling back to look at Shiro with suspicion. “You are saying there is more than one.”

“Allura didn’t tell you?”

“I did not think to ask,” Sendak admitted. “I was only concerned with your condition.”

“Oh.” Shiro felt himself flush, feeling inexplicably shy. “There’s, uh, two of them. I’m having twins.”

“Twins.”

Sendak took him by the chin and drew him in for another kiss. Shiro was powerless to resist, lips parting so Sendak could deepen it.

While he had been gentle so far, there was an undercurrent of possession that Shiro could feel flickering to life between them. Sendak had kissed away his tears and declared his affection, but Shiro could feel every massive inch of Sendak’s body pressed against his, and it was poised with restraint, practically trembling with the desire to _take._

Sendak’s claws raked down his spine. Shiro arched into the motion.

“Don’t tell me you _like_ that I’m having twins,” he teased, hands coming up over his shoulders.

Sendak bit Shiro’s lower lip with purpose, neither confirming nor denying Shiro’s suspicion. It didn’t matter; he could feel it, echoing almost as clearly as his own.

God, he’d missed this so much.

“Your scent has changed. It’s sweet now,” Sendak said against his mouth. He withdrew only slightly, giving Shiro time to breathe before taking him again. Sendak didn’t have pupils, but even Shiro could tell how obviously he was affected by it, and it was more flattering than he’d like to admit, seeing as it was just a part of his bodily functions. “It is…otherworldly. It makes me want to devour you.”

He wanted him to. He really, really wanted Sendak to fulfill his promises, but then he remembered the paladins, and how much his back was starting to protest the awkward position, stretched halfway across Sendak’s lap.

Shiro pushed at Sendak’s chest until he released him and leaned back against the couch with a relieved sigh.

“Sorry, I’m still pretty sore from all the running I did back on the ship. And my shoulder feels—” He rubbed at the it gently, wincing as it throbbed. “—not great. It’s healed, but it’s really sore.”

Sendak frowned down at his stomach. “You are in pain.”

“No more than usual,” Shiro assured him. “And I’m pretty sure backaches are a package deal.”

Sendak’s frown deepened. “I am concerned your frail human body will not be able to handle a Galra birth.”

“First, I’m not frail. Second, I’m trying not to think about that, honestly.” Shiro shrugged. “There’s only so much my brain can handle in a single day, and we’ve just about reached that point.”

Sendak hummed thoughtfully. They shared a quiet moment where neither of them said anything at all, taking in the sight of each other.

Shiro reached out and took Sendak’s hand, running his fingers over his claws.

 _I shouldn’t want this,_ he thought, lacing their fingers together. _But I guess that doesn’t matter anymore._

 _Don’t deny yourself the pleasure of being my mate,_ Sendak said, the thought loud and clear in Shiro’s mind.

He blinked in surprise. Right. That was a thing now.

 _This is very weird,_ he thought, directing his thoughts Sendak’s way experimentally. _I feel like I should be way more freaked out about this. It’s not something alpha/omega couples—let alone humans—can normally do._

Sendak looked inordinately pleased to be counted as special, particularly as it related to Shiro.

From their left came the sound of a scuffle, and then the paladins came pouring through the doorway, stumbling over each other as the door that had been holding them up slid away.

“Keith!” Lance shouted from where he’d tripped over Pidge and landed on his knees. “I told you not to hit that button!”

“I didn’t do it on purpose!”

“Coulda fooled me!”

“You’re on my leg,” Hunk said, poking Lance’s side.

“Ouch.” Pidge rubbed her back where she’d been tripped over. She looked over at where Shiro and Sendak were seated on the couch, staring at them. “Uh, hi.”

Shiro’s lips twitched. “Hi.”

“Eavesdropping,” Sendak sneered. “How unbecoming of you paladins.”

“Sendak, it’s fine,” Shiro chastised, in too much of a good mood to properly be angry at his behavior. “Where’s Allura? And Coran?”

None of the paladins seemed bothered by Sendak’s derision, brushing off his comments with ease. Keith looked a little annoyed at seeing Sendak sitting so close to Shiro, but otherwise the hostility from before had dissipated like whatever scent Shiro had apparently been secreting.

“Allura went with Coran to get you guys dinner,” Pidge said. “Well, to get Shiro dinner.”

“She didn’t need to do that,” Shiro said, touched.

I _would have brought you food had you told me you had not yet eaten,_ said Sendak.

Shiro hid his laugh behind a cough. _I did eat. Though I could probably go for some more food._

“So, I take you guys made up?” Hunk asked, pointing at their hands.

Shiro hastily removed his hand from Sendak’s, swallowing against a quick denial. His good mood didn’t exactly sink, so much as it tempered, subdued down into acceptance.

This was the hard part: convincing his team that this was the future he wanted.

“Yes, if you could call it that. We’re…taking it slow. Which is why I have to tell you all,” he paused, mentally psyching himself up for their reactions, “Sendak is my bondmate. Having a mate around during pregnancy really makes things easier, and I think I’m going to need that. I know this might make some of you uncomfortable, but I need him here with me. At least until the babies are born.”

There was a flare of something across the bond, but Shiro didn’t have the sense to parse it.

“Why would we be uncomfortable with that?” Pidge asked, frowning at him with genuine confusion. “We’ve known from, like, the beginning.”

“Well, Sendak—”

“Tried to murder us, yeah, we got over that a while ago.” Lance waved his hand. “We wouldn’t be mad at you for that, anyway.”

“But,” Shiro floundered for a response, “but I was the one who lead him to us. It was because of me that he even found the blue lion. And before that, I was the one who bonded with him. And then I lied about it!”

“That whole lying thing is pretty understandable. I probably would have lied, too,” Hunk said.

The other paladins murmured their agreements.  

Shiro sat back, stunned.

“I…don’t understand. You aren’t angry with me?”

“Not this again,” Keith muttered, his voice too loud in the suddenly silent room. “Shiro, why would we be mad at you? You didn’t ask Sendak to stalk you across the universe—” Sendak growled at that, but Keith forged on, even more determined, “—you didn’t ask to be put on a planet with him, you didn’t ask to be transported to some factory and taken prisoner, and you definitely didn’t ask to be made pregnant. So nobody is blaming you for anything.”

“You sound very certain about that last claim,” Sendak said, leaning back against the couch with a smirk.

“Oh, ew—” Lance started, miming vomiting onto the floor. “Okay, I did _not_ need to know that.”

Shiro’s face lit on fire.

“Sendak!” he hissed. He wanted to crawl under a rock and hide. Instead, he addressed the paladins: “He’s kidding. It was not—” He stopped. “You know what? I’m not even going to talk about it. I’m shutting up now.”

“Thank you!” Lance squeaked.

“Hold on a second. Earlier, did you say babies? Like, more than one?” Pidge asked, perceptive as ever.

“Wait.” Keith frowned. “I’m pretty sure he did. I didn’t even notice.”

“Ohh,” Hunk cooed, practically bouncing over to Shiro. He dropped in front of him so he could get a closer look at his stomach. “Are you having twins? Triplets? Holy crow, what if they’re furry like Sendak?”

“Um.” Shiro didn’t understand how they’d gone from him apologizing to talking about his furry children.

“There are two children, to answer your question,” said Sendak. His satisfaction could be felt by Shiro, bolts of lazy pleasure filtering through the bond.

“That’s awesome!” Hunk grinned. “I love babies. How far along are you, anyway?”

“I…I don’t know,” Shiro answered, at a loss. “Maybe close to six months? I had trouble keeping track being lost out in space.”

“Right.” Hunk nodded seriously. He reached hesitantly towards Shiro’s belly. “Can I touch?”

For some reason, Shiro felt the need to look at Sendak. Maybe it was because Hunk was an alpha, and it was difficult to shake free of instincts that had been bred into him for millennia. Sendak met his eyes, and when he inclined his head, Shiro shrugged, leaning back to give Hunk a better angle.

“Sure. Go ahead.”

Hunk’s hands were gentle on the baby bump. Shiro lifted his sweater—because it was easier, and also it didn’t make his skin itch—and his touch became even gentler.

“You’re so _warm,”_ Hunk said, a note of awe in his voice. The others moved closer, curious to see what had Hunk so amazed. “Whoa, seriously, how are you not burning up in that outfit?”

“It’s just my uterus, I guess,” Shiro hazarded. He brought his icy palm over Hunk’s to prove his point. “Kolivan explained to me once that their kids need a lot of heat to survive. I think that’s why. I _hope_ that’s why,” he added, looking at Sendak for confirmation.

“You would be correct. You lack the fur that would help compensate for the loss of body heat.”

“So they’re stealing yours?” Lance crouched down next to Hunk, staring at his hands on Shiro’s stomach before he shifted his gaze Sendak. “That’s kinda messed up.”

“Hardly,” Sendak drawled. “A strong child requires a strong parent.”

“It’s a good thing Shiro is really strong then.” Hunk sat back, removing his hands, and flashed Shiro a grin. “And it’s a good thing you’re back.”

Shiro looked around at his teammates, feeling as though he had jumped into one of Slav’s alternate realities. None of the paladins has so far treated him with the derision he felt he deserved. They had eagerly accepted him back into the fold as if he deserved to be there.

“You’re really not mad at me?” he asked, because he couldn’t help it.

“For the last time, no,” Keith said.

“Nope,” Pidge echoed.

Shiro stared at them.

 _Don’t cry,_ he told himself vehemently, _you are a paladin of Voltron and a grown man, and even though you are hopped up on hormones, you will not embarrass yourself and start crying._

“Paladins,” came Allura’s voice from the doorway. She edged around the door, carrying a huge tray full of food. There was some of all kinds, varying from oddly shaped to achingly familiar.

“That’s not food goo,” Hunk whispered excitedly.

“You are right about that, Hunk,” Coran said. He nudged Allura with his elbow. “Allura, tell them what we’ve got.”

“Gladly.” She smiled, shoving the tray forward so they could take a closer look. “This is some of the food that was given to us as a gift from the Olkari on our last visit. I was planning on saving this for a special occasion in the near future before it spoiled, but I think we can all agree having Shiro back is more than enough reason to celebrate. After the conversations we’ve had, I thought you could use a pick-me-up.” Her smile became tentative. “What do you say to a late dinner?”

When they looked back at Shiro, he was already crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Real talk: you didn't think I was really gonna kill him, did ya??? Sike! We have happy endings in this house. 
> 
> Just think of any future chapters as bonus content because the plot will be essentially non-existent. Maybe if you squint.


	13. Bonus Chapter 1: Routine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I should mention it's going to be just Shiro's POV from now on. Hope you enjoy!

Shiro couldn’t sleep.

He was exhausted beyond belief. The bed he was in was comfortable. Everyone was back home safe, so there was nothing else for him to worry about.

Maybe it was because his mind was too active, or he wasn’t used to sleeping in a soft bed anymore, but the fact remained: he still couldn’t sleep.

He turned to his other side, letting out a deep sigh.

He was still in plain white room that Allura had made for him, under strict orders to remain there until they were certain he was healthy enough to be on his own. Shiro had initially protested, but she insisted. It was close to the infirmary, and additionally, the room was under surveillance.

Squeezing his eyes shut, he tried to free his mind of all thought, hoping that if he just stopped _thinking_ for one second, then maybe he could fall asleep.

He waited a few minutes, but he felt no more tired than before.

Actually, that wasn’t true. He was _very_ tired; he just wasn’t sleepy.

 _I wonder if Sendak ever has this problem,_ he thought to himself, feeling the empty space on the other side of the bed with his hand, thinking back on their time on the jungle planet. Sendak had always slept next to him, acting as though it had been for Shiro’s benefit when it had clearly helped them both.

The same intense longing that he often felt when he thought of Sendak filled Shiro, only this time it was multiplied by the fact that he was actually here, just a few rooms away. Shiro curled in on himself, shoving his nose into his sleepshirt, hoping to detect Sendak’s scent even though he knew it was impossible.

Shiro rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling and ignoring the way the pressure the twins were putting on his blood vessels, making him start to feel dizzy. Coran had told him about that one, after he made the mistake of moving the pillows that had been propping him up and nearly passed out when he just wanted a quick lie-down.

He sighed again, frowning miserably up at the ceiling.

It suddenly occurred to him that this was stupid.

He wanted to sleep with Sendak. So why wasn’t he? Why had he left him earlier to sleep by himself, acting as though he wanted to be anywhere but in his arms?

 _Because you have a lot of hang-ups,_ a voice offered. _Because you said you were taking it slow._

 _This is stupid,_ he thought again.

He couldn’t sleep, and he knew exactly what would help. So why was he bothering to deny himself? Everyone agreed he needed rest, so it shouldn’t matter how he accomplished that.

 _I wish you were here,_ he sent out, imagining pushing the thought towards Sendak, wrapping the words in his longing and heartache and forcing it through the walls separating them.

Then he waited, his heart pounding.

He didn’t expect anything. Their bond was strong, but the tethers that connected them telepathically didn’t seem to go very far. Not unless they were in some kind of emotional turmoil.

But maybe this was enough. Maybe Shiro’s feelings were enough.  

When he felt Sendak answer him, he couldn’t keep the smile off his face. He covered his face with his hands, feeling like he was a teenager again, sneaking away to meet his boyfriend in the middle of the night.

Shiro met him at the door, barely letting Sendak get past the entryway before he was clinging to his shoulders, shoving his face into his neck.

“Hello,” Sendak said in greeting, staring down at Shiro in amusement. He wasn’t wearing a shirt.

“Hi.” Shiro let his hands fall away, sliding down his chest in a way that wasn’t meant to be sensual, but had Sendak bringing him closer anyway.

“What do you need,” he said slowly, carefully, giving Shiro every chance to back out if he wanted to.

“I can’t sleep.” Shiro pulled him down for a quick kiss, making his feelings clear. “I thought…” He looked away, feeling inexplicably shy in the darkness. Even though he could barely see him, he felt exposed under Sendak’s heavy gaze. “You always made it easier. Better. I missed you.”

“Mm.” Sendak cupped his cheek and kissed him again, slow and deep. He began to walk Shiro backwards, leading him towards the bed. “There is no shame in needing me. I have also missed having you by my side at night.”

“I know. I guess it’s just…” Shiro sat down on the edge and scooted backwards, giving Sendak the necessary room to join him. “It’s been so long since we’ve done this. It shouldn’t feel weird, but it does.”

Shiro laid down on his left side and waited for Sendak to settle down in front of him. For a moment they sat there, staring at each other, and then Sendak thrust his arm around Shiro and pulled him towards him, until their bodies were flush.

“I missed you,” Shiro repeated, because he couldn’t seem to stop missing Sendak. He buried his face in his chest fur, breathing in the scent of his alpha until he felt his rapid heartbeat start to calm.

“Sleep. I will be here when you wake up.” Shiro felt his breath ghost across the top of his head. _“Nothing_ will tear me away from you.”

Shiro let out a shuddering breath and relaxed completely, snaking his arms around Sendak’s torso.

 _Night,_ he thought, already feeling himself start to doze.

* * *

Shiro forgot how good it felt to wake up in someone else’s arms.

Back in the caverns underneath the toxic planet, Shiro had always been so cold. The cool cavern air had always felt like it sank into his skin and stayed there, a constant source of contempt for Shiro.

Waking up now felt like heaven. A very sweaty heaven.

“G’morning,” Shiro slurred without checking to see if Sendak was awake, rubbing his face in the fur on his chest, inhaling his scent.

Shiro sat there for a while, ignoring his bladder and ignoring any sense of propriety that told him to get up before Allura or Coran came to check on him. He basked in the reality of his situation for a moment; Sendak was there with him, against all odds.

Despite everything, they had ended up together.

Shiro squeezed Sendak’s middle, breathing in his scent until it was all he could smell; until he was sure he would never get it out of his system. He was burning up, but it was the good kind of heat; the heat that made him want to crawl on top of Sendak and kiss him until he woke up, grabbed Shiro by the hips, and had his way with him.

Shiro shivered, his morning wood perking up very eagerly at the idea. As if on cue, Sendak pulled back just enough to capture Shiro’s mouth in a kiss.

Shiro’s heart fluttered weakly, and he allowed the kiss to go on for some time, savoring the soft press of lips until he started to squirm.

Sendak smelled really good, and Shiro would have loved to stay there for a while longer, but he was dying to pee, and so with great sadness he wrenched his arms from where they’d been wrapped around Sendak’s middle and gingerly removed his legs from the tangle of sheets.

As he pulled away, slightly cooler air greeted his skin and he shivered.

Even though the room was warm, it felt cool next to the heat surrounding Sendak. His skin was flushed, covered in sweat. Sendak wasn’t fairing much better; his fur was looking damp, particularly where Shiro had been pressed against his body.

“Come back,” Sendak demanded, wrenching his eye open. He reached for Shiro, adorably disgruntled to see him stepping away.

“Gotta pee, sorry.”

It felt like he always had to pee. Sometimes the sheer amount of times that Shiro went to the bathroom irritated him so much that he could barely think about Sendak without wanting to strangle him.

He was feeling pretty content, having slept _amazingly_ that night, so his irritation was all but nonexistent. Shiro stretched his arms above his head, letting out a quiet groan as he did so, and Sendak watched, propping himself up on his one arm.

After Shiro used the bathroom, he slipped back into bed and into Sendak’s waiting arm.

“You didn’t wake even once,” Sendak observed, shifting and freeing his arm so he could stroke his fingers slowly down Shiro’s hip.

“I actually slept great. Feels like it’s been months since I’ve slept that well, honestly. So thank you.” His lips curled into a smile. “I really appreciate it.”

Sendak stared at him and said nothing, but Shiro could sense he was especially pleased.

“We should get up,” Shiro added. “And shower. I’m covered in sweat and Allura’s probably going to check in on me soon.” He glanced around to see if he could catch sight of the time. “What time is it, anyway?”

“Your princess will wait.” Sendak took him by the chin and kissed him soundly, distracting Shiro for a good few seconds. “I want to mark you with my scent.”

“Oh.” Shiro had almost forgotten about his morning scent marking. He felt himself shiver. “Maybe we should shower first. I haven’t been able to shower since—” He paused. “I can’t actually remember. Which means I _definitely_ need it.”

Just the thought had him excited.

Extracting himself from Sendak, Shiro got out of bed and walked into the bathroom. It was equipped just like the others in the castle, only the shower in this one had a bench installed.

He pressed a few buttons and then watched impatiently as water began to spray from all sides of the shower. He pulled his shirt over his head and then made quick work of his pants, setting them both aside neatly.

It felt a little silly to get so excited over a shower, but then again, he figured he deserved to be excited over this.

Shiro stepped into the shower, instantly relaxing the moment the hot water hit his back and shoulders. For a while he just sat there, enjoying the heat and pressure, completely at ease.

He had almost forgotten about Sendak until he was suddenly shoving himself into the shower doorway, completely naked and in all his glory.

“Sendak,” Shiro squeaked, hastily moving out of his way so he could fit into the space. “I didn’t realize you were going to join me.”

Sendak raised an eyebrow as if to say, _what else did you think would happen?_ Then without another word he turned towards the spray, raising his arms and angling himself so he got all his fur wet.

Shiro hastily averted his gaze, and then he stopped himself, reminded that Sendak was his bondmate, and they were showering together, so if he wanted to look, there was really no reason he shouldn’t.

He kept his gaze firmly on the wall in front of him.

It wasn’t like they hadn’t showered together before, and Shiro wasn’t _against_ the idea, it was just—well.

In the confined space of the shower, the humidity only seemed to exemplify Sendak’s scent.

Shiro glanced back at Sendak, his eyes tracking the fur slowly flattening along his body, revealing the hard planes of muscle that had his mouth going dry. His sex was soft against his thigh, distracting Shiro for a long moment before he managed to turn away.

It was unfair of Sendak to stand there, looking like he did, _smelling_ like he did. Shiro had promised himself he would take things slow with Sendak, but he’d also forgotten how horny being pregnant made him feel.

He swallowed thickly and focused on rinsing the sweat off his own body. Even when he wasn’t looking at him though, he was achingly aware of the way he kept brushing up against Sendak, his skin prickling everywhere they touched.

Shiro’s hand slipped down his stomach, past his navel and over his cock. He cupped it, feeling the weight thicken under his palm.

He hadn’t masturbated in a while. Not since his last pseudo-heat, which had left him wrung out and more tired than ever. But he’d just had the best sleep of his life, and Sendak was standing next him, doing things to him without even trying.

When he turned around to reach for the soap dispenser, Sendak crowded him against the wall, leaning over Shiro, looking sexier than he had any right to be.

“You are aroused.”

Shiro’s breath caught in his throat. He didn’t bother denying it. Placing his hand on Sendak’s stomach and pressing, he tried not to stare at his sex, which was slowly thickening, probably for the same reasons as Shiro.

 _I want that inside me,_ Shiro thought, a little deliriously. Sendak twitched, and Shiro realized belatedly that Sendak had probably heard that.

“I, ah—we really shouldn’t,” Shiro said, cheeks going pink. “We’re taking it slow, remember?”

Sendak snorted. “Is that what you really want?”

 _No._ “No,” he said out loud. “But no matter how much I want to have sex with you, I think we should wait. At least for a little while,” he added, because while he was crazy for considering it, he wasn’t that crazy.

Sendak made a sound of displeasure.

“I’m still recovering,” Shiro reminded him.

Sendak pressed his thigh between Shiro’s legs and drew him into a filthy kiss, testing the bounds of Shiro’s resolve. His scent was ridiculously good, making Shiro’s mind go fuzzy and blank.

He moaned into his mouth, unable to resist thrusting his hips a little, dragging his hard cock over the top of Sendak’s thigh.

“You’re a menace,” Shiro breathed against his lips.

“At least let me pleasure you.” Sendak murmured. “I can smell your arousal.”

Shiro bit his lip. There wasn’t necessarily anything wrong with what Sendak was suggesting; Shiro got hard at the drop of a dime, and he wasn’t suggesting they do anything penetrative, so there wasn’t really any reason he should be resisting.

“What do you have in mind?” he asked, before he could overthink it.

“Just this,” Sendak purred, taking Shiro’s cock in hand. He stroked him from root to tip, drawing a strangled sound from Shiro’s throat.

“Fuck.” Shiro splayed his hands against the wall, trying not to collapse at how good it felt to be touched again. “That’s—okay. Yeah.”

Sendak’s touch was firm, but the water sluicing down his skin was making everything feel warm and soft, and he was stroking him at a steady pace—not enough to really satisfy him, but enough to make him ache for more.

Without really thinking about it, Shiro dragged his palm over his chest, squirming a little as sharp bolts of pleasure shot straight to his cock.

Sendak lowered his head so he could mouth at Shiro’s throat, scraping his teeth against the bondmark. Then he brought his hand up to Shiro’s chest and dragged his claws over his nipple where Shiro’s hand had just been, stimulating him nearly to the point of pain.

“Oh _fuck,”_ Shiro swore, thrusting at empty air, his cock twitching. “Not so—not so hard. Really sensitive there.”

Instead of answering, Sendak shoved his thigh bodily in between Shiro’s legs again, forcing them apart, and then reached behind him, pressing his fingers into the crease of his ass, sliding them through the slick gathering around his hole.

“God.” Shiro let his head fall forward, so turned on he could barely think. His legs were trembling, aching with the effort to hold himself up. When Sendak buried his fingers in his hole and curled them, he moaned, gripping Sendak by his shoulders and thrusting against his thigh.

It all happened embarrassingly fast; within the span of a minute, Shiro was coming, shaking through his orgasm. He knew he should probably feel a little ashamed by how easily he had given in, but he hadn’t had an orgasm that good in ages, so really all he felt was satisfaction.

All but collapsing against the wall, chest heaving, skin still tingling, he reached blindly to his right until he felt the shower bench and fell back against it.

“Fuck,” he breathed. “That felt great.”

“Would that I could, I would pleasure you with two hands,” Sendak said, eyes raking over him hungrily. “You mentioned your chest is sensitive.” He reached down and pressed the pad of his fingers to the underside of Shiro’s breast, making him twitch and jerk away. “They have grown.”

Shiro looked down at himself. Had they? He couldn’t really tell.

Lacking the current brainpower to think about how his chest was developing and Sendak’s specific thoughts on that, Shiro instead reached for Sendak, his hand skimming his thigh. Sendak was hard, his sex straining towards his stomach, and Shiro wasn’t too far gone that he would leave him hanging.

“Want me to do something for you?” Shiro asked. He grabbed at one of the tentacles curiously and watched as it curled around his palm.

Sendak shook his head. “Once will not be satisfying enough. Though you may try, if you are so inclined.”

Sendak’s endless stamina was what kept him going during Shiro’s heat, so it stood to reason he didn’t want to start having sex unless he was going to get at least a few orgasms out of it.

“That’s okay. We’ll save that for next time.” Shiro smiled up at Sendak, feeling a little loopy from his release and being in close quarters with his alpha. “Now we need to actually shower.” Shiro held out his hand. “Help me up?”

They finished showering without further incident, and Shiro got dressed in his fluffiest pair of pants and one of his many sweaters. His hair was still damp, but he wasn’t too concerned about it. Sendak, on the other hand, spent an inordinate amount of time drying all of his fur, even going so far as to use the sonic function on the shower to ensure no residual moisture was left.

“Ready?” Shiro asked, once he’d declared himself dry. “You didn’t bring anything over here, did you?”

“No.” Sendak was standing there shirtless, and as much as Shiro enjoyed the sight, Sendak never seemed comfortable in the nude. “I will return to my quarters for my armor.”

“I guess I should head out and find Allura.” Shiro glanced at the door, frowning. “I think she realized you were here because she hasn’t tried coming in. That, or she slept in.”

“Unlikely,” Sendak said. “She is always punctual.”

The fact that he knew Allura well enough to comment on her behavior would never stop being weird.

“Yeah, probably. All right, guess I’ll head out and meet you for breakfast after. Sound good?”

They parted ways after sharing a kiss (and then another, and another) and the whole time Shiro felt like he was floating.

Sendak was still Sendak: he was still hotheaded, and he was still possessive as hell, but he was being so _affectionate_ now, showing Shiro that his feelings weren’t all a product of the bond, and it was making him feel…well.

His relationship with Sendak wasn’t perfect by any means, but he said he wanted to prove himself, and Shiro was beginning to believe that he meant it.

* * *

They settled into a tentative routine.

After a few days of observation, Shiro returned to his old room with Sendak in tow, who completely abandoned the room he’d been living in before Shiro came back in favor of staying with him.

Shiro didn’t mind. He knew being covered in his alpha’s scent would make the birth easier, and from what he’d heard from other galra, he was going to need it.

Allura insisted on future checkups taking place every other quintent, and Shiro certainly didn’t mind that either. His routine was helping him get back into the swing of things, and knowing more about his pregnancy was always a good thing.

It bothered him a little that she didn’t let Sendak be in the room during his checkups, but he didn’t force the issue. Not when she was so clearly still uncomfortable with his presence around them. He couldn’t assuage himself of the guilt that hit him every time he thought about it, but at least Allura didn’t mind knocking sense into him if he got too far into it.

“The results say they are healthy,” she remarked, staring at the screen in front of her. She tapped in a familiar pattern and then swiped the screen so it would turn around, reflecting back at Shiro.

He pulled it closer and examined the results, eyes glossing over the more technical bit about his blood sugar levels and then coming back into focus when he noticed the DNA tab. It always read the same, no matter how many times he looked at it.

Human: 34%

Galra: 66%

“How accurate are these percentages?” Shiro asked, for the umpteenth time. Allura took the screen from him and looked at them, probably more for his benefit than her own.

“The specific results down below those are entirely accurate. The percentages are a rough estimate based on many factors. Sendak _is_ a full-blooded galra, though, and their DNA tends to stick.” Her lips twitched. “It’s more for the benefit of easing the gestating parent’s mind, so I wouldn’t concern yourself over the specifics. They’ll be fine.”

“How does that even work?” He ignored her warning and reached for the screen again. She allowed it, long used to his peculiarities at this stage. “I don’t get how it just knows.”

“Coran would be able to tell you a little more about that.” She swept her arm above her head, gesturing at the castle walls. “His grandfather designed this place.”

“Wow.” Shiro craned his neck. “I don’t know if you’ve ever told me that.”

“It’s been a bit of a sore subject,” she admitted. “We lost so many people to the war when they destroyed our whole planet. If you asked, though, I’m sure he would tell you about it.”

Shiro hummed, still eyeing the architecture. “Maybe I’ll ask him one day.”

“Of course.” Allura smiled briefly before she returned to the screen in front of her. When it came to Shiro’s health, she paid a ridiculous attention to detail, and as such she never left the room without making absolutely certain she had seen everything.

Shiro laid his palm on his stomach, feeling the ebb and shift of the babies moving. He hadn’t mentioned it to Sendak yet (it wasn’t possible to feel on the outside) but every time he focused on that feeling he couldn’t help how happy it made him, which never failed to draw a flicker of curiosity from across the bond.

Sendak, as always, liked to be in the know. The bounds of their connection only attested to this fact and made him even more insufferable in his pursuit of knowledge.

He’d tell him eventually, when the time was right. And if he felt like he deserved it.

Shiro smiled just thinking about it.

“What are you smiling about?” Allura asked, unable to keep a similar expression off her face.

“Thinking,” Shiro said. It wasn’t a lie. “I’ve been meaning to ask you a few things. One is—it’s kind of strange.”

“Ask away.” Allura looked away from the screen, giving him her full attention. “You know I will never judge you.”

“I know, and I appreciate that.” He smiled tentatively. “The first one isn’t so weird, I guess. I just wonder: is there any way to tell if they’re going to have fur?”

She blinked at him, clearly surprised, and he soldiered on, ignoring the flush crawling up his cheeks.

“I mean, Keith isn’t furry like Sendak is, so I’m a little,” he searched for the right word, “concerned.”

Concerned didn’t feel quite right, but it was as close to what he could describe when he thought of giving birth to balls of fur.

“I-I don’t know,” Allura stammered, looking like she wanted to laugh. “That is an interesting question. Perhaps if we didn’t have corrupt data from someone putting a crystal virus in our ship, we might know.”

It wasn’t a dig at him specifically, but he still felt it sting.

Allura frowned, quickly realizing her mistake. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t speak like that.”

“It’s fine, really. I mean, you’re right.” He shrugged. “Sendak has a lot to answer for. I just don’t know the right way to go about it, if there is a way.”

“Shiro.” Allura laid her hand on his, the warmth of her fingers seeping into his cool skin. He was wearing two layers, but it still didn’t feel like enough. “That is not for you to worry about. Sendak’s actions are his own. You are not responsible for him.”

“I didn’t say I was,” he returned. She narrowed her eyes at him.

“Then you should stop acting like it. I don’t mean to criticize you, but you need to stop feeling guilty for things you have no control over.”

Shiro swallowed, flexing his fingers across his knees. “So you’ve said.”

“And I’ll say it again until it gets through your thick skull.” She stood, swiping her hand across the digital pad to clear it. “Why don’t we look at the images the scan gave us to see if we can answer your questions? With your first scan, we weren’t able to detect the gender or much about them. You’re about five and a half months pregnant, so perhaps this time will be different.”

Shiro nodded, delighted by the prospect. The scanners doubled as an ultrasound machine, and they’d been able to actually see the twins developing, at a much higher resolution than the machines on Earth. They’d only done it once, so he was more than eager to see them again.

Allura pulled the images up on screen and looked at them, her face showing nothing. Then, in an unexpected move, her eyes widened, and she snorted.

“What? What is it?”

“Oh, it’s nothing. I was just, erm,” she coughed, “thinking about what you said.”

As he continued to stare at her, Allura shifted the screen in his direction, her lips twitching uncertainly. “They have rotated so you can see their features a little more clearly today. Look.”

Shooting her a suspicious glance, he focused on the screen and stared at the ultrasound.

Just like the last scan, it was the twins, curled up inside the tight space of his womb. The first time he’d got a good look at them, he’d cried for five minutes straight. Now, he was more in control of his emotions, although it still made him overflow with joy.

However, this time there was something new. A few somethings.

“Please tell me that’s not an ear.”

Allura started giggling.

“It _is_ an ear, but it’s certainly not human,” she said, in between bouts of laughter. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t laugh, it’s just—what you said. About them being _furry.”_

Staring back at him were the twins. The one on the left looked to be completely human, as far as he could tell, save for the claws peeking out from their fist. It wasn’t possible to tell if there was any fur as of yet. The one on the right, however, looked distinctly more galra, with ears like Sendak’s sticking out of their head.

“Oh my god,” Shiro groaned. “You’re kidding me.”

Allura was still laughing.

“It-it’s not funny, I promise you,” she was saying, shaking her head at Shiro apologetically. “Really, I think it’s lovely. You could do worse than Sendak’s kind. Under the right lighting, he’s very attractive.”

“ _Oh,_ my god,” Shiro repeated. “I can’t believe I’m hearing this.”

It took a while for the giggles to subside, and once Allura was in control of herself, she moved around the table so she could look at the ultrasound with him.

“It looks like at least one of them is female. It’s hard to say with the other; it seems like it wants to hide.”

“A girl, huh?” Shiro touched his fingers to the image, tracing the shape of their—her—head. “Wow. Now it all feels real.” He glanced at the ears again. “Maybe a little _too_ real.”

“Exciting, isn’t it?” Allura squeezed his shoulder. “You will be a wonderful father. Don’t you worry about that.”

“I hope so,” Shiro said, doubt creeping in. “I was twenty-five when I went into space. That’s not that young, right? A lot of people my age start having kids.”

“Precisely!” Allura declared brightly. “I’m certain there are many resources out there to help you along. We have an extensive library. Much of it is corrupted, but I’m certain we have hundreds of books on parenting still available. I’ll have Coran check for you.” She swiped the screen clean, and then turned. “Now, if that is all, then we’re done for the day. You should get back to resting in bed. Your new meal plan has been helpful in aiding your recovery, but you’re not in perfect condition yet.”

“Actually, there’s one more thing I wanted to ask, if you wouldn’t mind.”

Allura paused and looked at him, waiting patiently.

Shiro’s cheeks went pink.

* * *

Shiro loved being scented.

Every morning he would wake up wound around Sendak, clinging to him until he had to pee or Sendak woke up, in which case they usually just kissed for a while, and then Sendak scented Shiro—a routine that Shiro couldn’t get enough of. Sendak could sense that Shiro was uncomfortable with any displays of affection in front of the paladins and as a result kept their interactions mostly private.

That meant very, very long scenting sessions.

Sendak started with his neck, running his nose and mouth along the skin, pausing to kiss and bite wherever he pleased. Shiro liked it more than he’d like to admit, and even if Sendak took his sweet time, making Shiro’s skin nearly chafe, he never stopped him.

Not usually, anyway.

When Shiro had said they were taking it slow, he meant _slow._ The shower had been a one-off; so even though his body was on fire every morning, aching for the touch of his alpha, he had only been back a few days and was waiting until he felt comfortable with the changes in their tentative relationship before having any more sex.

It didn’t help that Sendak was making it his mission to crumble Shiro’s resolve every single morning thereafter. It was his favorite thing to tower over Shiro in bed and bite at the mark, his muscled body warm and tight around Shiro, his scent thick and heady, like an alpha’s musk in rut.

That last part was probably all in Shiro’s head, but it didn’t matter; it was driving Shiro _crazy_ with want, and he nearly would have given in that morning if he wasn’t so hungry.

“Come on,” Shiro said, his voice edging onto a whine. He pushed at Sendak’s shoulder, a futile effort for the immovable wall it became. He loved scenting, but he just couldn’t take it anymore. “We need to go eat. I’m hungry. And I have to check in with Coran.”

Sendak huffed, put upon, but removed his mouth from Shiro’s neck.

“I would prefer to eat you. You are a tempting morsel.” He leaned down, capturing Shiro’s mouth in a final, lingering kiss. “I can smell how wet you are.”

It was like that practically every morning, so Shiro didn’t say anything in reply. Sometimes it felt like he was in post-heat when he was especially aroused.

“Come on,” he said, trying for a distraction. “Food, remember?”

Knowing when he was beat, Sendak stepped out of bed with a growl and began to dress himself, while Shiro headed for the bathroom. When he returned, Sendak was still messing with his outfit, putting on his armor.

“You should really have your own clothes.” Shiro picked up one of his armor pieces and helped him slide it into place. “It’s ridiculous that you wear that all the time.”

“I prefer to wear my armor,” Sendak retorted. “I don’t like feeling exposed.”

“You know you’re safe here,” Shiro pointed out. He slid his arms around Sendak’s waist, careful not to press his too close and aggravate his chest.

“My point stands.”

“Look, I get the armor thing. But wearing Galra Empire armor—especially a commander’s armor probably isn’t going to send the right message.” He reached up and patted Sendak’s cheek. “I’m taking you shopping next time we stop off for supplies.”

Sendak scoffed, turning away and heading for the door. Shiro followed behind him until they reached the kitchens, where Sendak surprised Shiro and said he was going to visit the Blade members that were still on site, completing nearby missions.

“Why?”

“They want more information. Since you have been found safe, I suppose I can suffer in their presence once more.”

“Is Keith going to be there? He said something about Kolivan leaving a few days ago.”

“I don’t know. I don’t care what the Blade leader does.”

It amazed Shiro how callous Sendak could be with other people, and then turn around and treat Shiro like he was a precious heirloom. He tried not to let it get to his head.

“Okay, well, if you see him, tell him I said hi.” He paused, hesitating by the door. “See you later?”

“Of course.”

Shiro smiled, passing all his support through the bond, and Sendak returned it briefly. Then he turned away, exhaling through his nose, like the he was already exhausted by the experience.

Shiro turned and was about to enter the kitchen when he nearly ran into Hunk.

“Hey Sendak, Allura said—oh.” Hunk was backing up into the doorway, carrying a box of parts. Shiro nearly fell over in his haste to get out of the way and Hunk hurriedly put the box down, reaching out to steady him.

“Sorry, sorry,” he babbled. “I thought you were Sendak for a second. You really smell like him now.”

“Ah, that’s okay.” Shiro smiled, reaching down to help out of habit until Hunk gave him a look. “Pregnant, right. Maybe I should let you take care of that. Do I really smell like him that much?”

“A little.” Hunk shifted the box higher on his arms. “Okay, a lot. It’s pretty obvious.”

“I hope that’s not a bad thing.”

“Why would it be?” Hunk said, sounding a little annoyed. “He’s your mate. You’ve got like, a telepathic bond. That’s pretty fucking cool if you ask me.”

Shiro went silent, watching Hunk as he shuffled around Shiro and started for whatever project he’d been intending to work on.

“By the way, what did you want to tell Sendak? I can send a message.”

It felt ridiculous saying it out loud, but it was true. Hunk looked surprised, then relieved.

“Oh yeah, I didn’t even think about that! Tell him Allura said training is at eight if he wants in.”

“Training?”

“He didn’t tell you?”

“No.” Shiro frowned. “Is he going to train with you guys now?”

“He was the one who suggested it. Said it would probably be a good idea if we knew what it was like to fight a real galra soldier like him.”

“Huh.” Shiro didn’t know how he felt about it. He ultimately decided it was a good thing. “And how did Allura feel about that?”

Hunk shrugged. “She was fine with it. I don’t think Allura wanted him using his cyberarm, though.”

“Because he’s used it against us,” Shiro said, a little more miserably than he intended. Hunk caught on, giving him the same look Allura did every time she caught him acting guilty.

“I don’t know if that’s why, but like I said before, Sendak’s been here for months. If we were worried he was gonna hurt us, we wouldn’t have let him outside his room.” He paused. “You going in there to get some food?”

 _Are you going to train with the paladins?_ Shiro asked Sendak, hoping he wasn’t too far to respond. To Hunk, he said, “Yes. You wanna join me?”

“Nah, I already ate. See you later, though?” he asked, raising a hopeful eyebrow. “Coran said he was going to show us some Altean board game.”

It didn’t take long for Sendak to reply: _Yes._

_Why?_

Nothing else was forthcoming, which puzzled Shiro.

 _You don’t have to hide it from me,_ he sent out. Then, he added, _I think it’s actually a pretty good idea._

There was a flicker of amusement, and then the doorway closed.

Over the last few days they had been experimenting with the bond and how much they could block out now that he knew they _could._ It was useful if he wanted to be alone with his thoughts, and Sendak seemed to think the same. Although most times, he wasn’t afraid to be an open book.

“Shiro?”

He realized he’d been silent for too long, caught up in his own head, and forced a laugh to cover his lapse in attention.

“Sorry, I was just thinking. That sounds great, Hunk. I’d love that.”

“Good.” He smirked. “Now go eat your greens. And tell Sendak to stop bothering you!”

* * *

“So, paladin training, huh?”

Shiro directed his question at Allura, who was currently examining the results of his latest scan with great interest.

“Hm?” she hummed, barely glancing his way. “What did you say?”

“Hunk told me you’re letting Sendak train with the paladins. And I thought you had meetings with the priestess today. Which is why Coran is here.”

Shiro gestured to where Coran was sitting, on the opposite side of Shiro and looking at the same data.

“Oh.” Allura looked up from her screen. “I did have that meeting. It got cut…short.”

“What princess Allura means is that the priestess refused to meet her,” Coran piped in helpfully. “We still don’t quite understand, but we think it has something to do with the color of your majesty’s hair.”

“For the last time, I am _not_ dying my hair,” Allura said, flipping it primly over her shoulder. “I don’t understand. It makes no sense that white hair would be considered the root of all evil! The high priestess is being completely unreasonable!”

“Could you wear a wig?” Shiro suggested, trying not to laugh.

“No, I—” Allura stopped, frowning. “Maybe. Do you think it would work, Coran?”

“Worth a try, your majesty. I think you’d look lovely in blue.”

“I do like blue,” she said, nodding shortly. “I suppose we will give it a try.” She turned to Shiro. “What were you asking me again?”

“Training with the paladins?” Shiro swung his legs over the side of the pod, careful not to strain himself.

“Ah. Yes, Sendak did approach me. I think it’s a smart idea. He’s a capable galra soldier.”

“Hunk also mentioned you didn’t want him using his cybernetic arm.”

Allura narrowed her eyes at him.

“Yes, I don’t want him using it.” Her tone was curt. “Problem?”

“Well, no,” he began, unsure of how to proceed. Sendak hadn’t complained, but Shiro could tell that he was frustrated at having only one arm available. “But if you really want training with Sendak to be a useful tool, he needs both of his arms.”

Allura sighed. “I had a feeling that’s what you were going to say.”

“I know you’ve made your decision, but I think Sendak—”

She held up a hand.

“You don’t have to tell me, Shiro. I’m aware that Sendak has proven himself changed from the man he once was, and I know that he cares for you deeply, but I just…I can’t bring myself to trust him completely. Not like you do.”

The paladins, and now Allura. He didn’t understand how they were taking their relationship so well. Did he really seem so sure of himself?

“See, that’s the thing. I don’t completely trust him.” Allura looked at him, surprised, and Shiro chuckled weakly. “It’s not that I don’t trust him at _all._ I trust that he cares about me. I trust that he would never do anything to hurt me or the babies. But when it comes to everything else, I have a lot of doubts.

“But,” he continued, thinking back on Sendak’s words, “he said he wanted to prove himself. So I’m giving him that chance.”

“And you think I should do the same,” she said slowly.

“I know it’s probably asking a lot.” He forced himself to meet Allura’s eyes. “I understand you’ll probably disagree with me. But I can’t stand that you hate him so much, and that it’s my fault.”

“Shiro—”

“He’s here because of me,” he cut in. “Because I want him here. Admit it: the only reason you’re letting him stick around is because of me.”

Allura looked at her hands and smoothed them down her dress before answering.

“Sendak reminds me of everything I hate about the empire. He’s prideful and arrogant and violent; all qualities that remind me of the people who destroyed my planet.” She glanced up at Shiro through her lashes, a small smile on her face. “But I don’t hate him, Shiro. I dislike him, but when I see the way he looks at you, it reminds me that underneath his prickly exterior he does care. Perhaps I _am_ being a bit stubborn about it. I know he would never use that as a means to hurt the paladins.”

“Why don’t we just give him another model?” Coran said. Shiro jumped; he had nearly forgotten he was still around. “He doesn’t have to wear that awful galra contraption if he’s got something better!”

“That’s actually not a bad idea,” Allura said, nodding slowly.

“Wait, you’d really do that for him?”

Allura looked at Shiro, quirking her lips. “Despite what you may think, I don’t relish in his suffering. I don’t mind crafting him a new arm if it means I get to destroy the old one. Plus, this one will be more functional, like yours.”

Shiro looked down at his arm, and then back at Allura. “This is functional?”

“Of course! I was surprised the galra didn’t at least supply you with a single defensive enhancement. It was sloppy of them, quite frankly.”

Shiro watched Allura begin ticking off the necessary requirements of the component on her pad before she turned and called for Coran.

“I’m putting you in charge of this,” she said. “I trust you’ll get this done right. We probably have extra components in our weapons stores.”

“I’ll get right on that, princess!” He saluted jovially. “Just after I finish fiddling with the pods. I think number 8 has been malfunctioning.”

“Thank you,” Shiro said, once Coran had gone to do just that. “I know this is difficult.”

“Really Shiro, you need to stop that,” Allura said, rolling her eyes briefly. “It’s not as hard as you seem to think it is. Now go.” She nodded at the door. “Find Sendak and tell him he can use his galra component, so long as he’s careful.”

* * *

Shiro woke up that night with a craving.

A very, very specific craving.

_I want a donut._

He stared at Sendak, who was deep asleep. They had gone to bed just a while ago, and Shiro had fallen asleep without trouble, but then he woke up just a few hours later suddenly _starving,_ craving something that he hadn’t had in years.

 _I want a donut,_ he sent to Sendak, hoping that maybe he would wake up on his own and Shiro wouldn’t have to feel bad if he did it physically.

Sendak remained asleep, his breath coming out in even huffs.

After a moment of debate, Shiro decided that it wasn’t fair to wake him up when he was craving something they didn’t even have around, so he slipped out of bed—using the bathroom just so he wouldn’t have to later (an unfortunate inevitability)—and then walked out into the hallway.

Since it wasn’t just the paladins in the castle but also quite a few aliens that hadn’t yet found homes, the lights were all on, but it was quiet. They were probably all asleep or resting in their rooms.

Shiro still felt like he was sneaking as he entered the empty kitchen. If anyone could see him, they probably would have laughed at the picture he made; he was still in his sleepshirt and boxer-briefs, wandering around like a lost animal in search of food. He spared a glance for the dispensers lining the walls, but food goo wasn’t what he wanted to eat.

He wanted a donut.

_Maybe there’s something I can use to make one._

He knew he was being ridiculous, but just the thought of having a donut was making his mouth water uncontrollably. He really, really, really wanted a donut and he was going to do everything in his power to get one, short of waking up the princess and demanding they go get ingredients.

He rifled through the various storage compartments, looking for any sort of flower or dry powder ingredient, but everything from the Olkari had already been cleared out, leaving food goo as their only option.

Shiro stared forlornly at the vanilla dispenser, wondering if it was worth eating something when it wasn’t the thing he wanted. He sighed and walked into the next room, and that was when he smelled it.

It was something sweet. Really sweet. The scent was not exactly donut-like, but it was the kind of sweetness that he could tell was going to make his tongue tingle from how good it tasted.

It smelled delicious, and he wanted it.

It was coming from the center of the dining room he was in. Shiro’s eyes raked across the space, and it didn’t take him long to find the source of the amazing smell.

On the table in the middle of the room, resting innocently on a plate, there was a strange blue fruit. It was oddly shaped and covered in spines, and there were utensils surrounding it, like someone had been about to dig into it, though not to eat.

“That smells amazing,” he whispered. He raised his voice, looking around while he spoke: “Is anyone here? Is someone eating this? Hello?”

He peeked around the door to the hallway, but it was deserted.

His stomach growled, reminding him that he was painfully hungry. It felt like it was trying to eat itself.

Shiro sat down in front of fruit, placing his hands on either side of the plate it was resting on. His fingers twitched.

This close, the scent was overpoweringly sweet. He swallowed thickly.

“Maybe they won’t mind if I just take a little bit.”

 _Just a little,_ he told himself as he picked it up carefully.

* * *

“We’ve got ‘em growing in the greenhouse, but I dunno, man. They really stink,” Hunk was saying as he pushed past the entrance to the dining room. “We already tried making a smoothie out of the skin and it was— _ugh_ —bad.”

“Well, we have five,” Pidge said, following behind him. “That’s why I’m hoping we can take another look at genetically modifying the scent out of them. I left it here because I figured no one would—”

Pidge came to an abrupt stop, the words dying on her tongue.

Shiro also froze, in the middle of shoving another piece of fruit into his mouth.

“Uh.”

He slowly lowered the fruit to the plate.

‘Just a little’ had turned into ‘just half’ and then he’d given up on not eating the entire thing. Shiro was about two thirds of the way through gorging himself on the fruit’s soft innards when Pidge and Hunk walked into the room, very obviously talking about the fruit that Shiro was currently eating.

No one said anything for a few seconds.

“I’m so sorry, Hunk, I should’ve asked—” Shiro started, at the same time Hunk burst, “How are you _eating_ that?”

He pointed at Shiro’s hands. Shiro glanced down at his fingers, which were covered in blue juice. He cautiously licked the end of his thumb, biting back a moan at the sweet flavor that coated his tongue.

“Was I not supposed to?” He couldn’t help but lick his finger again, and then moved on to the rest of his fingers until his entire hand was licked clean. Shiro went still when he considered the frightened look on their faces. “It’s not…poisonous, is it?”

“No, no, it’s not poisonous, but—” Hunk wrinkled his nose. “The smell doesn’t bother you?”

“Why would it bother me?” Shiro asked honestly. His fingers gravitated towards the fruit without his permission, picking up another piece and passing it between his lips. His eyes fluttered shut and he groaned softly. “It tastes _so_ good.”

“It does?” Pidge gaped at him, then at Hunk. They shared a very confused glance before springing into motion, hurrying to sit down in the chairs in front of Shiro. “What does it taste like to you?”

Shiro looked between the two of them, puzzled.

“It’s sugary sweet. Like—I can’t even describe it.” He took another bite, and then another. “Like a donut or a piece of cake. I can’t stop eating it. It’s delicious.”

“Holy crow,” Hunk whispered loudly. “I did not see this coming.”

“What?” Shiro sucked on his forefinger for a brief moment. “Do you guys not think it smells sweet?”

“No!” Pidge made a face. “It smells disgusting.”

“Well that doesn’t make sense.”

“A lot of alien stuff doesn’t make sense. I’ve learned to accept it,” said Hunk. “It’s actually good that you ate it, because the fruit is for you!”

“For me?”

“Sendak helped us track it down,” Hunk explained. “He said it was supposed to be good for pregnant galra. We were trying to figure out how we could get you to eat it because to us, it smells like a garbage dump, but it looks like that won’t be a problem.”

“He did?” Shiro felt an odd tingle run up his spine. “That’s…surprisingly sweet.”

“Dude is so in love with you.” Hunk rolled his eyes. “Like, he went goo-goo eyes every time you were brought up. You have no idea how much we had to suffer his moping.”

“Oh.” Shiro looked down at the fruit, then back up at Hunk. “He moped?”

“A lot. Teenage levels of moping. And brooding!”

“There was a lot of moping and brooding,” Pidge confirmed. “Sometimes I couldn’t tell who was worse, him or Keith.”

“I didn’t know he was that upset about it.” Shiro couldn’t help the smile that rose to his face.

“He’s got the emotional depth of a puddle, so it’s not surprising he’d leave that out. Like I said, he likes you.”

Shiro tore off another piece of fruit and shoved it in his mouth so he wouldn’t be able to make a fool of himself and say something he’d regret. It was probably a good thing, because after a few minutes where the paladins watched Shiro eat the fruit that apparently smelled like shit to them, Sendak found them there.

“Sendak! What are you doing here?” Shiro asked, trying not to perk up too obviously. By the looks of it, he didn’t exactly succeed; Pidge and Hunk were staring between them with matching expressions of endearment.

Sendak took in the picture they made, his lips curling when he noticed the fruit Shiro was eating.

“You’re eating the Go-lath fruit,” he said, phrasing it like a question. “I came looking for you when I noticed you were gone. I was not expecting to find you here.”

“I had a craving,” Shiro said sheepishly.

“He thinks the fruit tastes good!” Hunk exclaimed, gesturing excitedly at Shiro. “He doesn’t think it smells gross!”

“Really.”

Shiro nodded, popping another piece into his mouth. Aside from the seeds that he’d been setting aside, there was only two pieces left, which made him feel more depressed about a fruit than he had any right to be in the middle of the night.

“It’s really sweet.”

Sendak walked over and sniffed at the top of Shiro’s head, perhaps to see if he could suss out the flavor Shiro was tasting.

“Fascinating. Your scent is sweet, but the fruit still smells revolting.”

“Sorry,” Shiro said, sounding anything but. Sendak sat down next to Shiro, who turned to look at him. “Why didn’t you tell me you found a fruit specifically for me?”

“I did not think you would be interested in a fruit that smells like the sewer.” He sounded a little bitter about the fact, like it was a personal failure on his part. “I was hoping your paladins could find a way to make it more to your tastes.”

“Well, for the record, it tastes really good,” Shiro gushed, reaching up to cup Sendak’s cheek. “Thank you for finding it. It couldn’t have been easy.”

Sendak practically purred when Shiro guided his head down for a kiss.

“Aw,” Hunk cooed.

“Trust me, it wasn’t,” Pidge said. “For the record, we helped.”

Shiro pulled away, feeling himself flush. He really needed to stop getting so absorbed in being around Sendak that he forgot about the people around him.

“I could not have done it without your paladins,” Sendak admitted. “They were essential in finding it.”

“Thank you,” he told Pidge and Hunk. “Really, I don’t deserve you guys. You’ve been so great.”

“Please.” Hunk leaned back in his chair. “You’re our leader and our friend. Duh, of course we were gonna try and help you!”

Sendak pushed the seeds towards Pidge and Hunk, then wrapped his arm around Shiro’s shoulders possessively.

“Grow the rest of these. The ripe ones we will turn into a ‘smoothie’ for whenever Shiro has another craving.”

“Really, you don’t have to do that,” Shiro said, embarrassed by Sendak’s behavior. He had to resist the urge to lean his head on his shoulder. “There’s probably a lot of sugar in these, right? It tastes like I’m eating dessert.”

“Actually, no,” Pidge said, adjusting her glasses on her nose. “There’s a bunch of crap in there that isn’t anything we have on Earth, but from what we could tell, it’s all healthy stuff. No sugar.”

“Really?” Shiro raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure?”

“I think whatever galra hormones are inside you are making you think it tastes sweet. I can tell you right now I’ve been trying not to throw up for the last five minutes.”

“Your paladins are correct.”

“You could call them by their names,” Shiro teased. “Sendak, meet Pidge and Hunk. Hunk, Pidge, meet Sendak.”

“I don’t know if he knows how to say anyone’s name but yours.” Hunk grinned and then accented his voice to sound like Sendak. “It’s always ‘you paladins’, and ‘your princess’, or ‘the blades’.”

“I am used to referring to people by their occupation or rank,” Sendak defended, sniffing. “I know both Pidge and Hunk’s names.”

“Then you can say them from now on.”   

“Fine.” He added, after a beat, “Pidge. Hunk. Grow the seeds.”

Shiro groaned.

“You got it,” Hunk said. He winked.

After the fruit was devoured by Shiro, Pidge and Hunk said they were probably just going to go to bed, since they didn’t need to worry about the smell of the fruit anymore.

“We’ve been staying up on so many nights so we wouldn’t bother people with the smell,” Hunk bemoaned. “Can’t believe it was a waste.”

“Eh.” Pidge shrugged. “I had fun.”

“Get some sleep,” Shiro chastened, holding his hands at the bottom of his bump as he rose to stand. For a moment he felt like he was leader again, telling his unruly team to stay in line. Pidge and Hunk smiled at him, probably thinking something similar, and then bid them goodnight.

As they walked back to their room, Shiro marveled at how it had come to this point. Just a week ago, he’d been sitting inside a cold cavern, wondering when it was all going to end. Sometimes, he almost felt like ending it himself. If Matt hadn’t saved him, and Sendak hadn’t been able to reach him…

It was a dark thought, one that Shiro didn’t entertain for long. He was here, with Sendak, with the paladins, his family, and he couldn’t be happier.

Giving himself up to the budding happiness inside him, he stopped and went to pull Sendak down for a celebratory kiss, only to have him jerk away at the last second, disgust filtering through the bond.

For a moment, Shiro felt hurt. Then Sendak cupped his cheek and kissed his worry away, closed-mouthed and light.

“Shiro,” he began, oddly hesitant. “The smell is very powerful.”

The fruit. He was talking about the fruit and how much Shiro stank because he’d just eaten the entire thing.

Shiro laughed, feeling lighter than he had in weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See I told u it was going to be pointless fluff. •̀.̫•́✧
> 
> p.s. you might have noticed that I went from capitalizing Galra to keeping it lowercase. I was keeping it capitalized for consistency's sake bc that was how I started out but I've always regretted that so here we are


	14. Bonus Chapter 2: PDA

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sendak has one (1) emotion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sips wine* Remember kids, don't try to take monster dick like this unless you're Shiro. He's braver than any US marine.

Shiro was beginning to wonder if there was something else to the fruit that he’d eaten. That was the only explanation that he could come up with for how he was feeling.

Sendak had woken him up at seven sharp upon Shiro’s request—what felt like just a few hours after having fallen asleep—so he could watch the paladins train with Sendak for the first time. Their scenting session had been brief, but intense, and Shiro struggled to contain himself. It was Sendak who pulled away, reminding him they had an obligation to meet his friends.

Training with the paladins was an excellent idea. Sendak’s skill as a warrior and a commander would prove to be invaluable training for the paladins who had very little experience fighting physically with enemies outside of their lions.

It would also be great if Shiro had been able to pay attention to any of it.

Allura and Coran were on the training room floor, keeping a close on the proceedings, while Shiro was up in the control room, watching from above. From his position he could see what everyone was doing and offer tactical advice.

“Ready when you are,” Shiro called over the loudspeakers, before settling back in his chair. He propped his feet up on the dashboard—a position he’d come to favor as he got bigger—and waited.

Lance and Hunk were the first up to fight Sendak.

Shiro should have been watching their starting form, but his eyes kept straying towards Sendak. He himself had fought Sendak several times, and he was more than a little curious to see him in a more controlled capacity.

That, and he couldn’t stop thinking about their scenting session that morning, how much Shiro had enjoyed his hands on his body.

He felt warm; hotter than usual.

“All right,” Allura was saying, while Shiro was busy eyeing Sendak’s muscles on the exposed parts of his suit, “begin.”

Sendak didn’t wait for the two paladins to be ready; once he had decided to move, he _moved._ Like a force of nature, Sendak launched himself at the paladins as if he was truly out to kill them. Lance shouted at the first pass of his fist, barely missing being impaled by his claws.

Shiro leaned forward to get a better look, his eyes glued to Sendak’s figure.

Sendak was athletic and quick, using his arm to dodge all of Lance and Hunk’s attacks, returning them with determination and ferocity. He didn’t move like the training bots, which were programmed to aim for weakpoints and test the stability of their opponents, but like a predator hunting prey.

He didn’t _care_ that Lance favored his left side, or that Hunk preferred to flank his enemies. He countered all their attacks with apparent ease, taking great pleasure in it, if the grin on his face was any indication.

They were out of breath before the five minute mark, and Sendak only laughed, looking genuinely pleased with himself.

Shiro felt his pleasure come in spurts, leaking through Sendak’s attempts to conceal it. Then Sendak took a moment to look up at where Shiro was sitting and stared at him, lips stretching into a slow, devilish smirk.

 _He’s showing off,_ Shiro thought, a sharp, dizzying thrill running through him at the notion.

Sendak was giving the fight—his first of many, knowing Allura’s arduously long training sessions—his all, and there was something stupidly arousing in knowing his mate was trying to impress him.

“Is that all you’re made of, _paladins?”_ Sendak taunted, loud enough that Shiro could hear. He clenched his metal claws into a fist. “If I was looking to kill, you would be dead.”

Whatever Lance replied was lost on Shiro. He couldn’t take his eyes off Sendak.

Tracking his movements, Shiro watched the strength that he put behind every swing, his eyes following the play of muscles on his thighs and back. He was focused on nothing but the heat of battle, and Shiro wanted Sendak to direct that level of focus and attention on him.

 _I want him to fuck me,_ Shiro thought suddenly, sliding back against the seat. His thighs parted.

Sendak snarled something to Hunk and Shiro shivered, biting down on the end of his thumb.

Really, it was only a matter of time before his resolve crumbled entirely.

Shiro didn’t give himself time to think about it. He drew on the budding arousal inside him and _shoved_ it through the bond, watching as Sendak faltered, going still long enough that Lance’s practice polearm connected with his armored shoulder.

Sendak didn’t even flinch. He collected himself, sparing Shiro a bewildered glare before returning to the fight.

 _I want you to fuck me,_ he said, once Sendak was in range of another one of Lance’s attacks. He didn’t falter this time, but he reacted a little slower than Shiro would have expected, just barely getting out of Lance’s way.

_Want to impress me?_

Sendak did not reply, his focus solely on Hunk and Lance.

 _If you win, you can fuck me. But only if you win._ The thought of that was enough to make him sigh. _I want you to. I want your hands on me so badly I can barely stand it._

Sendak snarled something at Lance, his aggression becoming aggravated and stilted; he was not moving in the same manner as before. Shiro kept imagining him abandoning the training session and fucking him against the wall of the room he was in.

Shiro ran his palm across his chest. The sensation was so acute that it was almost painful. He squirmed a little, trying desperately to remind himself why he’d been resisting doing this in the first place.

He did it again, pinching his nipple gently through his shirt, shuddering when the sensation went straight to his groin. He let the bond translate his feelings directly to Sendak, shoving his palm against his cock.

_I want you to hold me down and fuck my throat raw._

Shiro didn’t have to look to know that Sendak was frustrated beyond belief. He felt a little cruel, taunting him during his first training session with the paladins, but Sendak had been teasing him since they’d been back, and he figured he deserved a little in return.

He didn’t realize that Sendak had left the training room until he glanced out the window and noticed that the paladins were all standing around, sharing identical looks of confusion. Sendak was nowhere to be seen, and after tentatively poking at the bond he detected him somewhere below him.

The elevator beeped. Shiro turned towards the door, his greeting dying in his throat when he saw the state Sendak was in.

He was panting like he’d run a marathon, claws extended, clenching rhythmically at his side. He approached Shiro with a single-minded focus, hauling him out of his chair with dizzying strength and shoving him up against the wall, out of the view of the paladins down below. It was gentler than Shiro would have liked, but it still made him feel dizzy with want.

Shiro licked his lips. Sendak kissed him deeply, teeth scraping roughly against the inside of his mouth.

“You are incredibly distracting,” Sendak growled, biting at his throat. “I could nearly taste your slick from the bottom floor.”

Shiro tried not to whimper at that.

“You claimed you wanted to _wait._ And yet you continue to tempt me more and more.”

He inserted his leg in between Shiro’s thighs, bringing his sex into contact with his hip. Shiro reached down and slid his palm along its length, biting down on his lip when he felt its weight.

“I will have you,” Sendak said, with a finality that made Shiro break out into shivers.

“You can have me,” Shiro panted. “I want you to. Fuck, I-I want it more than anything right now.”

Sendak smirked. He shoved his hand underneath Shiro’s shirt, sliding his palm along his waist, claws scraping his skin.

“If you believe for a single tick that I will be satisfied with a tryst here, you are mistaken.” He leaned into Shiro, growling the words directly into ear. “You have made your terms clear. I will win, and only then I will have you.”

Shiro wanted to point out that a training session wasn’t really about winning or losing, but he had been the one to blurt it unnecessarily, and now Sendak was just giving him what he wanted.

“Okay,” he breathed, splaying his hands on Sendak’s chest. “Hurry.”

He left Shiro there, shivering against the wall and trying to collect himself.

He sat down gingerly in his chair, flinching away from the wet spot in his underwear. Outside of heat, it was basically unheard of for a male omega to lubricate, but when pregnant, that didn’t seem to matter. It was probably to make things easier when the couple was constantly pawing at each other.

Shiro settled his hands on his thighs, trying to concentrate on the match. He wanted to pay attention, he really did. He wanted to be able to put something on the table that would help the paladins improve, but he just couldn’t stop thinking about Sendak, and how much he wanted him.

They were back at it, same as before, but now Sendak was trying to win, and Shiro realized he’d been holding back.

He moved faster than before, forcing the paladins to keep up with him or face the consequences. He didn’t actually hurt them in any way, as Allura had requested, but he bruised them, tiring them out so quickly they were calling it not long after they’d started.

Shiro was already headed for the door before Allura even thought to call his name.

Sendak met him in the elevator, pulling him against his chest and kissing him within an inch of his life. Shiro ground his hips into Sendak, making a sound when he realized his belly was getting in the way. Sendak didn’t seem to mind; if anything, it made him more vicious in his intensity, growling promises into his ear that made Shiro’s knees feel weak.

The elevator dinged. Shiro pulled away from Sendak just in time for the doors to slide open, adjusting his shirt and smoothing his fingers over his hair. He was just glad he was wearing sweatpants.

“You were quiet up there, Shiro,” Allura said upon seeing him. Her eyes shifted between him and Sendak, taking in his slightly disheveled appearance with a twitch of the lips.

“It was—good,” he said lamely. “You guys did great.”

“Sendak kicked our asses and that’s all you have to say?” Lance pouted. “Do you have any tips for my performance? Did I at least look cool?”

Sendak’s palm was resting on Shiro’s lower back. He couldn’t focus on anything other than that point of contact between them and the heat slowly pooling in his stomach.

“I think we’ll need to do this a few more times. This was a good start.” He tried not to tense when he felt Sendak’s hand sink lower, the tips of his claws brushing over curve of his ass. “You looked very cool, Lance.”

Lance grinned.

“I’m up next,” Keith stated, stepping forward.

“Actually, I’m gonna have to cut this short. I need Sendak’s help with—” He tried to think of an excuse other than ‘I want to have sex with Sendalk’ and came up short, mouth hanging open uncertainly.

“The black lion,” Sendak finished smoothly. “He claimed there was something strange about its behavior.”

“Really?” Allura raised an eyebrow. “What sort of behavior?”

“Uh.” God, it was hard to think like this. “It’s nothing, really. I just thought I saw something weird and Sendak was going to come with me since we share a similar bond.”

“Well, if you must. And will let me know if you discover anything important?”

“Of course.”

Sendak pushed him forward by the small of his back and they started walking away. Shiro kept his pace smooth and uninterrupted, ignoring the instincts that were telling him to high-tail it out of there as fast as possible.

Shiro pressed the button to open the door. He waited, and then stepped through, with Sendak following behind closely.

As soon as the door closed behind them, Sendak scooped Shiro into his arms.

“Whoa!” Shiro clung to his neck, burying his fingers in the soft fur. “You don’t have to carry me. I can walk, you know.”

“It will take much less time this way. I don’t want to wait.”

Shiro had no immediate reply. Instead, he kissed his jawline, raking his fingernails down the back of his neck.

“Then don’t.”

Sendak didn’t exactly run, but he moved quickly, ignoring any people they passed by without a second thought. Too embarrassed to face aliens that might be able to smell what they were about to do, Shiro buried his face in Sendak’s neck and hid until Sendak slowed and he heard the tell-tale sign of him entering in the passcode to Shiro’s door.

The familiar combination of their scents made something in Shiro ease. Being in what was essentially their nest had his instincts kicking in, his body going lax as Sendak set him down on the bed. He then immediately began stripping himself of his armor, throwing his prosthetic to the side.

Shiro watched the reveal with interest, hands tugging at his own clothing half-heartedly.

“You smell marvelous,” Sendak said, leaning to nose at Shiro’s neck. His hand fell away from his armor and he planted it beside Shiro’s head, crouching over him possessively. “You have no idea what kind of beast you make me, Shiro.”

“The kind that’s going to fuck me into the mattress?” Shiro joked, finally finding it in himself to pull his shirt over his head.

Sendak tore off the rest of his armor with a growl, claws tearing rips into his bodysuit. The material was strong and flexible, but Sendak was stronger. Shiro licked his lips, pulling off his sweatpants and tossing them somewhere off to the side. He reached for his underwear, trying not to feel too embarrassed by the obvious wet spot.

As soon as he was naked, Sendak was hovering over him again, spreading Shiro’s thighs and inserting himself between them. Shiro’s eyes were immediately drawn to his sex, which was hard and straining towards his stomach. The size was a little intimidating, and then there were the extra tentacles sliding sluggishly along the inside of his thighs.

Shiro felt his mouth water. His body felt like it was on fire, slowly burning from the inside out.

He pushed Sendak onto his back and then crawled on top of him.

“Fuck me,” he demanded. “I want you to fuck me like this.”

“You’re very eager,” Sendak observed. He ran his palm down Shiro’s forearm. “Your skin is warm.”

“I think the fruit I ate did something to me. I don’t know.” Shiro breathed in his scent. “I just really, really want your dick.”

“Is that all?” He smirked, pulling Shiro back by his hips so that his cock brushed the crease of his ass.

“Yes.” Shiro settled over Sendak’s massive thighs. God, he loved how big Sendak was. “Come on, fuck me. Come _on._ ”

“Patience.” Sendak reached behind Shiro and teased at his hole, drawing his fingers through the slick slowly starting to drip out of him. He licked his lips, eyes going dark. “You are not in heat. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Don’t care,” Shiro panted. Sendak buried his middle finger inside him and Shiro shuddered, working himself back on it eagerly. He was so turned on he reached his peak almost immediately, letting out a shuddering breath.

“Fuck, feels—feels like I’m already gonna come.” He whined in the back of his throat, mouth falling open when Sendak’s finger curled and his claw brushed his prostate. “ _God.”_

He fucked himself on Sendak’s finger until he came internally, his cock twitching weakly against his stomach, precome pearling and sliding down in fat drops. It wasn’t the same as coming with his dick, but it still felt great.

The fire inside him seemed to settle a little. He probably could have called it quits if he really wanted to.

He didn’t. He wanted Sendak to fuck him.

“I’m ready,” he said. Sendak stared at him, and Shiro amended his statement. “We’ll go slow. I just really,” he leaned forward, so he could kiss Sendak, grinding down against his thigh lazily, “really want you to fuck me. Okay?”

Sendak, for all his care, was more susceptible to Shiro’s teasing than anyone, so he didn’t resist, watching eagerly as Shiro lifted himself, positioning Sendak’s sex so it would slide right in.

It was tight; really tight. But Shiro was wet, and the obscene sound it made when it pushed past his rim made him moan. He stopped moving then, but not because it hurt; he just knew he needed time to get used to it.

He felt like he was on fire all over again.

He dug his fingers into Sendak’s firm chest, breathing out slowly. Shiro was well aware they probably should stick to doing something else entirely non-penetrative, but he didn’t care. Sendak was warm and he smelled so, so good, and Shiro’s body felt loose and pliant on top of him, almost like he was about to enter heat.

“I like having you like this,” Sendak said unexpectedly. His eye strayed to his belly, and he placed his hand over his bellybutton. Then he shifted his hips, pushing his sex a little further inside Shiro. “It makes me want to mark you, more than I already have.”

“Oh god. Don’t move,” Shiro moaned. “Don’t move, don’t move. Right there feels really—good.” He let out a sharp cry and ground down slowly on Sendak’s cock, hot pleasure flooding into his hips, making his cock jerk. He hadn’t come yet, but he was very, very close, hanging on the edge of the cliff.

It belated occurred to him that Sendak had been saying something, but he’d been too caught up in himself to pay attention.

“What did you say?” Shiro blinked down at Sendak, his thighs trembling with the urge to lift himself up and fuck himself on his cock.

“I want to mark you.” Sendak gripped him by his hip. He growled, claws sinking into his flesh, and Shiro’s toes curled into the sheets. “You are fat with my children, and I have slathered you in my scent to show you are mine. But is isn’t _enough.”_

He thrust up again Shiro, dragging his cock through the slick. Sendak didn’t expand upon what he meant by that, but he didn’t have to. The bond told him everything he needed to know, and the thoughts running through Sendak’s head terrified him as much as they excited him.

Shiro let his head fall forward, fingers tracing down Sendak’s chest. Then, after a moment of deliberation, he lifted himself and sank down until he had Sendak’s sex buried all the way inside his body.

“Shiro, you’ll injure yourself.” Sendak sounded strained. Shiro could feel his cock pulsing inside him, the tentacles writhing restlessly. Even as he spoke, his hips were pushing up into Shiro, fucking his cock into him in a slow grind.

“Sorry,” Shiro said, shuddering. The ridges on Sendak’s sex—holy fuck, he’d forgotten how good those felt. “Sorry,” he repeated, “couldn’t—can’t help myself.”

He didn’t know how long he sat there, stuffed with Sendak’s cock, trying to get to a point where he could move. Sendak was breathing hard, gritting his canines with effort, and his claws had completely ripped through Shiro’s sheets. Even time he twitched, he was made aware of the sticky, warm fluid coating his thighs and Sendak’s sex.

It was a little overwhelming. He loved it.

“Tell me how it feels,” Sendak demanded, and that was when Shiro realized he had gone completely silent.

“Feels good,” Shiro managed. Sendak was so big, and he felt so _full;_ he lifted himself and then sank down so that Sendak was fully inside him, bracing his hands on Sendak’s shoulders so he could better roll his hips into the sensation. “Feels really good. You can move, just—give me a sec.”

Sendak gave him exactly one second before he started fucking him. He set a merciless pace, pounding his cock into Shiro in several short, sharp thrusts. Shiro knew without a doubt that he would bruises all over his thighs come morning, but all his concerns fled as he gave himself up to the sensation, moaning every time Sendak’s cock rubbed against his prostate.

He knew he should be moving, helping Sendak and not just lying there taking it, but his body felt like gelatin, his arms shaking just trying to hold himself up.

Hot, stinging pleasure expanded inside him when Sendak bit down on his nipple. His eyes snapped open and he threw his head back.

“Sendak,” he moaned, “they’re really, really sensitive. Don’t—”

Sendak ignored him, sitting up so he could better mouth at his nipple, teasing it with his tongue. Shiro couldn’t decide if he hated or loved the sensation, so he wound his fingers in the fur on Sendak’s head, yanking him away and then pulling him closer when it became too much.

He could feel Sendak’s pleasure in hot spurts—the feeling of being inside him, the warmth, the soft drag of flesh—as well as his own, and it was so much, too much all at once.

“Fuck me harder,” he gasped, or maybe he said in his head. He wasn’t sure; it was hard to find the time to think, or even breathe. Sendak did as he was told, burying himself to the hilt, his tentacles teasing at Shiro’s sensitive rim before he pulled out and slammed back into him.

Shiro’s grip on Sendak went painfully tight, fingers tugging at his hair as he moaned, shivering, savoring the rush of his orgasm. Sendak fucked him through it, pounding into him relentlessly until he reached his own completion and started filling Shiro’s ass with his come.

“Fuck.” He’d forgotten how much Sendak came. He closed his eyes, letting his heartrate calm and repeated his earlier statement, “Fuck.”

During heat it was ridiculously arousing, and for a moment it made his omega brain flare with pleasure, but after a minute or so, all Shiro could think about was the fact that he was going to have to take a shower. And Sendak was _still_ coming.

When he finally finished, Shiro carefully lifted himself off Sendak’s dick, wincing at the sheer amount of fluid that followed.

“Was I really that wet?” He reached down and touched himself, shuddering when his fingers met the mixture of slick and come. There was a lot coating the inside of his thighs, and even more all over Sendak’s sex.

He collapsed next to Sendak, covering his face with his hands. “That has to be a pregnancy thing. I swear I’m not usually like that.”

He felt filthy. Sendak didn’t seem to mind, if the pleasure that Shiro could detect drifting over was any indication.

“I like it,” Sendak said simply. “It pleases me to see you become so aroused because of me.”

“It shouldn’t come as much of a surprise.” Shiro let his hands fall and then stroked the fingers of one hand down Sendak’s chest. “I mean, look at you.”

Sendak looked down at himself, then at Shiro.

“You have never complimented my appearance before.”

Shiro frowned. “Wait, really? I feel like I would have said something. You’re pretty hot.”

“Hot,” Sendak repeated, lips curling into a smirk. “I am going to assume you don’t mean my temperature.”

Shiro chuckled. “No. It means you’re really attractive. Maybe not by human standards, but to me you are. And you’re also really sexy, which means I find you sexually appealing, but that shouldn’t surprise you either.”

“Sexy,” Sendak said, testing the word on his tongue.

Shiro sat up, twitching away from the wet spot slowly growing under his thighs.

“We are definitely going to need to invest in some condoms in the future.”

His ass hurt, and his hips were already throbbing in pain, but he felt very satisfied by the turn of events. He moved to the edge of the bed, testing his balance before committing to standing.

“Thank you, by the way. That was _exactly_ what I needed.” He paused. “Is it weird to thank someone after sex?”

Sendak made a non-committal sound. “I enjoyed it. Though I would prefer it lasted as long as your heat.”

Shiro looked at his sex, which was still hard and covered in Shiro’s slick. The skin was flush, tentacles curling restlessly. It looked uncomfortable.

Shiro pointed at the shower. “I could give you a hand if you want? I’d let you fuck me for longer if I wasn’t so tired. At this point, I honestly just wanna get cleaned up and go back to sleep. I thought I could handle getting up that early but I’m—” he broke off, yawning, “—pretty tired now.”

“It is fine.” Sendak heaved himself over the edge of the bed and herded Shiro into the shower. “Watching you squirm was enough.”

Shiro really didn’t think it was enough. Even though Sendak didn’t make him feel bad for not being able to fully sate him like he did with his heat, he still felt guilty. He wanted to do _something._

Shiro stepped into the spray, already concocting a plan. He waited until Sendak had cleaned the slick and come off his sex before Shiro grabbed him by the hips and pulled him towards the shower bench, positioning him exactly where Shiro wanted.

“Have you ever had a blowjob?” Shiro asked.

“No.” Sendak tilted his head, a silent request for Shiro to further explain. “I assume that is an Earth term.”

“Yeah. Maybe you have had one. I don’t know what other aliens call it, but on Earth we call it a blowjob. It’s where you suck on someone’s dick. With your mouth,” he added, for clarity’s sake.

Without further ado, Shiro cupped Sendak’s sex in his palm, which had softened considerably over the last few minutes. Though even slightly soft it was still bigger than Shiro’s entire hand. He stroked his palm up and down the length of it, focusing on pushing his thumb against the raised bumps along the underside. Sendak’s hips twitched, and he leaned his arm against the wall above Shiro, thrusting languidly into his fist.

“This okay?” Shiro asked, looking up at Sendak.

“Yes,” Sendak purred. He sounded pleased by the sight of him. “Go on, then. Use your mouth.”

Shiro licked his lips. He’d sucked dick before, but nothing this big. He wasn’t sure he could take much of it, especially if it was as textured as it felt inside him.

“Don’t move,” Shiro warned him. “I’ve got a sensitive gag reflex. Just let me take care of everything.”

Sendak made a sound, glancing down at his sex pointedly; eagerly. Shiro didn’t want to disappoint, so he leaned forward and let saliva gather on his tongue. Wrapping his hand around the base, he pressed his parted lips against the head and sucked it into his mouth, letting it rest against his tongue for a moment.

The skin was silky smooth, like velvet in his mouth, and the bumps felt a little like he imagined piercings might. He liked the weight of it. He slid his head further down, stopping once he had about a third of Sendak’s cock in his mouth.

Relishing in the groan that it provoked, he started bobbing his head, using one hand to hold Sendak’s hip still so he wouldn’t accidentally thrust into Shiro’s mouth, and the other he wrapped around the base of his cock.

Sendak’s breath came out roughly above him, on the edge of a moan, hips trembling with the urge to fuck Shiro’s mouth. He had never experienced sex beyond fucking, and it made Shiro delighted to know that he could do this for him.

 _Good?_ he asked, looking up at Sendak through his eyelashes.

“Very good,” Sendak growled unevenly. “Keep going.”

He sucked on the head of his cock, rubbing his tongue firmly along the cluster of bumps found there and Sendak groaned aloud. Fluid spurted on his tongue, and for a moment Shiro thought he had come, but then he realized that was just Sendak’s precome, as copious as the rest of him.

It tasted strange. Shiro couldn’t decide if he hated it or not, so he pulled his mouth off Sendak and then moved his head to the base of his sex. Pressing his tongue flat against the skin, he dragged it from root to tip in several long strokes, closing his eyes and focusing on how much Sendak was feeling. His cock was twitching with every pass of his tongue, more and more precome dribbling down, coating his fingers in the stuff.

It smelled like Sendak and musk. Shiro spread his thighs, a little aroused despite himself.  

“I want your mouth,” Sendak said, tugging impatiently at his hair.

“Okay,” Shiro said placidly. This was all about Sendak, so he moved back up to mouth at the tip of his dick, sucking it between his lips, shivering when he felt Sendak’s claws brush his ears.

“You like this,” Sendak observed, a rumble of pleasure sounding from his chest.

Shiro shrugged, rubbing the head of Sendak’s cock against the inside of his cheek to draw out another groan. He didn’t love sucking dick, but he loved making his mate feel good, and feeling Sendak’s pleasure only solidified that resolve.

He started bobbing his head rapidly over the length of his sex. With his hands free, he wrapped his fingers around the two tentacles on either side of his cock, stroking them in time with his movements. There was pleasure, sharp and hot, and Sendak growled.

Sendak was about to come; Shiro could feel it. He wasn’t thrusting, just as Shiro had requested, but he was leaning forward, pushing into Shiro’s mouth, a silent plea.

Shiro gripped him by the back of his hips and pulled him forward.

 _Fuck my mouth,_ he told him.

Sendak took him wordlessly by the back of his head, claws digging painfully into his scalp, and thrust all the way into the tight cavern of his throat. And that wasn’t even all of him. Shiro swallowed weakly, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. He was worried for a moment that he wouldn’t stop gagging, but then he focused on how pleased Sendak was, how good it felt, and he was able to relax his throat long enough for him to start coming.

 _That_ was when Shiro had to pull away; there was too much for him to possibly take, and it really didn’t taste any better than a human’s. Sendak didn’t seem to mind. He started stroking himself roughly with his hand, fucking into his fist while he came.

Shiro had swallowed some of it, but the rest landed somewhere on his face, and Sendak seemed to find this absolutely fascinating.

“I like that,” Sendak said, once he had finished covering him in come. Shiro touched his fingers to his cheeks, wrinkling his nose. Unbothered, Sendak eyes raked across his face, taking in the state of it with muted pleasure. “I like this way of marking you.”

“Blowjobs are pretty nice,” Shiro agreed lightly, turning towards the spray to start washing it off. His jaw was already beginning to ache, but it had been worth it. “Now let’s clean up and actually go to sleep, ’cause like I said, I’m beat.”

Sendak stared at him for a few seconds longer and then stepped up behind him, wrapping his arm around Shiro’s waist, his hand on the underside of his bump. He was still hard.

“You’re certain I can’t tempt you once more?”

Shiro slid his palm down Sendak’s forearm, leaning his head back on Sendak’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry. I’m really tired.”

Sendak didn’t pout, but it was close.

* * *

Shiro’s private relationship may have been flourishing, but he still strugged to be affectionate with Sendak in public.

Sendak never pushed the issue, but he could tell it bothered him. They were connected by their souls, and Shiro knew it frustrated him every time he pulled away.

Even though Sendak wasn’t an alpha by human terms, he may as well have been. Scenting Shiro wasn’t enough for him; he was constantly inserting himself into Shiro’s space, running his hand along his arms and waist, or tugging him close whenever they sat down together.

Shiro knew it bothered him, but he couldn’t bring himself to give in to temptation. Not when it so clearly made those around him uncomfortable.

“Morning, everyone,” Shiro said upon entering the kitchen.

Sendak had gone ahead earlier, claiming that he would have Shiro’s breakfast ready for him, something he had started doing in the last few days. Whatever hormones Shiro was pumping out, it made Sendak almost unbearable in his urge to provide for Shiro and prove himself the perfect mate.

The paladins were all there in varying states of wakefulness. Allura had her head in her hands, and when Shiro walked past her, she jerked awake, blinking up at the rest of the table like she couldn’t remember why she was there.

“Long night?” Shiro asked, walking up next to Sendak.

He had already polished off a few bowls of food goo and was working on another. To his right was Shiro’s plate: the food goo that had been made special for him, topped off with a few pieces of the blue fruit he couldn’t get enough of (although they’d learned since not to eat too much at a time if they didn’t want Shiro crawling all over Sendak like he was heat-sick).

“Really long,” Keith answered, after a long pause. Allura was now staring down at her pad, mumbling something to herself. “The freaking…dog things kept us up all night.”

“Dog things,” Hunk repeated, giggling tiredly. “That’s a good one, Keith.”

“What are they called again?” Lance squinted down at his food goo. “I can’t remember.”

“Who cares,” Pidge moaned. “They were so annoying. They wouldn’t stop _barking.”_

“It was more like a quack,” Hunk argued. “At least we got allies out of babysitting some space dogs.”

Shiro hadn’t really been paying that much attention to their conversation. He was interested in their escapades, but Sendak was looking at him expectantly, pushing the plate of food towards him.

“You know you don’t have to do this every morning,” Shiro muttered, smiling. He leaned down and kissed Sendak without thinking, humming contentedly into his mouth. “Thank you, though.”

“You are my mate,” Sendak said, like it was obvious.

The conversation grew quiet. When he looked away from Sendak, the paladins were all staring at them.

Shiro felt himself start to blush.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to be affectionate in front of the paladins, because deep down, the omega part of his brain wanted Sendak to show how much he cared and vice versa, but he felt so _guilty_ every time, like he was caught doing something wrong.

Sendak, blessedly, said nothing, though he stared down at his bowl with a frown on his face.

“I—hah.” Shiro scratched the back of his neck and sat down, keeping his eyes on his food.

“Shiro,” Allura said, perking up suddenly. “Have you been doing your Altean stretches? I hope they’ve helped.”

“Oh, uh, yes!” Relieved at the change in course, Shiro addressed her. “They’re a lot different than the ones we do on Earth, but they’re actually great. My back has been hurting a lot less.”

“Good.” She smiled, and her eyes drifted towards Sendak. “During your checkup I’d like to discuss ways we can accommodate you around the castle. The ballroom especially. The couches there are not exactly soft.”

“It’s really not a big deal. I just need a few pillows and I’ll be good.”

“We’ll have to purchase some.” Allura glanced up and down his figure. “And you’ll be needing new clothes. I think a trip to the mall will do us all some good.”

“Sendak’s needs some regular clothes,” Hunk pointed out. “You can’t keep wearing your old armor.”

Sendak snorted.

“That’s what I said. See?” Shiro poked Sendak in his side. Sendak bared at his teeth at him, and Shiro couldn’t help but smile. “You need new clothes! That suit is going to disintegrate before long. That, or _somebody_ might accidentally burn it.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” Sendak said, his tone adorably serious.

Shiro wanted to kiss him. He really, really wanted to kiss Sendak, present company be damned.

Instead he turned back to his food, shoving the goo into his mouth so he wouldn’t say or do anything he would regret.

* * *

“I’ll see you later,” Shiro told Sendak, once they were standing outside the castle’s med bay. “Are you going to train with the paladins tomorrow?”

“Perhaps,” Sendak said. “I prefer to spend my mornings with you.”

“You don’t have to get up with me every morning. You should train. I know you miss it.” He paused, glancing towards the direction of the room in question. “Honestly, I miss it, too. Training at the castle is a lot of fun. I need some more exercise other than these stretches and taking walks.”

“Perhaps we can tweak the levels for you,” Allura said, stepping out from the doorway. “Hello, Shiro.” She smiled at him, then at Sendak. “Sendak.”

“Bye,” Shiro said. He trailed his fingers briefly down Sendak’s arm, feeling a painful sense of longing at the thought of not seeing him for even just a while.

“Actually, I think Sendak should join us,” Allura said. Her smile widened at Shiro’s noticeable surprise. “You’re about six months pregnant at this point—with twins I might add—and I think your…mate should be as informed as you are.”

She said it like she hadn’t been prohibiting him from joining them every time since, but Shiro wasn’t about to argue. He understood how big of a step this was; Sendak hadn’t earned her favor easily.

“You want to?” Shiro asked Sendak. The dry look that he received made Shiro’s heart swell, a wide smile rising to his face. “I’ll warn you. It’s not that exciting. I put on a pod suit and then I sit in a pod for a few minutes until the scan is over.”

“Yes.” Sendak began pushing Shiro towards the open doorway impatiently. “I am interested in the development of the children. Let us see how advanced your ten-thousand-year-old systems truly are.”

If Shiro didn’t know any better, he’d swear Sendak sounded excited. He nodded his head at Allura, and together they walked into the room. The pod was already set up by the panel, rotated onto its side so Shiro could lie down in it comfortably.

Sendak’s excitement compounded further when Shiro began to undress. He stripped of all his clothing sans his underwear, put on the pod suit—really a pod smock—and then carefully leveraged himself onto the edge of the pod.

“Phew,” Shiro breathed, flexing his sock-covered toes. He didn’t bother wearing shoes around the castle anymore thanks to his swollen feet, but he couldn’t yet bring himself to go barefoot. “My feet have been killing me.”

Without warning, Sendak dropped to a crouch and took one of Shiro’s feet in hand. At first Shiro laughed, trying to wriggle out of his grasp as nimble claws tickled his skin, but then after a moment the tickling feeling faded and he was groaning in delight.

“Holy _crow.”_ Shiro leaned back, shoving his foot into Sendak’s hand. “Why didn’t you tell me you knew how to massage? I’d have you doing this all the time if I’d known.”

The pressure that Sendak put on his feet, and in exactly the right places, was incredible.

 _I will do it every morning from this moment on,_ Sendak declared. Shiro didn’t ask why. He didn’t _care._ He was too busy moaning over how good it was making his foot feel.

 _You don’t have to,_ Shiro replied, _but for the record you won’t find me asking you to stop._

“If you two are done?” Allura walked up next to Shiro and set a pillow down just where he liked. It wasn’t the therapeutic kind, but it was enough that it saved his back and shoulders from hurting too badly while lying prone in a pod. “I don’t have all day, you know.”

“’kay.” Shiro wiggled his foot in Sendak’s hand until he let go, and then carefully situated himself inside the pod. “Ready when you are.”

Smoke filled the pod, and then Shiro was out like a light.

When he woke, which couldn’t have been more than a few minutes later, he had barely opened his eyes before Sendak was leaning over him, helping him sit up.

“Thanks.” He braced his hands on the edge of the pod and swung his legs over the side. “So, how does it look?”

“I’m sure you won’t find it particularly illuminating,” she said, pointing at Shiro, “but I’m certain Sendak would like to see what I have on the screen.”

“Show me.”

Sendak walked over to her side and loomed over her, as he was wont to do. Shiro suspected it was part of his programming. Allura merely shared a look with Shiro before she pointedly moved away and nudged the screen towards him.

“Have a look for yourself. Press this here,” she poked something on screen, “and find Galra on the list of translations.”

“What language is this?”

“It’s English.” Sendak stared at her. “Shiro’s language, from Earth. Although they’ve all been making great strides to learn Altean, I had Pidge add it so Shiro could read the results for himself.”

“I will teach you Galran,” Sendak told Shiro. Allura looked like she wanted to roll her eyes.

“He doesn’t need to learn Galran. Now, pay attention.” She pointed at the screen. “Those are the DNA results. And over here we have…”

She went on and explained everything that could be gleaned from a quick run-through, and then a more in-depth analysis of his condition. Shiro watched Sendak from afar, enjoying how enthused Sendak seemed about the entire process.

He kept asking questions, and soon they were in heavy discussion, ranging from the probability of complications to the uncertainty of how long Shiro was expected to remain pregnant. It was all thing she’d talked to him about before, so Shiro didn’t feel the need to butt in. He leaned back, wishing there was a nice comfy chair he could rest in.

Somewhere along the way, one of the babies started kicking him. Or maybe it was both; he couldn’t actually tell. Shiro twitched, placing his hand instantly where he felt the jabbing sensation.

There was a flutter of curiosity from across the bond, and Shiro looked up to find Sendak staring at him.

_Explain why you’re smiling._

Shiro hadn’t realized he was smiling. The smile transformed into a grin, and then he felt the distinct urge to laugh.

 _Wouldn’t you like to know?_ he teased, leaning back and spreading his thighs invitingly.

Sendak said something to Allura that made her raise her eyebrows, and then he was walking over to Shiro, approaching him with a single-minded focus that Shiro found exhilarating.

“Must you always tempt me?” Sendak said against his brow, taking in a short lungful of his scent over the top of his head. Shiro kept his hands to himself, but it was a close thing.

“How am I tempting you right now?”

“You are always tempting me by simply existing in this state.”

“What state?” Shiro had an inkling as to what Sendak meant, but he wanted him to say it. “You mean me being pregnant?”

 _“Yes,”_ Sendak murmured, his voice going rough. He leaned into Shiro’s space, encouraging him to expose his throat so he could scent him. “I did not expect to be so affected by you. I want to take you, even now.”

Shiro didn’t know if it was because he was Sendak, galra, or Shiro’s alpha, but the particulars didn’t really matter. Sendak’s breath was hot against his ear, and although he didn’t think he had a pregnancy kink, Sendak’s arousal was starting to get to him. It was incredibly flattering knowing that he was doing this to Sendak.

 _Stop,_ Shiro said, when Sendak started to mouth at his jaw. _Allura is right there._

_I would mark you now without hesitation._

Shiro shouldn’t have found that arousing. He told himself he didn’t.

Then came the perfect distraction. The baby started kicking him again, prodding him somewhere near his ribs. It was a little harder than he was used to, a little sharper, and he inadvertently flinched into Sendak.

“You are in pain.” Sendak moved away from Shiro to examine him fully, going from aroused to concerned in a single second. “Shiro?”

“I’m fine,” he said. Sendak stared at him doubtfully, and Shiro breathed through his nose. “Maybe I should just show you.”

“Show me?”

“Yes. I think you’re gonna like it.” Shiro took Sendak’s palm and placed it where he’d felt the baby kick. “If you don’t feel it at first, you can push harder. Sometimes it’s not obvious.”

Sendak spared him a puzzled glance before he did as Shiro instructed, placing his palm flat on Shiro’s stomach. It took a while, but after a long wait Shiro felt another series of pokes.

From the looks of it, so did Sendak.

He was staring down at his bump with something like wonder.

“That is the child?”

“Yep. It could be either of them, honestly. I’m not sure how active each of them is.”

There was a pulse of sensation across the bond. Sendak’s claws twitched over his skin.

“How long have you felt them?” he asked, his voice even.

“A while,” Shiro said with a small shrug. “Though you couldn’t have felt it until recently, so that’s why I didn’t tell you.”

Sendak said nothing. He just kept stroking his hand over Shiro’s bump, pressing into the warmth.

“I…” Sendak trailed off, uncharacteristically uncertain. There was a mixture of emotions that Shiro couldn’t parse through, but among then was obvious delight.

Shiro smiled up at Sendak, pleased by his reaction.

“It’s amazing. Can you believe it?” He laid his hand over Sendak’s. “That’s _our_ baby.”

There was a flash of intense emotion and then Shiro was being kissed.

“Senda—mph.” It wasn’t the kind of kiss he was expecting. It was soft, but also _deep._ “ _Mm.”_

Sendak kissed him until he couldn’t breathe, cupping the back of Shiro’s head, his thumb brushing the skin behind his ear in maddening circles.

His touch felt electric. Shiro completely forgot about Allura waiting just a few feet away and wound his arms around Sendak’s neck. They kissed for what felt like ages but could only have been a few seconds.

Shiro loved moments like this. His heart felt swollen in his chest, so full that he didn’t know if he could speak without saying something he wasn’t sure he should.

When Sendak pulled away, Shiro leaned against his shoulder, willing his heartbeat to calm.

“Sendak,” he whispered, “I—”

“Oh, Shiro!” Allura called from the other side of the screen. “I believe we can tell both sexes now, if you want to see!”

Shiro forgot to be embarrassed as soon as she mentioned the unknown baby’s sex. Sendak shot Shiro a questioning look.

“You’ve never seen an ultrasound, have you?” He tried not to sound as excited as he felt. Showing Sendak new things—human things, like looking at pictures of your unborn baby—was becoming increasingly more fun. “Come here.”

He slipped off the pod and onto his feet, grabbing Sendak’s hand and pulling him over to Allura. She expanded the image and nudged it towards Shiro, a smile on her face.

“These are what they look like inside me,” Shiro explained, turning the screen towards Sendak. He pointed at each baby in turn. They were steadily growing bigger, their features becoming more obvious. The galra ears were even bigger on baby number two, and her nose reminded Shiro of Sendak’s. There was absolutely no doubt that both of them were going to look at least a little galra.

Sendak said nothing.

“It’s pretty amazing,” Shiro said lamely, unsure what to think of his silence. “This is way better than the stuff we have on Earth. I can actually see her nose.”

“Her?” Sendak started, before cutting himself off, like he hadn’t meant to comment.

“Yeah.” Shiro’s smile softened, and he bumped his shoulder into Sendak. “Her. A girl.”

“Two girls,” Allura said, her voice gentle. “Both of them are female. At least according to the standards of Altea. I suppose humans and the galra might classify them differently.”

“No, I’m pretty sure galra and human girls are pretty similar. Probably.” He’d worry about that later.

Shiro looked at Sendak, leaning forward so he could get a better view of his face. He had been staring at the image for an impossibly long time in silence, and his expression remained completely neutral, which was an obvious indicator that he was harboring some kind of emotion he didn’t want anyone to know about.

Shiro poked at the bond, and Sendak’s feelings suddenly flooded the connection, like he couldn’t hold them back anymore. He glanced at Shiro, and the intense, all-consuming emotion overflowed inside him; tears flooded Shiro’s eyes and trailed down his cheeks.

“Wh—you’re not allowed to make me cry!”

Sendak looked away, his fingers curling into a tight fist, and Shiro brought his head back around, forcing Sendak to face him.

“Look at me, Sendak.” Shiro sniffed wetly, smiling when Sendak staunchly refused to meet his eye. “Hey, it’s okay to feel something. Come on, look at me.”

Sendak managed to meet his eye, raw emotion plain on his face. Shiro pressed their foreheads together, pushing the feelings back in Sendak’s direction until he heard his breath shudder.

“I’m happy,” Shiro whispered. “I’m so happy. Aren’t you?”

Sendak brought his arm around Shiro’s waist, pulling him close.

“I did not expect to feel—” He stopped there, like that was all he could bear to say, and Shiro understood exactly what he meant. Caring, especially for something like this, was a lot.

“The fact that you feel anything means so much to me.” Shiro cupped his cheek, smoothing his thumb over his cheekbone. “You’re going to be a great father.”

Sendak said nothing, but held Shiro close, his silence speaking more than his words ever could.

There was a sniff from the other side of the table and Shiro looked over to find Allura fanning herself, blinking away tears.

“Please excuse me,” she said, flushing an embarrassed hue. “I don’t mean to cry. I must admit, you two are—quite beautiful. You clearly care for each other. I’m sorry I wasn’t as kind as I could have been.”

“No, it’s okay. You don’t have to apologize.” Shiro pulled away from Sendak, but he didn’t move out of his embrace. Not this time, not when Allura was looking between them like she was finally seeing something she’d been missing.

He didn’t know if he could be like this in front of the others, but sitting there, in a puddle of tears over Sendak seeing the twins for the first time, maybe it was okay just this once.

“Well. This is all rather exciting, isn’t it?” Allura smiled at them both. “In any case, if Sendak would like to join us in the future, he is welcome to.”

“I will.” Sendak looked at her, then pointed at the ultrasound. “Store an extra copy of that file.”

Allura nodded, getting to work immediately.

“I have a folder for Shiro already, so I’ll add it there. The next time we go to the mall we can get you a physical copy.”

“I’d love that,” Shiro said while staring into Sendak’s face.

* * *

When Matt stopped laughing about how Shiro was going to give birth to balls of fur, they had an illuminating conversation about Shiro’s hang-ups when it came to PDA around the paladins.

“Wait, so you’re telling me, you don’t even touch him in front of your friends?”

“Well, when you put it like that, it sounds weird.”

Matt had just returned from helping the last of the aliens find a more permanent home. He was stopping off at the castle because, 1) he liked that they had actual showers, and 2) Pidge, Shiro, and the rest of the paladins were there.

They were sitting in one of the ballrooms on the right wing; the one that the paladins usually avoided ever since the crystal incident. Lance was still convinced it was haunted, even after Allura assured him it had been her father’s AI running rampant.

They started out chatting about Sendak’s reaction to the ultrasound, but then the conversation shifted to how uncomfortable Shiro had been being affectionate around Allura, even with her obvious support.

“That’s because it is!” Matt exclaimed. He sat back against the couch, crossing his legs out in front of him. “He’s your alpha and your mate. You should feel comfortable with some PDA around them. They’re not making you feel that way on purpose, are they?”

“No! No, they’re not doing it on purpose. I mean, we haven’t done much in front of them, but I can pretty much assume how it would go.”

Shiro ran his hands over his bump, a nervous tick that was becoming increasingly commonplace. Especially once the twins had started kicking him with greater frequency.

“I just feel like…”

“Like they’ll judge you?”

“I guess, yeah. They probably do. Who wouldn’t?”

Matt blinked at him. “You’re not serious, are you?”

“Yes, I am. I know what Sendak did. I was there for all of it. I know they all—Keith especially—must have that in the back of their minds when they see us together.”

“What?” Matt laughed. “No, that’s probably the opposite of what they’re thinking. They’re probably wondering why their friend isn’t all over his big furry alpha when he’s pregnant like he’s supposed to be.”

Shiro scoffed. “Come on, Matt.”

“No, _you_ come on. I’m serious.” He leaned forward, hands on his ankles. “How does Sendak feel about it?”

“He’s been fine. You know how he is. Of course he wants to, y’know,” Shiro gestured vaguely at himself, “mark me. And stuff.”

“And stuff,” Matt repeated. He smiled. “You’re so cute when you’re embarrassed. How the hell did you become a gladiator like that?”

“I don’t know, Matt, why don’t you ask the Galra Empire? Or maybe the druids who took my arm?”

“Fair enough.” Matt raised his hands in surrender. “How about you just ask?”

“Ask?”

“Ask. Ask them if they’re uncomfortable with it.”

“And when they say yes?”

“When they say they literally couldn’t give less of a fuck,” Matt said, “then you’ll know exactly how silly you’re being.”

“No. This is a ridiculous request that I can’t believe I’m even entertaining. I’m not going to ask anyone anything. It’s fine.”

“Whatever,” Matt drawled. “I’m sure that’s not going to bite you in the ass later. Now, back to your furchildren…”

* * *

Things didn’t come to head until a few days later, when Keith walked in on them in the ballroom unexpectedly.

The paladins had been going out on missions nonstop and Shiro had spent the time with Sendak. Although it was a little boring to be forced to sit around the castle doing nothing, he was still enjoying himself immensely. Sendak had started to find the time to train with the paladins in the mornings, but with them gone as of late, he focused his attention solely on Shiro.

It was a little embarrassing how much he enjoyed it. They slept together, ate together, and fucked a lot more than he’d expected, and he still couldn’t get enough.

The day that the paladins came back a little earlier than expected, Shiro was sitting with Sendak in the ballroom because he was getting sick of staying in his room. They’d had rigorous sex that morning, so Shiro was happy and loose-limbed, sitting in Sendak’s lap. He was undoubtedly heavy, but Sendak didn’t seem to mind. He had his hand on Shiro’s stomach, slowly smoothing his palm up and down his belly in soothing motions.

They were watching a holo-vid from the castle’s stores. It was supposed to be romantic, but the language was in Altean and the alien customs were completely differed from Earth’s, so Shiro was lost.

“Why did he just give him that?” Shiro muttered, one of the many questions he raised. Sendak suffered his commentary in silence, looking like he was anything but interested in the video. “Oh my god, he’s proposing—wait. No. He’s…tying his shoe?”

“It is meant to show his humility. I believe,” Sendak said, after a pause. “I’m not sure.”

Shiro leaned his head back to look at Sendak.

“You know what would show your humility to me?” Shiro asked innocently. “Massaging my feet.”

He wiggled his toes. Sendak snorted.

“You asked for that this morning.”

“Is that a no?”

“Perhaps later, once my hand has recovered.”

Shiro punched him in his arm, careful even though it was healed and the fur had grown back by that point, the difference barely distinguishable from the rest of him. He was shirtless, at Shiro’s request.

Shiro returned his attention to the vid, but it was hard to pay attention. Sendak was so warm and soft, and the hand rubbing his belly was absurdly soothing, to the point that Shiro started to doze.

“That feels really good,” he slurred, laying his hand overtop Sendak’s. “Do that forever, please.”

He felt Sendak’s amusement and closed his eyes, smiling. He was drifting on the edge of sleep when he heard the hiss of the door opening. Shiro was too sleepy to react properly, so by the time he realized that Keith was inside the room, he was already staring at them.

“Are you guys, um, busy? I wanted to ask Shiro something.”

“Keith.” Shiro blanched, sitting up dizzyingly fast. “I didn’t realize you were back already.”

He was sitting in Sendak’s lap and Sendak was _shirtless;_ there was no way this could be mistaken for anything other than what it was, and it made Shiro start to sweat.

He tried to stand, but Sendak’s arm held him in place, his anger starting to build, perceptible from across the bond. It wasn’t directed at Shiro, but at Keith, for interrupting them, and it made Shiro feel even more guilty.

“We’re not—”

“We are,” Sendak interrupted with a sneer, “ _busy._ So run along.”

“No, we’re not,” Shiro hissed, trying to pry Sendak’s hand off his stomach. “Let me go.”

Sendak didn’t move. He glared at Keith, who returned his look with one of confusion.

“Sendak, I’m serious.”

Sendak’s grip tightened further, pressing into his stomach. Keith was still staring at them. Panic started to build inside Shiro.

“Let. Me. Go. Now!”

He finally released Shiro, watching him push himself unsteadily to his feet with disgust.

“Do you truly care that much what your paladin thinks?” Sendak snarled, directing his ire at Shiro.

“I’m not talking about that right now.” He turned to Keith, attempting a smile. “What did you want to ask?”

Keith stared between them, looking even more uncertain now than when he’d first walked in. “Uhh. It’s nothing. I didn’t mean to interrupt, so I’m just gonna go—”

“We weren’t,” Shiro insisted, “doing anything. We weren’t busy. You didn’t interrupt.”

Whatever Keith had been about to say was drowned out by Sendak’s fierce growl. He stood, radiating anger and an unexpected amount of hurt.

“You claim you wanted the truth from me,” he started, pointing a vicious claw at Shiro, “and yet you constantly act under a lie.”

“What?” Shiro looked back at Sendak, feeling a little dizzy by the sudden shift. “Sendak—I don’t know what you mean, but just—give me a second with Keith.”

Sendak took a threatening step towards Shiro.

“You are my mate,” he said, taking another step. “You are full of _my_ children, and you carry _my_ scent, yet you would prefer to act as though doing so is a great hardship that you cannot bear to suffer through. You would rather lie,” he growled, towering over him now, “than dare show your claim.”

“Sendak—”

Sendak’s fist curled and uncurled, like he was restraining himself from doing something. He glared down at Shiro, his posture an attempt to intimidate him into submission. Shiro shrank back, incapable of ignoring the signals Sendak was sending out. He wasn’t afraid, exactly, but when Sendak was mad, he looked _furious._

“If you did not want this bond to be more than a farce, then you should have said as much.”

Without another word, Sendak turned around and stormed out of the room. Shiro watched him go with his mouth hanging open, his heart still racing.

He had known Sendak hadn’t been happy with his behavior, so to speak, but he’d never exploded at Shiro like that before. He’d never looked at Shiro like that before.

Inexplicably, he felt like crying.

“Uhh.” Keith’s eyes were saucer-wide, staring rapidly between Shiro and the door Sendak had gone through. “What just happened?”

“I-I don’t know.” Shiro shook his head, hugging his arms to his chest. He was shaking. “I think I messed everything up just now.”

“Shiro.” Keith frowned, walking up to him and laying his hand on his shoulder. “Are things…okay?”

“Yeah.” Shiro rubbed his hand over the back of his neck. “Maybe. I don’t know.” He sighed. “I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have seen that. Sendak is just…frustrated.”

“Why did you lie?” Shiro looked at him sharply, and Keith raised an eyebrow. “I’m just saying, you acted like you were doing something wrong in here, but you seem kind of,” he shrugged, “I dunno, happy.”

“I…I was. I am. But it’s—complicated.”

“How so?” Keith looked like he honestly wanted to know the answer. “I haven’t seen you look anything but stressed out for a while so I’m not sure why you feel like you have to keep pretending around us.”

Shiro blinked at Keith. “What?”

“I’m not stupid.” Keith rolled his eyes. “You’re always acting like you and Sendak are together because you have to be, and not because you actually want to be.”

Shiro could only continue to stare, his entire view of the paladins suddenly shifting at the words coming out of Keith’s mouth.

He’d thought that being less obvious about his attachment to Sendak would have been more beneficial to the good of the team, but what Keith was saying told him something entirely different.

He thought of what Matt had told him.

_Ask._

“Doesn’t it make you uncomfortable?” he blurted, tactful as ever. “Sendak and me, I mean. Us being…”

“Honestly? I don’t really care anymore.”

“But—it clearly made you upset. You couldn’t even look at me when you first rescued me,” he reminded him. “You were so angry.”

“Upset? Angry? Yeah.” Keith scratched the back of his head. “I wasn’t angry at you though, Shiro. I’ll admit, I was angry _for_ you, but not _at_ you.”

“For me,” Shiro repeated dumbly.

“Everything that happened to you was because of Sendak. You suffered because of him. And then you smelled like—” Keith broke off, uncomfortable. “I’m an omega, Shiro. I know what being an omega is like. Sometimes people overlook you or try to take advantage of that. To me, it was obvious that Sendak had done that to you. So yeah, I was mad about it.

“But you’ve been better,” Keith continued. “I got over myself. If you really wanted me butting in on your relationship, I figure you would’ve said something.”

“And that’s how you really feel?”

“Yes.” Keith smiled. “You look so surprised.”

“Because I am. I feel like—” He paused. “I feel like an idiot. All this time I’ve been worrying about what you all think so much that it was affecting my relationship with Sendak. I thought you _hated_ the fact that we were together.”

“When you’re with him, you seem happy,” Keith said. “I’d never hate you for that.”

Shiro laughed unsteadily, dragging his hand down his face. “God, I feel so stupid. Sendak has a right to be angry with me.”

“He shouldn’t have yelled at you. That’s not fair. He’s basically an alpha and he’s huge; he should _never_ talk to you like that.”

Keith’s voice was hard, his eyes on the door, blazing with protective fury.

“Keith…”

“But I’m sure you’ll probably tell him off yourself.” Keith nudged his shoulder. “Despite being a huge jerk, he obviously cares about you. So, you should go after him and make up, so I can stop watching you guys eye-fuck each other at breakfast.”

Shiro chuckled, a flush rising onto his face. Talking about that kind of thing, especially with Keith, was never going to get any easier, but he appreciated the things Keith was saying. He felt like every day he was learning something new; about Sendak, about his friends, and about himself.

“I should, shouldn’t I?” Shiro crossed his arms, glancing at the doorway. “What did you want to ask, anyway?”

“It’s really nothing. I just wanted to know if you were going to play Monsters and Mana with us tonight. Coran said you were interested in playing it. Maybe you could bring Sendak, too.”

“Maybe, if he’ll even talk to me after this.”

Shiro sighed. Keith patted his arm.

“Of course he will. He loves you.”

“He was pretty mad,” Shiro said, ignoring what Keith had said entirely. “But I don’t know where he went. He could be anywhere in the castle. Hell, he could’ve _left_ the castle.”

Keith considered this for a moment.

“If you were mad at somebody and needed to blow off some steam, where would you go?”

* * *

Shiro found Sendak in the training room, fighting the highest-level training bot that the castle had to offer. He was still shirtless and wearing none of his armor; it was a dangerous game to play with a training bot when he only had one arm, but Sendak had always relished in a challenge.

It was one of the things Shiro loved about him.

He watched him for a while, leaning against the wall. Sendak was grunting and sweating profusely and didn’t seem to notice Shiro’s presence until he lunged past the bot and turned around to face it. When his eyes landed on Shiro, he stopped moving, unintentionally allowing the bot to get a solid shot in his shoulder.

Sendak grunted, sliding back on his feet, and ended the program via voice command, waiting for the bot to disintegrate into pixels before looking at Shiro again.

For a few seconds, they just stared at each other.

Shiro was the first to start moving, approaching Sendak cautiously, like he was a wild animal that needed to be tamed. Sendak, for his part, just watched him, still panting from the exertion, his expression unreadable. The bond was closed off completely.

“I’m sorry,” Shiro said, once he was just a few feet away. “Can we talk?”

Sendak exhaled through his nose, glancing away from Shiro before returning to look at him.

“I could have better worded my thoughts,” he said suddenly. It sounded like he’d been rehearsing the words. “You should not have to fear my reaction. Your concerns are certainly not unfounded; I have caused enough hurt with your paladins to deserve their anger. You have nothing you should apologize for.”

“You’re wrong.” Shiro walked up to him, taking Sendak’s hand. “I mean—you’re right about some things. But it shouldn’t affect our relationship, not like that. I should have considered your feelings. I was…afraid. I was so afraid of our friends’ reactions to us being intimate that I didn’t consider how that might be upsetting you.”

Sendak scoffed at the phrase ‘upsetting’, like he couldn’t imagine something as foolish as feeling genuinely hurt. Shiro threaded their fingers, smiling despite himself.

“I’m sorry,” he said again. “You know I love it when you’re handsy with me, and even though sometimes I might feel guilty about it, that shouldn’t stop you.”

“I frightened you,” Sendak said, raising Shiro’s hand up to his mouth. He scraped his teeth over his knuckles, then dragged his tongue over the skin, making Shiro shiver. “I should never be the cause of your fear.”

Sendak could be absolutely terrifying when he wanted to be and being Shiro’s alpha only made that fear ten times as strong. A part of Shiro was a little ashamed to admit that he liked it. Just a little.

“It’s okay.” Shiro’s voice was quiet. “I forgive you. I shouldn’t have pushed you away. We were having a good time and Keith wasn’t even saying anything. I just got stuck in my own head.”

Shiro stepped into his space, sliding his palms flat up and down Sendak’s chest, ruffling the fur and making Sendak drag him close.

“So, from now on, you don’t have to hold back. Do whatever you want.” He paused. “Within reason.”

“You’re certain you will not regret this,” Sendak said, raising a brow with disbelief. “You’ve changed your tune so quickly. If I recall correctly, you could barely stand to kiss me in front of your princess.”

“Yeah, well. I’m trying to get over myself. Apparently, it’s a thing people do.”

Sendak said nothing in reply, but the bond opened up again, and Shiro could feel his relief. He smiled, yanking Sendak down for a kiss.

“I want to make it up to you. How about we take a shower,” he started, his voice low, “and I’ll let you do whatever you want, for as long as you want.”

Or at least until Shiro got too tired to participate, but that was an understood inevitability that went unsaid. It was the mere fact that Shiro was offering himself up to Sendak that had his face splitting into a pleased smirk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I lied. Sendak had two emotions: happy and angry. He's got RANGE. 
> 
> My beta's commentary of Sendak and emotions™ this chapter: He more like, stumbled upon it when he was digging through his garbage mind. It jumped out at him and he was afraid.
> 
> Fun fact: my beta hates omegaverse. She suffers more every chapter because I love my abo to be especially disgusting HAH.


	15. Bonus Chapter 3: Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They take a trip to the mall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all are so sweet TAT btw I should point out that these chapters are linear in case that was confusing.

“I fail to see the problem,” Sendak protested, sitting alongside Shiro at breakfast.

He had his arm thrown over Shiro’s shoulders possessively, with Shiro sitting as close as their chairs would allow. It was enough that their thighs occasionally touched, brushing together whenever Shiro reached for something on the table.

Ever since their talk, Shiro had made great strides to be himself around the paladins. He could kiss Sendak now without feeling guilty, and he didn’t mind Sendak’s specific brand of possessive behavior (much).

They were currently discussing heading out to the space mall, and what with the Galra Empire being a thing, they didn’t think it was wise to have him wearing his armor. Or for Shiro to go out in public with him.

“It’s a problem because when people see you with Shiro, you know, a paladin, and pregnant, word is going to get around," Keith said.

 _"I’ll_ be fine," Shiro said. "They won’t recognize me without my suit.”

“They might. You haven’t been a part of the team image in forever, but people are still wondering where you are. You should just wear a disguise.”

“I don’t want to do that,” Shiro said. “If I start disguising myself because I’m afraid of what people will think, I’ll never be able to go out in public. If anyone recognizes me, I’ll just tell them the truth. There’s nothing wrong with having kids.”

“I respect your decision, Shiro,” Allura said, “but I think you should at least consider it. Sendak was a commander. What if someone recognizes him? And he’s _galra.”_

“Yeah, well, so are our kids.” Shiro shrugged, leaning into Sendak’s hold. He ended up somewhere near his armpit, which wasn’t as comfortable as it should have been since he was wearing armor. He tugged Shiro closer, claws tickling his triceps. Shiro smiled a little. “Galra aren’t inherently evil.”

“Shiro, you know that’s not what I mean,” Allura said, frowning. “You have to admit public opinion of the empire, particularly at this mall, has never been great. The galra have done little to earn their favor, rightly so.”

Shiro sighed. “I know. I suppose it probably _would_ be weird if they saw a paladin of Voltron walking around with a soldier.”

Even if Sendak wore casual clothing, it was easy to see that he had been a part of the empire’s long-standing war to take over the universe. There was no hope in faking it; he had scars, one of his eyes had been replaced with a technological enhancement, and he held himself like a soldier did.

He wasn’t very nice, either. Although he was sweet around Shiro, he was otherwise intimidating as hell.

Sendak glanced down at Shiro, his lip curving when he caught him staring.

“I know you’re not evil,” Shiro cooed, pulling at his cheeks and exposing his teeth. Sendak shook his head free of his hold, the fur adorably ruffled.

“The empire is not ‘evil’,” Sendak pointed out, smoothing his fur down with his hand.

“Uh huh,” he said doubtfully in response. “Sure.”

Shiro was not about to have this discussion now; Sendak may have complicated feelings about the empire, but Shiro didn’t feel up to unpacking them. At least not yet. He reached for his hand and placed it on his stomach where he could feel the twins kicking him, hoping his touch would soothe them so he wouldn’t have to get up and pee.

Plus, he _loved_ the weight of Sendak’s hand on him for reasons he couldn’t articulate.

“Misguided may be more accurate,” Sendak said, after a beat. It was about as good as Shiro was going to get, for now.

“See? They’re cute,” Hunk said, motioning to the pair. “We’ll be fine. As long as the mallcop doesn’t recognize us.”

“He was so lame,” Lance added with a groan. “The hell was his name again?”

“Fartcon?” Hunk guessed. “I dunno.”

“Varkon,” Keith said. “It was Varkon.”

“Oh, yeah, just like Zarkon! Only stupider.”

The all shared a laugh, Shiro included, and Sendak expressed his confusion through the bond.

 _He’s the security at the mall,_ Shiro explained. _They made a bit of a name for themselves the first time. Coran’s memories of the mall ten-thousand years ago was very different than it is now. He thought they were pirates and chased them around the mall._

“Hm,” Sendak hummed aloud. He addressed the paladins: “As a royal commander, I was not one for the public eye. I wouldn’t worry about anyone recognizing me. Further, galra are commonplace in public spaces the empire rules. If anyone dares to give Shiro trouble, I will simply kill them.”

For a second, no one said anything.

“It is a joke,” Sendak deadpanned. “I thought you paladins understood humor.”

Shiro was the only one who started laughing.

“I’m sorry,” he wheezed, “the looks on all your faces.”

“Dude, you sounded serious,” Hunk said, chuckling a little. “I was really worried for a second we’d have to hold you back from murdering anyone who even _looked_ at Shiro.”

“It is tempting,” Sendak said, and even Shiro couldn’t tell if he was joking then.

“Regardless,” Allura cut in, “my point stands. Sendak cannot wear his armor. We have clothing stored in the castle; I’m certain something will fit you.”

“I will not wear your Altean garb,” Sendak said immediately.

“Well you have to wear _something.”_ Pidge looked at Shiro. “Do you think he’d fit in any of your stuff?”

“Half the stuff in my closet is ‘Altean garb’,” he said, with air quotes. “The only thing that’s actually mine is the clothes Keith lent me that belonged to his father. Not that it fits me anymore.”

“There are many paternity wear shops in the mall,” Allura said. “We’ll find you new clothes. More sweaters, perhaps.”

“Something a little softer, too. I love these, but they make my skin itch.”

Allura hummed contemplatively, poking her spoon through her forgotten bowl of food goo.

“We’ll reconvene in one varga to leave for the mall. We won’t, however, take the lions. They will just draw attention to us and that is the last thing we want on this trip.”

They all separated once they had finished eating. Shiro went back to his room with Sendak in tow, resigning himself to his fate of trying to squeeze Sendak into his clothing because he refused to look like an Altean.

* * *

“It’s a little…tight.”

Sendak stared down at himself, and Shiro stared with him. The shirt that he had picked out was his largest. It was Altean style, but it was simple and black, and would have looked good on him if it wasn’t a few sizes too small.

Shiro was surprised he’d managed to work it on his torso. He reached out and touched the fabric straining over his pecs. It outlined the muscles spectacularly, leaving nothing to the imagination.

Shiro glanced up at Sendak.

“You know, you look pretty good in that. And we have an hour until we’re supposed to meet up with everyone near the transport pods. Wanna take a break?”

“We just started,” Sendak said, but he didn’t resist as Shiro pushed him against the wall. He reached for the edge of the shirt, but Shiro stilled his hand.

“Keep the shirt on.”

* * *

“You’re so fucking sexy,” Shiro groaned, His hands pressed against the headboard were shaking, fingers slipping down the cool metal. “That shirt—fuck. I wish I could see you right now.”

Sendak growled and leaned forward, covering the entire length of Shiro’s back. Shiro arched, reaching behind him blindly and finding Sendak’s hip. The change in angle was exquisite; breathy moans kept falling from his lips, punctured by each of Sendak’s fierce thrusts.

“You have no idea. I want you, all the time _.”_ He pushed back against Sendak, trying desperately to meet each thrust. The obscene squelch of Sendak burying himself into Shiro’s slick only seemed to spur him on, ferocious, angry growls sounding from his chest.

Sendak was otherwise silent, which wasn’t unusual when they fucked. He claimed it was because Shiro’s scent, amplified times a thousand every time he became aroused, made it difficult for him to concentrate on any other than fucking him, which was—pretty hot, in all honesty.

He felt himself gush a little just thinking about it. Sendak hooked his hand around Shiro’s leg and forced his thighs to part further; Shiro dropped to his elbows, letting out a sharp cry as the angle buried him deeper.

“Oh, _fuck._ Fuck me—just like that, yeah.” He keened, fisting the sheets and tugging on them. “Oh my god. Harder, please, _please.”_

Sendak didn’t have to be asked. He fucked him like he was in rut, slamming his massive sex into Shiro’s ass with a viciousness Shiro would never stop loving.

When he felt like he was about to come, Shiro gripped his cock in his fist and started pumping it. The angle wasn’t easy; he couldn’t hold himself up for long, and his stomach got in the way. He loved being fucked like this but sometimes—sometimes Shiro wished Allura would hurry up with his new arm so Sendak could fuck him against the nearest surface and Shiro could fully give himself up to Sendak’s mercy.

“I want to finish inside you,” Sendak growled, his voice on the edge of a snarl. He pressed his hips flush to Shiro, burying his cock as far as it would go, silently begging. It was about as close to asking as Shiro was going to get.

“Sendak, you know we’re going to the mall. Just—” He broke off with a moan as he came into his fist, his insides fluttering weakly around Sendak’s cock as if trying to urge him deeper. “Next time, next time, I promise.”

He liked when Sendak came inside him, but he didn’t want to have to suffer through more cleanup than he already had to.

Disappointment flickered between them, but Sendak dutifully pulled out of Shiro with a grunt and ground his sex against the slick coating Shiro’s ass until he started coming.

Shiro collapsed onto his arms, breathing hard, feeling so well-fucked that he almost considered bailing on going to the mall at all. Almost.

He just needed to find the strength to get up. When he moved, his ass throbbed, his pelvis reminding him that it would take a lot of stretches and soft pillows before he’d feel normal again.

“Why is your dick so big?” he moaned into his hands. “I mean, it feels great, but my ass hurts.”

Sendak crawled over top of him, leaning down for a kiss.

“You were not complaining when I had it buried inside you,” he murmured against his mouth. “Come. You need a shower, though I wouldn’t mind showing you off like this.”

“I know you would.” Shiro rolled his eyes. “Alphas.”

When Sendak started to rise, Shiro pulled him back down for another kiss.

“Carry me,” he whined.

“I would. I _will,”_ Sendak promised. “Once your princess constructs my arm.”

“Do you think we could just buy one?” Shiro asked, sitting up. “I never thought about that.”

“It would be expensive. Having it built will ensure it is to my exact specifications.”

“I guess that’s true.” Shiro glanced down at his stomach, wincing a little. “I don’t think the twins liked what we just did. They’ve been scratching my insides ever since we started.”

“Hm.” Sendak stepped off the bed and dropped to a crouch in front of Shiro.

At six months, Shiro was what he was would consider huge, made even worse with the twins being half-blooded galra.

Sendak laid his palm on his stomach, feeling around for movement. Shiro took his hand and placed it where he felt it the strongest. It wasn’t much from the outside—just a soft jab here and there—but Sendak seemed pleased nonetheless.

“Leave your father alone,” he muttered, his tone level. Then he said something in Galran which Shiro assumed was the same phrase.

He sounded completely serious, which would have been shocking enough, coming from Sendak. Then, inexplicably, adding further to Shiro’s speechless surprise, he pressed a kiss where he’d felt the movement, his lips hot as a brand.

And he _kept talking._

Speaking in Galran, he murmured quiet phrases Shiro couldn’t make hide nor tail of, pressing the occasional kiss against his taut skin.

Shiro stared down at Sendak and the placement of his lips, and something inside him suddenly felt like it was breaking, shattering into pieces. Intense, powerful emotion clawed up his throat and before he knew it, he was milliseconds from bursting into tears.

 _This is fine,_ Shiro thought, covering his mouth and nose with his hands. _Sendak just spoke to your kids through your stomach. Everything is fine._ _Don’t cry. Don’t you dare fucking cry._

Sendak glanced up at him. “You’re upset.”

Shiro shook his head. _Don’t talk to me. I’m trying not to cry._

“If you feel the need to release your emotions, then do so.”

Even crouched, Sendak was still nearly at Shiro’s height, so it was easy for him to pull Shiro’s hands away from his face and kiss him, swallowing the sob that escaped.

“I hate that you never cry and I do,” Shiro said waveringly. He hid his face in Sendak’s chest, embarrassed to be crying about something as simple as Sendak’s tender attitude towards his kids. “What were you even saying? Was that all Galran?”

“Yes. I will teach you the words, and then we will teach our children the language as well.”

Shiro thought about a future he couldn’t have imagined just a few months ago, with two beautiful babies speaking to them in both their languages, and he cried into Sendak’s chest, filled to brim with more happiness than he knew what to do with.

Sendak held him, saying nothing but offering him more comfort than he’d ever expected to receive, and Shiro had to bite down on his tongue, so he wouldn’t say what had been on his mind for weeks.

* * *

“Everyone’s here. And right on time! Good.”

Allura clapped her hands together, her gaze shifting toward Sendak and Shiro when she talked about being on time. Likely she noticed how both of them were freshly showered and Shiro was walking like he was in pain.

“As I said before, we’re taking the transport pods. We should all fit into one, but in case there’s an emergency taking two is safer.”

“A smart idea,” Sendak said to Shiro quietly. “Should something go wrong.”

“Nothing is going to go wrong,” Shiro murmured. “Everything is going to be fine. We’re just going to the mall.”

Sendak said nothing in reply, but he seemed to disagree.

“You look cute,” Pidge said, pointing at Sendak. “Altean stuff looks pretty good on you.”

“I do not look _cute,”_ he sneered.

“You look very cute,” said Shiro.

Wearing a modest pair of Altean slacks and a tightly fitting shirt, Shiro had other words to describe the way Sendak looked. He’d never actually seen him in casual wear before, which was a thought that was startling, considering that they had known each other for quite some time now.

Additionally, Sendak’s outfit was completely black; one of the few such outfits that the castle owned. Apparently black was the color of some festivity, but to Sendak, it was the only color he was comfortable wearing. Most other things in storage had been some mixture of white and other bright colors he seemed to hate on principle.

“Yes, yes, Sendak looks handsome in Altean style. But who doesn’t?” Allura sighed dreamily. “I do so miss all the Altean boutiques lining the streets outside the castle. We had Altean seamstresses that could weave circles around what’s popular now. Purple is such a—” she caught herself, glancing over at Shiro, “—color. It’s a nice color.”  

Shiro rolled his eyes and took Sendak’s hand, dragging him towards the pods.

“Why don’t we just get going? We’re never going to make it before closing if we sit here chatting all day.”

“Right.” Allura started walking backwards towards the pods, pointing at the people she was naming off. “Hunk, Sendak, and Shiro, you will come with me. Keith, Coran, Pidge, and Lance will take the other pod.”

“Why do I have to be with Keith?” Lance exclaimed.

“It’s not like I want to be around your alpha scent stinking up the pod either.”

Lance blushed, pointing a finger at Keith. “Why do you _always_ have to bring my scent into this?”

“Maybe if you didn’t stink, I wouldn’t have to!”

“Would you two just shut up?” Pidge grumbled, heading for the second pod before things could escalate.

Shiro was really going to need to have a talk with Keith about his crush on Lance, but for now, he ignored them both, climbing into the pod with a helping hand from Sendak.

There were benches at the back of the ship, but the seats up front had arm rests and they were the most comfortable, so Shiro took it upon himself to sit shotgun. No one made protest, and Sendak moved to stand behind Shiro, watching Allura manage the controls like a hawk.

“Don’t stare at me, Sendak,” she said, without looking. “I know how to fly without you hovering.”

Sendak continued to stare.

Shiro sighed. It was going to be a very long flight.

* * *

“Why don’t they have bathrooms on these things?” Shiro griped for the fifth time in a row since he’d realized he’d forgotten to pee before leaving the castle.

They were just entering the mall’s parking lot, and he could do was stare at the entrance to the mall, wondering how long of a walk he would have to suffer.

“I don’t know,” Allura said, sounding ever-patient while Shiro was fidgeting in his seat. “I’ll have to talk to Coran about it. It does seem rather inconvenient. Don’t worry; we’re nearly there.”

After they landed, and she opened the doors, Shiro jumped out of his seat and booked it for the mall’s entrance, leaving Sendak and the others behind in his haste to relieve his pea-sized bladder.

Thankfully there was a bathroom nearby upon entering. There were only two entrances with symbols that meant nothing to Shiro and seemed counterintuitive when considering how many alien lifeforms there were, so he barely spared a thought for which symbol might apply to him before giving up and heading for the right.

It was…an experience, but his bladder was relieved, which was all he cared about, and before long he was walking back out into the mall, waving his hands to dry them because he had no clue how to use the hand dryer and he was honestly a little terrified to try.

Sendak was waiting for him nearby, in discussion alongside Allura and Keith. Shiro observed them for a moment, amazed by how well he fit in standing next to the others.

“Hi. Thanks for waiting,” he said in greeting. Sendak’s ears twitched, and he tugged Shiro close to his side. Shiro went willingly, wrapping am arm around his middle. “Where did the others go?”

“Coran went to pick up some more supplies for the ship,” Allura said. “He placed an order some time ago. Pidge and Lance were interested in some ‘gaming’ store.”

“It’s the same place they got Kaltenecker I think,” Keith said. “They’d better not bring another one home.”

“How many Earth cows could he have?” Shiro asked.

“We waste time,” Sendak cut in, one of his favorite phrases. “We should go and find those clothes you’re so interested in.”

“Speaking of buying clothes, we don’t have any money.” Shiro looked at Allura. “This place takes GAC, right?”

“Yes, unfortunately.” Allura scowled unhappily and pulled a device out of her pocket. She started tapping on its screen. “We’ve been able to exchange some of our credits for GAC, but it wasn’t easy. We had to do it without alerting the empire to our presence. Nevertheless, here.”

She handed Shiro the device that she’d been holding. It looked a little like a credit card might, but it was thicker and had a small display on the front.

“You will be able to purchase anything here with the funds on that account. Within reason,” she warned. “I’m certain you wouldn’t make exorbitant purchases, but one can never be too careful.” She glanced at Sendak. “Perhaps I _should_ add a limit.”

“You don’t have to worry about that,” Shiro assured her. “I’ll make sure everyone behaves. Keith,” he looked at him, “are you coming with us to the clothing department?” He glanced around, noting that he couldn’t read any of the signs. “Wherever that is.”

“It’s in Galran,” Sendak clarified. “I will read out to you whatever you desire.”

“That would be great,” Shiro told him, leaning up to kiss his cheek.

“I think I’ll take a look around here for a while,” Keith said, watching them with a small smile. “You guys have fun.”

“All right. Allura?”

“I would, but I’ve had my eye on a shop here since the last time you all came. And I’m _not_ leaving this place without something shiny.”

“Okay.” Shiro smiled up at Sendak. “Guess it’s just us.”

“I’m glad,” Sendak purred.

He placed his hand on the small of Shiro’s back and lead him towards the clothing department. On the way they passed by all sorts of stores carrying all manner of products, and Shiro tasked Sendak with naming the ones they passed.

Since Shiro had never been to the mall—the last time they had gone, he’d been focused on connecting with his lion—so it was all new to him. Within minutes, his assumptions about the mall were blown apart.

He had to stop feeling surprised when they passed the fifth weapons store and tried to remind himself that this was an alien mall and wasn’t necessarily family friendly by any means.

“We are here,” Sendak declared, once they had reached what he assumed were the clothing stores. Just like the rest of the mall, the shops were tucked in neat rows. None of the signs made any sense to Shiro, so he picked one at random and walked inside.

It was surprisingly normal. When it came to casual wear, aliens and Earthlings weren’t that different. There were shirts and pants and underwear, but then he realized that this store in particular catered to aliens with multiple sets of arms.

“Do the names tell you if they’ll fit, y’know, people with two arms like you and me?”

Sendak craned his neck to look at the different sign fronts until he happened upon one that he deemed promising.

“This way,” he said, waiting for Shiro to start moving before he followed along closely.

This store was more to Shiro’s liking. The fashion was sensible, if not a little different than Shiro was used to, and the shirts looked like they’d fit him.

…before he was pregnant. Really, the only person that could shop here was Sendak.

“Why don’t we get you something?” Shiro suggested. He grabbed Sendak by the waist and dragged him over to one of the racks of clothing. “Here. This could fit you.”

Shiro held up a shirt that was appropriately sized, but by the look on Sendak’s face, he wasn’t interested.

“Do you even know what size you are?” Shiro asked, fingering the tag on the shirt. There were what looked like numbers, but he couldn’t make sense of it. “Have you ever worn anything other than your armor?”

“Of course I have.” He glanced at the shirts, frowning at the sizing chart. “However, the empire didn’t require that we wear anything other than our designated uniforms, so I have never shopped before. Not in a place like _this.”_

Shiro set down the shirt he was eyeing so he could look at Sendak.

“That’s…really sad. Was it like that for all galra soldiers?”

“No.” Shiro shot him a questioning look. “As I told you, my upbringing was ruthless. I was raised as a warrior and given a warrior’s treatment. There were no breaks. It was not the same for most of the empire, however. Only those worthy were given the same treatment I was afforded.”

“You weren’t afforded anything,” Shiro said, an edge to his voice. “You were made into a tool for the empire.”

Sendak said nothing, turning away from Shiro to pick at the shirts.

“Hey.” Shiro reached out and cupped the sides of his face, turning his head back around to look at Shiro.

“I hate when you do this,” Sendak grumbled.

“I don’t know what else to do. You don’t make it easy,” Shiro teased. “You don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to, but—” He bit his lip. “What are you thinking right now, Sendak?”

Sendak took Shiro’s hand, cradling it in his palm.

“I’m thinking about you. I am always thinking about you.”

Shiro felt his heart skip a beat.

“I am thinking about how different my life would have been had I not approached you during your first heat as the Champion.” He pulled at Shiro’s arm until he was within his grasp and bent down to kiss him, warm and soft, making Shiro’s heart melt. “I know I should regret how it all began, but I find that I don’t. I would do it all again if it would lead me to this.”

“When did you get so romantic?” Shiro asked, closing his eyes. His heart wouldn’t stop pounding.

Sendak’s palm moved to the back of his head as he kissed him again, encouraging Shiro’s lips to part, his breath hot with promise.

The words he’d been holding back on saying hung at the back of Shiro’s mouth, trying to tumble out into the open.

Shiro pulled back and looked Sendak in the eye, swallowing against sudden nerves.

“Sendak—”

“Hey! No fraternizing in public!” came a voice from behind Sendak. They sounded annoyed.

Sendak growled, his lips curling back to reveal his teeth. He turned around to face whoever dared interrupt them.

It was a galra. He was short, and his ears were flat, pointed down towards the floor, and he was wearing what looked like a uniform. The motorized vehicle he was riding reminded Shiro of the Segways at Earth malls.

The galra’s eyes widened when Sendak rose to his full height, going from angry to excited in one moment to the next.

“Aren’t you Commander Sendak?! Zarkon’s Commander Sendak? I-I had no idea you would be visiting today!”

He stepped off of his machine and bowed profusely, seemingly ignorant to the way that Sendak was staring at him, with a mixture of confusion and revulsion.

“Varkon, reporting for duty! You’ll have to excuse the sorry state of this place, sir. I’ve been trying to whip it into shape, but these people—” He laughed. “You know how it is.”

 _Who is this?_ Shiro asked. _How did he recognize you?_

_I haven’t a clue._

“You are mistaken. I’m no longer employed under the empire,” was all Sendak said before he turned back to Shiro, maneuvering him protectively under his arm.

Shiro wasn’t a wilting flower, and he certainly didn’t need protection from a harmless galra security guard, but he couldn’t help the vicious stab of satisfaction he felt when Sendak so easily denounced the empire in front of someone who clearly looked up to him and it.  

Plus, it was a little funny to watch the galra’s face transform into blatant shock when he realized that Sendak was telling the truth; he was dressed in his civvies, in a random clothing store, and toting around a heavily pregnant human.

The galra looked from Shiro to Sendak, and then back to Shiro, eyes shifting to his large belly.

“You mean you’re…” He blinked. “You’re not here for an inspection?”

“No. I am here with my mate. Shopping.”

“Your mate.” He looked like he was about to start crying. “O-Oh. Of course. I-I’ll leave you two alone. Excuse me, commander, sir.”

Shiro watched him go, feeling an odd sense of pity.

“What did he say his name was again?”

“I forgot.”

“Of course you did.” Shiro shook his head and then took Sendak’s hand, pulling him back towards the store. “Come on, we’ll find you something you like.”

* * *

Half an hour later and Shiro was about ready to explode.

“Will you just try it?” he ground out, holding the shirt up for Sendak to inspect.

“No.”

Shiro slapped his palm over his forehead, counting backwards from ten.

Sendak had rejected every single thing that Shiro had shown him so far, and they had been to three different stores. Apparently simple colors weren’t in anymore, because everything they had seem so far was colorful and designed in a particular way that Sendak hated. It wasn’t to Shiro’s tastes either, but at least he was willing to try things on.

Sendak’s one-word answers weren’t helping matters. He clearly couldn’t care any less about the process of buying new clothes, so he was making it as difficult as possible.

Shiro set down the shirt, still counting. If things went on like this, they would never get anywhere. Shiro needed to change tactics.

“Sendak, honey,” he said sweetly, knowing it would have Sendak perking up instantly. And perk up he did, staring at Shiro with an intensity he tried not to find arousing. “I’m thirsty. And my feet hurt. Would you go get me a drink and find somewhere we can sit down?”

“Of course,” Sendak purred, changing gears instantly. “Wait here.”

He stepped away from Shiro and went to find him a drink. Knowing Sendak, it would have to be suitable for Shiro, so he had a little bit of time before Sendak returned.

With Sendak’s size in mind, Shiro carefully combed through each section, looking for the simplest designs and the darkest colors. He ended up getting a bunch of shirts with different logos and prints on them because of how simple it left the rest of the design, and a few shirts he knew would look plain good on him.

By the time Sendak returned, Shiro was already at the counter purchasing the clothes. He was waiting outside the door, armed with Shiro’s drink and a bag hanging off his forearm.

“What’s that?” Shiro asked, pointing at the bag. It was nondescript; white, with a simple, elegant logo on its front. Shiro set the bags down and Sendak reached to pick them up, sliding them onto his arm.

“Your drink.” Sendak handed it to him, ignoring his question.

“What is that?” Shiro asked again. He walked over and tried to peek inside, but Sendak jerked his arm away. “Is it a secret? Let me see.”

Shiro put on his best pout, but this was apparently something Sendak was serious about; he said nothing and started walking away from the store, ending his line of inquiry.

“You can’t just ignore me to get me to stop asking,” Shiro stated. He hooked his arm around Sendak’s waist, sipping at his drink. It tasted fruity. “Is it embarrassing? I won’t judge you; I promise.”

“It’s nothing for you to concern yourself with,” Sendak huffed.

Knowing that Sendak wasn’t going to give in and respecting him too much to try and force the issue anymore, Shiro gave up.

“Fine.” He paused. “Wait, how did you buy this? I didn’t give you the credit card.”

“I have my own funds,” Sendak said, looking at him with a raised brow. “I was employed with the empire for most of my adult life.”

“Employed. Huh.” Shiro came to a sudden stop, sipping his drink for a long moment. “I never thought about that. I just assumed you were forced into it, I guess. But that makes sense. I mean, how else would you all be able to buy things? How were you able to access it? Do you have a phone number or something you could use?”

“An account number attached to my name.”

“How much do you have?” he asked, before he could think about it. “Sorry, you don’t have to answer that.”

“Enough,” was all Sendak said, and Shiro was suddenly reminded of the way Matt had called him his ‘sugar daddy’. If Sendak had rarely spent money, how much did he have stored away? Shiro tried not to think too hard about it.

He glanced at the shops around them, examining the different storefronts. When his eyes happened upon one in particular, he slowly came to a stop.

“Hey, Sendak. Is that a baby?”

He pointed at the sign. Sendak followed his gaze and nodded.

“It is a children’s supply store.”

Shiro withdrew from Sendak and began walking closer, his eyes glued to the items he could see peeking around the doorway.

He glanced back at Sendak. “What’s it called?”

There was a pregnant pause, and then Sendak said, like it pained him, “Quantum Babies.”

“That’s a cute name for a baby store.” Shiro took a step closer. “Let’s go in.”

The look that Sendak gave him suggested he would rather do anything but that, and knowing that he would inevitably follow, Shiro set his drink down nearby, shot him a grin, and then walked into the store.

It was even bigger on the inside than he had first assumed.

What Shiro had initially assumed was a single store turned out to be three storefronts combined with multiple entrances. He immediately gravitated towards the sleepwear section that was off to his right, trying to stifle his urge paw at all the outfits on display.

He rifled through them for a minute, and then turned to look at the rest of the store, his fingers twitching restlessly. So far, they hadn’t really talked about buying baby things. They didn’t have baby clothes, or baby toys, or anything that a baby—galra or not—might require.

He didn’t know what he needed—wanted. He hadn’t thought about it.

He felt suddenly overwhelmed by the sheer number of things that they could buy right now. There was certainly nothing stopping them from doing so.

 _Does that make me a bad father?_ He frowned nervously at the baby clothes—something that he should definitely own at this point.

“We probably should be looking into this stuff,” he mused, reaching for a onesie that had six holes for arms. He smoothed his fingers over the cloth logo. “I haven’t even thought of any names. I feel like…I’ve been so caught up in my own issues that I’ve barely even looked into how to take care of a baby once it’s actually out in the world. And there are _two_ of them.”

Two lifeforms were growing inside him, and he had no clue what he was doing.

He let go of the onesie that he’d been crushing between his hands and put it away, suddenly wanting to be anywhere but here.

“I-I don’t even know where to start,” he mumbled, wringing his hands. “That’s bad, right? Maybe we should—I don’t know. Buy something?”

Sendak was silent for a moment. Then, like a switch had been hit, he jerked into motion and started for the counter where the sales clerk was examining her nails with boredom.

“Where are you going?” Shiro called.

The clerk jumped when Sendak slammed his fist on the counter, staring at him with wide eyes.

“We will take everything in this store,” he declared.

“Uhh. What?”

“Sendak!” Shiro slid up to the counter, pulling at Sendak’s arm resting threateningly in front of the terrified clerk. “We’re not doing that. I don’t have that kind of money. We don’t even _need_ most of the stuff in here.”

“We will take everything,” he insisted. “I’m paying for it. Prepare transportation for the goods immediately.”

“He’s kidding,” Shiro said to her. He could feel Sendak’s frustration wash over him like a thick blanket. “We’re not.”

Sendak glared at Shiro.

“You will never have to worry about what to provide for our children if you have everything,” he said, like that was all there was to it. Like he could just buy Shiro an entire store full of stuff and it would make him stop feeling as inadequate as he did.

“It’s okay.” Shiro lowered his voice, moving his hand to stroke Sendak’s arm. It seemed to soothe him somewhat, although he still appeared irritated that he couldn’t simply buy his way into making Shiro feel better. “Come on, let’s—let’s just go. I’m tired and my feet hurt. Let’s go.”

Eventually, he managed to get Sendak to give up on buying him the entire store. As romantic as the notion was, it just made Shiro feel even less at ease than before.

He walked out of Quantum Babies and stopped in front of a few potted plants, feeling like he was rapidly losing his grip on reality.

He’d walked into the store feeling excited about baby stuff and had come out more stressed than ever. And really, the reasons were stupid. His insecurities didn’t make any sense, not when he thought about the support network waiting for him back home. He shouldn’t be nervous.

And yet.

“Shiro.”

“Maybe we should go home,” Shiro muttered, almost to himself. “This is tiring me out a lot more than I expected.”

“Shiro.”

“I don’t need any more clothes. Once the twins are born, what’s the point? So maybe we should just—”

“ _Shiro.”_

Sendak took him by the chin and tilted his head up, making him meet his eyes.

“Tell me what has you so upset.”

It was the same tactic that Shiro had used on him.

“I’m not upset. I’m just—” He realized he didn’t have an answer that could properly enumerate the thoughts and feelings tumbling around inside him. It was silly to feel so thrown by something as simple as baby’s clothes. “It’s fine. I just need to relax for a while and I’ll be fine.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

There was a hint of irritation, but also concern. Sendak was worried.

Shiro kept his eyes on the fern in front of him.

“It’s nothing.” A pause. “It’s stupid. I just keep thinking about what’s going to happen after the twins are born.” He let out a laugh. “We don’t even have names. And that’s the easy part!”

Shiro exhaled through his nose, bringing his palms together in front of his face.

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” he admitted. “I don’t know what _we’re_ doing.” He sucked in a sharp breath. “I’m a paladin. We’re at war, but kids—kids are a _lot_ of work, and I just don’t know…”

He thought about the nightmares, his past; a culmination of all the things he had done, leading up to this defining part of his life that terrified him every time he thought about it.

 _I don’t_ _know if I’ll be good enough._

The thought was unbidden, and for a moment Shiro hated their bond, because there was no way he could have closed it off in time.

Sendak’s knuckles brushed his throat, and Shiro found himself leaning into the touch.

“I don’t know,” Shiro said again. It was as close as he could get to encapsulating everything he was feeling in that moment.

“Whatever you want done, I will have it done for you.” Sendak leaned down, brushing his lips over Shiro’s forehead. “I will think of a thousand names. I will buy all the stores in this mall. You will want for nothing.”

“But what if I am the nothing?” Shiro blurted, wincing at the sudden burst of honesty. “What if I can’t do this? I didn’t know my parents very well. I was raised by the system. I became a pilot. A soldier, like you. I don’t know _anything_ about being a parent!”

His voice sounded too loud in the sudden quiet surrounding them. Shiro realized that a few of the aliens hanging around were staring at him and he quickly looked down at the ground, gnawing on his lower lip.

“You have nothing to fear,” Sendak said, lifting his chin again. “You can do this. You _will._ You are brave. You are compassionate. You care far more than given credit. And I will be there with you. If anyone should fear their failings as a father, it should be me.”

“Sendak, don’t say that. You know you’re going to be a good father.”

Sendak’s smirk was an unhappy one.

“I was raised a warrior and a leader. I know nothing about the life of a normal child.” He leaned forward and pressed his nose to the top of Shiro’s head. “You know this, and yet you still believe in me. If you believe I will be good, then you will be great.”

God, Sendak was being so _supportive_ that Shiro would have laughed if he wasn’t so close to crying. Just a few months ago, he had considered him his enemy. He didn’t understand how it had come to this.

 _No,_ he thought to himself, _that’s a lie. You know exactly how it came to this._

Sendak gazed at Shiro searchingly, waiting for him to explain the thoughts running through his head.

Shiro was reminded of the way Sendak had looked at him after seeing the ultrasound. He remembered how his tears had fallen down Shiro’s cheeks; Sendak’s tears. He loved the twins, that much was clear.

He was reminded of what Sendak had told him.

_I’m thinking about you. I am always thinking about you._

_Dude is so in love with you,_ Hunk had said.

 _You love him,_ Matt had said.

 _He loves you,_ Keith had declared, like it was written in stone.

He loved Shiro.

_He loves me._

Sendak’s eyes widened imperceptibly. Shiro closed his eyes, choking on desperate emotions that had been trying to force their way out of his mouth for weeks.

“I love you,” he said, his voice cracking. He opened his eyes, lips curling into a watery smile. He was crushingly relieved to be able to say it after so long. “Thank you. For being there for me. _With_ me. I love you so much.”

Sendak went still, the unerring determination that Shiro had felt from him stalling as he took in Shiro’s words.

Shiro wiped the stray tears out of his eyes, sniffling.

“Sorry,” he said. “Feels like I’m always crying. I guess it’s a good thing there’s a lot for me to be happy about.”

Sendak tilted his chin up and kissed him so softly that Shiro felt more tears escape and run down his cheeks. He couldn’t tell if it was Sendak’s emotions or his own, but he supposed it didn’t matter.

“I have never known love,” he began, stroking his thumb over Shiro’s tear-stained cheek. “I have known loyalty, and bravery in the face of danger.” Then he laughed quietly, closing his eyes. “You terrify me, Shiro. I have never cared for someone more than I care for you.”

“You love me,” Shiro said teasingly, moving his hand ruffle the fluff on the back of his neck.

“I do,” Sendak confirmed, like it was that simple; that indisputable. Maybe it was.

Shiro started to grin, a bubbly, giddy happiness building in his chest. He knew that Sendak could tell, because he was pulling him into his embrace as soon as it started, peppering his mouth with warm, insistent kisses. 

"I love you," Shiro repeated, cupping his cheeks. "I've wanted to tell you for so long, but I felt like I couldn't. I _love_ you."

Shiro kissed Sendak deeply, winding his arms around his neck and holding him there, basking in the feelings of love that he hadn't realized he'd been missing.

Sendak loved him. Shiro giggled; he couldn't get over overjoyed it made him feel.

"Your mind is infectious," Sendak said. "I have never known feelings like this; like yours. I like it." He paused, gazing into Shiro's eyes. "I adore you."

Shiro felt so happy then, so in love, that he didn’t even care that he had started crying in the middle of the mall while a bunch of aliens watched them.

He did, however, want to sit down. He felt exhausted from moving around so much; from feeling so much.

Pulling reluctantly away from his embrace, Shiro glanced around at their surroundings, rubbing his hands over his bump. He was considering taking Sendak’s hand and dragging him over to the seating area so he could sit for a while when he caught sight of a familiar flash of brown hair. The eyes attached to the hair widened, and then they ducked their head down past the back of the bench they were huddled behind.

“Is that Pidge?” Shiro pointed where he thought he saw her, and then another mop of brown hair joined the first.

“Lance?”

One of them made a sound that was suspiciously like a groan. Then suddenly Lance was jumping up from where he'd been sitting, his face beet red.

“I swear we weren't listening on purpose!” he cried.

“Lance!” came Pidge’s voice. “You were supposed to make a break for it!”

“What are you two doing?” Shiro asked, his tone edging in a reprimand.

Sitting up on the bench, Pidge shot Lance another glare before facing Shiro, her expression apologetic.

“We really weren't trying to eavesdrop,” she said. “We were just sitting here minding our own business when you guys walked up… _talking.”_

“I just wanted to get a good look at the controller we bought.” Lance lifted said controller, wiggling it in the air. “It was just too awkward for us to get up and leave.”

“It’s in mint condition,” Pidge pointed out.

Shiro couldn’t decide whether or not to feel properly embarrassed, knowing that the paladins had just overheard their intimate conversation in the middle of a crowded mall. He supposed, on some level, he deserved it.

“It’s fine,” he said at length. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” Shiro decided he wasn’t going to even try to start talking about it, so he latched onto the first thing he saw. “So, you bought a controller. Did Allura give you money, too?”

“We cut a deal,” Lance said, which didn’t answer his question at all. “You ever heard of the five-finger discount?”

“I’m going to pretend you didn’t just tell me you stole that.”

“No, I’m serious! This dude said if we had five fingers we would get a huge discount. It was practically free!”

‘Practically’ still implied they got their money from somewhere, but Shiro wasn’t going to concern himself with it more than he had to.

“Are you guys leaving?” Pidge asked. “We were gonna go see if we could track down Coran, but if you’re done…”

Shiro looked at Sendak. “Maybe we should just get it of here. I'm pretty tired.”

“We are buying clothing for the children,” Sendak declared. “And then I am buying clothes for you.”

“Oh. _You’re_ going to buy them?” Shiro raised a brow.

“Correct.”

Shiro considered saying no. On one hand, he wasn’t lying about being tired. Maybe it was the lighting or the atmosphere of the mall, but everything about their current situation was exhausting. He’d like nothing more than to go to home.

On the other hand, being pampered by Sendak didn't seem like the worst idea.

Shiro looked around for the drink he’d left and fetched it from the nearby countertop. When he brought it back and immediately started to sip at it, Sendak seemed pleased.

“Did I ever tell you thanks?” Shiro took another long sip. He kind of had to pee, now that he was thinking about it. “Thanks for this. How did you know I’d like it?”

“You like fruit. I thought you might enjoy it.” He paused. “It is also a favorite of the galra, if advertisements are to be believed.”

“I do,” Shiro said, lips curving into a small smile.  _Thank you. I love this._ Happiness bubbled inside him.  _I love you._

Sendak's pleasure was even more obvious now, sharp jabs that had Shiro shifting on his feet. He cocked his head, taking another sip.

_Are you turned on because I like the drink you got me?_

_It is satisfying to provide you with things you enjoy._

Shiro blinked. As surprising as it was, he had to give him that; the omega part of himself loved being provided for, and even though Sendak wasn’t an alpha, he sure acted like one.

“All right,” he said. “We can get some clothes. I don’t mind letting you pay for it since it’s both our kids. Plus, using Allura’s money feels a little weird.”

“We’re helping save the universe. We should get an allowance,” Lance proclaimed. “In fact, I’ll take that card off your hands right now.”

“Uh huh.” Shiro crossed his arms. “I think I’ll hold onto it a while longer. If you want something, you can ask me for it.”

Lance pouted. “You’re no fun. Well if you guys are going to do boring baby stuff we’re gonna get out of here.”

“See ya!” Pidge said, already walking in the other direction.

“Have fun you two,” Shiro called. “Don’t talk to strangers!”

“Uh huh!”

When Shiro turned to face Sendak, he was already headed for Quantum Babies. He felt himself start to smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love making Shiro cry. I also apologize for the consistent smut. I am very predictable in what I like haha. 
> 
> Sidenote: idk if anyone cares, but I tried to find time to fit a Qie scene in because I felt bad about not giving them a good exit, but the scenes didn’t feel purposeful and I wouldn’t want to shoehorn an OC into a fic, so you'll have to imagine it happened off screen oopsie


	16. Bonus Chapter 4: Midwife

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sips more wine* starting with sex? Gross abo sex?? You know what I'm about

A few days after their trip to the mall, Shiro went into heat.

It was just a pseudo-heat, meaning the desperation wasn’t quite as bad, and he was in complete control of himself, but the blazing hot fire that heat brought on was the same.

Having learned his lesson from many times past, Shiro was more prepared than he’d ever been. For the last few weeks he had been planning for the inevitability, placing water pouches in his room along with some food, just in case they got caught up even though it was only supposed to last a few hours.

Sendak had been ridiculously enthusiastic about the prospect. He was often left sated, but not completely satisfied by their sex life, and this meant that they would be having uninterrupted sex many times in a row.

Shiro didn’t love going into heat, but he did like spending time with Sendak, so it was a win-win in that regard.

After feeling a little off in the days leading up to it, he expected it to hit sometime during the night, when they’d be locked in their rooms. The last time he’d gone into heat it had taken quite a while to sink in, so he had felt almost normal up until the point of no return. With that in mind, he wore his softest pair of pants and one of his new sweaters over-top a soft linen shirt and went about his day expecting to feel fairly normal.

He’d completely underestimated what having Sendak around during his pregnancy would do to him.

In a show of solidarity, the paladins, Allura, and Coran were all gathered in the ballroom, hanging out and watching vids together. Shiro was making use of the pillows that Coran had bought for him and was sitting next to Sendak, wrapped up in his embrace.

The movies were more interesting with Allura and Coran there to fill in any blanks. With more time and boredom than he knew what to do with, Shiro had been making great strides in learning Altean, but while he understood a decent amount, it was much more fun with the two of them explaining the customs and culture surrounding each scene.

The movie that was currently on was one about a prince and a princess but involved a lot of diplomacy that Shiro didn’t understand.

He tried to pay attention to Coran as he gestured wildly at the screen and the paladins all laughed, evidently enamored by what he was saying, but his gaze kept slipping away from the movie and towards Sendak.

He stared up at him, taking the sight of him in with muted glee.

He just felt so _happy._

Sendak caught him staring and returned it, raising a brow in question. Shiro grinned and snuggled closer, moving his palm across his chest.

 _I love you,_ he thought, imagining wrapping up his feelings and sending them to Sendak.

Sendak’s lips curved up, but he tried to at least seem like he was paying attention to the vid instead of his very clingy mate.

Shiro shifted to his side and wrapped his arm around Sendak’s middle. The heavy weight of his arm on Shiro’s shoulders was somehow incredibly comforting. It was normal for him to appreciate the way Sendak touched him, but just then he couldn’t stop thinking about how much he really, really liked it that Sendak was touching him.

Shiro tried to wiggle even closer, and before he knew it he was already halfway into his lap. The position wasn’t easy with his belly in the way, but Sendak was huge and strong, and Shiro had faith in his ability to support him. He adjusted himself so that his belly wasn’t putting so much pressure on his ribs and then relaxed.

“Shiro?” Coran called, and the way everyone was looking at him made him think he’d been doing it for a while now. “The princess has something she’d like to show you—and Sendak.”

“Oh?” Shiro tried to sound interested, but it was difficult to care when all he wanted to do was wind himself around Sendak and bury his face in his throat.

“Yes. I think he’ll like it.” She smiled, clapping her hands together. Shiro could feel Sendak’s anticipation beginning to build, but he didn’t have the faintest clue what they were talking about.

Allura stood up and walked to the other side of the room. There was some kind of container that Shiro hadn’t noticed before. She brought her fingers around to the front and unclasped it; it opened with a hiss, and she lifted the object into the air.

It was a prosthetic arm. Sendak’s new arm.

“I thought about waiting until tomorrow, but I just couldn’t help myself. Coran really outdid himself.”

The arm was the size of Sendak’s right organic arm. It was the same color that his original prosthetic had been, but unlike that model it wasn’t covered in galra symbols or the unmistakable purple glow. It was Altean in design, but tastefully so, reflecting what it had looked like before without adhering to it.

Shiro stared, amazed. Someone kept poking his side, and it took him a minute or so to realize that Sendak was trying to get him to move off him so he could go put it on.

“Oh! Right. Yeah. You should…you should put that on.” He kept staring at it, his thoughts running wild. “It looks amazing, Coran!”

“Let me be the judge of that,” said Sendak.

He stood up and walked over to Allura, taking it from her. They all watched as he plugged it into his shoulder, flinching when his nerves connected. They’d kept the socket virtually the same for compatibility’s sake, so it only took him about a minute to adjust. He moved it slowly, testing the joint and flexing his fingers in turn.  

Shiro sighed, already missing having Sendak next to him. He smelled so good and touching him felt so nice. He wanted him to hurry up and sit back down so they could get back to cuddling.

With two hands!

The realization was so exhilarating that Shiro completely forgot himself, his thoughts now turning towards the kinds of things he could imagine Sendak doing to him with two hands.

Warmth rushed over his body, covering his skin in goosebumps. He bit his lip, shifting his legs up and down restlessly. He felt a little wet, but that wasn’t unusual. His heat was going to hit him sooner or later, so he ignored it for the moment, eyes stuck on Sendak as he examined the piece.

“It is well made,” he was saying, holding it up against his organic arm for comparison. “It is impressive, Coran.”

“Ohh, you got him to say your name!” Hunk crowed. “That’s a big compliment coming from Sendak.”

Sendak scowled at Hunk. Shiro burst into giggles for no other reason than how hilarious he thought it was that Sendak didn’t say anyone’s name most of the time. It was just so _funny_. Then he realized how much he liked that Sendak only called him by his first name and felt inexplicably jealous.

 _I want you to say my name,_ he told Sendak.

Sendak looked over him and dutifully said, “Shiro.” There was a pause. Sendak’s eyes narrowed and he sniffed the air subtly. “Your opinion of the component.”

_You are going into heat._

Shiro didn’t bother to respond. Eventually, yes, he was going into heat, but for now—

Suddenly, as if it had been waiting for him, warmth washed over his body, from head to toe, and he clamped his legs together, feeling himself gush.

_Oh._

Shiro should probably have been panicking, but instead, he just felt…good. Sendak was staring at him intensely, his nostrils flaring, and Shiro felt like he was riding on a wave of warmth instead of drowning in it. His fingers were curled loosely in his lap, twitching, and he brought his hand up to his mouth and bit at the joint of his forefinger to keep from making a sound.

“You look surprised,” Allura said, smiling. “I was originally going to use Altean components, but then Coran suggested we just repurpose the old model. It was well made, and I think it’s rathe symbolic.”

The paladins were all looking at him expectantly. They were on the opposite couches, so maybe they hadn’t noticed his scent yet.

All he had to do was say something, make some excuse about needing to use the bathroom, and leave. Easy.

Shiro looked at Sendak’s new arm. He had a lot of opinions. He had so _many_ opinions that he couldn’t decide which one to say. He opened his mouth at the same time he intended to convey a private wish to Sendak, and then the worst thing that could have possibly left his mouth just…left his mouth.

“You look really sexy with two arms.”

There was a snort form somewhere to his left. Shiro felt his face start to warm, hot shame curling inside him as he realized he’d just said that out loud.

“Oh god,” he moaned, closing his eyes. “I’m—I’m so sorry. The arm is nice. It’s amazing, Coran, really.”

“Thank you,” Coran said, lips quirking. “It _is_ quite attractive once it’s been put on.”

“Someone might even call it sexy,” Pidge said.

Shiro cheeks were burning.

“Shouldn’t you be getting out of here?” Keith asked, jabbing his thumb at the door. “Not to be, um, rude or anything, but I can kinda smell it.”

Sendak, who’d been mostly silent, watching Shiro and taking subtle inhales, suddenly burst into motion, walking over to Shiro and scooping him up into his arms.

“Whoa, Sendak!” Shiro wrapped his arms around his neck and stared at his chest, his blush darkening at the display of strength. “Give a guy a little warning before you do that.”

“We’ll be leaving now,” Sendak said, his voice even, betraying nothing. “The new arm is sufficient.” He began walking but paused at the door. “Thank you.”

“Wow,” said Hunk. “He said thanks.”

“He’s just happy he’s going to get to bone Shiro,” Lance whispered, not quite low enough that they couldn’t hear it.

Every omega went through heat, and it wasn’t some kind taboo, but Shiro couldn’t look at anyone else in the room or he was certain he was going to spontaneously combust. It was just so embarrassing.

Sendak smirked.

* * *

Out in the hallway, Shiro was still red-faced, holding onto Sendak like his life depended on it. He was already soaking the bottom of his pants, but that was the furthest of his concerns in that moment.

“I can’t believe I said that,” he moaned. “Out loud! I was—I meant to say it to you in my head. I’m so embarrassed.”

“You shouldn’t be,” Sendak purred, leaning his head down to nuzzle the top of Shiro’s head. “You smell delightful. It’s fortuitous that Allura gave me my arm today. It will make it much easier to fuck you.”

He may have just humiliated himself in front of all his friends, but that didn’t mean he still wasn’t about to go into a heat. A pseudo-heat, but the way his brain was going all fuzzy, it almost felt like a real heat.

“Yeah?” His voice was breathy with anticipation. Shiro freed one hand so he better paw at Sendak’s muscular chest. Now that he’d stopped wearing his armor, it only made it harder for Shiro to control himself.

Sendak growled, and Shiro shuddered, burying his face in his throat he could scent him. He inhaled, letting the scent go to his head and drive away the last remaining dredges of his embarrassment, replacing it with pure want.

At some point, Shiro’s eyes slipped closed. When their combined scents washed over him, Shiro realized they were already in his room—his _nest,_ his mind provided—and Sendak was putting him down on the edge of the bed.

“We don’t have heat sheets,” Shiro mused absently, already tugging at his shirt. He tossed it to the side, and then started working on his pants and underwear. As he slid them down his hips, he flinched away from the fabric, wet strings of slick stretching between it and his thighs.

“You are very wet,” Sendak observed from behind him. His voice was rough in the way it always was when he was aroused, on the cusp of a growl. He pushed Shiro forward face-first onto the side of the bed and then crouched behind him, parting his cheeks.

“What are you—holy fuck.”

Sendak started licking him, dragging his tongue through the slick coating his thighs. It was—Shiro wanted to say disgusting, but the heat-addled part of his brain thought it was the hottest thing Sendak had ever done. He pushed into his mouth, moaning as his tongue scraped over his hole. It was a little more textured than a human’s, rough on his sensitive skin.

Sendak didn’t seem interested in sticking it inside him; he kept lapping at the slick on his thighs and around his hole, going so far as to follow the trail slowly dripping down the path to his cock.

It was filthy. Shiro was nanoseconds from coming.

The instant his tongue brushed the underside of his cock he came, shoving his face into the sheets with a groan. More slick gushed out in response, and Sendak finally rose, wiping at his mouth with one hand and dragging sharp claws over Shiro’s hips with the other.  

“I can’t believe you just did that,” Shiro said, rocking his hips into the bed. “That’s—that’s—”

His words were cut off as Sendak slid home; he didn’t even bother waiting for Shiro to finish talking. He pushed inside him, forcing his sex past the point of greatest resistance, impaling Shiro on his length.

“Your taste,” Sendak growled, “your _scent.”_

Shiro’s eyes rolled in the back of his head as Sendak showed him what he was feeling, lips parting as pleasure overloaded his system and sending him sailing towards the edge again.

Shiro was shaking, his arms quivering under him as he tried to find the right position that didn’t put too much pressure on his bump and ended up pulling Sendak out and moving onto his back instead. Sendak loomed above him the entire time, throat rumbling with a low growl, watching him while he shoved a pillow under his hips.

Once he deemed himself ready, Shiro spread his legs in a way he hoped was enticing.

If Shiro thought their sex had sounded obscene the last time they fucked, it didn’t hold a candle to what it was like now.

Shiro was so wet that Sendak’s hips were soaked with his slick, with the rest of it dripping freely onto the edge of the bed and floor. The wet slap of their hips meeting seemed loud in the quiet of his room, nearly drowning out the sound of his own moans and his pulse roaring in his ears.

Sendak plunged into him, his pace steady and unerring. With two hands instead of one, he was able to bend forward until he was eye-level with Shiro, using his new arm to hold himself up and the other to feel at Shiro’s bump, swollen and heavy under his palm.

Sendak met his eyes, and Shiro couldn’t look away. He brought his hand up to the side of his face, trembling fingers cupping his cheek. Then Sendak ground his hips into Shiro and his eyes fluttered shut, mouth falling open as he came for what felt like the dozenth time.

It was probably the most intimate thing Shiro had ever experienced, staring into his face, knowing that Sendak loved him, loved his children, and wanted to do this with him. Sendak’s hand was still on his belly, claws twitching against the taut skin, like he wanted to dig them in and mark him there.

Shiro wound his arms tighter around Sendak’s shoulders, bringing him in for a kiss.

 _I love you,_ he thought. His chest felt swollen with emotion, clogging his throat and making it impossible to speak. _I love you._

 _“You are mine,”_ Sendak rumbled, and then leaned over and scraped his teeth over the bondmark threateningly, like he was moments from burying his teeth in the flesh.

Shiro exposed his throat encouragingly, but then Sendak straightened and pulled Shiro’s legs over his shoulders, grinding into him in shallow strokes, using the tentacles to tease at the feeling of a knot. Shiro shivered and twitched, moaning through _another_ orgasm.

He felt a little like dying. Heat always made his body feel different; like there something burning inside him, on fire and incapable of being doused. Even though Sendak was buried all the way inside his ass, he wanted him closer; deeper.

He came three more times on Sendak’s sex, and Sendak came once before he knotted him, shoving the tentacles alongside his sex, creating the knot that Shiro hadn’t realized he’d missed until he was sobbing from how good it felt.

Then, because he was already pregnant, and his body didn’t need the knot, after about five minutes he felt about sated as he was going to feel and motioned for Sendak to pull out.

“Shit,” Shiro said, a loose puddle of limbs. “I don’t think I can move anymore.” He paused. “Keep fucking me.”

They fucked until the heat had dissipated and Shiro was too tired and bruised to move, at which point Sendak picked him up and carried him into the shower.

Shiro was grateful for the shower bench, because he was more exhausted he’d ever felt after heat. He leaned his head against the wall, watching Sendak rinse off the slick caked around his pelvis and thighs. God, pregnancy was weird.

After he managed to get himself clean, Sendak carried him and set him down in the comfortable chair that Coran had brought into his room some time ago.

“I will bring back fresh sheets,” he said, dragging his claws gently over the bondmark on his throat. Shiro didn’t really want him to go, but he knew better than anyone that if they left the sheets dirty, the mattress would be ruined, so he watched him leave with a frown.

At some point he fell asleep, and when he opened his eyes, Sendak was laying him down in the freshly changed bed.

“Hi, baby,” Shiro murmured, reaching for his hand. “Thanks for getting new sheets.”

Sendak wordlessly climbed into bed and wrapped his arms around Shiro. He flinched away from his prosthetic, unused to the feeling of cool metal touching his skin, but it warmed quickly enough, and soon Shiro was dozing off blissfully.

* * *

Sensing movement in his peripheral, Shiro opened his eyes, blinking himself awake.

There was a figure standing at the end of his bed, staring at him inquisitively. They were galra, lightly furred, with ears like Sendak’s but pointed down towards the ground, and they were wearing a Blade outfit.

None of this occurred to Shiro, because he was busy screaming.

The moment that Sendak had realized Shiro was in danger, he threw himself between them, claws extended and growling ferociously.

“Get out,” he ground out. _“Now,_ before I kill you.”

The stranger’s calm demeaner remained in the fact of Sendak’s aggression. Shiro shrank back behind Sendak on instinct, palms pressing into his shoulder blades, and it only seemed to further enrage him.

“Calm down, please,” the stranger said. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

Sendak glowered at them, his muscles tensing under Shiro’s hands. The blade uniform that Shiro was just now noticing seemed to be the only thing that was keeping Sendak from tearing them apart.

“Purvak!”

Shiro whipped his head around to look at the sudden appearance of Kolivan, who strolled into his room through the now-open doorway like he belonged there. He looked at Shiro and Sendak, taking in the situation at a glance, and then glared at the person standing in front of Shiro’s bed.

“I told you to knock,” he told them.

“I did. They didn’t answer, so I came in.”

“How—” Shiro scrubbed his hands over his face. He went to sit up, only to realize he was still completely naked. Gathering the sheets around his waist, Shiro looked between the people in his room, feeling an early headache start to build. “Will somebody please explain what the hell is going on?”

* * *

Apparently Kolivan had found them a doula.  

It wasn’t the term they had used. Kolivan’s word had been something in galra, with the direction translation something like “midwife” but it was essentially the same.

“After you told me you were pregnant, I kept an eye out for specific members of the Blades. We have a lot of members that came from different backgrounds. I knew it was only a matter of time before I found Purvak.”

Purvak crossed her arms, leveling Kolivan with an unimpressed look.

“He says he ‘found me’ but it was more like he stumbled upon me in an outpost and begged for me to come help him see to some human that had gotten knocked up and didn’t know the first thing about being galra.”

She was talking about Shiro.

Shiro wriggled closer to Sendak, hands resting protectively on his belly. Purvak had at first insisted on examining him then and there, but Shiro had just come out of heat, he was naked and covered in scratches and bites, and a stranger had wandered into his nest without his permission, staining the room with their unfamiliar scent.

In short: no way in hell.

After an argument that ended when Sendak threatened to rip their throats out, the Blades had left the room and gave them the time they needed to get dressed. Kolivan was sensible about it, but the midwife didn’t have patience for their peculiarities. Likely she’d dealt with all manner of aliens, but that didn’t mean that Shiro wasn’t going to tolerate her intruding on his space.

Shiro chanced a glance at Kolivan, who returned his gaze with one of pity, like he was already regretting bringing Purvak into this.  

“It wasn’t exactly planned,” Shiro admitted. “I didn’t even know I could get pregnant from the galra. _Somebody_ didn’t tell me.”

Shiro jabbed Sendak in his ribs. Sendak didn’t even have the decency to look sorry; he smirked, looking more pleased than he had any right to be.

“Regardless,” she drawled, “you’ll be needing me. You look about ready to pop. Kolivan mentioned humans gestate for nine pheebs.”

“Nine months, yes. Kolivan said to me that galra are pregnant for a year—err, a decapheeb and a half.”

She waved her hand. “Irrelevant. Whatever your normal birth cycle is, that’s how long you’ll be pregnant. So, how long _have_ you been pregnant?”

“Six and a half,” Shiro said. He twitched as one of the twins started kicking the underside of his belly, hard. “But with twins, that can change. Sometimes complications arise, or labor is induced early.”

This was all essentially what he had discussed with Allura, but he they hadn’t known how galra physiology might change how long he would be pregnant. It was a relief to know that he wouldn’t have to suffer for a year and a half.

Purvak nodded.

“I’m not going to stick around for all four pheebs, but I will move to a closer outpost.”

“Why?” Shiro asked. “I mean, I’m grateful, but why are you doing this? Do you help any alien that’s having a galra baby?”

“No. Kolivan just owes me a favor. You won’t have to worry about any sort of payment.”

Shiro looked at Kolivan, frowning. He didn’t know him that well, but he hardly seemed like the type to do something like this just because Shiro might need it.

Kolivan returned his stare evenly.

“The Galra Empire is starting to break. Not much, but we’re cracking at the shell. Without Zarkon at the helm, their leaders are scrambling. Eventually, it will fall.” He averted his gaze, a faraway look in his eyes. “Our race has spent so long obsessing over the purest, strongest galra.” He looked pointedly at Sendak. “But we once valued love of any kind. It’s why it is so easy for galra to have kits with any race. I want to ensure that every child that comes into this world has a chance to do so without hardship, and maybe one day we can return to that time.”

Shiro looked down at his stomach.

“I-I had no idea you felt that way. I don’t how to thank you.”

“Don’t thank me.” He smirked. “At least not yet. Purvak isn’t going to go easy on you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, you think I’m just going to help you give birth? Oh no, we’re going to be _practicing.”_

Shiro blanched.

“Practicing?”

“There are stages,” she began, her tone shifting to that of an educator. “The first we call the bloodletting.”

“Blood…” Shiro trailed off, swallowing uneasily. Sendak’s hand came up over his shoulder and he rubbed his thumb over the bondmark.

“Yes.” Her gaze softened. “It won’t be painful but will require a lot of work from you. You may be human, but you are going to birth half-blooded galra. Do not forget that.”

“Trust me, that’s pretty much impossible.” Shiro laughed, and it came out sounding a little hysterical. “So, what are the other stages?”

Purvak’s voice became even gentler. As she described the birthing process, Shiro felt his face slowly drain of color. He had a feeling it was going to be a very long day.

* * *

After the conversation with Purvak, Shiro was not in a good mood. It was understandable, given the circumstances.

“Was it that bad?” Keith asked him.

He leveled Keith with a look.

“I’m still recovering from hearing somebody else talk about it. So, yeah.” He forcefully spooned some food goo into his mouth. He felt nauseous after his conversation with Purvak, and he was still pissed off that they had intruded on his space so rudely, but he was trying to forget his bad mood and relax.

He tried to remind himself that this was a wonderful gift of life and that if dozens of other aliens had given birth to mixed galra kids, so could he.

“Our children are strong, as are you,” Sendak said, probably believing his compliment was comforting. “I will be there with you the entire time. I’ll make certain nothing goes wrong.”

Anger rushed up into Shiro’s throat. He bit down on his spoon.

“You don’t get to act like you have control over any of this,” he snapped. “You did this to me.”

Sendak stared at him like he couldn’t believe Shiro had just uttered those words. Shiro couldn’t really believe it either, but he didn’t exactly regret it. After hearing in excruciating detail about how terrible and _painful_ the birth was supposed to be, he wasn’t exactly feeling generous.

Keith looked a little too amused by the development, staring at Sendak’s face with a vindictive smirk.

“I’m sorry,” Shiro lied. “I didn’t mean to snap at you. I’m just—I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Let’s move on.”

“All right,” Keith said, shrugging.  

Lance squinted at him.

“When are you doing these…practice births? Just so I know when to avoid being at the castle.”

Shiro pointed his spoon at Lance, about to deliver onto him another scathing retort when Coran interrupted them, saying over the loudspeaker that he wanted to speak with Sendak.

“What’s that about?” Shiro asked.

“It’s nothing,” Sendak said, which was the worst thing that he could have said.

“It doesn’t sound like nothing. What is it?”

“I had questions about your technology,” Sendak said smoothly.

“Really? Like what?”

Sendak looked at him, and Shiro could sense his reluctance, disquiet leaking through the bond. He didn’t want Shiro asking more questions. Shiro didn’t understand what could possibly be so important that Sendak felt the need to keep Shiro out of the loop.

 _He’s hiding something from me,_ Shiro realized. It further fanned the flames of his frustration.

The way Sendak’s expression turned to stone at his realization only confirmed his suspicion. The mere fact that he was lying to his face just so he wouldn’t have to tell him whatever it was made him feel even angrier than he already was.

“Just tell me,” he said, trying to keep his voice low. “What is it?”

“It’s nothing for you to concern yourself with.”

It was the same thing that he had said to him at the mall. On any other day, Shiro would have respected his need for secrecy and he might not have cared, but he was stressed and pregnant and it was really, really getting on his nerves.

Shiro narrowed his eyes.

“Sendak, I’m serious. What’s going on? I’m not in the mood right now.”

“You’re obviously in some sort of mood,” Sendak said calmly. Too calmly. He didn’t even bother answering his question. “I have no idea why.”

There weren’t enough words to properly communicate why Shiro was in such a bad mood, and why it annoyed him so much that Sendak didn’t understand why.

Shiro pinched the bridge of his nose and decided, _fuck this._ This wasn’t worth it. He was in a shitty mood ever since he’s been disturbed by Kolivan and Purvak after just having had his heat, and he just needed…

He looked around at the faces of the people he’d seen every single day, people who he loved, but in that moment, couldn’t stand to see.

He needed to leave.

Shiro pushed himself to his feet unsteadily and stepped away from his chair. Sendak made as if to move, and then Shiro pointed his finger at him.

“Don’t follow me,” he said.

Then he stormed out of the room, leaving them all behind gaping at his receding back.

The silence permeated a few seconds after Shiro had left. Hunk took pity on Sendak and reached over, patting his arm.

“It’s probably just hormones. He’ll be back once he blows off some steam.”

* * *

Shiro didn’t know where he intended to go until he was inside his lion’s hangar, staring up at the black lion.

“Hey, Black.” He raised his palm and placed it on its claw, stroking the metal slowly. “Haven’t seen you in a while. Things have been surprisingly hectic around here.”

He walked up the hangar, which ended up being more of waddle since he’d just had his ass ploughed until it was black and blue, and he’d spent most of his remaining energy resources from that morning actually getting there.

Shiro sat down in the pilot’s seat with a relieved sigh. His bond with the black lion had always been strong, but after everything, it must have changed. It seemed like he could feel its presence as soon as he’d entered the cabin, a solid, comforting weight in his mind.

“I know you can’t talk to me,” he said, “but I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. You saved me. You saved Sendak. Thank you.”

His lion came to life under his fingers, display flickering brightly, encouraging him to interact with it. Maybe even take it for a spin.

For a moment, Shiro contemplating flying his lion. He couldn’t form Voltron, but he sure as hell could take his lion out on a joyride. Placing his hands on the controls, he almost did it, just so he could finally get out there.

The paladins often went on non-dangerous missions, but even then, they seemed hesitant to let him out of the castle. Shiro hadn’t objected, but with the way he was feeling lately, maybe he should have pushed for it. He didn’t like feeling the way he felt now.

It wasn’t that he hated _being_ pregnant. He liked being pregnant with the twins, and he liked the way it made him feel around Sendak.

Up until the point he didn’t.

His feet hurt all the time. His back hurt most of the time. He wasn’t on bed rest, but he wasn’t exactly mobile with his bump as big as it was. Shiro tried to get in exercise every day, but he tired easily.

And then there was Sendak. Just thinking about it made him feel furious all over again.

He’d closed off the bond so that he could have time to himself, but he almost considered opening it again just so he could ask him, _You said you were going to tell me the truth from now on, so why are you lying?_  

Shiro closed his eyes, grip tightening on the controls. For a moment he could pretend he wasn’t pregnant, and that he was about to go on a mission with the paladins. None of what was happening to him was real, and he didn’t have to worry about giving birth or taking care of kids or having a relationship with someone he used to hate.

Shiro regretted the train of thought as soon as it had entered his head. Despite everything that he had gone through, he wouldn’t change any of it.

He _loved_ Sendak.

And the Sendak he knew now didn’t bother with secrets. He may have lied to benefit his own selfish goals, but he didn’t care about hiding anything truly important from Shiro.

A part of him had retained the hope that Sendak would just tell him what that was all about without having to ask. That same part also knew that he wouldn’t be doing it maliciously; hell, if it involved Coran or any of the paladins, they wouldn’t lie with the intention of hurting him.

 _Maybe I’m overreacting,_ he thought, letting his hands fall to his lap. Now that he was here, he was already regretting the long walk he was going to have to make to get back to his room. And he had to pee.

Shiro was just walking out of one of the bathrooms when he saw Matt leaving the pod bay, turning the corner towards the control center. He’d been on a long string of missions, claiming it would be a few weeks before he returned, so Shiro was overjoyed to see him.

“Matt!” he yelled, waving when he glanced around to see who’d called his name.

“Shiro!” Matt ran up to him, hugging him tightly before he stepped away to take the sight of him in full, grinning from ear to ear. “You look…huge.”

“Thanks,” Shiro drawled, a spark of latent anger igniting again. “That’s just what I want to hear. Thank you, Matt, my best friend of all time.”

“Whoa, I’m just sayin’.” Matt raised his hands. “Don’t get mat at me.”

“I’m not angry,” Shiro said, sounding angry.

“Oof. Pregnancy treating you well? And are those new clothes?”

Since their trip to the mall, they had collected a number of baby things, but also quite a few things for Shiro. There was no way he was fitting into any of his old clothes at this point, so he’d resigned himself to wearing paternity wear until he gave birth.

“New clothes, but the same story,” Shiro grumbled, shifting uncomfortably on his feet. “What else is really new? Besides me dealing with all the shit the universe and my own body are throwing at me. It’s just great.”

“Ouch. You seem like you’re about to explode—”

Shiro snorted. Talk about an understatement.

“—so why don’t we go sit down somewhere and talk for a bit?”

* * *

They went to Shiro’s room, at Matt’s insistence. Shiro had at first resisted; he was still a little angry with Sendak, and he didn’t want to be around his stupidly good scent, but the moment he stepped through the room, he admittedly did feel better.

“All right, so spill. What’s he done?”

Shiro sat himself down in the loveseat, hooking his hands around his stomach.

“It’s not just Sendak. It’s…a lot of things.”

“What kind of things?”

“Well, for one, I’m bored. I’ve _been_ bored for weeks.” Shiro learned back and pointed at his stomach. “I love being pregnant, don’t get me wrong, but I’m really tired of not being allowed to do anything around here. I’ve done the stretches,” he started ticking things off his fingers, his aggravation becoming more apparent the longer he spoke, “and I’ve been eating the food goo, and I’ve read the books, and I've watched holo-vids about a thousand times now, and I’m bored out of my fucking mind, every single day! I never thought I would say I miss war, Matt, but I really do. I. Am. So. Bored.”

Matt laughed, which only served to irritated Shiro further.

“Wow, tell me how you really feel. If you’re so bored, then where’s Sendak? Shouldn’t he be entertaining you?”

“He is. He does.” Shiro looked away, pressing his hands where he could feel the twins kicking him. “That’s not a problem.”

“Sex life not swingin’, huh?”

“No, it’s fine,” Shiro said distractedly. “He’s got a—I don’t know if it’s a galra thing or a Sendak thing, but he likes that I’m…”

“What, pregnant?”

Shiro shrugged, going pink. Matt made a face, but he didn’t seem surprised, which somehow made things more humiliating.

“So like, not to make you uncomfortable or anything, but what’s that like?”

“You mean sex with Sendak, or sex with Sendak while pregnant?”

Matt made an affirming sound, waiting for him to expand upon both, apparently.

“Eh.”

Matt stared at him.

“I’m kidding.” Shiro smirked. “I am not talking about my sex life with you. It’s fine and we’re fine. Everything’s normal.”

“‘It’s fine’ sounds like the kind of thing someone says who has a bad sex life.”

“Trust me,” Shiro said slowly, “you don’t need to worry about that.”

“Then he must be good,” Matt said teasingly. “What kind of foreplay to galra get up to, anyway?”

“Sendak’s not really one for foreplay,” Shiro said, before he’d thought about it.

Matt was staring at him again.

“Wait, so you’re telling me there’s no foreplay? There’s never been foreplay? You just fuck?”

“I mean—” Shiro scratched at his cheek. “It’s not like that. Things are different with a galra mate.”

Matt looked at Shiro with such pity that Shiro had to ask, “What?”

“Has it ever occurred to you that the reason you’re angry is because your boyfriend is bad at sex?”

“What—he is not!” Shiro exclaimed. “He’s great.”

“He literally only fucks you or rips into you with his claws. That sounds like somebody who’s bad at sex to me.”

“You just don’t understand, Matt. It’s fine. More than fine. Everything is fine,” Shiro insisted, louder than he’d meant to.

He was suddenly, inexplicably angry at Matt for even insinuating such a thing. Shiro was dealing with enough doubts about Sendak and his own ability to handle the birth without needing Matt to add onto it.

A ball of emotion formed in his throat. His vision started to blur.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, Shiro, are you okay?”

“No,” Shiro said, wiping furtively at his eyes in hopes it would stop.

Matt moved to his side, stroking his back and shoulders comfortingly. “You know I’m only teasing you, right? What’s wrong? I’m being serious now. If you start crying, then things definitely aren’t fine.”

“I’m so scared, Matt,” Shiro confessed, covering the side of his face with a trembling hand. “This galra woman came by, Purvak, and she told me how bad the birth is going to be and I’m _so_ scared. I hate that I don’t what I’m doing. I hate feeling like I don’t know what’s going on. I _hate_ it.”

“Holy shit. Okay, hold on a second.” Matt looked around and reached for the box of tissues on his nightstand, bringing it over and pulling one out for Shiro.

“Okay, let’s just…start over. Why don’t you tell me what’s been going on since I’ve been gone?”

“Things have been great.” Shiro sniffled. At Matt’s look, he laughed wetly. “Really. They are. It’s just a lot all at once.”

He told Matt everything, going into detail about the birthing process as it had been described to him. He had to stop twice so he could dissolve into tears, but instead of feeling embarrassed, it made him feel oddly at ease. Maybe a good cry was really what he had needed.

All through this Matt was listening attentively, nodding and making the appropriate sounds, being the supportive friend Shiro knew him to be.

“You should be telling Sendak all this,” Matt said, once he’d finished. “If you’re worried about the birth, tell him that. If you really want to know what he’s hiding, then tell him it’s upsetting you that much.”

“I know. I _know._ But I was just—so angry this morning. Everything was suddenly coming at me all at once and I wanted to blame somebody for the way I was feeling, and he was the perfect target.” He sniffed, blowing his nose into the tissue before crumpling it into his fist. “I don’t even care that much about whatever the secret is. I trust him.”

“If you ask me, I bet it’s a really nice surprise,” Matt said.

“What, like a gift?”

“Yeah! I bet he’s planning something real sweet and doesn’t want you to know. I bet—” Matt paused, for dramatic effect, “—he’s proposing.”

“No way. We’re basically already married in his culture. Why would he do that?”

“Why do people do anything?” Matt shrugged. “I’m calling it now, and if I’m wrong, I owe you…”

Shiro snapped his fingers. “Babysitting the kids for a week.”

“Oh no, no, no. They’re galra, so they are definitely going to cause trouble. I am not going to babysit those little monsters for more than a few days, tops. Final offer.”

He raised his hand to shake. Shiro chuckled, taking it and giving him two rapid pumps.

“Fine. If he proposes, I’ll admit you were right.”

“Wait, no, shit. I shouldn’t have shook on that. That is a crappy prize! I’ll take your firstborn instead.”

Shiro acted like he was considering it.

“How about…no. I’ll just owe you some kind of favor. Doesn’t matter, because I know I’m right.”

“Uh huh. We’ll see, Shirogane. I hear wedding bells already.”

* * *

Shiro felt significantly calmer after his talk with Matt. It also helped that he was wearing one of Sendak’s shirts now, encased in his delectable scent. The shoulders were far too big for him, but the extra fabric also meant his belly wouldn’t stick out obscenely.

“I’m gonna go hunt down Pidge and say hi, okay?” Matt patted his shoulder, and then pulled him in for another hug. “You call me if you need anything. I’ll probably see you around dinner, but—you know what I mean.”

“I do. Thanks for talking to me. I feel a lot less stressed.”

“Tell your boyfriend he needs to step up his game or a beta is going to steal his omega.” Matt smirked, then leaned in and plopped a wet kiss onto his cheek.

Shiro laughed, swatting at him until he pulled away.

“Get out of here, you doofus.”

“I’ll see you later, Shiro.”

“See you.”

After he left, Shiro shoved his nose into the collar of Sendak’s shirt and inhaled. It was probably time he let him back in.

He didn’t know what kind of feelings he was expecting when he reached out through the bond. It had been a few hours since he had told Sendak not to follow him, and this was probably the longest they had ever ‘fought’, so to speak.

Worry was not the first thing he expected to glean from Sendak. His response to Shiro’s presence was immediate, his words blasting inside his head.

_Shiro._

_I have upset you._

_Let me explain._

Shiro closed his eyes, smiling at how much Sendak was fretting. It was a little flattering to know he’d been so concerned and made Shiro feel even better about the things he and Matt had talked about.

_Please._

Shiro realized he hadn’t given his reply and started walking towards where he felt Sendak. It was somewhere near the lion’s hangar.

_You don’t have to explain anything. I’ve just been stressed about this whole thing. All this talk about the birth kind of set me off. I trust you._

He stopped in the middle of the hallway and pressed his palm flat against the wall.

 _I miss you,_ Shiro said. _Where are you?_

_I will find you._

Shiro waited patiently, knowing that it was easier than chasing each other around the castle. That, and his ass and thighs still hurt.

After a few minutes, Sendak found him leaning against the wall and immediately brought him close so he could start scenting him. Shiro exposed his throat willingly, relaxing into his touch. Sendak pressed his nose against the bondmark, then started kissing his way up Shiro’s throat. His hand came up to support his head and Shiro flinched; he had almost forgotten about the arm now attached to his shoulder.

“You’ve been crying,” Sendak said, staring into Shiro’s red-rimmed eyes.

“It wasn’t because of you,” Shiro assured him. “I was upset. I’ll tell you more about it, but not right now.” He pulled away and Sendak moved his arm into view, allowing him to examine it freely. “How are you liking your new arm? I feel like we didn’t have a chance to really look at it.”

Sendak frowned but went along with his line of questioning. “It is very well made. Better than anything I expected of a ten-thousand year old engineer.”

“It’s nice.” He wiggled one of the claws. They were blunter than his organic claws, but no doubt that they packed a punch. The fingers joints were a little softer to the touch, much like Shiro’s own arm. “Allura mentioned some kind of defensive enhancements the first time we talked about it. Have you had time to test it out?”

“Yes,” he said, without further explanation, and Shiro wondered if that had been what he was doing while Shiro had his freak-out. He wasn’t sweaty, but he _was_ very warm, and his scent smelled thick. “Would you like to see?”

It didn’t sound like a bad idea, and Shiro could use a distraction, but he was tired, and all he really wanted to do at this point was take a nap.

“I’d love to, but honestly? I just want to lay down for a while. With you,” he added. “Did you need to see Coran about your thing?”

“It does not matter,” Sendak said instantly. “I would much rather help you rest.”

“You’re so sweet.” Shiro leaned up and met him in a kiss. “Later today I had plans to meet up with the others for Monsters and Mana. You should join us. You’ve never played.”

“Your game does not interest me.” Shiro pouted, and Sendak huffed. “But I will attempt to involve myself if it makes you happy.”

“It does make me happy.” _You make me happy,_ he wanted to say, but—well, he did, technically. “I think once you start playing you’ll like it.”

Sendak expressed his doubts, but Shiro too had once doubted the appeal of Monsters and Mana. It seemed like just a silly game of pretend, but even after just a few sessions he was realizing why the paladins were so obsessed with it. It was a lot of fun.

They walked to their room, their pace slow. Shiro had been all over the castle already, and his body was starting to complain loudly from being constantly on the move. Although he tried to make his routine to walk as often as possible, he was starting to think he needed to do it more if a few turns around the flat castle floors left him waddling.

Sendak couldn’t take his eyes off him the entire way there, transfixed by the picture he made, and Shiro had to bite back the urge to shout at him to quit it. There was a hint of pleasure that suggested Sendak liked that Shiro was barely able to walk because of his stupid kids and his stupid giant alpha dick.

 _Alphas,_ he thought, barely refraining from rolling his eyes.

* * *

Introducing Sendak into the world of Monsters and Mana had been simpler than Shiro imagined. Sendak quickly picked up on how characters worked in the game, what it meant to roll the dice, and the objectives Coran set out for them.

He had joined as some type of antagonist, which had been in part his idea and in part Coran’s. They didn’t know exactly what his role was, but he was involved in something outside of their group after he claimed he wasn’t interested in leading a hero’s charge.

He seemed more attracted to the idea of causing mayhem and issuing a challenge to the paladins, which Shiro certainly didn’t mind. It made the game more fun, especially now that he wasn’t on the same side as Sendak.

Whatever Coran had planned out, though, kept getting derailed whenever it was Sendak’s turn.

“I seduce the paladin Takashi Shirogane to my side.”

Shiro decided he liked his the way his first name sounded coming out of Sendak’s mouth. He covered his grinning face with his hand. Coran looked like he was about to implode.

“You can’t seduce the paladin! He’s one of the heroes!”

“The rules state that we can do anything we like. I want to seduce the paladin to my side.”

“This will completely change the story!” Coran shrieked. “I thought we had an agreement!”

“I’ve made my decision.”

Sendak leaned back against the couch, moving the hand he had on Shiro’s stomach slowly back and forth. The twins seemed to like it when Sendak was touching him and quieted down, so he took every opportunity to do so, even if it made Shiro feel self-conscious.

Pidge snickered. She was sitting on Sendak’s right and nudged him until he reached for the dice that Coran was reluctantly handing him.

“Well, let’s see how this ends, then.” Coran twirled his mustache, face forming a smirk. “Seducing a heroic paladin is not going to be easy, my friend. You’ve barely even had a chance to meet!”

Sendak took the dice and then let it drop directly over the board.

Silence fell over the room.

“You’re kidding me,” Lance said. “He’s cheating, right? That was definitely cheating.”

“So, uhh, what happens now?” Hunk asked.

The number that Sendak’s roll had landed on was the number twenty, which guaranteed his success in whatever endeavor he made. 

“You—” Coran clenched his trembling fingers into a fist and slammed it on the table. “Ugh! Fine! Sendak, your manners of seduction woo the paladin away from his conquest and he falls deeply in love with you.”

“I mate with the paladin.”

“Sendak!” Shiro laughed out loud. “Stop. It’s not even your turn anymore.”

“And yet somehow I succeeded,” Sendak said, leaning in close and nuzzling the top of Shiro’s head with his nose.

Shiro ducked his head. He didn’t understand how Sendak could just _say_ that and not care. Probably because he liked watching Shiro squirm.

“Okay, can you guys stop being disgusting for one second?” Lance said. “We’re trying to play a game, remember? This isn’t a dating sim.”

Sendak bared his teeth at Lance. Shiro hushed him with a finger on his lips.

“Behave.”

Sendak stared at him, and for a moment Shiro was concerned that he would do something drastic, like suck his finger into his mouth, but he just went dutifully quiet.

“Who’s turn was it?” Shiro said to the table, smiling apologetically.

“My turn,” said Pidge.

The game continued on that way for a while. Shiro and Sendak lead a separate charge towards the ancient ruins on the western part of the map, while the group of heroes attempted to intercept them before they could reach it.

Once they were in the heat of battle, Sendak went directly for Lance.

“I attack Lance with my sword.”

“Hey!” Lance pressed his hand against his chest. “I was going to try and sneak away! You can’t kill me.”

“I will when I win the dice roll.” He moved his palm flat in Keith’s direction, the last to have a turn. “The dice.”

Keith tossed it. Sendak caught it without looking, his eyes trained solely on Lance. They glared at each other, and when Sendak made his roll, Lance let out a triumphant cry.

“Ha!”

Sendak glowered at Lance. The rolls continued, but Sendak's miraculous luck had run out. Over the course of the next few turns, and through the cruel fate of the dice, Sendak had lost his rolls and his character.

“I win! That means I get to murder you when you weren’t paying attention. You were probably too busy staring at your boyfriend—that you stole from us.”

“Welp, that’s that.” Coran sighed, looking like a man that had suffered too much over a silly board game. “You can make a new character if you’d like. Maybe something different this time, like a cleric or…anything other than a paladin, really.”

“This game is pointless,” Sendak snarled. “I am not going through the trouble of making a new character because I failed to roll a higher number.”

“You’re just mad you got beat!” Lance crowed. “Suck it, Sendak.”

“Suck it!” Pidge echoed and then gave Lance a high five. “Now I’m going to use my turn to bring Shiro back to our side. We’ve still gotta fight the boss and a holy paladin would be pretty useful.”

Sendak huffed, leaning back against the wall of the couch, signaling that he was finished playing. Smiling at his discernable disappointment, Shiro pulled his head down and kissed him softly on the cheek.

“It’s okay, baby,” he said quietly. “I still love you, even if you’re dead.”

“I’m seriously considering killing them in real life,” Lance muttered loudly.

The game went on, and Shiro died three times. He revived himself every time as the same character, which Sendak seemed to find endlessly amusing and Coran found unimaginably irritating.

“You’re already a paladin!” he yelled. “That’s it: you’re banned from being a paladin. You can be literally anything else!”

Shiro pouted. “But I liked my paladin.”

“Don’t you think being quadruplets is going a little too far?” Keith said. “Come on, think of something else.”

“Fine. Then I’ll be a, uh.” He flipped through the pages of the book. “I guess I’ll try a sploosh. Now I just need to think of a name.”

“Name them after one of your kids,” Hunk suggested. “Assuming you have names. Do you have names?”

Shiro glanced at Sendak, then looked back at Hunk.

“No, I...I haven’t given it a lot of thought. I’m not good with names.”

“What about Lance Jr?” Lance said, smirking and striking a pose. “I’d say that’s a pretty good name.”

“Not for two girls.”

“Wait, they’re girls?!” Hunk gasped, raising his fists to his mouth in glee.

“Did I not tell you all?” Shiro blinked. “We’re having girls. I’ve got a digital copy of the ultrasound, if you want to see.”

“Yes!”

“I’d like that,” Keith said.

“I wouldn’t mind meeting little Lancette,” Lance agreed.

Coran’s bad mood evaporated as soon as they started talking about the children. He readily agreed to set up the holo-projector, which was connected to the system and could access Shiro and Sendak’s files.

There was a gasp that went around the room when the latest ultrasound came up on screen.

It was even more impressive up close. The sharpness of the galra features were very distinct projected on such a large view, and Shiro wondered why they hadn’t done this before. He curled up against Sendak, his eyes glued to the screen.

“Oh my god she has _ears,”_ Hunk cried happily. “That’s so cute!”

“Looks like Sendak,” Keith said. “Huh.”

“I was not expecting that,” Lance said. “Why don’t you look like that, Keith?”

“I don’t know, Lance. Maybe my mom was only half-galra or something.”

“You are galra?” Sendak asked, surprised.

“Yeah.” Keith looked at him and shrugged. “Never knew my mom, but I have her Blade knife.”

“And your eyes sometimes glow yellow when you’re mad,” Lance said pointedly.

Keith blinked at him. “They do?”

“You never noticed?”

“Uh, no?”

Shiro looked at Sendak, who had forgone talking to Keith to stare at the screen. The conversation in the room had picked up, with everyone speaking about different things to each other, and it gave Shiro a moment to talk to Sendak semi-privately.

“I keep thinking about names," he said, "and then my mind goes completely blank. Maybe if one of them was a boy I’d have an idea…”

Sendak tilted his head slightly, still staring at the screen.

“My…mother’s name,” he began suddenly. “It was Ellar.”

“Your mother?” Shiro tried not to react too strongly to the mention of it in case it scared him off, even though he was dying to know more. “What about your father?”

“Dead. They both perished when I was young.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don't be. You are not responsible for their demise.”

“I still am. I didn’t know my parents long either. I took care of myself, mostly.” Shiro leaned his head on Sendak’s shoulder, aching to ask him more about his family but not wanting to upset and potentially ruin the moment.

“I like Ellar,” Shiro said softly. “It’s a beautiful name.”

Sendak was silent, but Shiro could feel the depth of his emotion ringing out, a seemingly endless pool of love and affection that Shiro could have happily drowned in.

"Ellar,” Shiro repeated, taking Sendak’s hand and squeezing it. “Ellar. A good name for a baby girl.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every day we drift further and further into ooc land. Yet I do not care. 
> 
> I apologize for the obvious Matt ex-machina but I just...like writing Shiro and Matt interact. And I will admit that this chapter feels bit more lackluster in comparison in to the rest, so I offer even more apologies for my bad writing!! 
> 
> p.s. I know pregnancy is usually measured in weeks and not months, but for the sake of the audience I think it makes for an easier read.


	17. Bonus Chapter 5: Birth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please keep in mind this is a fanfic made up birth and not a real birth. Hope you enjoy this pointless self-indulgence and fluff!!!

Practicing for labor wasn’t that difficult. It was mostly breathing exercises that Shiro felt silly doing and being told which way he should position himself to best give birth. All in all, it wasn’t that different from how human’s went into labor. Other than the fact that Shiro was absolutely terrified.

At seven and a half months, Shiro was very big.

Human twins were one thing, but _galra_ twins were another. He felt like there was no way he could grow anymore, and then the next day he would swear up and down that his belly got bigger.

Sendak was disgustingly into it, using any and all opportunities to have his hands on Shiro’s body at all times.

“If you touch me one more time I’m going to kill you,” Shiro said, having just finished practicing how to breathe _again,_ because apparently most people fainted at the sight of blood literally pouring out of them and he needed to be prepared.

Sendak stilled his hand, mere inches away from Shiro’s large bump.

“The children are hurting you.”

“I can see that. Thank you for pointing that out. It does hurt. A lot.”

The kicks weren’t the part that hurt (much). Unless they found a tender spot on his stomach and decided to have at it for a while, the kicks left him bruised but otherwise free of harm.

It was the movement that hurt him the most. They wouldn’t stop shifting and turning inside him, angling for room that he didn’t have, pressing up into his ribs or scratching at his insides in a never-ending cycle. Sometimes it hurt so badly that Shiro begged Sendak to take the pain away, usually in tears.

They reacted strongly to his touch. According to Purvak it was a galra thing.

He pressed his hands where they were currently tumbling near the top of his stomach. One of them started doing something—stretching, planking, he didn’t fucking care what it was—and he lifted himself halfway out of his seat, curling forward.

“I hate you,” he whined, shoving Sendak’s hand away when he tried to help. “I hate you so much. Why did I let you do this to me? Why can’t they just come _out?”_

“You think this is painful?” Purvak snorted, walking up to him and laying her hands on his stomach where the skin was stretching with their movements. He let out a sigh as she massaged her fingers expertly into his skin. “I had a woman half your size give birth to full galra children. Their species didn’t transfer their own genetics. Come on, get up. Movement helps.”

Shiro glared at her. “I’m not moving. I’m tired of moving. I’m tired of doing this.”

“I don’t care. You’ll feel better if you move around.”

Shiro’s lower lip trembled, and for a moment, he was worried he was going to start crying. Then he received a direct hit to his bladder and it transformed into anger, so he slowly forced himself to his feet.

“Fine.” He sighed, then did it a second time. “Where are we going this time?”

“I think we should go out.” She smiled at his surprise. “You said you haven’t been out of the castle much, so let’s go out. There’s a planet nearby that we can take a pod to.”

After having a talk with the paladins about how much he wanted to leave the castle, Shiro had started travelling along with them on missions, but only if the planet was completely safe and habitable. But because the paladins were so busy fighting, as of late he had barely left his room.

“Suddenly, I’m not tired anymore,” Shiro joked. “I wouldn’t mind going outside. Where to?”

“Are you certain this is wise?” Sendak inquired.

“Sendak, I swear to god if you ruin this for me—”

“It’s completely safe,” Purvak interrupted, holding up her hand. “You won’t have to worry. And both of us are capable warriors. He won’t be in any danger.”

“Very well. Shiro, do you have to use the bathroom?”

“I’m not a child,” Shiro snapped. Then, after a beat, “Yes. I’ll be right back.”

* * *

Sendak flew the pod to the planet, which puzzled Shiro a little. He had assumed that Purvak was going to drive. She tended to take control of things, but Sendak was guiding them towards the planet with ease.

“You were a commander, but how much flight experience did you actually have to have?”

“I am an experienced pilot, but not a fighter pilot,” Sendak said. “You don’t have to worry about me crashing a simple pod.”

“I’m not,” Shiro replied. “But I like knowing more about you. We barely talk about your life before you were a commander.”

“There is little of interest. I trained, and then I became strong enough to rise to the rank of commander not long after I conquered my first planet. You were there for the rest. I was a commander. I did what I was told to do. I caused great suffering across the universe.”

Shiro opened his mouth to say _it’s okay,_ but then realized that it wasn’t. What Sendak had done wasn’t okay, and that was something Shiro had to live with. He glanced out the window, watching the planet grow closer and closer, reminding himself that he wasn’t responsible for what Sendak had done, nor should he feel guilty about it.

Purvak had been standing behind Shiro silently, listening in on their conversation without a word, and when he looked back at her, she was staring at Sendak.

“I don’t understand you,” she said suddenly. “No matter how many times Kolivan tried to tell me, I didn’t believe it. A royal commander of the Galra Empire, one of the highest-ranking officers of the entire fleet, wouldn’t suddenly give up his position to mate with a human. A paladin of Voltron, at that. I just don’t get it.”

“It’s simple,” Sendak said. “I wanted for nothing. I cared for nothing. Then, I wanted Shiro and I cared for him.”

He said it like it was that easy, like it was the only explanation needed for why he was with Shiro, after they had hurt so much. Shiro wanted to say something, but found that even if he attempted it, he wasn’t sure he could describe exactly how it came about either.

He was just glad they were here now.

Reaching over, Shiro took Sendak’s hand, smiling when Sendak was the one to thread his fingers through Shiro’s. He wasn’t affectionate in the traditional sense, but he did whatever he thought made Shiro happy, including human expressions like holding hands.

By the time they reached the planet, Shiro’s irritation from earlier was gone. And if it hadn’t been, the planet itself would have done the trick.

Shiro craned his neck to get a better look at its surface, his breath catching in his throat.

It was gorgeous. It was a planet covered in thick greenery, like the one that Shiro and Sendak had originally been stranded on, but the trees were a much darker green and the flora was a mixture of vibrant, glowing pastels, surrounded by huge crystals jutting out of the ground that reflected the glow and made the surface seem to glitter. Large reserves of water dotted the surface, implying that underneath the planet must be some sort of large cave system.

“How did I not know about this?” Shiro said once they stepped out of the pod. “Why didn’t anyone tell me this was here?”

Sendak stepped up behind him, hand on his shoulder.

“Do you like it?”

“Like it?” It was an odd question. “I think it’s beautiful. It’s a great place to take a walk.”

Sendak wordlessly started leading him in a seemingly random direction, prompting Shiro to turn around and call for Purvak, who was still standing by the doorway of the pod, smiling at them impishly.

“Hold on—shouldn’t we wait for Purvak?”

Sendak pushed him gently forward, his hand hovering over his back. Shiro glanced back at Purvak and she waved before disappearing into the pod.

“Sendak?” he started, narrowing his eyes suspiciously. “What’s going on?”

Sendak remained silent, but there was a very small smile on his face. Not a smirk, or a grin, but a genuine smile.

“You knew this was where we were going,” Shiro realized out loud. “You were pretending like you didn’t want me to come here. I _knew_ that was weird! You know how much I love to get out of the castle.”

“I wanted to bring you here,” Sendak finally said, pausing to duck his head underneath a low-hanging branch. There was a large root on the path they were taking, and he reached out for Shiro, holding his hand out for him to take. “Come.”

Shiro looked up at the canopy above them, casting delicate shadows across Sendak’s face, and then at the glowing plants scattered by their feet, almost like they were leading him in a specific direction.

He took Sendak’s hand, bracing his free hand on his stomach as he stepped over the root carefully. Sendak hovered over him, and when he turned to face him, he pulled Shiro into a deeply satisfying kiss, placing his hand over the one on Shiro’s stomach.

It felt like anticipation.

“We’re not just here for a walk, are we,” Shiro breathed against his mouth.

“Come,” Sendak repeated, gently pulling him forward. He walked backwards, never taking his eyes off Shiro, and he understood why once they exited the cluster of trees and moved out into the open.

It was one of the lakes that he’d seen before. It was even more magnificent up close, with gigantic crystals sticking out of the water. Shiro’s eyes went wide, and as he stared, he was vaguely aware of Sendak watching the expressions play across his face, but he was too distracted by the sparkling lake to give it much thought.

He tried to walk up to the water’s edge to get a closer look, but Sendak held him steadfast, moving in front of his view.

“You wanted to know what I was hiding from you.”

“I assume this is what it was. A…planet? Is that what you were doing with Coran?” Shiro moved around in circles, still amazed by the beauty of it all. “Finding this place?”

“Yes.” A pause. “Shiro, you are aware that I—that is,” Shiro raised a brow at the way he stumbled, “I have made no claims to this war. I have remained on your side, but not joined your cause.”

“I know,” Shiro said, and then waited. Sendak seemed uncertain, shifting uncomfortable on his feet.

“When I allied with your princess, she told me that I must choose a side. I had ignored her words, but the more that I spent time with you and watched our children grow, the more that I realized I was living a foolish dream.

“I could not stay here with you,” he said, giving Shiro a heart attack before he continued on to say, “not unless I joined your cause.”

“So you’re…”

“I have spoken to your princess. Allura. I received the approval from her and your paladins. I talked to all of them. I am officially a part of the Voltron Coalition.”

“Oh my god, that’s great!” Shiro wanted to leap forward and pull him into a hug, but Sendak hadn’t finished speaking.

“However, I soon came to the obvious conclusion that it wasn’t enough.”

Shiro paused in stepping towards Sendak. “What?”

“Joining your coalition, being a part of your team—it was not enough to truly prove myself a worthy mate. Not as a proud galra.”

“Sendak—” Shiro laughed. “You’ve proven yourself enough already. You don’t have to worry about that.”

“I had hoped that training with your paladins—engaging with your people—would bring me closer to feeling as though I had proven myself to you,” he said, ignoring Shiro’s assurance, “but I knew that would never suffice. Not when it came to you, Shiro.”

He reached behind himself and pulled something out of his pocket. It was a metal box with a logo that Shiro recognized from the mall.

“Oh my god,” Shiro whispered, trying not to get ahead of himself. There was no way, _no way—_

“I purchased this from a jeweler on a whim,” Sendak said. He opened the box, pulling out an object that had Shiro sighing in relief and his curiosity rising in equal turn. “But it helped me realize what I must do.”

The item he was holding was like a bracelet, or a wrist cuff, about two inches wide, made of the something dark; so dark that it seemed almost endless when Shiro looked at it. As he turned it under the sun’s glare, it began to glimmer.

“It is of galra make,” he explained. “This is the strongest alloy in the galaxy. It will never break.”

“It’s beautiful,” Shiro said. “I-I don’t know what to say right now. This is such a surprise.”

Sendak took his arm and slipped it over his wrist, tightening the clasp.

“I considered a necklace, but this is a much safer option, and will show my claim to anyone who sees it.”

“Your claim, huh?” Shiro looked at the top of the cuff, catching sight of the small holes that would presumably hold some kind of rock or charm. “Thank you. Really, this is so sweet of you. All of this. I love it.”

Sendak leaned down and kissed Shiro, deliberate and slow, his hands curling around his head to hold him there.

“I am not finished,” he said. “The cuff is nothing without the gemstones. No gem could compare to you, Shiro. But that does not mean you will not have the best I can offer.”

Sendak stepped back and began stripping himself of his armor. Shiro had thought it was odd he wasn’t wearing any of the clothes that they had bought, and his confusion only compounded when Sendak stopped at his bodysuit, leaving the thin material as his only cover.

“What are you doing?” Shiro asked. He glanced down at the cuff as if it would answer his question, turning his wrist so he could get a better look at it.

“The galra pride themselves on loyalty and courage above all else,” Sendak said. “Victory, or death.”

Shiro did not like the sound of that.

“So, what does that have to do with this?”

“At the bottom of this lake lies a gemstone. It is the rarest of its kind and is guarded by a manner of hostile aquatic beasts. In a show of my commitment, I am going to bring it to you.”

Sendak turned to face the lake and began walking. Shiro gaped at his back, flabbergasted at the turn in their conversation.

“Wait!” Shiro called, hurrying to catch up with him. He grabbed him by his forearm, tugging him back away from the water. “Hold on a second. You’re not seriously considering going in there, are you?”

“I am. Stand aside, Shiro. I will return to you shortly with the gem.”

“But—hold on.” Shiro pressed his palms flat against Sendak’s chest, trying to push him backwards. “You said it was dangerous.”

“It is.”

“So when you said ‘victory or death’, you meant you could die.”

“I did.”

“Sendak. This is sweet. It is, but you can’t—” Shiro pinched the bridge of his nose. “Do you see what I’m getting at? I don’t want you risking your life for me.”

Sendak stared at him, mouth forming a frown.

“I told you Shiro, I must prove myself to you. This is the only way to do it.”

“Not if you die!” Shiro shouted. He couldn’t believe they were even having this conversation. “I can’t believe we’re having this conversation. You are not jumping into a lake full of crystals and dangerous beasts to get me a gemstone.”

“Shiro—”

“I appreciate it. I really do. But no. It’s not happening.”

Now Sendak was angry. His lips curled, revealing his canines. He growled in Shiro’s face and pointed at the lake.

“I _will_ find the stone and I will return to you. You will not stop me.”

“Oh, really? Is that what you think?” He let out a laugh. “I love you, Sendak! I’m not going to risk you like that. Can you even fight in the water? Did you even think this through?” He paused. “How the hell did you get Coran to agree to help you?”

“He did not know exactly what I was planning. He only knew it involved you. Nevertheless—” He shoved Shiro aside, stepping towards the water, and Shiro clenched his fists, trying to think of a way to stop Sendak before he killed himself.

Then it hit him.

“If you take one more step, I’m leaving.”

Now it was Sendak’s turn to act surprised. “What?”

“You heard me. I’m not going to stand here and watch you kill yourself.”

It was a lie; if Sendak went in, Shiro wouldn’t leave until he came back, but that was beside the point.

He could almost hear the sound of Sendak’s teeth grinding together.

“Shiro, you do not understand.” He walked up to him and cupped his cheeks, holding his face gently, like he was afraid it might break. “You have not even an inkling of how much you mean to me. If there is love in me, all of it is reserved for you. Joining your coalition, that is just words. I must _show_ you.”

“You don’t have to. You have already.” Shiro jerked Sendak’s head down and looked him in the eye. “You’ve shown me time and time again that you care about me. You don’t need to risk your life to show it.”

“This is the way of the galra. How else will I prove my commitment to you?”

“By being there. For me.” He took his hands and put them on his stomach. “For them. This kind of gesture—it’s a big deal, right? That means a lot to me, but it means more that you wanted to show me at all.”

Shiro stroked his thumbs across Sendak’s cheekbones, his voice desperate and beseeching. Sendak stared at him, his anger at Shiro for not understanding the cultural reasons behind a potential suicide mission palpable and refusing to abate.

“I almost lost you once, Sendak. Even if you knew you could do this with one-hundred percent certainty, I still wouldn’t want to let you because I love you. _I love you.”_

He kissed Sendak again and again, whispering endearments until Sendak’s ruffled fur had flattened and he was calm.

“You are a very difficult mate,” Sendak muttered, once Shiro had pulled away. His lips were kiss swollen and the fur on his face was mussed from where Shiro had been stroking it. It was a good look for him. “If it bothers you that much, then I suppose I will find…another way.”

His lips curled back distastefully.

“Oh, I’m difficult?” Shiro smiled. “I’d like you to meet someone I know who’s even more difficult. His name is Sendak. He’s risked his life one too many times and made his mate worry more than he should.”

Sendak huffed, pulling Shiro towards him. It was difficult to hug properly, but Sendak had long arms and he liked being able to snuggle up close, even if it was more of a side-hug.

“If I am no longer doing this,” Sendak murmured over the top of his head, “then I will have to find another resource. That cuff should not be on your wrist bare.”

“Want me to take it off?”

Sendak took his arm in hand, scrutinizing it.

“No,” he said. “I suppose you may leave it. I will find another way to acquire ones even more precious soon.”

“You could just buy them,” Shiro said. “You got that from a jeweler’s, right?”

“I am not buying your precious gemstones from the mall. I will find a way, and then we will repeat this event with much greater success.”

“Sure. But for now, let’s continue on our walk and pretend you didn’t try to fight a bunch of monsters for me.” Shiro stepped away so Sendak could put back on his armor. “How did you get Purvak in on this, anyway?”

“She claimed to have ‘a soft spot’ for you.”

“Wait, really?” He thought of Purvak’s attitude towards him and his brow furrowed. “Are you sure about that?”

“No. I don’t particularly care what she thinks of you, so long as she does her job.”

“At least you’re honest,” Shiro said, shaking his head. “I still can’t believe you did all this. I knew that there was something going on, but I had no idea it would be a whole planet escapade.”

With his armor now donned appropriately, Sendak moved back to Shiro’s side, hand hovering over his back.

“I spent many nights here in search while you were asleep. I know the area fairly well.”

“Huh.” How had he not woken up? Maybe it was the nights Sendak had fucked him so hard he passed out right after. “Well, I guess you can show me around.”

“You should decide on a course,” Sendak said. “Since I have failed my mission.”

“You didn’t fail anything. The bracelet is beautiful and I love the scenery. Even if you stressed me out for a minute there.”

Sendak brushed his palm down his back apologetically. Shiro started walking, picking a direction at random that appealed to him. There was a section of the area that was dotted with smatterings of the glowing plants, creating a nice effect, and there was a nice looking tree further off.

They walked for a while, enjoying the scenery (well, Shiro did. Sendak mostly stared at Shiro) until Shiro’s strength started to flag and he said he was tired and didn’t want to move around anymore.

“I will carry you back, if you so desire,” Sendak said.

“What? No. I don’t need to feel any more mortified around Purvak than I already do. Let’s just…sit here for a while. The sun feels nice.”

Shiro carefully crouched and brushed his fingers over the patch of grass under the tree. It wasn’t a pillow by any means, but it would be more comfortable than the alternative. Besides, now that he was on the ground, he wasn’t getting up anytime soon without some help, so he settled back, bracing his hands behind him to expose himself fully to the warm sun.

Sendak took off the armor on his torso and then moved behind him, maneuvering his legs so he was caging Shiro in between them.

“I love how big and muscly you are,” Shiro said absently, relaxing back against his chest. “Makes me feel safe. Although I don’t love how big you made the babies. Ellar and baby two are really killing me here.”

“I’m sure they’re eager to be free,” Sendak said, reaching around to rub his palms over his belly just the way that Shiro liked.

“I hate that they go quiet when you touch them.” Shiro laid his hands over Sendak’s, breathing a little easier as the twins stopped shifting so damn much. “Maybe hate isn’t the right word. I’m a little jealous, I guess. I wish they liked _me_ that much.”

“Galra children imprint on their mothers in the womb. They will already love you.” Sendak pressed a kiss to his temple, splaying his fingers across his belly. “As do I.”

“Imprinting? That sounds kind of cute.” Shiro relaxed further, letting his eyelids fall shut. The sun was so _warm_ here, but it wasn’t the same kind of heat from Earth. The light was dim and gentle, and it made Shiro feel sleepier than ever.

“Sorry I yelled at you a bunch earlier,” he said, words slipping together drowsily. “Sometimes I get so mad at you, even though I know it’s not your fault. I have to pee all the time and I’m _so_ big.”

“I know,” Sendak murmured. His hands pressed into his skin. “I did not know human’s wombs expanded so greatly.”

“Please stop talking,” Shiro groaned. “The fact that you get off on that is so weird.”

Shiro had always assumed that would all be on his end, but Sendak found the strangest human behaviors and mannerisms arousing, like when Shiro started nesting and kept moving Sendak’s things around the room until it ‘felt right’, or when he had cravings that Sendak was a little too eager to fill.

“You like it,” Sendak declared, which Shiro did not deny. It was hard not to like the things Sendak liked when they were connected so deeply.

“Mm, maybe,” he said sleepily. He tilted his head back, staring up at the trees.

It was nice like this. Peaceful. Shiro could have easily spent the rest of the afternoon lounging with Sendak, thinking about and doing nothing in particular.

Then his mouth started moving on its own.

“Sendak?”

Sendak grunted to show he was listening.

“I’m…” Shiro bunched the fabric of his shirt into his fists. “I’m really scared.”

Sendak went still.

“It’s not you, and it’s not this, it’s—giving birth. Going into labor. You can probably tell I’ve been nervous about it, but the truth is, I’m terrified.” Shiro reached up and ran his fingers through his hair. He was going to need another haircut soon. “Whenever I think about it, I start feeling like—like I’m drowning.”

Sendak kept his silence, his hands inching across his belly uncertainly.

“The stuff with Purvak has helped. Knowing how it’s going to all go down and what I’m supposed to do helps, but…I don’t know. There’s a lot even she admitted that she doesn’t know because it’s a little different with every species. And if something goes wrong—”

Shiro bit down on his lip.

“And I don’t want you to say it’s going to be okay, or you’re going to be there,” Shiro hurried to say. “I know you are, and I hope—I _know_ it will be. I guess the point I’m trying to make is I wanted you to know how I feel.”

“You are not the only one who is afraid,” Sendak said, pushing his nose into the crook of Shiro’s neck. “I was not lying when I said that I was uncertain your body could handle a galra birth. I don’t doubt Purvak’s abilities, but a part of me is…”

He squeezed Shiro to his chest, careful of his stomach. Then he nuzzled into Shiro’s throat, pressing his mouth firmly over the bondmark.

“Acknowledging our fears is not something the galra do,” he continued, “but if you are confiding in me, then I feel I must do the same.”

“I appreciate it,” Shiro said. “It makes me feel better, knowing I’m not the only one stupidly afraid of this whole thing.”

“You once said you could not live with yourself if I died because of you.”

Shiro swallowed around a sudden lump in his throat. “Sendak—”

“If you perished because of this, I would—”

“Don’t.”

Shiro tipped his head back, blinking rapidly.

“Don’t say it.” He rotated his body until he was face to face with Sendak. “We’re gonna be okay. Everything is going to be fine.”

“You just claimed you didn’t want me offering useless platitudes to ease your worry.”

“Yeah, well, then you had to go and start saying things like you wouldn’t want to live without me.”

Sendak inclined his head. Shiro struggled not to let his hormones get the better of him and start crying, and eventually he calmed down enough to relax back into Sendak’s arms, though he was still somewhat shaken up by their conversation.

“So, we’re both afraid,” Shiro said, “and nobody is going to die. That’s good to know.”

Sendak grunted. Shiro sighed.

“Let’s just stop talking for a while and relax.”

“Very well.”

Shiro closed his eyes, shaking himself until his body became loose-limbed once again and he could bask like he’d originally intended to do before they started talking feelings.

Eventually, the combination of the warm sun and Sendak’s hands on his belly lured him into a light doze that quickly became a heavy slumber when Sendak made no move to wake him. Even though the position couldn’t have been comfortable, he remained still until Purvak found them some time later.

“I figured I’d find you two cuddled up somewhere instead of trying to drown yourself,” she said, hands on her hips. “He’s not the type to really go for the whole ‘fight to the death for your mate’ thing. Most people aren’t.”

Sendak bared his teeth at her, but it lacked true threat. She smirked down at the pair of them, taking in Shiro’s sleeping form with a much softer smile and a shake of her head.

“Tell him to find me when he wakes up. We’ve got more work to do.”

* * *

Now at eight-and-a-half months, or 34 weeks, Shiro was highly anticipating the moment when he could get the twins out of his body and into the real world. Maybe not the leadup, but the result was tantalizingly close. He’d been having contractions on and off for the last week and had been resting in bed for most of it. It wasn’t completely miserable with Sendak at his side day in and day out, at his beck and call, but it was close.

Purvak had come to stay at the castle the moment he mentioned contractions, watching over him like a hawk. When she wasn’t, there was someone else in his room, checking in on him or seeing how he was doing.

Shiro sighed, his eyes sliding restlessly over the walls of his room. One of the twins started clawing at his ribs.

“Please kill me,” he deadpanned. “Sendak, get over here. Your kids want their dad to die.”

Sendak dutifully climbed onto the bed, lifting Shiro’s shirt and placing his hands on his bare stomach. Shiro moved himself higher on the stack of pillows behind him, sighing in relief as Sendak’s magic touch quieted the twins.

They sat there for a while in silence, with Shiro relaxing and Sendak rubbing his belly. This was a common occurrence for them, but sometimes it would lead to other things. Other things being sex.

See, if he wasn’t in pain, he was horny. And really, sometimes translated to ‘most of the time’ because the moment Sendak would put his big hands on Shiro, his omega brain would start screaming at him to jump his bones.

“God, you smell good,” Shiro said. He gave the air a good sniff. “I don’t know if it’s my pheromones or yours, but I swear you smell better every day. What are the chances we would have sex if I asked?”

“The doctor advised against it,” Sendak said. He was so _concerned_ all the time now, which was wonderful, but not conducive when Shiro was interested in being nailed into the bed.

“She advised we be careful,” Shiro corrected. He leaned back and wrapped his legs around Sendak’s waist, digging his feet into his back. “You can’t fuck me into a coma, but you can still fuck me.”

Sendak said nothing, his usual response to Shiro’s shenanigans. Shiro prodded the bond and didn’t sense him being any more turned on than usual, so he almost resigned himself to being horny for the unforeseeable future when he got an idea.

“You know,” he started slowly, laying his hands overtop Sendak’s. “I was wondering. The other day, what was it that Kolivan called the twins? Kits?”

“Yes.” Sendak shot him a suspicious glance, then returned to watching Shiro’s stomach stretch and move under his hands. “The galra refer to children in different ways that vary depending on their heritage.”

“You just called them children.”

Sendak nodded. “It is the term used by most.”

“You look sort of cat-like.” Sendak’s lips curled, but Shiro forced on ahead, smiling. “Do you have anything else you call them?”

Sendak’s hands settled. There was a twitch of something across the bond. He wasn’t looking at Shiro.

“Not precisely.”

“So.” Shiro pulled Sendak’s hands higher on his stomach. The skin was as hot as ever. “I’m having your kits.”

A stronger twitch. It felt like arousal, but not quite. Shiro swore he didn’t have a pregnancy kink, but just the idea of Sendak getting off on Shiro like this stimulated a primal part of his brain he couldn’t ignore.

“Shiro.”

Sendak was wise to his manipulations, but clearly not enough to stop him. His claws dug into his skin, just enough to make Shiro shiver.

“You made me like this,” he breathed. “You put your kits in me. I asked you to breed me, and you did. You made me so big and fat I can barely move—”

The reaction was instantaneous. Sendak snarled something in Galran and captured Shiro’s lips in a kiss, his arousal washing over Shiro in heated waves. He moaned into his mouth, spreading his thighs and encouraging Sendak to get between them.

“I will not fuck you,” Sendak said, even while his hands were roaming freely over Shiro’s hips and thighs. “But if are that eager, I will gladly pleasure you.”

Sendak’s palm pressed into his crotch and Shiro suddenly remembered what Matt had said.

“You know,” Shiro started, “you could suck me off.”

“Suck you off,” Sendak repeated. “Explain.”

“Remember blowjobs? You could give me one.”

“Your teeth are far blunter than mine.” Sendak opened his mouth to demonstrate, running his tongue over his sharp canines. “I am not certain I could.”

“I trust you,” Shiro said. “But if you really don’t want to, I’m not going to make you.”

He tried not to sound disappointed. Sendak looked at him for a moment, and then a sense of determination washed over him.

He lowered his mouth to Shiro’s belly and began slow, trailing soft, gentle kisses down the curve that became firmer as he drew closer to his underwear. Shiro hadn’t put on pants that morning, and he was grateful for it, enjoying how Sendak licked him through his underwear, dragging his tongue over the fabric until Shiro’s hips were twitching up into his mouth.

He moved with inexperience and a lack of precision, but with their bond in play, it worked to his advantage. After freeing his cock from the confines of his underwear, Sendak focused on using his tongue, dragging it up and down the length of his dick, pausing near the head when Shiro let out a soft moan.

“This area is sensitive,” Sendak observed aloud. “Much like my own. We are not so different.”

“Yeah,” Shiro said, already breathless, “not—not really. Keep doing that. And you can use your hands.”

Sendak continued to tease him with licks and kisses, using his hand to stroke at him sparingly. Shiro curled the sheets between his fingers, tugging on them with every pass of Sendak’s tongue on his cock. The pressure of his mouth and tongue was slow-rolling and lighter than he’d like, but still nice. With Sendak, he tended to get overwhelmed quickly. Nice was good.

He sighed, reaching forward to wind his fingers into Sendak’s fur, stroking at his head.

“I am going to suck you now,” Sendak said, lifting his head. His ears flicked against the side of Shiro’s hand. “Do _not_ move.”

“Trust me, you’ll know if it hurts.”

“Even so.”

Sendak sucked the head of Shiro’s cock into his mouth, copying what Shiro had done for him. Shiro moaned, spreading his legs to resist the urge to thrust.

Sendak was very careful, his teeth never touching Shiro’s dick, but it was still unpracticed. He used his tongue more than his mouth, sucking Shiro down, only to recede and lave his cock with it, pressing it flat along the underside.

Even though it wasn’t the blowjob of the century, it was more than enough for Shiro. The closer he got to his due date, the easier it felt like he fell into a heat-like trance where he stopped thinking completely, happy to be fucked by Sendak for hours alone, and this was no different.

He knew Sendak could tell he was getting close when he started to spend more time with Shiro in his mouth, holding him there, rubbing his wet tongue over his skin roughly and in repeated motions.

When Sendak swallowed him down him as far as he could, Shiro let out a breathless groan and curled forward.

“Close,” he whined. “I’m so close.”

Sendak’s movements became even more slow and languid, dragging it out. Shiro could barely contain his moans, shuddering each time Sendak bobbed his head. Despite his warnings, Shiro started to tentatively thrust, bracing his hands on the bed. Sendak rumbled something through a mouthful of his cock and Shiro sucked in a sharp breath, arching, his pleasure building and building. Sendak teased the head of his cock with his tongue and Shiro moaned as he started to come—

—just as a contraction slammed into his gut.

“Oh fuck oh fuck oh _fuck,”_ he cried, twisting against the pressure.

It was the oddest and most intense orgasm Shiro had ever had. These kinds of contractions didn’t hurt, but he felt his cervix clamp down tight, the muscles fluttering wildly. He was still shaking when he came down, his hands instantly going for his stomach. He could usually tell where the twins were inside him, and they felt very low.

“Are you all right?” Sendak asked, forgoing grabbing a tissue to instead check up on Shiro. “Shiro.”

“I’m fine.” He grit his teeth, rubbing his hands in circles on the sides, of his stomach. “Just contracting a bit. Don’t worry about it. Hand me that pillow?”

He pointed at one of the pillows behind Sendak. After cleaning up the mess on his stomach, he moved aside and helped Shiro put it between his thighs, hands hovering over him once he’d done so.

“Perhaps I should call upon Purvak,” he stated after a few seconds. Shiro waved his hand at him.

“It’s not that bad. Should go away in a few minutes.”

The contractions did recede after as he’d predicted, and Shiro decided he was feeling well enough to take a warm shower. It helped him relax even further, and then Sendak took him back to bed.

It had been wonderful, aside from the contraction, but Sendak seemed agitated; uneasy.

“We should not have done that,” he said for the fifth time, pacing the length of the room. “You should be in constant rest.”

“It’s fine,” Shiro said, reaching out to soothe him, but Sendak would not be soothed; he kept pacing, watching Shiro with a wild eye, his head shifting away only to snap back to him.

“We barely did anything. Come to bed. Let’s just take a nap.”

Sendak kept pacing.

“I feel _fine,”_ Shiro insisted. He begged and whined, but no matter what he did, Sendak wouldn’t be calmed. The sudden change was in stark contrast to their previous lovemaking and threw Shiro for a loop.

After he spent an inordinate amount of time assuring Sendak he was all right, Sendak climbed into bed with him, but instead of relaxing, he wound his arms tightly around Shiro’s body, spooning him uncompromisingly.

“You’re lucky I’m cold all the time,” Shiro said, patting his arm.

He tried to relax, but Sendak felt like a wind-up toy, every muscle in his body holding onto a tension that Shiro couldn’t hope to settle. He stroked the parts of his body he could reach, and when the twins started moving, it seemed to lessen his stiffness to place his hands on Shiro’s stomach.

A few hours later, after attempting and failing to sleep, Shiro realized the contractions that he’d thought had passed weren’t letting up.

What had started as mild pain soon transformed into full-blown misery. His body made it its mission to twist and writhe inside him, his cervix tightening and contracting much more painfully than it had before.

At first, the contractions seemed random, but after a while Shiro realized they were consistent, hitting him for minutes at a time before abating and beginning anew.

These weren’t Braxton-hicks. They were the real thing.

Panic rose up in his throat in the form of a whine.

Sendak buried his face in Shiro’s throat. It should have been comforting, but Shiro’s heart was pounding so hard in his chest that it hurt.

“Sendak. Get Purvak.”

He didn’t move. After a minute, there was a popping sound somewhere down below, and it was like somebody had thrust a hose between his legs and turned it on full blast. He reached down between his thighs and his hand came away bloody.

Shiro’s panic ratcheted up by ten. He started hyperventilating, all thoughts of breathing correctly flying out the window when he realized that blood was _pouring from his body._

Sendak was already moving away from him, staring at Shiro’s lower body with horror.

“The birth. It should not be this early!”

“I know!” Shiro snapped. Snarled, more like it. He made the mistake of looking down and nearly passed out from the sight alone; he snapped his head back up just in time, swallowing rhythmically. He wasn’t afraid of the sight of blood, but rather what it implied.

“I need to get to the infirmary. I think I can move, but—”

He was cut off by another contraction, this one so painful that he couldn’t even contemplate the idea of movement.

It lasted a few minutes, and by the end Shiro was trembling and close to tears.

Sendak had been hovering above him the entire time, looking like he was caught between two warring states. Shiro knew he could feel his terror, but no matter how much he tried to tell himself he was ready for this, he couldn’t get rid of his fear.

“Go!” Shiro waved his hand at him. “Stop standing there and go get her!”

“I…can’t.”

“What do you mean you _can’t?!”_

Sendak was just standing there, chest heaving, staring at Shiro with that same intensity he’d noticed from before. There was something going on with him, but Shiro was busy going into labor, so he didn’t have the brain-power to really think about it.

“I believe I am going into rut,” Sendak said eventually. “I can’t bear the thought of stepping away from you.”

“Oh god, you’re kidding me. You’re fucking _kidding_ me.”

Going into labor was one thing. Going into labor with an alien alpha that was literally connected to his soul, sensing his fear while he was heading into a feral state was another.

 _Just relax,_ Shiro told himself. _You’ve done the exercises. Breathe._

He tried to breathe. Another contraction rolled through him, faster now. There was blood all over his thighs.

“It’s fine. It’s fine.” Maybe if he repeated it one more time, he’d believe it. “It’s fine. I can walk when the contractions stop, but maybe it would be best if you carried me. Can you do that?”

Sendak walked over to the bed and gently lifted him into his arms. With Shiro in his grasp, he seemed calmer, more aware of himself.

“Let’s go to the infirmary,” Shiro said, because Sendak was just standing there, staring at him. “Start walking, Sendak.”

He started walking. Shiro clung to his neck, a trembling mess. He was trying to calculate a way to get Sendak to leave him when they saw Lance turn the corner of the hallway.

When he caught sight of Shiro and Sendak, a smile rose to his face. It quickly fell when he realized that Shiro covered in blood.

“Holy shit!” he shrieked. “Shiro! Are you okay? What happened?!”

“Labor,” he grit out. “Having babies. Get Purvak and tell her to go to the infirmary.”

“Okay. Holy crap. Um, I’ll be right back.”

Lance started walking backwards, shooting glances at Shiro until he had disappeared around the corner.

Sendak was glaring at the space Lance had vacated, the muscles in his arms tight. He started growling.

 _This is going to be a nightmare,_ Shiro thought.

Shiro was regretting the decision to give birth in the infirmary now. He’d wanted to do it in his nest, but Purvak had insisted otherwise; they would need the pods if there were any complications, and there was a lot more space there than in his cramped room.

The regret was mostly because of Sendak, who’s unrest became heightened the further they got from their nest. When they arrived at the infirmary, he set Shiro down on the only available space, which was one of the pods they had used just hours ago, and started pacing again.

No, that wasn’t right; Sendak was _stalking_ Shiro like a predator _,_ walking in circles around him, his strides long and measured.

When Purvak rushed into the room, the growl that erupted from his chest was so loud that Shiro inadvertently flinched.

Purvak took one look at him and then pointed at the door.

“Get out.”

Sendak bristled. The growling got louder.

“Shiro is going into labor. I’m going to assume you’re going into some kind of protective rut. I can’t have you making a mess of this. So, if you can’t behave yourself, then get out.”

“Sendak, please.” Shiro tugged on the back of his shirt. Sendak only half-turned, incapable of exposing his back to a potential enemy. Shiro had never seen him like this before. His ruts had always made him more on edge, but it was like he literally couldn’t control himself.

“I’m okay,” Shiro whispered, pulling until he bent down far enough that Shiro could grasp his face. He pressed a kiss to his nose, and then his mouth. “I’m okay. Everything is fine. Purvak is here to help, and I need you to calm down.”

“I cannot—” He growled, his hand hovering inches away from Shiro’s face, claws extended. “The thought of anyone else touching you fills me with so much rage. I will not stand it.”

“Sendak, I understand. I do. But you know that I need Purvak’s help. And I’m scared.” Shiro let his fear travel through to Sendak, giving himself up to it. “So I need you to be strong, so I can be strong. Please.” He took his hands, squeezing them between his fingers. _“Please.”_

Sendak stared at him for an indeterminably long amount of time. Then he slowly drew back, stepping away until he was backed up against the nearby wall. He didn’t speak; maybe he couldn’t.

“I’ve already got your friends on the way,” Purvak said. “They’re bringing me the materials I’ll need. _You_ need to be drinking more water.”

Purvak walked up to Shiro and started examining him, ignoring the low rumble they heard from Sendak across the room.

“Let’s get you cleaned up and out of those clothes.”

A few minutes after Shiro was dressed down in the Altean version of a hospital gown and significantly less bloody than before, the paladins, Allura, Coran, and a few extra Blade members came into the room to help and see how he was doing. The paladins didn’t stay long—not with Sendak hovering by, looking angrier by the minute, and because Shiro didn’t think he could do it with his friends standing there watching—but the Blades remained by the doorway, providing extra muscle should it become necessary.

As Purvak had said, the first stage of labor wasn’t painful, but it was bloody. The extraordinary amount of pain Shiro was in was from the contractions. He moved from lying in the pod to lying on a real bed they had made ready for him, shivering from the pain and the extreme cold.

Purvak pressed her palm to his frigid hand. “We need to turn up the heat. You—” She pointed at a Blade, “—get princess Allura to up the temperature.”

Other than the contractions and the cold, it wasn’t terrible. Purvak was professional and quick, and over time Shiro’s fear started to abate, little by little, to the point where Sendak felt comfortable returning to his side. He stroked different parts of Shiro that he could reach, silent but watchful.

“Shiro.” Purvak shoved another water pouch in his face. He stared at it reproachfully, but she didn’t move until he started drinking. “You’re starting to dilate. You know what’s next. Are you ready?”

“I’m about this close to begging,” Shiro said. He glanced over at Sendak. “I’d do anything to get them out. I don’t care how painful this part is supposed to be. I’m ready.”

He was not ready.

Whatever Shiro thought he knew of pain, it was nothing compared to what his body was inflicting upon itself.

He couldn’t stop screaming.

“You’re doing great,” Purvak encouraged. “I need you to keep breathing.”

“I can’t,” Shiro sobbed. “I can’t, it hurts, I can’t. Don’t make me do this anymore. I _can’t.”_

“You’re doing great,” Purvak repeated. “Remember how we breathe? Keep doing it just like that. Come on, breathe with me.”

She remained gentle and practiced in the face of his pain whereas Sendak was as agitated as ever. It seemed to help knowing that he could reach out to touch Shiro at any time, but he wouldn’t stop doing it, murmuring phrases in Galran. If Shiro wasn’t in so much pain, he would have exploded in his face.

By the time he was fully dilated, Shiro was completely out of it, dipping in and out of awareness. Purvak engaged him every few seconds, making him drink more water and ensuring he didn’t fall unconscious.

“I’m going to help you turn around now. You can’t push properly sitting like this.”

“I can’t. It’s hurts so badly, I _can’t.”_

“You must,” Sendak said, speaking for the first time in a language Shiro understood. “Bring our children into the world.”

A blistering wave of anger surfaced within Shiro. On the next push, he screamed so loudly that his voice cracked and then petered out.

“I am never. Letting you touch me. Again,” he panted once he could speak again, shoving Sendak’s hands away. “Fuck you. Fuck you. _Fuck_ you for doing this to me. Oh my _god.”_

There was pain, pain, pain, so much pain, and then he felt the release of the first of the twins to slip out of him.

As soon as she was free of his body, Shiro collapsed against the bed, eyes sliding shut. He was pale and shaking, and his lower half felt like it had been torn to shreds. He didn’t know how he was going to do that again with the other twin.

It felt like seconds when it had to have been minutes as Purvak began instructing him to push again. Shiro felt almost too weak to move anymore, but she kept talking to him, insisting until Shiro had no choice but to lift himself, screaming until the pain and pressure let off and she was out, she was out, thank god.

He let himself drop, too exhausted to find the will to open his eyes again.

There came a mewling cry, and like magic, Shiro’s exhaustion lifted, his eyes snapping open.

“I need to see them,” he said hoarsely. “Give them to me.”

“Just a tick, Shiro. We have to clean them up and make sure they’re healthy.”

Shiro’s lip trembled, fresh tears dripping down his already wet cheeks.

“Give me them,” he demanded. He saw one of the blade members move, and for a wild moment he was worried they were about to take her away from him. He used strength he didn’t have to push himself up, struggling to sit and reach out for the tiny purple bodies in Purvak’s arms.

Hands pushed him back down, and Shiro realized with a start that Allura had come in at some point. She was hushing him, trying to keep him calm.

“I need to see them!” Shiro yelled, struggling under Allura’s iron grip. “Give them to me!”

“Shiro,” Allura started.

“Don’t worry, I will,” Purvak said. “We’re just making sure—”

“Let me see them. Let me _see_ them,” he cried, desperately reaching out. He didn’t understand why she wasn’t giving them to him. “Give them to me, please. Please. Sendak.” He turned, eyes searching for him. “Sendak, you can’t let them do this. Don’t let them take them away. Don’t let them take them from me. I _need_ to see them.”

He was shocked to find Sendak had been bodily pulled away from him. He was growling menacingly, muscles straining with the effort to reach Purvak and their daughters squirming in her arms. The movement that Shiro had noticed from the Blade members had been them moving to restrain Sendak because he was trying to attack Purvak.

“Get him out of here!” Purvak snapped. “Princess, can you hold this one? I need two hands.”

“Of course.” She released Shiro, hovering for a moment, and then went to take one of the twins.

“I’m not leaving my mate!” Sendak roared. He was struggling harder now, sinking his claws into the blade’s suit to try and rip off his arm. “You will hand over my daughters, or I will tear you to shreds!”

“Every damn time.” Shiro heard Purvak sigh. “Fine! You see this? This is why I don’t allow mates in the delivery room. We’ll have to check on them later once these two knuckleheads aren’t acting like idiots.”

Before Shiro knew it, there were two tiny bundles being laid in his arms. Purvak and Allura shifted him into place, with Purvak instructing him on how to hold them safely against his chest.

Shiro was frozen, staring at them like he couldn’t believe they were real. Just a few minutes ago he’d been in extreme pain, trying to imagine how he might bring these two into the world without killing himself first, and now here they were, in his arms like they belonged.

They were so _warm._

Based on the ears stuck to the side of her head, the one on his left was Ellar, and the right was the still unnamed one. Ellar was covered from head to toe in a coat of fur the same color as Sendak’s. Her sister had a much lighter coat; the fur was lavender, extending up into her dark head of hair.

Unlike human babies, both were already active, wriggling and twisting in his grasp. Ellar was much more so, nearly slipping down his chest before being rescued by Purvak’s ready hands. After a moment, Ellar sniffed at the air and then proceeded to shove her face into Shiro’s breast, apparently coming to the realization that it was her father. Both had claws that were scraping at his gown searchingly, in hunt of food.

The soft, tiny growl that came out of Ellar’s mouth made the tears pooling in Shiro’s eyes run free.

“Oh my god.” He let out an incredulous laugh. Then he looked over at Sendak, who was staring at them from afar, still captured in the blades’ hold. The expression on his face was transcendent. Shiro grinned, bursting with sudden energy. “Sendak! Sendak, come here! Look at them, oh my god.”

Now that the danger had passed, Sendak was able to wrench himself free of their hold and was at Shiro’s side in an instant. He dropped to a crouch beside the bed, reaching out hesitantly, his claws stopping above the top of Ellar’s head.

“They are so…small.”

Sendak’s voice trailed off. As he gazed at her, Shiro felt his emotions sounding like bursts of static, so strong that he couldn’t help but grin up at him like an idiot.

Sendak stared, and stared, and Shiro was reminded of the ultrasound, only this time things were real. The twins were truly there, in his arms. He was able to grab their tiny hands and kiss their tiny heads and he was so, so _happy._

“They _are_ small. And cute. They’re so amazing.” Shiro sniffled and then started laughing tiredly. “I can’t stop crying, but I don’t have the free hands to wipe my eyes.”

Sendak leaned forward and brushed the tears away for him, like he had done countless times before.

“Thanks.” Shiro smiled weakly. One of the twins started to make sounds against his chest and he leaned his head down to inhale, taking in the scent of his newborns for the first time. “They smell so good. God, I love them already. I love you.” His smile turned into a grin. “I’m so happy right now _.”_

Sendak looked down at the twins, then met Shiro’s eyes, and it was like the sight of him destroyed whatever barriers he’d been putting up.

Sendak did not cry gracefully. He cried like it pained him; like it was tearing him apart to do so. He covered his eyes with his palm, but then after a moment he let it drop, incapable of taking his eyes off the trio.

“Look, daddy’s crying,” Shiro whispered to them. “Guess that means he loves you.”

“Shiro,” Sendak said, a broken, quiet sound.

Sendak cupped his cheeks and pressed his lips to Shiro’s closed mouth. The kiss was gentle; just a soft press of lips so as not to jar him when he was in a fragile state, but the emotion that poured in behind it was powerful.

“We still need another name. I’ve got an idea for one, but—well, it’s not galra.”

“Say it,” Sendak said, gathering himself and wiping the tears out of his eye.  

“Ayame.” Shiro lifted his shoulder slightly, raising the unnamed twin a little higher against his chest. “It’s a type of Japanese flower. An iris. It’s purple, like her. Kind of cliché, I know, but I’ve been thinking about names for a while now, and this one stuck with me.”

“Ayame,” Sendak repeated, the word sounding foreign and stilted on his tongue. He didn’t sound displeased. “It is not galra, but it offers an attractive sound. I like it.”

“Good.” Shiro smiled sunnily, leaning his head into Sendak’s side. “Still can’t believe we’re here. I just gave birth to these two. It’s _over.”_

“It’s not over,” Purvak said, crouching next to Shiro. She reached for Ellar and Ayame, keeping eye contact with Shiro as she did so. “You’ve got more work to do, so I need to take these two from you. But don’t worry: Sendak is going to watch over them. All right?”

Whatever had brought on Sendak’s rut-like state, he seemed much calmer now. Shiro trusted him implicitly, and so he looked up at Sendak with a smile, surprised by how alarmed he seemed at the notion.

“Princess,” Purvak called, waiting for her to pick up Ellar before she followed suit with Ayame. Both of the twins seemed uncomfortable with the change, shifting restlessly in their arms.

Sendak raised his hands, brow furrowing.

“Perhaps Shiro should continue to hold them.”

“Not for this part,” Purvak said. “Don’t worry, we’ll help you.”

“They are small,” Sendak said, ignoring her words. “I have never handled a child before.”

“Now is the perfect time to start,” Allura said.

“They are _tiny,”_   Sendak insisted, “I fear they will come to harm—”

Purvak rolled her eyes, motioning for Allura to follow her. Together, Purvak and Allura shoved the twins into Sendak’s arms, giving him no choice but to hold them to his chest, instructing him on how to hold them before stepping away.

“Just be careful,” Purvak said gently. “You’re doing fine.” She pointed at Ellar. “That one is strong, so watch out for her. We’ll wrap them up after we’ve got both of them in the pods for a preliminary scan.”

Sendak was still in shock by the time they settled. Ayame snuffled, and he made a sound not unlike the broken one Shiro had heard from before.

“They are beautiful,” Sendak said, after a long pause. His voice sounded strange, like he wasn’t sure what to do with it any longer. Then he looked at Shiro, and seeing the pure, genuine smile on his face made Shiro want to start crying all over again. He busied himself with watching Sendak’s face, eyes shifting between him and the twins and how they looked even smaller cradled in his arms.

“This is the final part,” Purvak said, stepping in front of Shiro. It didn’t sound like it was the first time she had said it. “After what you’ve been through, it should be easy.”

It took about ten minutes for the placenta to pass, and when it did, Purvak declared the delivery a success.

Shiro leaned back against the pillow under his head, his strength completely drained. Every single part of his body ached in one way or another. He wanted to sleep forever.

But first—

“I want to hold them again,” he said. Purvak shook her head.

“After I stitch you up, we’re getting you into a pod. You need to heal.”

Shiro didn’t have it in him to protest, but Sendak, ever the good mate, walked over and knelt by his bedside, showing him the twins to ease his mind. They were snuggled into his fur, pawing hungrily at his chest.

“They’re adorable,” Shiro cooed. “And I can’t believe they just came out of my body. Fuck me.”

“Neither can I,” Allura muttered from somewhere to his left. “They’re quite large.”

Shiro didn’t have long to consider the size of his children. Before he knew it, Purvak was rising from between his legs, tossing aside the gloves she had donned into the nearby disposal. She motioned for Allura to bring over one of the pods and then together they very gingerly lifted Shiro into it, padding it with a variety of soft and comfortable pillows.

“Get the other pod, if you would,” Purvak told Allura. “Find the warm towels as well. Let’s get these two cleaned up and scanned.”

“Wait.”

Shiro grabbed her arm, holding her still.

“Do they have to be alone?” He tried not to sound like he was begging. “Can’t they stay with me?”

Before Purvak could answer, Sendak was shoving past her, laying the twins over Shiro’s chest.

“Thank you.” Shiro beamed up at Sendak, who returned his smile. He laid his hands on the edge of the pod, watching Shiro interact with the twins until Purvak walked up beside them.

“All right, fine. Since you’re going to be in there a while, I think it’d be a good idea to get these two fed. How’s that sound?”

“Sounds like I should probably get used to the idea. I’ve never breastfed before,” he added. “I’m not sure what to do.”

“Most people haven’t. Once you’ve got it, it’ll feel natural.”

Purvak guided Sendak into maneuvering the twins out of the way so Shiro could undress. The gown that Shiro was wearing came apart from the back, and once he’d exposed his chest, they set the twins against it. Shiro raised his arms to support them and Purvak did some adjustments; then, after a few seconds, they latched on, which was…odd didn’t even cover it.

Mostly because they had teeth and _fangs_ that were biting into his skin. He tried not to flinch as they gnawed on his nipples.

Sendak watched him with interest, leaning over Shiro to get a better look. Purvak ended up shoving him out of the way so they could get the pod closed around Shiro and twins for their scan.

“I will be here when you wake,” Sendak said, just as the glass slid over his head. His form was visible even through the cloudy glass, but Shiro was a little too distracted to care.

Probably because the twins were newborns, the familiar fog didn’t come drifting out of the walls of the pod, but it didn’t seem to matter. Shiro was so tired he could have fallen asleep right then and there. The only reason he didn’t was because he was focused on the twins, their scents even more distinguishable in the small space.

Shiro craned his neck to look at them, stroking what parts he could reach with his fingers without jostling them. Ayame shifted under his touch with a tiny whine.

He couldn’t get over how warm they were. And now that they had been cleaned, he noticed how their fur was more like a soft fuzz.

He wanted to scent them. He wanted to scent and kiss their skin, but he was so fucking tired. His eyes wouldn’t stop drooping, and no matter how much he tried to resist the pull, the combination of his long and painful labor and the twins nursing quietly against his chest dragged him under.

* * *

Shiro was carefully guided to a bed with fresh, unbloodied sheets, with Sendak taking hold of the twins. Although it was easier to hold them once they’d been swaddled in blankets, he still seemed to struggle to contain their movements, and was disinterested in letting anyone else hold them.

Shiro shared similar thoughts; he didn’t want anyone touching them until they had fully attuned to their scents, and even then he wasn’t sure how he felt about it.

For now, they were supposed to stay in the infirmary for a few hours longer to ensure the health of everyone involved.

“They’re so cute!” Pidge said, echoing what the paladins had been saying for a while now.

“That one looks a little like a cross between a kitten and a human would,” Lance stated, pointing at Ellar. “It’s the ears. And, y’know, the fur.”

They remained a respectful few feet away from Sendak and Shiro, the former who was sitting next to Shiro, holding Ayame against his chest. It didn’t take long for the twins to start trying to scent them in their own way, and Ayame seemed particularly enthused to be able to snuggle into Sendak’s fur, sniffing and clawing at his fluffy chest happily.

Shiro looked down at Ellar, who was currently gazing back up at him with intense curiosity.

Ellar and Ayame were much more galra than Shiro had initially supposed. Weighing in around ten pounds each, they were large for human babies, and very small for galra. Ayame’s facial structure was human-like, but her eyes were a dark yellow like Sendak’s and without pupils. In contrast, Ellar was so galra that Shiro had almost been concerned that the human part was nowhere to be found. The large ears that bled into her strong brow and her straight nose reminded Shiro so much of Sendak that he had kept staring at her to see if he could find himself anywhere in there.

It was when she opened her eyes in front of him for the first time that he felt himself smile. They were the same pale yellow as Sendak’s, but she had pupils like a human, and her eyes were shaped like Shiro’s.

Her pupils contracted as she looked at Shiro. Her lips curved into an unpracticed smile and she tried to wiggle closer to him, sniffing at the air.

“What are their names again?” Keith asked. He was leaning closer, trying to get a good look at the twins without intruding on their space. They wouldn’t be able to return to Shiro’s room for a while yet, and so they were trying to reduce the number of scents the twins would take in.

“Ellar,” Sendak answered, nodding his head at Ellar, chest expanding with pride. “This is Ayame.”

Ever since Shiro had come out of the pod, Sendak's reluctance had fallen away to pride. He was positively _puffed_ with it, eager to show off the twins to anyone who would listen, acting as though there was no greater joy than what had just occurred, the labor's unpleasantness aside.

“Ayame.” Keith smiled. “Nice.”

“I like it!” Hunk said. “It’s Japanese, right? What does it mean?”

"It is the perfect name," Sendak interrupted. "A strong name chosen by Shiro."

“It’s a flower," Shiro clarified, shooting Sendak an amused glance. "A Japanese iris.”

“I’ve seen those before,” Pidge said. “The centers are yellow, aren’t they? Kinda matches up with their eyes.”

“It does.” He chuckled. “Didn’t really think about it. The eyes were a surprise.”

Shiro looked over at Ayame, who was dozing, still curled against Sendak’s chest, her face shoved into his fur. He couldn’t wait to get out of here and snuggle up with them for the next few days. As much as he loved his friends, it was killing him to sit here.

“Do we really have to stay here the whole time?” Shiro asked Allura, directing his pout onto her. “I’d be so much more comfortable in my room.”

Purvak was an immovable object, but Allura was Shiro’s friend and advisor on many occasions. She could be just as strict when necessary, but she had seen what he’d been like during labor.

Allura met his eyes and then looked away, a frown on her face.

“It would be much easier to observe you from here. You’ve only just come out of healing.”

Shiro pouted harder. Allura’s gaze shifted to Sendak, and whatever expression he had on his face made Allura start smiling. Shiro looked over, but by then Sendak had wiped his face clean.

“I _suppose—”_ Allura started, about to give them their freedom, when they were interrupted by a sudden and loud _wailing._

Shiro jumped in his seat, nearly losing his grip on Ellar as she started to cry.

This wasn’t the initial cry that they’d had when they were born and covered in gunk; her eyes were pinched together, ears turned down, and the sound was so ear-splittingly loud that Shiro winced.

“Holy shit!” Lance exclaimed. “What’s wrong with her?”

“Uh, should we be worried about that?” Hunk yelled, hands over his ears.

“I-I don’t know,” Shiro stammered uncertainly, rocking her against his chest. He’d been reading all the material he could get his hands on, but even with that knowledge he was still shocked by the way she was gasping and sobbing, wailing like her life depending on it.

Soon Ayame joined her sister and then both of them were crying and Shiro didn’t know what to do. Sendak looked equally shocked, holding Ayame like he was afraid she was going to explode in his hands.

“Maybe they’re hungry?” Shiro ventured. He hadn’t noticed any of the signs that would indicate hunger, but he’d been pretty distracted. “It’s been at least a few hours since they last fed. That’s probably it.”

“That’s definitely it,” Purvak said. She grimaced as the wailing got louder.

“I’ll do that, then.” He glanced at the group hanging in front of him. He could feel his face heating up. “Well, maybe we should go back to my room first. I wouldn’t want to subject you all to that.”

“You do what you gotta do,” Hunk said. “We wouldn’t care. I’ve seen it like a million times with my family.”

“It’s a little weird,” Pidge said. “Not that you can’t do it! You can still do it. You should probably do it.”

“Honestly, I’d much rather just go to our room.” Shiro looked at Allura, and despite what she had just started to say, Allura looked at Purvak.

“Do you remember how to do it on your own?” she asked. “A pillow or two is really all you need if you’re planning on lying down again.”

“I think I’ve got it. And this way, it’ll help keep them calm in the future,” Shiro added. “Scenting in the beginning is really important.”

Purvak looked at Allura and then sighed. “I’m against it, but I don’t think it’ll hurt.”

Allura waited a moment before speaking. “All right. You know none of us would mind, but I suppose it couldn’t hurt to return to your rooms. Your children are very…active, and they certainly seem healthy. You may leave, but alert us at the first sign of trouble.”

Shiro beamed. Sendak was already moving, shifting Ayame so Shiro could stand, and after bidding everyone goodbye with assurances that they would alert them if needed, they left for Shiro’s room.

Out in the hallway, Shiro felt his shoulders relax. He couldn’t wait to be alone with Sendak and the kids, bonding together in their nest for the first time.

But first, they needed to get them fed.

The walk to his room was quick, but it wasn’t quiet. Their cries seemed to echo even louder in the spacious castle halls, and more than once Shiro considered stopping right there in the middle of the hallway and getting it over with.

Once they had reached his room, he made a beeline for the bed and sat down on the edge.

“Can you help me take this thing off?” He wiggled his shoulder, and then waited for Sendak to undo the clasp in the back. He let it fall forward, and then leaned back against his pillow, situating himself like he remembered Purvak helping him do.

At this point both Ellar and Ayame had stopped crying, likely because of the distinct scent combination of Shiro’s room; however, they were still acting fussy, and so Shiro didn’t wait long to set up Ellar against his chest, pausing until she had latched on before reaching for Ayame.

“Set Ayame against my arm.”

Sendak carefully placed her half on Shiro’s chest and half on the bed, positioning her so she could curl up against Shiro’s arm while she nursed.

With that taken care of, Shiro breathed out a relieved sigh, smiling up at Sendak.

He was looming over Shiro, watching with the same interest that Shiro had noted from before. He seemed fascinated by the process.

“You seem like you’re enjoying yourself. Do galra not breastfeed?” Shiro asked. He stroked his fingers down Ellar’s back and she shivered, burrowing closer to his bare chest.

“No. I am simply curious. I was not aware that male humans gave milk.”

“When you say it like that, it sounds weird,” Shiro teased. “Just the omegas. Technically alphas could lactate if they really wanted to, but not without medical intervention.”

Sendak made an affirmative sound. He lowered himself onto the bed, careful not to jostle the twins, and continued to watch them for a while in silence.

The longer they sat there, the more that Shiro could feel his curiosity slowly being replaced by contentment. His eyes kept roaming from each of the twins, to Shiro’s face, and then back to the twins, like he couldn’t decide which one he wanted to look at for long.

Shiro started to grin.

“Did you ever think we’d get to this point?” he asked. He knew the answer, but he still wanted to say it. “The idea that we’d have kids together—a _family_ —seemed crazy.”

Sendak didn’t immediately respond, and Shiro kept talking.

“When I learned I was pregnant, all I could think about was that I had nobody. Stupid, I know that now. I didn’t think the paladins were going to trust me anymore. I thought I’d be kicked off the team or sent back to Earth. And when aliens started telling me I was pregnant with multiples?” Shiro shook his head ruefully. “I was happy, sure, but I was also afraid. I thought I was going to be doing this alone—I was _sure_ I was going to be doing this alone.”

“As was I.” Sendak stroked his palm down Shiro’s leg. “I did not think you would want me interfering with their lives. I was prepared to beg for your time and your time alone.”

“You thought I would just, what? Want to stay bonded with you but not want you to be around my kids?”

Sendak gave the approximation of a shrug.

“I did not know precisely what to expect. I wanted to have you. That was as far as I dare allow myself to hope.”

“Hope,” Shiro repeated. “You know, I’ve hoped for a lot of things over the last two years. I hoped that being abducted by aliens was all some sort of sick dream. I hoped that I could forget what happened as a gladiator. I used to hope that I would forget you, so I could finally give up and stop feeling like I did.”

There was a pang of regret from across the bond. Shiro smiled up at the ceiling.

“I’m glad I didn’t. If I had, I wouldn’t have two beautiful babies and my wonderful alpha.”

Sendak stood and walked over to the front of Shiro’s bed, dropping to his knees. Shiro wiggled the fingers on his arm pinned down by Ayame until Sendak took it.

“I love you,” Shiro said.

Sendak looked at him for a moment and then averted his gaze.

“I am beginning to understand your aversion to tears.” He dragged his palm down his face, blinking his one eye rapidly. “I would be the laughingstock of the Galra Empire if they knew how affected I was by such simple things.”

“I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. It’s okay to feel something. You _should_ feel something.” Shiro tugged on his hand. “These are our babies. Our children. Our kits.” That one had Sendak twitching towards him. “Don’t be afraid to love them.”

“I am afraid,” Sendak admitted, “that these feelings I bear for you—for them—will be my undoing.” He paused then, moving to the other end of the bed so that he could crawl behind Shiro. “But I will not let that fear keep me away.”

“Good,” Shiro said. “Because I wouldn’t let you even think about running away. I’m gonna need all the help I can get.”

Sendak pressed up against Shiro, propping himself up on one arm so he could reach around and stroke at the twins. Shiro relaxed against him and closed his eyes, enjoying the intimacy of the moment.

After the twins finished feeding, it was time to let them scent their parents.

Both twins had already been scenting Shiro and Sendak since they’d been born, but they hadn’t been able to do it in their nest, cradled between the two of them like they were now. Shiro moved so that he was facing Sendak and then took Ayame, nodding at Sendak to take Ellar.

Although the galra relied heavily on scent, Sendak deferred to Shiro on this matter, following his example as he set Ayame against his throat, encouraging her to start sniffing at his scent gland.

Shiro smiled at the feeling of her breath huffing against his neck. He tried not to flinch when her claws clipped his skin.

“They are very small,” Sendak observed for what felt like the thousandth time. He was slowly stroking his hand down Ellar’s back, combing his fingertips through her fuzzy coat. “For a galra.”

“They’re huge for humans,” Shiro said. “No idea how they fit inside me that long.”

Sendak made a contemplative sound. He kept stroking Ellar, letting her scent him freely.

Shiro pulled Ayame away from his body and set her down on the sheets before pressing his nose against her forehead, breathing in her scent.

“They smell amazing. I’ve heard about this, but I didn’t realize it was true.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Their scent glands haven’t fully developed yet, but that doesn’t mean we can’t let them get used to it.”

Shiro let Ayame grip his fingers in her tight fist and kissed the top of her hand, encouraging her to do the same with the other until she was holding him by both hands. Her grip was much tighter than Shiro expected, but he let her have her way with only a small wince, using the opportunity to scent her with light touches.

After he had scented her proper, he looked over at Sendak, smiling when he saw that Ellar was starting to fall asleep. She looked so tiny curled up against him, and it made Shiro’s heart swell with love and affection. Sendak himself looked pretty tired, watching Shiro interact with Ayame with a heavy eye.

Shiro freed his hand with some twisting and then reached out towards him, brushing his fingers down Sendak’s arm.

Their furture wasn’t certain. With Voltron and the empire, nothing was. They were at war, and Shiro was going to be needed on the frontline where it counted—riding the black lion, fighting as Voltron. He didn’t know how he was going to handle twins that were going to need him 24-hours a day with the both of them fighting for the coalition.

Sendak took his hand, running his thumb across Shiro’s knuckles.

The future was uncertain, but at least Shiro knew he wouldn’t be going into it alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's it, folks (aside from the epilogue). I don't know how to end things LOL I've never ended anything properly in my life and I'm not about to start now. You have no idea how much I struggled with those last two paragraphs. A huge thank you to all of you who commented and supported me T_T I couldn't have done it without you! When I started posting this fic, I had 60k written, and in the span of like a month I wrote 90k+ LMAO. I actually have no life. Tho it wouldn't have happened if I didn't know there were people out there who cared. <3
> 
> You may find me on [tumblr ](https://incinerates.tumblr.com)and [twitter](https://twitter.com/generalbutton)!!! Oh and a big ol' sloppy kiss for my beta Gem, who had to deal with me constantly asking her to get back to betaing my shit bc I am impatient.
> 
> Chapter notes:  
> The show and wiki: clearly states that galra genes are recessive, case in point Keith  
> Me: yeah ok but what if literally fuck all of that
> 
> I made the twins act like two-week olds might, but again, it's pretty loose. This is fanfic land, all self-indulgent and fun for me, so I don't care THAT much about being accurate lol


	18. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy this little peak into the future! Also, hover over the galra text to get a translation.

Everything was quiet.

He turned his head and looked at Sendak, who stared back at him silently. Shiro could read the tension in his body, standing deathly still beside him.

“What should we do?” Shiro asked. He inched across the wall they were pressed against, peeking around the corner of the doorway. So far, three groups of sentries had gone by, but they’d been distracted by decoding the terminal on the other side of the room, so Shiro didn’t know how long it had been since their last rotation.

“We move,” said Sendak, moving towards the door. He raised his weapon—a blade knife—and then motioned for him to follow.

The silence permeated until they reached their next destination: the control center.

Here was where they could hack into the ship and extract the information they needed. It shouldn’t take more than a few minutes. Sendak moved towards the terminal and began to enter interact with it. Shiro held down the door, keeping a watchful eye out for any enemies.

“I hope you know what you’re doing,” Shiro said, looking back at Sendak.

“Hush,” Sendak replied. He kept working at the terminal, hesitating for a few seconds before entering in a sequence Shiro recognized. He smiled, shaking his head and returning to his post.

A quiet hiss came from above. At first glance, Shiro assumed that a part of their systems had simply malfunctioned—maybe a pipe had come loose—but then he caught a whiff of something tangy and acrid. He reared back, instinctively reaching for the sides of helmet.

In theory, it would protect him from any toxic gases, but there was a crack running straight through the center of the glass panel.

 _Well, shit,_ he thought.

“Gas!” he shouted, loud enough for Sendak to hear. “It’s some kind of gas attack. Looks they like they figured we were coming!”

Shiro lunged for the door, but by the time he reached it, it had slid shut. The light above it was blinking red, and alarms were beginning to sound, distinguishable through the closed door.

Sendak looked up from where he was typing in the terminal. His head swiveled, searching for the source of the gas, and spotted the leak at the same time Shiro did.

“We’re not going to get out of here before whatever’s in that gas kicks in,” Shiro said calmly. He’d been trapped in these ships before; the only way out was going to be that terminal.

Then he turned, ready to try and see if they could plug up the leak, but it was coming in faster now, slowly filling up the room in fog. Sendak vaulted over the console and landed at Shiro’s side, his blade raised and at the ready.

“The door won’t open,” Shiro was saying, at the same time Sendak yanked off his Blade mask. “Sendak, what are you _doing?_ ”

Sendak stared at him, something like panic in his eye. Shiro blinked, surprised. Sendak pulled Shiro’s helmet off his head, tossing it to the side like it was a useless toy.

“Sendak!” Shiro wanted to laugh. “What are you—?”

He lunged for his helmet, but Sendak grabbed his arm and held him still. Shiro turned his head, and suddenly his vision was being blocked, fabric tickling his hair and cheeks as Sendak shoved his helmet onto Shiro’s head.

The visor came online, and he could now see Sendak’s face, going slack with relief.

“What are you doing? This isn’t—” Shiro tried to tug the helmet off, but Sendak’s hands were holding it still. “This isn’t part of the mission!”

Even though Shiro knew it was going to be fine, he couldn’t help the way his heart began to race as the smog reached Sendak, swirling around him.

Then a voice sounded from above.

_“Simulation complete.”_

Their surroundings shimmered, and then disintegrated into pixels, leaving Sendak and Shiro standing in the center of the castle’s training room. The ‘gas’ that had been spraying was still present, and Shiro could detect that same acrid scent, but now it seemed more fruity than noxious.

Sendak was breathing hard, staring at the Blades surrounding them with contempt.

“You did not say you would be changing the simulation.”

“I didn’t,” said Kolivan. “I thought it was implied. Although I’m glad I didn’t, because _you_ completely failed your mission. You weren’t supposed to risk your life for Shiro’s. This was a tactical simulation, meant to test the strength of your mind and your abilities. You could have both survived, had you given it more thought.”

“Then perhaps you should not involve my _mate,_ ” Sendak snarled.

Sendak had been training to become a Blade for almost six months now, making progress through training very quickly. Particularly ever since Pidge had started ‘messing around’ with the ship’s training room codebase, creating new scenarios that let them test their merits outside of the Blade’s home base.

They had wanted Sendak to come to their bade off-planet, but Sendak had staunchly refused, which Shiro agreed with. With their children to take care of, he couldn’t afford to have Sendak running off with the Blades.

“I involved Shiro for exactly this reason,” said Kolivan. “I knew it would be difficult for you. You’re good, but you’re soft.”

 _“Soft.”_ Sendak’s voice was low with irritation.

“Yes.” Kolivan waved his arm at Shiro. “You’re struggling to keep your cool, and it’s not even a real mission, or a real _battle._ I’m aware that your family is important to you, but if you intend to become a Blade, you’re going to need to be better than that.”

“I will _not_ risk the life of my mate before my own.”

“Sendak,” Shiro said, speaking up for the first time. “You didn’t have to do that. You knew it wasn’t real.”

Sendak looked at him, his expression softening the barest amount.

“The simulation was long,” he admitted. “The moment the scent of that gas my entered my nose, I could only think of protecting you, _lusilbe.”_

Shiro couldn’t help the way he smiled at the pet name.

Kolivan sighed, giving Shiro a look that implied he thought this was all his fault.

“You know what mistakes you made, Sendak. I’ll have Regris transfer the report to your interface. Since you two have plans, that’ll be all for today. We’re going to do this again tomorrow at. And we’ll leave Shiro out of it, for now. You’re free to go.”

“Maybe that’s for the best,” Shiro said. Sendak huffed, but stepped over to his side, wrapping an arm around his waist.

“Our children are waiting for us,” he murmured. “Assuming Matt has been able to get them to nap on time.”

“Don’t be so sure,” Shiro said, nodding at Kolivan before leading them towards the door. It had only been a few hours now, but Shiro was already itching to see them again.

With Voltron back in the fray, Shiro and Sendak had been going on missions to and fro across the galaxy, the former who had been participating in all kinds of press releases and shows, spreading the word of Voltron.

Getting back to work was great. Leaving his kids? Not so much.

And he hadn’t gotten back to it immediately. The twins had come first, and for a solid month, night after night after exhaustive night, he had taken care of them with Sendak at his side. Even once they had calmed down enough to enter any sort of routine, the twins were absolute monsters.

But the moments of joy found in between made the sleepless nights worth it.

They found Matt back in the empty room adjacent to Shiro’s that had been transformed into the kid’s bedroom and toy center, which was exactly where he’d left them.

Shiro smiled, relaxing imperceptibly when he saw Matt lifting Ayame out of one of her many high-chairs, clad in a bright blue onesie patterned with fish.

 _Look how cute they are,_ Shiro said, watching Matt try to get Ayame to let go of her abused rattle for a new toy that he’d purchased himself. It was an octopus of some sort, perfect for grabbing and ripping apart, which they loved to do.

 _Charming,_ Sendak replied, leaning over. They nuzzled at each other for a few seconds, marking each other with their scents, and that was when the girls noticed them.

Ellar was sucking on her thumb, her gaze sliding over the walls of the room with curiosity, but also boredom. Keeping her entertained was a challenged and half, and Shiro did not envy the number of toys that bore her wrath.

The moment that she noticed Shiro and Sendak had entered the room, her eyes widened and she started squealing loudly, hands reaching out. It didn’t take long for Ayame to join her, and soon Matt was trying to corral two highly active and squirming babies.

“Shiro!” Matt said, sagging with relief. “You have no idea how good it is to see you. I literally just got these two to stop crying. You couldn’t have showed up five minutes ago?”

Shiro chuckled, swooping in to pick up Ellar off the ground.

“Hi, honey,” he said, his face splitting into a grin. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head and she leaned into the touch, her ears flicking his cheeks. “Have you been good while daddy was away?”

“Daba!” she shrieked, raising her claws into the air, imitating the way that Shiro often did when he was making fun of Sendak.

Ayame whine in their direction, clearly intent on joining her sibling in being held one of her fathers. Sendak reached for her, holding her squealing form with practiced ease. She clung to his neck, rubbing her face into his throat.

Matt stood, wiping his hands on his pants. They were covered in stains of some sort, but Shiro had learned to stop asking when it came to kids.

“When I said they would be monsters, I didn’t know how right I’d be. They _always_ want to be held! And if I don’t—”

“They scream,” Shiro finished.

“Yes! Jesus. Who gave them those vocal cords? What do you even do about that?”

“Earplugs,” Shiro said with a shrug. Ellar raked her claws down Shiro’s chest, mouthing at his shirt.

It was a little startling how fast the twins were growing. Alongside being loud and rambunctious, they could hold themselves up independently at just seven months old, and they were already speaking a few half-formed words.

“You can imagine how we feel,” Sendak grumbled, gently bouncing Ayame in his arms. She burbled happily, yanking at his fur. “We have had to raise them _.”_

“Better you than me,” Matt said. “I know I said I could handle them for a few days, but I’m not so sure about that anymore.”

“I bet that was so hard for you.” Shiro rolled his eyes. Sendak slid up behind him, rubbing his mouth and nose along the back of Shiro’s neck. “I’m _so_ sorry, Matt.”

“Yeah, yeah, well I’m not a parent _or_ a babysitter.” His gaze flickered to Sendak, amused. “How was the mission?”

Shiro shrugged. “We’ve got some work to do.”

“That sounds promising,” Matt said. “Well if you guys are gonna—” He gestured in their general direction. “I’m gonna get out of here. They should be good to go, too. Changed and fed and all that. See you at the game!”

He shot them a thumbs up and then left the room, barely giving Shiro a chance to tell him goodbye.

As he watched him leave, Ellar started pawing at Shiro’s chest again. When Shiro didn’t immediately start paying attention to her, she dug her claws into him.

“Is he sure he fed them?” Shiro asked, raising a suspicious brow at her behavior. “She seems awfully hungry.”

“They do not like milk from a bottle,” Sendak said, moving around to his front. He cupped Ayame’s head with the back of his palm and she blinked up at him owlishly. “Nor do they enjoy solid foods.”

“Dadda,” she burbled, opening her mouth to smile at him with her sharp canines.

Sendak’s usual harsh expression didn’t melt, so much as it softened, but Shiro could feel his affection through the bond. He nudged him with his hip and jerked his head at the door.

“C’mon, we should see if these two are actually hungry. Then we’ve got a game to catch.”

Sendak scowled. “I despise Monsters and Mana.”

“You know you love it, baby,” Shiro cooed. “It’s gonna be great. And if you really hate it, you can watch these two while I have fun.”

* * *

The ballroom was full on their arrival. The paladins were gathered around the center where the couches had been pulled closer together. The map was already set up, and Coran was adjusting the layout last minute, dragging holographic trees and buildings around the surface of the map. Allura was off to the side, chatting with Keith and Hunk.

They weren’t the only ones in the room, however.

“Commander Holt,” Shiro said, raising a brow. “I thought you were leaving today.”

“Shiro!” Samuel Holt lifted his head from inspecting the board and walked over to Shiro. “Good to see you. And please, you know it’s Sam when we’re in space.”

Ellar started growling, but Shiro could tell it was one of her playful ones.

“They truly are fascinating,” Samuel said, wiggling his fingers at Ellar until her growls abated. “I _was_ leaving, but then Pidge asked me to play one of her games before I went. It shouldn’t take too long.”

“Uh.” Shiro looked around the room. There were even a few Blades there, including Keith’s mom, who they had found a couple of months ago. That had led to some interesting conversations. “Are you sure about that? Is _everyone_ here playing?”

“Just about.” Samuel winked. “Krolia is going to follow me to an outpost on the way to make sure everything is safe, so she’s obligated to join us.”

“No, I’m not!” Krolia called from the other side of the room.

“Keith’s been trying to explain the rules to her,” Samuel whispered. “She’ll catch on.”

“So you understand it already? First time I played, I was completely confused.”

“Oh, no. I don’t understand it at all, but Pidge said it’s easier to just jump right into it.”

Shiro was about to agree when Coran signaled that they were ready to start playing, motioning for every to gather around the table.

“And nobody is allowed to seduce any other player this time around,” Coran said, with a pointed look at Sendak.

Shiro grinned, sliding onto one of the couches. He set Ellar in his lap and then reached out for Ayame so Sendak could adjust freely. With both twins resting against his arms, they started snarling at each other, going from content to playful within the span of a few seconds.

So much of what the twins did was ruled by animal-like instinct. If they weren’t crying, they were growling and swiping at each other, trying to play at an age where Shiro was almost certain they were supposed to be lying around doing nothing, like normal human babies.

“Are they supposed to do that?” Lance asked, pointing at Ayame, who was being crawled on by her sister, ears pressed flat against her head. Shiro pulled her away from her sibling but didn’t give her to Sendak to hold just yet. Sometimes they would cry if they didn’t get to play, and he didn’t want to have to leave the session early.

“They like to play,” Sendak said. “It is normal galra behavior.”

"You're telling me," Matt grumbled. "Babysitting is hell and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I was scared half to death that they'd kill each other!"

“Keith was never like that,” Krolia said. “I thank the ancients every day that I had a human baby. He was so _easy.”_

“Mom,” Keith whined. Lance snickered.

“The game, my friends,” Coran said, gesturing to the board with his hand. “I believe we should start with our newest members.”

“Wait, am I creating a…character?” Krolia frowned. “What do I do with the book?”

“That’s what you’re using,” Keith explained. “Pick a race. I explained this to you already.”

“Oh. Right.” She gingerly opened up one of the pages, staring at it unseeingly. “I think this is in Altean.”

While they busied themselves trying to get Krolia and Samuel saddled with their characters, Shiro went back to paying attention to the twins.

Ayame had slid off his lap and was chewing on one of the few board pieces that was physical. Shiro has absolutely no clue how she had managed to find it, but he didn’t mention it to Coran. He stroked the top of her head, combing his fingers through her hair.

Ellar butted her head against Shiro’s middle. Shiro used his free hand to lift her up higher, and she patted at his chest searchingly. He thought she was doing it in search of food, but then she pressed her head against Shiro’s ribcage, listening for the sound of his heartbeat.

“Aw,” Pidge cooed, drawing the attention of the rest of the room.

“Cute,” Krolia said. “Keith was like that with me. He always wanted to cuddle up.” She hooked her arm around his neck, tugging her red-faced son close to her chest.

“Do you think I could hold her?” Hunk asked.

“Ooh, could I hold Ayame then?” Lance piped in. “I think she could use some love from her uncle Lance.”

“Uh, sure!” Shiro smiled, looking down at Ellar. “That is, if she’ll let you. They’re clingy when they want to be.”

Despite his heeding, they seemed excited to hold the twins, and pretty soon the girls were being passed around the room, going from hand to gentle hand. Krolia seemed particularly happy to have a baby in her arms again, smiling down at Ayame softly.

The game had been completely forgotten at that point, but Shiro didn’t exactly mind. He scooted closer to Sendak and leaned against his shoulder, watching his friends—his family—hold his children.

As he gazed at them, it felt like something settled, pieces of him that hadn’t quite fit slotting into place.

It lasted up until Ayame vomited on Lance and Ellar started trying to swallow one of the board pieces, bursting into tears the moment that Coran ripped it from her fingers.

“It’s never going to be quiet around here again, is it?” Shiro muttered to Sendak.

“I don’t believe so, no,” he replied, already moving to stand. He sighed like he was being sent to walk the plank and reached for Ellar, who had been abandoned on the couch as Lance hurried out of the room to clean up.

Shiro decided that even if that was the case, he didn’t mind that future at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took so long! I kept going back and forth on whether or not I should post an epilogue, because I felt like it didn't really need it once I actually started writing it, and I didn't want to go years into the future since I don't really do kidfic, aaaand this doesn't feel 100% polished, but then I decided, eh, fuck it. More content! Even though I suck at ending things (seriously I don't know how ppl do it) I hope you enjoyed it <3
> 
> Sidenote: I got Sendak's petname from a galra language post. It was neat!


End file.
